“Yes, sir,” I said. I was starting to feel like a puppet, repeating the same words over and over, hoping he believed me. I hoped he had no inkling of my rebellious thoughts, my anger over how Mom was treated when she lost the baby.
“And I am going to give you something very special,” he said. He stood up and walked over to a narrow box with a padlock. I felt like the box had been there for a very long time, but I had never particularly noticed it, buried as it was among all the other objects on the altar. It wasn’t flashy like some of the gilt-bound books or the crystals or statues of holy icons. However, as he called my attention to it now I had a sudden flash of knowing.
My wand! My wand is in there! I thought, my breath audibly hitching. I didn’t mean to betray—whatever I was feeling—like that. His eyes cut to me and I coughed gently, trying to pretend I just had something in my throat.
“I’m sorry, sir. It’s a little dusty,” I said.
He wasn’t fooled. He approached me with the box, padlock facing me. “You know what this is, don’t you, Sister Alissa?”
“No…”
He handed me the tiny key. “Open it, sweetheart.”
Sweetheart? Sweetheart!? I wouldn’t have liked that even if he called everyone sweetheart all the time, but he didn’t. I had never heard him call anyone sweetheart before.
I took the key as if compelled. I slipped it in the lock, feeling a catch that seemed so familiar I could swear I was dreaming. Or living through something I had dreamed a thousand times. I lifted the lid and there it was.
My wand.
A smooth, slender piece of wood, with a slight crook in the middle where there was also a little knot in the honey-colored wood. I picked it up and rested my thumb on the knot, and somehow I knew I had held this wand before. But something wasn’t right…
“I cast a spell upon your wand,” he said, “to tether it to my own.” As he said this, he slid a hand over mine. “The Ethereal spirits have spoken to me, Alissa. You are to be my bride.”
I yanked my hand back as if he was covered in maggots.
I was speechless. I should apologize. I should let him touch me. I should say something. He was the man who spoke to the Ethereals and I needed to acknowledge this important moment, but my brain was screaming.
“I know you’re scared,” he said. “You don’t have to say anything. But it was time. It was time to tell you the truth. You are very special, Alissa, and in fact, I’ve known you were meant to be mine from the day you were born. I’ve been watching you and waiting for the moment when you were old enough that I could wed you.”
“What…” I gasped out the word, my entire body shuddering visibly.
“I will escort you home and tell your parents the good news,” he said.
“Did—did they know?”
“I haven’t told them yet,” he said, covering my hands with his again, stroking my skin with his cold, dry hands. There was something in his voice, although it was gentle, that told me he never told my parents because he feared they would try to send me away, to keep me from him.
“I’m—I’m sorry, this must be a mistake,” I said. You’re too old, I thought, but older men often married young women in the Order. You’re—you’re all wrong for me. I’m afraid of you. I hate you! I don’t want you to touch me! I’d rather die. I could hardly stand his hands, touching mine, and I knew if we married, he would kiss me and go to bed with me. He would make me have babies. I wasn’t exactly sure how it happened, but I felt it would be awful.
“The Ethereal spirits would not make a mistake,” he said. He reached for me, as if to pull me closer to him, and I ducked out of his grasp and pushed him away.
“All right, I see. I thought you might be scared. You can take some time to adjust to the idea.” He was looking at me with unbearable hunger, with his cold eyes. I felt instinctively that he wanted to do wicked things to me, that he would hurt me.
This is how he has always looked at me, I realized. This is why I’m scared of him. No, it was never this blatant. In fact, it was so subtle I never mentioned it to anyone because I knew they wouldn’t believe me, but he had been watching me since I was young. Yes, I understood now.
“You said…I was special,” I said. “Why are you giving this wand to me?”
“I want Councilwoman Garcia to see you with a wand,” he said. “So she will know you are a true witch. This wand means something to you, Alissa. It gives you power. You will always remember that I gave it to you as my engagement gift, and because I have tied it to my own wand…I will always know where you are, as long as you carry it.”
So if I wanted to escape the marriage, I would have to leave this behind.
I saw that this was a ploy. This wand was tied to me somehow. As soon as I touched it, I never wanted to let it go. He knew this, and he wanted to make sure that it would be very painful to leave.
Well, it didn’t matter. It would also be impossible to leave. The town was patrolled by a warlock guard who was close to Father Joshua and had far greater power than me. But that was nowhere near the worst of it. Supposing I did manage to escape, I knew my family would be greatly punished. My father would be purified for allowing an evil influence to work on me, and what about Mom? The spell might kill the baby. Maybe they would let her have the baby first, but I couldn’t be sure, and either way…well, I couldn’t bear the thought of putting them through that misery and turning their eyes dead like Dylan’s.
The only way to escape would be together, but that was equally impossible. We knew nothing of the outside world except that it was full of terrifying corruption, and it was dying. It was true; even the humans knew it. If we stayed here we would be kept safe, but Mom and Dad would never yank Carrie out of school and bring her into a dying world just to keep me from marrying our leader.
All this raced through my head as it hung heavy.
Father Joshua continued, “You are an old spirit, Alissa. One who walks through time. This wand belonged to you nearly five hundred years ago.”
“Five hundred?”
“You have lived other lives since then,” he said. “Lives in which you were not born a witch. But this wand was kept, in the vaults of the council, nearly forgotten. I found it and I knew it was for you, precious girl. It was time you learned. You are a very special woman. You hold magic inside you and your wand from the old times, when people believed in magic and witches. It will lend great power to us. I know this is why the Ethereals, in their infinite wisdom, chose you for mine. I am the only one who can hear their word and learn how to make use of your gift.”
“This just can’t be true. It can’t. I’ve never been special. I’ve never had particular gifts.”
“I understand,” he said. “It is not a gift that you will make much use of yourself, my sweet. It is a gift that was meant to be offered to your husband and your leader. You are a shield against the evils of the world…and I am the hand that carries you.” His hand still insisted on touching me. He had followed me across the small room when I stood up. Now he was behind me, tracing my fingers with his own fingertips.
I didn’t know what else to do or say. I started crying, all the fear bubbling up inside me. There was no escape. I had power but it was meant for his use. I would never escape him. My worst nightmares were coming true.
“It will get easier,” he said, his voice against my ear. “It will get easier, my sweet Alissa.”
Chapter Four
Alissa
Father Joshua walked me home. All of the other townsfolk out walking around the village looked at us and they seemed to realize something had happened. I wondered if any of them knew. I felt so embarrassed that anyone would know I was going to marry Father Joshua, that my friends from school would be whispering about how we would fare in the marriage bed the same way they did about blushing young couples like my friend Gretchen and her new husband Sam, a quiet boy who was only five years her senior.
My mind kept going back to the priestesses who did not ma
rry but spent hours locked in that small room with Father Joshua. No one had ever said he did…sexual things with them. But there was an air of secrecy and wariness that hung over the practice and all the priestesses.
Oh, please, Ethereals, why did you give me over to this man? I know I’m not perfect but I have tried to obey, only this one thing…I just can’t do. Please, please, understand, and give him a sign that I’m not the girl he was meant for after all. I will marry any of the younger men. Even Roddy Fisk. And I will never disobey my parents or listen to music or read a novel from the outside ever again.
“Go on,” Father Joshua said at the door. Suddenly I felt nervous just opening the door to my own home. It creaked loudly as it opened on the living room, where Mom was knitting clothes for the baby. He put his hand on my back as I walked in ahead. She looked up, putting down the needles.
“Alissa…”
I saw it dawning on her. First, the realization that Father Joshua was behaving differently with me. Then, my face. She knew and she was worried for me. It unfolded before me and Mom and I were close enough that no words needed to be said. Her eyes suddenly welled with tears and I could see her desperately trying to force them back, fighting pain and pregnancy hormones, as she struggled to her feet.
“Welcome to our home, Father Joshua. This is an honor. I’ll—I’ll bring in my husband,” she said.
Father Joshua did most of the talking after that. He told them that the Ethereals had chosen me for his own and that he wanted to have the wedding the weekend after Councilwoman Garcia’s visit.
“Her gown and trousseau are all ready,” Mom said. She and I had made them, of course, in anticipation of the husband who was chosen for me. Father Joshua nodded. All this was just a formality. Mom and Dad repeated over and over that they were honored and hardly worthy of this blessing. Mom kept glancing at the wand in my hand. At one point Carrie ran in from outside and stopped short. She slipped over to Mom and whispered, “What’s happening?”
“Alissa is going to marry Father Joshua,” Mom said. “Alissa is very special.” I saw her gripping Carrie too tight.
“Oh…”
My only consolation was that Mom and Dad seemed stunned and grieving, but at the same time, I could see them trying their best. There was no fight in their eyes, just a sense of the inevitable finally crashing down around them, as they tried their very best to accept it.
This was affirmed when Father Joshua left. Carrie was sent back out to play. Dad said, “Alissa, I know that you are probably struggling with your marriage assignment as well. I know you didn’t expect to wed Father Joshua, but…”
Mom and Dad glanced at each other and I would bet money they were thinking of the priestesses. I would bet everything I owned that they would never say one word about it aloud.
“He knows what is best,” Mom said. “It is not our place to question any of this, only to rejoice in this blessing that our daughter will have the highest place of any witch in the Order.”
I knew I should try to accept it too. I would be very safe with him, and I was sure my parents would have a larger house for their growing family. There was an unoccupied Victorian mansion next door to Father Joshua’s house with a big wraparound porch and two bay windows. Carrie would die of joy.
I should be happy about all that, but I still couldn’t seem to make myself accept what had happened.
“I—I don’t want him to touch me.”
Mom bit her lip and then said, “You will learn to love him before long. He is the most powerful man in the Order. When the earth is cleansed, he will be the leader of those of us who are left. You might not be used to the idea, but there is no better place to be than at his side.”
Dad looked like he was clinging to Mom’s words, praying for them to be true. “She’s right,” he said softly. “This is an honor. We can’t look at it as anything else. You have always been special and Father Joshua chose you. I’m sure he will take good care of you.”
“And we’ll be right here,” Mom said.
I knew they wouldn’t say anything different. I knew they wouldn’t suggest I escape or fight this.
And yet…
My hands balled into fists, nails digging into my palms as the wand fell from my hand onto the floor. I started crying again. I felt so helpless. They would be right here, yes. But I would be gone. I would be with him, and the bedroom of his large stone mansion might as well be a fortress. In another country. On an island. Because once he married me and took me there, I would have to be a good wife of the Order and obey his commands. If I didn’t, no one would help me.
Mom and Dad gathered me into a hug, Mom awkward with her pregnant belly, and they let me cry until I was spent. I tried to think of Carrie having a better life, in a big house. That was something I would have to cling to. Keeping my little sister and the baby safe when the end of the world came.
I’m the sacrifice.
Chapter Five
Alissa
My friends were shocked. I think everyone assumed that Father Joshua would never marry anyone, that he was just going to be the same forever, a pillar standing alone at the altar.
With the priestesses.
Some of the priestesses were giving me weird looks now. One of them, Winona, was clearly his favorite, and she looked jealous, but the others seemed somber around me. Not that we crossed paths very often, but it was such a small village that you saw people around at the shops or just walking from place to place.
Their faces—the mixture of pity and trepidation, as if they had some warning trembling on their lips—
I tried so hard to pretend I didn’t see it. To tell myself it was only my imagination.
Again and again, I saw that expression in the young women who passed me, until it haunted me.
The wedding preparations began immediately after the declaration. Marriages within the Order happened quickly, and I was grateful for the upcoming visit of Councilwoman Garcia because it bought me some time. Mom was adding more lace and beadwork to my wedding gown and trousseau, now that she knew I was destined for Father Joshua himself.
The rest of the town was cleaning up and in some cases, making more curious changes. Carrie came home from school one day as I was hanging laundry on the line and said, “Teacher made us take down all the poster of rules for girls today and put up new posters.”
“What do you mean?”
“We had to take down the rules for girls and the poster about the cleansing and we put up a map of America instead. America is so big!”
“Oh?”
“Yeah! Teacher said there was fifty states. What state are we in?”
“We’re in Pennsylvania,” I said. “Do you remember the Ramona book I read to you?”
“Yeah!” She glowed. “I loved that book!”
“Ramona Quimby lives in Oregon and it’s across the whole country.” I pinned up a sheet with clothes pins. In school, they didn’t teach us much of anything about the rest of the country. Mom said they used to, before Father Joshua was in charge, but he figured we didn’t need to know anything about the corrupt human world. We learned from the books we passed around quietly.
“And Lucy lives in England,” I said. “That’s another country.”
“I thought Lucy lived in Narnia.”
“Yes, but do you remember how the book started? Before she went through the wardrobe?”
“Oh yeaaah.”
“I’ll read it to you again tonight.”
The last time the council checked on us, they sent a warlock and I was still in school. I didn’t remember anyone taking down the posters in the classroom. The ‘Rules for Girls’ was a list of things we witches had to remember, like to keep our heads covered, to lower our eyes in the presence of any man, to obey our fathers and husbands and most especially Father Joshua, to keep our hands busy, stay within the fence that surrounded the town, abstain from drinking and smoking, and things like that.
Teacher took the poster down?
&n
bsp; This was the first hint I had that Councilwoman Garcia was different from our usual visitors.
“Ethereals…we ask you to please protect us from Councilwoman Garcia and the wicked path she walks,” Father Joshua said at the next meeting. “Blessed spirits, we ask that you forgive us for speaking words we do not believe during her visit. We pray that you will grace Miss Garcia with your blessings and open her eyes to the truth. We know Miss Garcia does not live the life of a good woman…”
This was when I learned that Councilwoman Garcia was married but had no children by choice, that she traveled the world and often without her husband, and I got some hint that she believed other women should be allowed to do the same. So we were all going to have to pretend a little bit while she was here, that women didn’t have to obey men, because Miss Garcia—he stopped referring to her as ‘Councilwoman’ as he went off on a tirade—had the power to destroy the Order.
She does?
I tried to imagine what this wicked person would look like. In school they showed us some pictures of witches from mundane stories, to show us that mundanes thought we were evil. I imagined Councilwoman Garcia might look like Maleficent, with a horned crown and a gnarled wand with a raven familiar, ominous cloaks swirling around her.
I felt a little faint as he was speaking, as his eyes bulged and he yelled so that his voice grew ragged, and he spoke of how wicked she was and how she looked like a whore.
What does a whore look like?
Chapter Six
Alissa
“Come to the temple house tonight. I’m going to give you a lesson in using your wand,” Father Joshua said to me after it was over.
“Tonight…?”
He put a finger under my chin and forced my eyes up to look at him. “Yes, tonight,” he said. “Just after the sun sets.”
Take Me Slowly (Forever in Their Thrall Book 1) Page 3
