by Belleza
I thought Camille would’ve been in her feelings after insinuating Nina fucked my car up, but she wasn’t. She was too busy snapping pictures of the ultrasound and texting away on her phone. When we got home, she went down the street to Keira’s crib and I got some bread out the house and was in an Uber to go to the shop to go get my car. I had Camille’s car and a back up ride but I ain’t want my shit sitting.
During the ride, I called up Nina shocked I even had the shit in my phone still. She answered on the first ring.
“That didn’t take long at all. I knew that faithful act was fake.”
“Fuck all that. Why you slash my tires? You stalking us now?”
“What?”
“You heard me, Nina. That’s petty as fuck.”
“Nigga, I’m not even in Philly anymore. Why would I cut your fucking tires? If I wanted to do that I could’ve done it when you had that bitch driving your car when you was fucking with me.”
“So you ain’t fuck my car up?” I questioned her again even though I believed her.
She was right, she had plenty of opportunities to act stupid and she didn’t, but now was an entirely different situation. Camille was my soon to be wife and carrying my child and Nina was salty as fuck.
“If I find out you fucked with my car, I’ma get someone to lay hands on you Nina.”
“You know I ain’t do shit to your car so shut the fuck up. Who you going to get to fuck me up if I did? I don’t fight pregnant women.”
I simply hung up on her and she kept blowing my phone up. Nina wanted to argue. She couldn’t get my attention any other way so she chose to argue and say petty shit over the phone. Although I wasn’t sure if it was her, I wasn’t ruling her ass out.
Getting out of the Uber, I walked to the shop and into her father's office and he started laughing as soon as he saw me.
“Let me guess, my daughter snapping out on you?” he asked.
I took a seat in the chair across from his desk and shook my head. I really wanted to say she knew better, but how can I act like I had her in check when someone else had the balls to do some shit like that?
“It wasn’t her. We were at the doctors. Remember we were finding out what we are having?”
“Oh yeah. My wife called me and told me I’m getting a granddaughter. Congratulations son.”
“Thank you.”
“So if it wasn’t her, who is it? Seems like women problems to me.”
“Oh no, we don’t have them issues. I ain’t fucking around on my girl. She’s going to be my wife and have my daughter. I wouldn’t dare.”
Her father eyed me as if he was questioning my word. I looked him right in his eyes not wavering at all. I was serious about my girl. I should be offended he even thought that but hey, in this world you had to question people. I really ain’t know who fucked my car up.
“I believe you, but if it ain’t a crazy woman who could it be?”
“Someone fucking stupid. We were at her appointment which means they were following us. I ain’t having that shit, so I’ma get on it right now before anything gets out of control.”
Mr. Donigan nodded his head. Nothing else needed to be said because I was a man of my word. I hated to go through the entire bodyguard and security process all over again. It just goes to show that being in the game I could never be too relaxed.
NATAVIA
“Oh my goodness,” I half moaned sinking into my chair as I chewed the big bite of pizza in my mouth.
I wasn’t about this dieting life. I accepted the fact that I was round and curvy… some days but my body still craved the greasy fattening food. It’s been a couple weeks and Johan convinced me at this point I wouldn’t even think about fattening food. Truth be told, I did and that was only because I was still eating it, just not around him.
How can I just stop eating food I ate all my life. If I was meant to be skinny I would be. Johan didn’t eat 100% healthy and barely had fat on his body. On top of that I had a catering company that made all the food I should stay away from. Shit, even the greens I made were loaded with fat and juicy strips of smoked turkey neck meat. It was so hard. With the support of my man, Keira and Camille, I felt like I could actually lose a few pounds. When I wasn’t around them it was a different story.
The phone ringing jolted me out of my food orgasm. I quickly wiped my hands with a napkin and picked up the receiver expecting it to be Jeremy’s teacher. The phone calls slowed down, but bet and believe I still got them.
“Hello.”
“Hey baby, what you want for lunch.”
My heart sped up hearing Johan’s voice and I glanced down at the spread of pizza and wings on my desk.
“Uh… you can bring me a chicken caesar salad, add shredded carrots.”
“You sure? We can have a cheat day you know that, right?”
I cheat everyday.
I rolled my eyes because of the nagging guilt in my head.
“Nah, it’s fine. I’ll take the salad.”
“A’ight. I’ll see you soon.”
As soon as I placed the phone down, I packed everything backup and carried it out front.
“Lunch on me guys,” I told my employees who happily dug into the food. I rushed back to my office and began to clean down my desk spraying it with my Lavender scented Mr. Clean to get rid of the greasy smell that was lingering.
My phone buzzed and I picked it up thinking it was Johan letting me know he was close, but I saw it was an unknown number.
“Hello?” I answered wondering who it was.
“Yo, I want you to meet me so I can see my son.”
I felt the little bit of pizza I had eaten rise in my throat. How the fuck did he get my number? It’s been already three failed attempts of him supposedly wanting to see Jeremy. I was sick of him and his broken promises.
“No! How did you even get my number?”
“Jeremy gave it to me.”
“I’ma hurt that boy,” I sighed.
Going against my better judgement I allowed Jeremy to talk to him and even agreed for him to pick Jeremy up. Everytime he said he was going to get him Jeremy waited around having faith this man was going to show the hell up. I was fed up. I was only doing this because I thought it was going to improve his behavior but it didn’t. It only made it worse. He was really defiant and blaming me why his father never showed.
“You better not touch my son,” Jerry shot at me.
“He’s not the problem! It’s you. You’re getting on my damn nerves and breaking his heart with these damn lies! My son think I’m the reason why you aren’t showing up. I tried and I’m not doing this with you.”
“You are the reason why.”
“How?!”
“Because you have some man dictating how and when I see my child.”
“Jerry please! Before Johan came along you never attempted to see him. Why do you want to act like you want to now? You hate to see me happy.”
“Bitch, you ain’t fucking happy. You really think a Moseley really want your fat ass?” Jerry laughed sinsterly and tears glossed over in my eyes. “That nigga got bitches that look way better than you. He probably only dealing with you because you told him some sob ass story.”
“FUCK YOU!”
“You want me to? I will if you really need it. I’m sure Johan ain’t touching your fat ass. I’m use to the fat, so I don’t mind lifting your stomach to find your pussy.”
Frantically, I ended the call and slumped down into my chair. I don’t know why I even allowed him to get to me. It’s been over ten years and this muhfucka was still able to drag me to the lowest point.
“Damn, I’m starving.”
Johan entered the room and I forced a smile on my face hoping he didn’t pick up on me crying. He did of course and the smile he had on his face vanished.
“What’s wrong.”
“I uh… I was cleaning and the cleaner was on my hand and it got in my eye,” I quickly lied. I got up from my seat and rushed to the
bathroom to inspect my face. My eyes were a bit red. I rinsed my face off with water and gave myself a few minutes to get myself together mentally.
Johan came into the bathroom and circled his arms around my waist and placed loving kisses from my earlobe down to my neck. It was my spot and turned me on every time, but Jerry’s nagging voice was in my head. The thought of him had me cringing feeling Johans body close to me only because I was envisioning the rough animalistic sex I use to have with Jerry.
“I love you so much, Tave,” he whispered in my ear. His hands roamed my body and I turned around before he can slide his hands into my pants.
“My period just came on,” I lied with a frown.
Johan backed away knowing how I felt every time my time of the month came. It was always painful and could’ve been a curse from stopping my body from producing the gift God gave me, but there was no way I was having another baby by Jerry.
“Want me to go get you some medicine?” he asked.
I shook my head and turned my lips up feeling bad I was lying to him. I wasn’t in the mood for sex and trust me we blessed this office plenty times, but now wasn’t the time.
***
“My dad said to meet him at the Boston Market near 40th street.”
I screwed my face up at Jeremy who was shooting daggers at me as if he was waiting for me to give him an answer he didn’t want to hear. I inhaled a deep breath and exhaled. He was still a kid that had faith in a man that was shamefully his father. Although he was old enough to understand, I still had to make sure we were both clear on what was going on. Jerry was using him as pawn to harrass me. He succeeded earlier today.
“Jeremy, aren’t you tired of him letting you down? Your dad isn’t going to show up again.”
“He told me you was going to say that.”
“Of course he did. He wants to make me look like the bad guy. I wouldn’t lie to you Jeremy. Have I ever?”
“No, but you are making it hard for him. Why would he even want to be around you if you threatened to lock him up?”
My jaw nearly hit my steering wheel. “Jeremy, I don’t threaten your father. Why would I call the cops on him?”
“I remember when y’all use to fight and argue. You called the cops one time.”
“That’s because he pulled a gun out on me!” I replied and Jeremy just shrugged.
“He was only trying to see me. All of that could’ve been avoided if you just let him see me.”
I cradled my head in my hands in total disbelief.
“Jeremy, I promise you. He’s putting lies in your head.”
“I don’t care. I just want to see my dad. You don’t have to wait with me. Just drop me off at Boston Market and go back home. I have a phone.”
“What if he don’t show up?”
“He will,” he shot back at me with his face balled up.
In my mind I was going back and forth with myself to stand my ground, I knew what was best, but I didn’t want Jeremy to hate me, so I drove off to Boston Market in Philadelphia to wait for this animal.
I had a gnawing feeling telling me to let Johan come wait with us. I had no clue if Jerry really was going to show, but if he did I know he was going to be bold and try some shit.
Sucking it up, I ordered food with Jeremy and tried to distract him by actually spending time with him. I talked to him about school, about basketball, about new games that were coming out and even hinted that we got everything he wanted for Christmas. Even in a deep conversation, I still couldn’t distract him from constantly looking out the window or at the door when someone entered.
One hour turned to two and two turned to three. I had Johan believing I was out with Jeremy rather than waiting for his dad to show.
It was after seven in the evening. It was dark outside and the employees came over to the table asking if we were ok ten times already. I was exhausted on every level and was ready to go.
“Let’s go Jeremy. He’s not coming.”
“Wait, let me try to call him again.”
Jeremy pulled out his phone and just as quick as he put it to his ear the disappointment in his face got deeper. He was persistent and called three more times more than likely getting the voicemail after one ring.
“Dad, it’s me. You told me you were going to come meet us and we’ve been here for a very long time already. Why aren’t you answering me?!” he screeched into the phone before he slid out of the booth and walked towards the door.
I got up, leaving a $10 on the table and followed him to the parking lot of my car. Jeremy was leaned up with his arms crossed over his chest pouting. My heart broke every second I looked at him.
“Jeremy, I’m so sorry,” I told him rubbing his shoulders and he shrugged me off.
“Just take me home,” he grunted turning his back on me.
I hit the locks on my car door and he got inside slamming the door behind him.
I was being too fucking nice. It was one thing his ass was fucking with me, but my damn child?! I moved away from the car furiously and dialed back the number he called me from earlier.
“I can’t believe y’all waited,” he laughed as soon as he answered.
“Are you fucking kidding me, you fucking piece of shit! You think this is a fucking game?! My son is angry at me because of YOU! How can you fucking do this to him.”
“Man, I was coming. I got caught up in something,” Jerry snapped back knowing damn well he was lying.
“Why you ain’t call him back and let him know. He just called you not even five minutes ago, yet you’re available to answer now?”
“I wanted to hear your sweet voice. I love it when you get mad. It makes my dick hard. Remember when we use to fight and then we make love.”
I squeezed my eyes tight keeping my anger at bay. He surely got a kick out of it.
“Leave me and my child the fuck alone! If you call back I swear I will get Johan involved!”
“Is that a threat fat bitch?!”
“It’s a promise muhfucka! Try me!”
ZAYNE
A Few Days Later…
I stared at the screen of my phone sad that I couldn’t be there with my son fast asleep on my chest. Can you believe it? My baby boy wasn’t even a month and we weren’t able to bond because I was here in New York and he was in Philadelphia with his mother. I couldn’t blame anyone, but it just sucked that time spent was now through a phone with one of my kids in a bed weak as fuck.
“How did the procedure go?” Keira questioned me coming back into view. Even though she should be relaxing she was even a ball of nerves upset with the fact that she couldn’t be down here. Trust me, I wish we can all be together, but the baby was too small. Za’naa immune system was weaker than his, so they ran a high risk of bouncing anything back and forth to each other. Leukemia wasn’t contagious but Za’naa also had a cold and fever that she was battling along with getting rid of the bad cells. It was a fucking battle my seven year old had to endure all on her own.
It made me feel like a failure even though I couldn’t control it.
“So far so good. Now we just wait. They have her scheduled for chemo in a few days.”
“Damn, everything is back to back. I feel so bad for her.”
“My baby is a fighter. They said when she woke up from the transfer she asked about you and Zay’d.” That had the corner of my lips turned up and Keira weary eyes beamed. “Can you believe it?”
“She miss us. Let her know I will be up there in a few days as soon as auntie Shirley get back here I’m coming.”
“I think we can make it a surprise. She will asked every single day and every hour. She won’t go to therapy because she’s going to think she’ll miss seeing you.”
“My baby!” Keira cried out knowing how Za’naa was clingy to her and her baby brother.
“I know right. All she’s been doing is sleeping. I got her enrolled on the online schooling because she’s been having a fit about school, but she’s so weak she can barely fo
cus. Za’naa wants to be strong so bad she tells us she’s fine, but we all can see she’s not.”
A tear fell from Keira’s eyes causing me to choke up. I was torn apart because as much as I was trying to stay optimistic it felt like I was watching my daughter die slowly.
“Go ahead to bed, babe. I shouldn’t have called you this late. Give Zay’d a kiss for me,” I instructed her.
“OK,” she sniffled not being able to hold back the tears.
We told each other we loved each other and I hung up dropping my head into my hands.
I thought I could face any and everything in this world, but this was the toughest fucking battle. If my heart wasn’t breaking over and over the fuck again, I had a fire of anger thinking about the dumb shit Qwinae was pulling the days she been here. All she did was complain and ask about the money and tried to convince me she deserved more.
It took my uncle dragging me out the room from killing her.
“Won’t you go take a walk son. We’re here.”
I looked over at Unc who I thought was sleep.
“What if she wakes up?”
“She knows you’re here. She’ll ask about Keira and Zay’d before she ask for you,” he joked and I laughed lightly.
“You’re right. You sure though?”
“Yeah… you haven’t fucking slept. Go roll yaself a fat one because I know you need it.”
I wasn’t arguing with him about that. I got up from my seat and went into the other room where Za’naa was fast asleep. I leaned over and kissed her forehead gazing down at her. She was bundled up under the covers and had a hat on her head because she complained about being so cold even with us adjusting the temperature to the point of us sweating as if we were in a sauna.
After kissing her a few more times, I left out of the Hospital and went to my car. I wasn’t a drinker but I made my way to the closest bar to get a drink after I rolled a blunt. I smoked a facial and listened to some music until the blunt turned to a roach. I tossed it out side of the car and made my way inside of the bar after locking up.
