by Becca Ann
I jump up from the bed. “What?”
“Shh! Before they hear you again.”
I flop back onto the bed. “I can never look them in the face again. Ever. Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is?”
He doesn’t answer. He’s too busy cracking up and pushing his face into his pillow to muffle the sound.
“Go ahead. Laugh it up. It’s not funny.”
He shakes his head, dark eyes glossy with laughter tears. “It is.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Even just a little.” He holds his thumb and pointer up in front of his face.
“No.”
He moves closer to me. “A little, tiny bit.” And when his smile reaches his eyes, I can’t fight the pull of my lips.
“Okay maybe a little.” His arms engulf me and I press my head against his chest. “I’m still never going to be able to look them in the eye again.”
Funny or not holy crap, how the heck will I ever not feel awkward around them? This is awful. But wait. Tonight’s not supposed to be about any of this. I almost forgot. How the heck did I almost forget?
“Get dressed, we’re sneaking out.”
***
Ryan gives me a boost out the window, hand going right for my rear—as if that wasn’t premeditated. Sneaky boy. Once he’s out I grab his hand and pull him towards my bike.
“You rode your bike here?”
“Yup.”
He shakes his head. “You’re too much.”
I pick my bike up, and we walk the perimeter. Once out in the street and away from the house he takes the handles from me.
“Like old times.”
“Exactly what I had in mind.”
“Then hop on.” I lift myself up on my handlebars and without me even saying a word he knows. He turns the bike in the direction of our place and pedals.
Ryan pulls the bike up to the gate with a hole big enough for us to squeeze through. It’s gotten more difficult as my chest has grown, but I still fit. I go first, Ryan staying close behind, his hand resting on the side of my hip.
I slide my hand into his and pull him through.
“So what’s on the agenda tonight? Ferris Wheel? Rollercoaster? Bumper cars?” His voice drops. “Funhouse?”
I slap his shoulder. “You know the funhouse creeps me out. I’m thinking Bumper cars.”
Most of the nightmares I had about Dad abandoning me took place at an amusement park, so it’s funny how an abandoned one is mine and Ryan’s place. Maybe that was my subconscious telling me it was okay Dad left because no matter how bad things got, this place would always be here.
Now I just need to show Ryan I will always be here even when it’s obvious he’s hiding something behind his charming smile and good looks.
“Can I hitch a ride?” I ask, pouting my lip and giving my best puppy dog impression.
He scrunches his nose, dark eyes squinting. His legs bend and I jump up on his back, wrapping my legs around his midsection and snuggling into his neck.
“Runaway bull!” he yells and takes off, bouncing me up and down. I hold on tighter, pressing my body closer to his.
“Hey, wait a second!”
He bounces once more than tilts his head up at me. “What’s up?”
“You used to do that just so I would push my boobs into you, didn’t you?”
Dark eyes sparkle. “I will neither confirm nor deny.”
“You jerk!” I slap his back, but I can’t be mad. We both burst out laughing. It feels good. Exactly what I wanted. Here in our place, just the two of us, keeping all our problems on the outside of the gates.
“You had me in the friend-zone for so long I had to do what I could.”
“If I only knew how much of a perv you were,” I say against his ear, nibbling on the very bottom of his lobe.
A low moan rumbles from his lips and his hands tighten on my legs.
I pull away. I’m veering off course again. It’s just hard to resist him. I lean back to a safe distance. “I just want to have fun tonight. Like we used to. Forget about everything and everyone.”
He releases my legs, and lets me slide down. Once on solid ground he turns me towards him. “Sounds perfect.” It looks like he’s going to lean in and kiss me, but instead he pulls back.
“I have one more surprise.”
“Oh.” His eyebrows arch. “And what’s that?”
I reach into my pocket and pull it out. When we were younger, whenever I was upset, Ryan would buy me Fun Dip. We would tap sticks and then compare tongue colors. “Just like we used to.” I rip open the packaging and pass him a stick. We tap them together and go to dip them in the powdery goodness when a shadow stretches out between us.
“Have an extra one?”
My head shoots up. I stand there speechless not sure of what to say or do.
I tried. Tried to keep our problems on the outside of our world, but I failed. Instead of keeping them out, I just led Ryan’s biggest problem into the one place he has where he can hide from it all.
I should’ve known better. Like I’ve told Ryan time and time again, you can’t hide. You have to face your problems.
And now he has no choice but to face the one problem he’s been actively hiding from.
Brett.
Chapter 9
Ryan
If only I had superpowers. Something, anything, to make me disappear from the spot and take Lex with me. The perfect night, just what I needed, completely botched because my mom decided to spawn another child. My mind races to where Lex and I let our guard down. Was it her climbing in my room? Her tiny moan? Was it me stumbling out of the room and shutting the window a little harder than I meant to?
Does it matter at this point?
“What the hell are you doing here?” I spit at my brother, tugging Lex behind me.
He sighs, keeping his face in a mock innocent expression. “Do you know how lame it is to spend the weekend with your grandparents? I was bored out of my mind.”
My fist tightens around Lexie’s fingers. She squeezes back, her silent way of telling me to calm down.
I clear my throat and loosen my grip. “So, you followed us here?”
He shrugs. “Yeah. Hope you don’t mind.” A big grin flashes at Lex, and my stomach lurches. He’s got the same stupidass smirk I do. “Think you could show me around this place?”
Damn, he’s even got the same brown eyes. Same puppy dog expression I give Lex when I’m teasing her. Suddenly, I hate my own face.
Lex’s gaze shifts to me, but I keep mine locked on Brett. I feel her eyes burn a hole in my cheek before she finally answers.
“Sure. But I’m not going inside the funhouse.”
He laughs, and my fist tightens again.
“We’ll skip that part of the tour, then.”
Lex smiles and waves him to follow us. She has to pry me from where I’m standing.
My brain fuzzes. All I hear is this hot ringing as I drown out Lex and Brett “playing nice.” I don’t say a word, and every time we move, Lex has to drag me.
It’s at the Tilt-a-Whirl when my ears finally catch some of the conversation.
“I can’t go on these.” Brett laughs, pointing at the shut down ride. “One time I did, I puked all over my date.”
“Oh, yikes!” Lex says through a giggle. “What did she do?”
“She threw up too. It wasn’t a pretty sight.”
“I’ll bet.”
“Worst date ever.” His eyes flick to me for a second, and I turn so my back is to the ride and lean on the railing, hoping the ringing in my ears comes back.
Brett takes a step toward Lex, and like a possessive tool, I pull her toward me.
“So,” he says, “you have a worst date story?”
My eyes squeeze shut, and I pinch the bridge of my nose. How long has it been since he got here? Feels like ten years.
I feel Lex cock her head next to me, hitting my shoulder. “Hmm… not sure if I can think of one.”
Lex is the best girlfriend in the world.
“Really?” Brett pushes. I can tell his gaze keeps going up to me. “Lucky girl.”
She takes my arm and wraps it around her waist. “I think so.”
Okay, my chest is getting looser, and I open my eyes to give Lex the “thank you” look. She’s not watching me though. Her eyes shoot over to the deserted balloon stand, and her mouth turns down. The hand I’m holding twitches as she tries to twist the ring on her pinky.
“Should we go?” I ask, first time I’ve used my voice in about an hour.
She smiles and nods, tucking into my side. Brett shifts on his other leg, and I get a sick satisfaction that he seems uncomfortable.
I walk Lex’s bike back with us, while they talk about what classes Brett’s taking and how long his Dad will be overseas. I’m pretty sure if it wasn’t for her, we’d both be in the ER with busted limbs by now.
The house is dark, minus the light in my room. Brett walks up the lawn, and I stay back, leaning the bike against the railing. Lex floats between us.
“Thanks for letting me stick around,” he says, flashing the smile I swear I’m never going to use again. “Maybe spring break won’t be so bad with you guys.”
I wrap my hands around the back of my neck, interlocking my fingers, keeping all the retorts I want to throw at him in my throat. Lex does not need to see me like that.
“We’ll be at a beach.” She laughs. “It won’t be bad at all.”
He nods, keeping that grin on his face, and turns to me. “You coming in?”
“I’m going to walk Lex home,” I answer, straining to keep my voice steady.
“Yeah, don’t want to bring her inside again.” He winks and flicks his gaze to Lex. “Paper thin walls, you know.”
Lex’s cheeks burst red, so much I can feel the heat rolling off them. Without another thought or word, I grab the bike, grab her, and pedal us away from the asshat as fast as I can. I hope he gets stuck in the window.
We get two blocks before Lex says, “Wait! Stop, Ryan.”
I pull the brake slowly so she doesn’t go flying off the handlebars, and we ease to a standstill. A stupid prickle zaps up behind my eyes, and I pinch my nose to push it back.
Lex swings around so she’s facing me. She scoots her butt across the bar and slips into my arms. She’s laughing, and it makes me laugh because I know having a bar up your ass can’t be the most comfortable position in the world. I shift her so she’s on one of my legs, and I balance us with the other.
She sighs and pulls a finger across the scar on my eyebrow. “I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?”
“Because I know you’re having a hard time with this whole brother thing.” Her big brown eyes drop to our laps.
I tilt her chin up. “What brother thing?” I tease, then blow the brown flyaways from her face while the corner of her lip tugs upward. I can’t help myself—I kiss her mouth softly, then hold her. We’re awkward on the bike, but I don’t care. Neither does she. We hold each other till my leg goes numb. Then longer than that.
“Ry?” she says over my shoulder.
“Hmm?”
“Will you promise me something?”
I loosen my grip on her so I can see her face. “Sure.”
“Whatever is going on between the two of you… it won’t come between us… especially on our trip.” She points a blue fingernail at me. “Promise?”
My automatic smirk sticks into place, then I quickly stop it. Guess it’ll take practice to get rid of it. “I promise, you goof.”
“Good. Because I have another surprise for you. For the trip.” A blush creeps up her cheeks and she drops her gaze again, twisting that ring on her pinky.
“Oh?” I ask, running my hand up the sleeve of her—well, my hoodie. “Is it Fun Dip?”
A big gust of laughter flies from her mouth, and we wiggle a bit on the bike before I balance us back out.
“What? Am I right?” I smile.
She shakes her head. “No. Nothing, you wouldn’t get it yet.”
I press my forehead to hers. “Tell me. I can keep a secret.”
“Nope.” Her arms swing around my neck and I fumble on the bike again. “You’ll have to wait. But…I’m hoping it will be fun.”
The blush hasn’t left her cheeks, and she’s smiling and looking so damn beautiful, I wish we weren’t sitting on a bike in the middle of the road. But it’s a good thing we are, because my resolve to keep myself in check would’ve flown out the window, along with the condom wrapper.
I pull away from her mouth, desperate to kiss her, and yelling at myself not to. Clearing my throat, I try to change the subject and not hurt her feelings at the same time.
“Thanks for tonight.”
She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, sorry we couldn’t make out in the bumper cars like I wanted to.”
“Next time.” I laugh and hoist her up on the handle bars. She swings around and leans against my chest.
I pedal her the rest of the way home, smelling her hair and thrilling in the feel of her so close to me. If I could keep her attached to me wherever I go, I’m pretty sure I can deal with any shit that flies my way.
Chapter 10
Lexie
I tuck my apron under my arm, step outside and lock the door to the coffee shop. As of tomorrow I am officially on vacation. For an entire week I don’t have to worry about a thing. No coffee shop. No dog walking. No schoolwork. No Mom. Well, let’s face it, I’ll still be worrying about her. But I talked to Roger, and he promised to stop by the house at least once a day. Seemed a little too happy to offer if you ask me.
A week with Ryan on the beach! I’ve been to the ocean once. Years ago. Mom was on one of her binges. Pop-pop and Grams scooped me up and took me away on their family vacation to Florida. From that moment on they were my family too.
Closing my eyes, I can still feel the warm sun against my cheeks and the way the sand felt between my toes. The way Ryan’s small body held me up when I cried in his arms. And I can still remember exactly how his breath felt, hot against my ear when he whispered, “You have me, Lex. Always.”
“I’m too late, huh?”
I turn at the familiar voice. “What are you doing here?” I ask Brett.
“Couldn’t sleep.” He shrugs. “Thought a cup of tea might help.”
“Grams keeps plenty of tea in the house.”
“Yeah, but what’s the fun in that?” He winks and it’s eerily similar to Ryan. Even though Brett has a striking resemblance to his brother’s he doesn’t have the same effect on me. It’s like Nate winking at me. Nothing.
A part of me wants to tell him to go home, but then there’s a small piece of me that wants to find out about him. Understand what makes him tick, and maybe find a way to end the war. He did just move into a new state, into a new home with people he never met, including a brother he didn’t know he had, he deserves a little slack. So I put the key back in the door and smile. “I did just start my vacation, but I guess one cup of tea won’t hurt. Come on. I’ll make you my specialty.”
I unlock the door and step aside to let Brett in. I shut the door behind us and lock it. Just because I’m feeling generous for one person doesn’t mean I want to be feeding anyone else their caffeine fix.
I put down my purse behind the bar, and Brett sits across from me. I take out two mugs, place a tea bag in each and when the water is ready I pour it in. Two sugars and a little bit of milk later I slide it across the bar in front of Brett.
He takes the mug into his hands and cocks an eyebrow at me. “Black tea? That’s your specialty?”
“Decaf. Grams used to make it for me when I couldn’t sleep. Sometimes there’s something special in the simple.”
“You used to stay over at the house?”
“Before Ryan and I started dating, he was my best friend. Still is. His grandparents were like my own. Had a lot of stuff going on at home, and they would let me stay to escape.”
I look down into my tea, thinking of how many times they were there for me. How many cups of tea Grams made me. “But enough about me. I’m more interested in you.”
“Really?” A stupid smirk pulls at his lips and the same flash of sin Ryan gets flashes through his eyes.
“Not that type of interested, buddy. Besides, I’m a one man kind of girl.”
He lifts his hands up. “Enough said. Ryan might not trust me.” His eyes burrow in on mine. “But you can. Scout’s honor.”
“You were a Boy Scout?”
“All through elementary school and part of middle school.” He shrugs. “We moved around a lot. Scouts was something that could go with me. Different people, but the concept was the same. It was all I had most of the time.”
“Why’d you give it up?”
“Have you seen those uniforms? If I ever wanted to get a date I had to ditch it.”
“And did you?”
He takes a sip of his tea. “No. I kept the uniform for when I’m feeling sentimental.”
“Not the uniform. A date.”
His eyebrows rise again with a cocky tug of his lip. “Many.”
I roll my eyes at his confidence, though it doesn’t take a genius to realize he uses that confidence as a front. There’s a sadness in his eyes. Something he’s harboring. Guilt maybe.
“So you’ve moved around a lot?” He nods his head and I continue. “Like where?”
“California. Texas. North Carolina. Washington. Nevada. Virginia. Oh and Hawaii.”
“Oh and Hawaii!”
“It was only for a few months. My dad had to do a leader’s training class.”
“Take it?”
“Teach it.”
“Wow, you’re dad’s pretty badass.”
His eyes blink from me to his tea. “He only had to sacrifice fatherhood to get there.”
There I go again with my big mouth. I rest my hand on his and squeeze. “Sorry.”
He shrugs again.
“You should talk to Ryan.”
His hand rests on the back of his neck. Back and forth. Back and forth. “And why would I want to do that?”
