by Becca Ann
“Why are you mad?” She turns in my arms again and takes the brush from my hands. Her eyebrows scrunch in the middle of her forehead in such a damn cute way, a small smile hits my lips and I run a thumb over her brow to smooth it out.
“It’s just a hard adjustment,” I say. “He came out of nowhere and…he said some shit about my dad when he first got here. I just… I’m sorry. I know you want me to get along with him, but right now, all I can do is tolerate him.”
Lex’s eyes widen. “You didn’t tell me that. What did he say?”
I run a hand over my face and then pinch my nose. I don’t want to think about it. My dad was my hero. Every memory I have of him is a good one, and not a single person said a bad thing about the man. Pop-pop and Grams tell me I’m a lot like him, and that makes me damn proud. Even though he’s gone, I still feel like he’s right there with me changing oil, replacing brake pads and rotors, or welding a muffler. He’s just there when I’m working on the Lincoln. Then some kid comes in and tells me my dad was a stupid ass, that Mom picked the wrong family… I just, I want to punch something. I want to throw things, scream, run, anything.
“Ryan?” Lex pulls my hand from my face, then kisses my fingertips.
“Yeah?”
“I’m still your best friend, right?”
A big breath I didn’t know I was holding rushes out my mouth in a gruff laugh.
“Of course, you goof.”
“Then you can tell me when you’re ready.” Her nails lightly scratch my chin as she presses a soft kiss to my bottom lip. “I’m gonna go call my mom and let her know we made it here in one piece.” She wiggles her hand down and smacks my ass. “You hurry up because I’m tired and I want to cuddle.”
“Okay.” I want to tell her thank you, but I think she knows it. She gives my butt another swat before she grabs her things and leaves me alone.
Chapter 12
Lexie
I step outside with my cell and call Mom. It’s weird. The last trip I took I couldn’t wait to get away from her. To finally be free of all the bullshit she put me through. But now? I hate that I’m not with her. Not there to help her fight her demons. Sit on the couch with her and watch The Food Network and keep her from thinking about the bottle.
She answers on the second ring. “Alexis? What’s the matter? Is everything okay?”
“Calm down, Mom. Everything’s fine. I just wanted to say hi.”
She’s quiet for a second, and I swear I hear her suck in a breath. “Hi,” she whispers and the happiness in her tone puts a smile on my face.
This time last year if you told me I’d be calling my mom because I actually wanted to talk to her, I would’ve laughed in your face. Now the relationship we have—even though it’s still not perfect and may never be—I’d still never trade it for anything.
I sit down on the steps and listen as Mom fills me in on what Giada is making tonight. “It seems easy enough. I think I’ll try it.”
“You want to cook? Please wait till I get home.”
“I can cook.”
I laugh. “Says the woman who stuck a metal tin in the microwave and nearly burnt our place down.”
“That was an accident. I wasn’t…”
“You were drunk,” I say and immediately wish I could take the words back. “Sorry.”
“No. You’re right. I was. There’s no use hiding from it. Pretending those years didn’t exist. It’s not helping me. Step ten. ‘Continue to take personal inventory, and when you’re wrong, promptly admit it.’”
“I’m proud of you, Mom. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you that. But I am. I had all the odds against you and you proved me wrong. You’re much stronger than I thought.”
“You have to get that strength from someone. And you sure as hell didn’t get it from your father.”
Once Mom stopped drinking, she stopped talking about Dad. So I’m shocked when the words reach me. I stay silent, afraid to say the wrong thing.
“Alexis. I’ve said a lot of things to you over the past few years—blamed you for your father leaving. I need you to know it was all lies. I just didn’t know how to admit the truth to myself. It was easy to use you as a scapegoat. But the truth is. Your father is a coward. I wanted to believe that he loved me, but the only thing he loved was himself We were just a stop in the road for him. I don’t think he ever planned on staying. We’re better off without him.”
“Thanks for saying that,” I manage to push around the lump in my throat.
“I love you,” Mom says and I smile. “Call me when you reach the beach house. And remember, separate bedrooms.”
“Yes, Mom. Love you, too. Bye.”
For so long, I believed her every time she told me I was the reason my father left. I believed her so much I almost gave up on Ryan because I was so scared he would leave me too. Men always left me. I wasn’t good enough. At least that’s what I was taught to believe. Hearing Mom finally tell me that wasn’t true causes the gates to open and tears to rush out.
“I just need some air,” I hear behind me and swipe at the tears running down my cheeks. “Hey,” Brett says and I take a deep breath and look up.
“Hey,” I say in the cheeriest voice I can muster.
“You okay? You look like you just found out your cat was run over.”
“I’m fine. Just being stupid really.”
“Is it my brother? I’ll kick his ass for you.” He smirks.
“You’re just looking for an excuse to hit him.”
He rubs at his chin, but doesn’t even bother concealing the smile spreading straight across his face. “Maybe. Do you mind if I sit?”
“Nope.” I scoot closer to the railing to give him more space. He doesn’t hesitate to plop himself down. He’s in basketball shorts and a T-shirt. I wonder if he plays. I’m about to ask when he beats me to the questions.
“You don’t think Ryan will get pissed if he comes out here, do you?”
“Because we’re talking? I would whoop his butt if he did.”
“You really know how to put him in his place. Kara was like that with me.” His voice gets soft on her name and sadness tugs at the corner of his mouth.
“Who’s Kara?” I ask, and he stays quiet. I shake my head. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”
“My best friend,” he finally says, but there’s a longing in his tone. His eyes drop to his shoelaces, and even though they are tied, he goes about retying them.
I smile at the fact that his best friend is a girl too. I really wish Ryan would just give him a chance. “Where is she?”
He scratches his chin. “Back home in Vegas..”
“Does Nate know this? Sorry. I just think Vegas and I automatically think magic tricks.”
Brett laughs. “I told him.”
“Do you still talk to her? We’re driving right through there. We can totally stop. Pick her up if you want. Drop you off.”
If that was me and Ryan, I couldn’t go so long without seeing him. I’d jump on this chance. I’d already be sitting in the car with my seatbelt on ready to go.
He seems to contemplate it for a second before shaking his head. “I didn’t exactly leave on good terms. I haven’t talked to her since I left.”
“How can you not talk to your best friend? Go see her. Fix it.”
“I wish it was that easy. If I showed up…Let’s just say I wouldn’t be walking into open arms. I’d be lucky if I didn’t walk into her fist.”
“That bad huh?”
“You have no idea.”
“Then tell me. I’m a good listener.”
“I’d rather not.”
“Understandable. Can you at least tell me what she was like?”
“A total bitch,” he says with a laugh. “She’s opinionated and doesn’t hesitate to tell you how it is. But she’s also fun and protective and she never let me be alone. She’s beautiful, but wears too much black shit on her eyes. I’m not sure what her real hair color is. Last I saw her i
t was black with purple underneath. But she’s one of those girls that can pull it off. It looks almost natural on her. No matter how hard she tried she couldn’t tan. She hated it. She thought she was the palest girl in Vegas. So I always pointed out all these pasty girls to her to make her realize that wasn’t true. We would laugh about it. She had a great laugh.”
I’m grateful he is opening up. Or maybe he just needs to get it off his chest. Either way it doesn’t matter, he’s talking. As he continues, I realize something. Kara wasn’t just his best friend. He was totally in love with her. I felt sorry for him about his Dad and his situation before, but now? My heart hurts for him. Because I know exactly how it feels to lose your best friend and the person you love more than anyone in the world. The only difference is I only had to experience it for a few days. He’s been dealing with it for weeks.
“She sounds great,” I say.
“She was.” He looks up at the night sky and the happiness that spread through him as he talked about her vanishes. I rest my hand on his shoulder and don’t say anything. I just sit there with him. Kara might not be here to keep him from being alone, but I’m more than happy to fill that void. He’s Ryan’s family, whether Ryan wants to accept that or not, and his family is my family. What I’ve learned over the past year is that family, no matter what, should be there for each other and if Ryan won’t be here for him then I will.
“What’s going on out here?” Ryan asks and I’m about to smack that tone out of his mouth.
I turn and give him the evil eye. He immediately drops the macho man act and locks eyes with me. “We’re talking.” I smile my big smile I reserve for Ryan. “Do you want to join us? There’s room for one more on the steps.”
“I’m good,” Ryan says and steps back into our room.
“You better go after him. I wouldn’t want him to hold this against me too,” Brett says.
Ugh. Men. Can’t we all just get along? I look down at my No Room for the Blues nail polish and stand up.
“I guess you’re right.” I go to walk away and stop. “I know you’re trying with Ryan. I’ve noticed. He isn’t exactly welcoming you with open arms either.”
Brett looks up at me. “No, he isn’t.
“He told me that you said some things to him when you first got here. He won’t tell me what exactly you said, but I can tell whatever it was, you hurt him.”
“I didn’t… Oh shit. I did. I told him our mom made the wrong choice. I might’ve said something about his dad.”
I nod. It all makes sense now. “You need to know that you aren’t the only one who has been through hell. I can almost guarantee that Ry has been through just as much as you, if not more.”
“I doubt it.”
“You’ll never know if you don’t talk to him. When his dad died…it was bad. He still can’t talk about it. Not even to me, and he tells me everything. His dad was his hero and then one day he wasn’t there anymore. A part of him is broken and always will be because of that. If there is one thing that is off limits to bring up in a fight, that’s it. So even though you’re trying, you’re going to have to try harder. You hit below the belt.”
“I didn’t know.”
“Ryan didn’t choose his life any more than you chose yours. Just remember that.”
I walk away and leave Brett on the steps to think. I ease the door open and Kaylee and Nate are already completely passed out. Funny… they’re not spooning or cuddling or anything. Nate looks like he’ll fall to the floor ass first if he moves an inch. Kaylee has a magazine open and resting on her chest.
Ryan is sitting, back pressed against the headboard, staring at a black TV screen. I shut the door, and his head turns to me.
“Hey,” I whisper.
“Hey,” he says, but he doesn’t look happy and I hate that.
I crawl into the bed and snuggle up to his chest.
“So what were you guys talking about?”
“How he thinks he’s in love with me.”
Ryan bolts upright, and my head flies off his chest landing smack in his lap. I grab his arm and pull him down. “I’m kidding, you dope.” His fist relaxes at his side, and I straddle his waist. “We were just talking. You have nothing to worry about. And I’m a little insulted that you think you do.”
“I’m not worried. I just don’t trust him.”
I link my arms around his neck. “You have no reason not to. He hasn’t had it easy either, Ry.”
“I don’t care.”
“That’s not the Ryan I know and love.” He exhales loudly but doesn’t say anything. I kiss his forehead. “The guy who always knows the right thing to say in the crappiest of situations, that’s the Ryan I love.” I kiss his cheek. “The guy who holds me at night to help keep the nightmares away, that’s the Ryan I love. “The guy who always goes out of his way to make people feel welcome.” I kiss his lips. “The guy who moonlights as a superhero with abs of steel and amazing spider killing powers. That’s the Ryan I love. I know this is an adjustment for you. I know Brett said some things to you that can’t be taken back. But we once said things to each other that were wrong and hurtful because we were caught up in the moment and we let our anger take control. You found a way to forgive me. So maybe you can find a way to forgive him too.”
“There’s one difference.” Ryan wraps his arms around my waist and kisses my shoulder.
“And what’s that?”
“You’re a lot hotter than him.” He tosses me on the mattress and lands on top of me.
“Ryan!” I scream and a pillow smacks him in the head.
“Sleeping,” Kaylee mutters, and we burst out laughing. “Nate, make them disappear,” she whines which only makes Ryan and I laugh harder.
Brett walks in the room and stops. “Sorry, I’m obviously interrupting something.”
I go to stop him, but before I do Ryan sits up, laughs still falling from his mouth.
“You’re not interrupting. We were just about to watch some TV. You want to join us?”
Brett stands there mouth agape, eyes wide, but he quickly recovers and flops down on the pull out. “Absolutely.”
I throw my arms around Ryan’s neck and kiss him on the cheek. “Thank you,” I whisper against his ear.
It might not be the big gesture I was hoping for, but it’s a step.
Chapter 13
Ryan
“Spring break, baaaay-beeee!” Nate flicks his fedora up, and Kaylee hops on his back as they sprint to the door of the beach house. Nick gets to the porch and pulls his brother into an awkward hug, especially since Kaylee is still on Nate’s back, and he waves at me. I give him a nod. I don’t know Nick that well—there’s a bit of an age gap between him and Nate—but he still is brotherly and shit. So there’s that.
“Oh no,” Lex says, curling under my arm as we lean against the Lincoln. “It’s started already.”
I chuckle, remembering the PDA marathon from Nate and Kaylee on our senior trip.
“Promise me we find a room when we get horny,” she says, squeezing my side.
My eyes flash to hers, and she’s joking, but there’s a bright shade of pink splashed across her cheeks.
“Yeah, I second that.” Brett pops from the backseat, pulling out his earbuds. “Nothing screams fifth wheel more than sharing a spring break with two sex-crazed couples.”
Lex shakes her head and laughs, and her and my brother share a look I’m not real thrilled about. I lean through the window and pop the trunk.
“Get your shit,” I say to Brett, then pull Lex to the porch.
“Ryan…” she says, giving me a glare.
I sigh, running my hand through my hair. “Sorry.”
“Vacation, remember? We both need it.” Her hand runs down my back and sneaks into my pocket. She pinches my ass before dodging away from my noogie.
“I thought you said we’d find a room for that stuff,” I tease.
“Well, let’s go find one then!”
The inside of th
e house smells salty and musty. Nate and Kaylee have already switched on all the lights on their way to whichever room they picked. Outside, through the large floor to ceiling window in the main room, the ocean glimmers in the moonlight. I remember sitting here two years ago looking out that window and thinking about Lex and what she’d look like in a bikini.
My fantasies didn’t do her justice.
Her arms wrap around my waist, and she leans up on her tip toes to reach my ear. “What are you thinking about?”
“You.” I smile, running my hands over hers.
A cough in the background breaks us apart, and we both turn to see Brett handing Lex one of her bags. “Here. Your ‘entire closet,’” he says with a smirk.
“Oh, thanks.” Lex hops over and takes the bag. My body starts shaking as I push back the heat zooming through my chest just by looking at his face. For the millionth time I ask myself why he’s here.
Brett doesn’t give me a second glance. Keeps his eyes locked on Lex as she tries to lug the hundred pound bag across the floor.
She’s such a goof.
“Hey, I’ll take it to your room,” he offers, snagging his hand under the strap again. And in all “Me man, my woman” glory I march over and yank it from his fingers.
“I got it.”
His hands go up like I’m the one who’s being the dick. Lex lets out a grunt, rips the bag from both of us, and tries to stomp down the hallway and up the stairs with the thing. The looks she’s giving me keeps my feet planted in place.
“You know,” Brett says, hiking his own duffel on his shoulder, “you keep being an ass to me it may not end well with your girl.”
“Leave her alone.”
“Hey, it’s not my fault if she wants to talk to me.” He smirks, that same one I have when I know I’m doing something on purpose to piss someone off.
Before I lose my shit, I turn on my heel and go right back outside to get the rest of the stuff from the car. I don’t want to hear those things he said repeated over and over, and the best solution is to sleep this off.
When I get back inside, Brett’s gone. Probably off to find a bed and I hope he stays there all week. I drag my bag up the first landing, wondering how the hell Lexie did this without hurting herself.
