by L. B. Dunbar
On Monday, I decided to approach Abel. He was casually leaning against the wall near the restrooms in the science building. One foot was raised to balance behind him. His head was down as he was texting someone on his phone.
“Hey,” I said softly, but I startled him.
“Elma?” he questioned, looking over my head and down the emptying hall. I peered behind me, finding no one in particular and twisted back to him.
“So how are you?”
“Fine,” he tilted his head, questioning my motive for asking.
“I wanted to show you something,” I said excitedly, hoping he wouldn’t think it was silly to share with him. I set my bag on the floor and pulled out the brochure. I held it out to him and he read the front, flipped open to the inside and turned it over. His face smiled slowly in a crooked smile.
“This looks really great, Elma. A little pink for me, but really…great,” he repeated. The smile on his face was almost pride and my heart skipped a beat.
“I worked hard on it, and I’m pretty proud of how it turned out. The show is going to be amazing. I got to choreograph some of the dances for the little ones, and I have a spotlight showcase of my own in our dance troupe number. Jewels said some major dance recruiters will be there looking for talent.”
Abel nodded as he handed the program for the dance show back to me.
“That’s wonderful, Elma. You should be really proud of yourself, like you said.”
“I am, but I owe it all to you. For finding me the job.”
“I didn’t find you the job,” he smiled, as if he had a secret.
“That’s what Jewels said, but I know it’s not true.”
“I didn’t, honest,” he chuckled and the old Abel was back. His hair had grown a little longer in the front, and the dark bangs hung down. He flicked his head to move it out of his eyes. Dark blue eyes pierced me. He looked good, really good. He wore only a gray t-shirt in the warmer weather and his colorful tattoos stood out. I still didn’t know what they all meant and I wanted to. I wanted to know every detail of Abel, inside and out. I eyed one arm until I heard him clear his throat.
“Anyway…” I said, coughing a little to disguise my embarrassment. “I was wondering if you’d be able to attend. The performance that is. I know it will be a lot of little kids and such, but there is…”
“When is it?” he asked, a little noncommittal. His face dropped from its playful expression of seconds before.
“It’s May twenty-first.”
He nodded once.
“I can’t,” he stated. My smile was false and my shoulders fell.
“I see,” I said quickly, returning the program back to my bag.
“I’ve got the fight,” he said quietly. Tears suddenly came to my eyes like a silly school girl. I blinked rapidly before I stood to face him. His expression had completely changed.
“There you are. Ready to go to lunch?” I turned to face Keli Hogan. Her yellow hair was large and her shirt too small. Her stomach showed above her low slung jeans. She wrapped an arm under Abel’s and leaned into him.
“Sure,” he said, smiling down at her. My mouth twisted and I bit my lip. I stared in confusion, while Keli continued to curl into Abel. If she got any closer to him, she’d slip into his jeans before me. I closed my eyes slowly at the image of Abel having sex with Keli. My stomach roiled and bile churned.
“Would you mind giving me one more second with Abel?” I purred in my sweetest voice. It dripped of falseness, but I needed an answer from Abel. Keli’s eyes narrowed at me before she turned and tipped up to kiss Abel with a peck. He pulled back in shock and blinked down at her. He turned to face me in awkward surprise. Keli smiled with a slight curtesy to me and walked down the hall.
“Don’t be long, Abel. I’m hungry for you,” she giggled, knowing there was more to her meaning. My stomach flipped again at the idea of her going down on Abel’s well-endowed body. I shook my head.
Abel stared back at me waiting. I took a deep breath.
“So the other night…” I started.
“I was drunk,” he interrupted.
I stopped. My hands shifted my bag on my shoulder, and I tossed my blonde hair back from where it was caught under the strap. I tried to act casual but my hands shook. I was nervous to ask but I had my answer.
“So you don’t remember what you said?”
“What did I say?” he questioned, tilting his head to the side in curiosity.
“You…you mentioned…” I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t repeat what he said to me, if he didn’t remember. The embarrassment of him telling me one more time he didn’t love me, after he drunkenly said he did, was more than I could handle.
“Never mind,” I blurted. “You were pretty drunk. I’m sure you didn’t mean it.”
We both paused. Abel waited for more, but I had nothing else to add.
“You better not keep Keli waiting. She looks like a starving girl.” I sneered, looking her up and down as she stood a few feet away from us, observing her face in a compact mirror.
“Well, she’s actually taking me to lunch,” he said, shifting his bag over his shoulder and turning to face Keli. “For once, I’m not paying.” With those words, he walked away from me.
As time passed, I grew more anxious about the fight. It was one week before finals, and I could barely concentrate on schoolwork. I was going to fail human anatomy, anyway. I’d hardly done any research for the final project, and we had one last dissection as an assessment, the infamous cat dissection. My partners were the same two guys from the beginning of the semester. We’d come to a quiet agreement to work and not talk. While I was originally in their zone as the geek guy, I had surpassed them with my newfound popularity. It was awkward as they knew nothing of the fights, not even enough to fake a conversation. I wasn’t good at small talk anyway. So we kept our heads down and worked. I had pulled my weight in the last few labs, but I didn’t know the material for this one. It was hard to concentrate when Elma was in the room.
After our encounter in the hallway, where she asked me to attend her dance recital, and I had to refuse because of the fight, she hadn’t spoken to me again. In a way, her invitation was an olive branch. I should have reached for it. I should have wrapped it in my hands and held it tight, but I didn’t. I made my sarcastic comment about lunch with Keli, and crushed that branch into powder. I missed Elma. She’d been a friend, and despite my new popularity, I didn’t have anyone outside of Creed, who’d been pursuing Lindee to no avail.
I was distracted by the commotion in the back of the room when words filtered through the air.
“I can’t cut into an innocent cat,” Elma sweetly drawled from her corner of the room.
“I’d love nothing more than to slice into some pussy.” The gruff laughter that followed could be from no one other than Thor. I’d seen him talking to her in class on several occasions, and I assumed Elma had resumed her interest in him. After all, I was the one fighting my brother, and it was unlikely I would win. Thor would still be the contender she needed to beat my brother, which is what she wanted. She wanted revenge for how she felt she’d been wronged. She’d lost everything, she said, because of my brother. Whether I missed her or not, we’d never be friends again.
I stilled when I heard additional inappropriate words, but decided it wasn’t my concern until Thor spoke again.
“I know some pussy I’d like to dig into.” I swiveled and stalked toward the table. Elma’s eyes met mine as I approached Thor from behind. She held my gaze, but my focus was clearly on the target. I gripped his shoulders, spinning him so quickly he stumbled back into the lab table.
“Shut. Up,” I hissed, raising my fist in temptation to take him out right in the middle of the lab. My breath was coming quickly. My nostrils flared in rage. I wanted to crush him for speaking of Elma, smother him for even thinking of her, particularly that part of her.
He pushed at me, but I held him firm. My hand fisted in the neck of his t-shirt
, and I drew him forward. He was larger than me. He could still beat me, but it would be one hell of a fight. I wasn’t letting anyone talk about Elma like that.
“Oh, the clown fish comes to defend his angel fish, how cute?” Thor snickered sarcastically.
“Fuck off, man. You got a problem with me, fight me, but don’t disrespect the girl,” I hissed.
“Awww…and what do you plan to do about it? Fight me on the playground after class?” Thor laughed.
I shoved him back from me.
“You and I will be back in the ring. Soon,” I warned.
“You’re a cocky fish, aren’t you, Bay–ta.” His tone dripped with sarcasm again. “Think you’re going to be winning against your brother?” he inquired with disbelief.
“I’d bet on it,” I spit. “If I were a betting man.” I couldn’t help it. My eyes shifted to Elma. Her brother had placed a bet on his own fight. Her brother lost. That’s how she lost everything. I still wasn’t clear how it was up to me to win it back for her. Then I remembered I was winning her back, period. I was trying to save her from Cain.
“Oh, I’ll be betting, all right,” Thor sneered. “I’d love it to be you I take down. But I want a chance at the bigger fish first,” he snorted. Too bad for him my brother was a snake. One strike from Cain and Thor would be dead.
I turned away from him. He was an arrogant asshole. I’d let Cain deal with him.
“And once I wipe the floor with you, you stinking fish, that pussy will be all mine.” Without having to think, my body spun and struck. Knuckles cracked against nose and blood sprayed out, dotting my shirt. The move was in slow motion: the connection, the breaking, and then the scream.
“Abel,” Elma shrieked. Her fear woke me from my focus. A hand came out for my throat. Thor squeezed. I didn’t wish to fight him here. We were in the science lab. We could be kicked out of class, let alone school. I remained still as he clutched my neck, constricting my airways. I stayed calm, unwilling to struggle. It worked in my favor. I’d shut down like this as a child. I let my father have his hold. Struggling only made it worse. I didn’t believe he’d kill me. I had faith a father wouldn’t kill a son. I didn’t have that conviction with Thor.
“Let him go before I report you.” The tender voice of Sofie Vincentia surprised me, but there was an edge to it I hadn’t heard before. Determination poured through the syllables of her words, a threat of seriousness.
“You’re in violation of UFC rules to place hands on another member or person in anger with intent to harm.”
I couldn’t turn to look at her, but I was astonished at her basic understanding of fight policy. Thor’s thick digits slowly released me, but not before an additional press. I gasped for air when he let me go. Bumping into me, shoulder against shoulder, Thor exited the room after pushing someone’s dissection kit off another lab table. I shook with anger and relief as I took in gulps of oxygen.
“Are you all right?” Sofie’s words drew my attention from the retreat of Thor. Tender fingers began her examination of my throat and neck, front and back. She pressed and I winced once. Her piercing blue eyes focused on her fingertips as they worked over sensitive skin. I swallowed hard at the sensuality of her touch, despite the medical attention she paid me.
“Abel, are you okay?” The weak voice of Elma came from my left. I didn’t dare to meet her eyes. I couldn’t tear mine away from Sofie. Besides, if I looked at Elma, I might lose my shit again. I didn’t want to, but I blamed her for this aggression in me. If she hadn’t thrown herself at Thor. If she hadn’t wanted to get back at my brother. If I hadn’t tried to help her in the first place. If, if, if…If I could only shut off my heart to thoughts of her under me, the sound of her voice begging me, the taste of her kiss on me. I closed my eyes and ignored Elma in the moment.
“I suggest you put a warm compress around your neck. Get the blood flowing again,” Sofie, the future doctor, directed. “A light massage from your coach or a trainer, perhaps.” Her hands fell from my neck in a slow caress then dropped to her sides. “I’d be careful in your training. Unless you two are ready to stop this nonsense?” she questioned, a tease to her tone.
I continued to stare at Sofie, confused how she knew about my training or what to do to loosen the muscles. She didn’t really want to talk about the fight before, but somehow she knew details, I was certain. It was evident in her voice. She knew what I had to do. She knew who I had to do it to. Again, I wondered what the connection between her and my brother involved.
“Alright, everyone back to work,” Sofie addressed the class, looking around my shoulder. “You two go there, you two come here,” she directed, splitting up the students who had their dissection kit thrown to the floor. Two joined my humble assistants, who stared in disbelief at their quiet partner that just started a fight. The other two joined the remainder of Elma’s group, now minus Thor and herself.
“You and Elma, get out of here. You can make this up on another lab day,” Sofie explained. Without another word, Elma and I walked away from one another and gathered our things.
“Abel! Abel, wait,” I shouted, practically running after him down the short hall. His longer stride kept him in front of me, until he pushed through the metal door and out into the bright afternoon sunshine. He spun quickly as I cleared the top step, still calling his name. As he stood two steps down from me, we were eye to eye. It was still within the morning class sessions, and the space outside the science building was strangely empty.
“What Elma? What do you want from me?” he strained, his voice both irritated and exhausted with me.
“I…I wanted to thank you. For defending me.”
Dark blue eyes, which were no longer covered with his glasses, stared back at me.
“You’re always defending me. Why?” I asked in earnest. He was pushing me away, but this was the second time in almost as many days that he’d stood up for me. His facial expression had grown hard during the altercation, but it slowly relaxed as he looked at me.
“Elma. Don’t you get it?”
I stared at him in confusion.
“I’d do anything for you,” he sighed, blowing out air in a large release. I worried as I saw the tender purple dots of bruises where Thor’s fingertips dug into him. His deep exhale concerned me that he still hadn’t caught his breath.
“You should get that looked at…”
“Just stop. Just stop it, Elma.”
“What?” I snapped, not intending to be rough toward him. “I’m just concerned about you.”
“Concerned?” Abel spit sarcastically. “Concerned?” his voice faltered to a low rasp. His eyes shifted to the ground then climbed up my body. My insides leapt at his gaze. His eyes looked hungry, and I wanted to be his feast. My lower body flipped a somersault. My sex pulsed in sudden excitement.
“Elma, you don’t get it, do you? It’s more than concern for me. From the first time I saw you, across the room in English 101, then had to spend a torturous year behind you in class, I’ve worshipped you. I’ve had my head flooded with thoughts of you for years. And in Hawaii…”
“Hawaii?” I interrupted with surprise. “What does Hawaii have to do with anything?”
“You looked so sad in the rain.”
“But you couldn’t…” I paused. He couldn’t have been that boy? He couldn’t have been, I argued with myself. I couldn’t remember what we talked about back then. My head wasn’t in a good place.
“You never saw me, Elma, even when I was right in front of you. Maybe it’s because I’ve always been behind you. I’ve always been having your back, when all you have is concern for me.”
“Abel, I don’t understand. I am concerned about you.” I let all thoughts of Hawaii go.
He took a deep breath and looked to his side. His eyes scanned the quad before he turned back to me.
“Fine. If this is how it has to be, I’ll spill my guts. I’ve been in love with you, Elma. From the moment I saw you, I’ve been in total adoration of
you, but you…you never even noticed me. I just wanted you to see me. Not just someone to see me, Elma, but you to see me. You can’t understand that being who you are.”
“Who I am?” I spit, disregarding his declaration of love for a moment. “And who am I?”
“You’re the sunshine above the water. The beam of light in the dark ocean. You’re beautiful and popular, and it makes me sick, but every guy wants in your pants,” he snorted.
“They do not!” I exclaimed.
“They do, Elma. Fuck, I do, but you don’t care. You’re concerned? That’s a shit word.” He took a deep breath and brushed a hand through his dark bangs.
“Abel, I…”
“You don’t have to say anything. I get where I stand with you,” he said, turning away from me. I reached down and almost missed his shoulder. Latching onto his backpack, I fell forward a step and he spun so we were face to face, only inches away.
“At your father’s, you said, you didn’t love me.”
“I did it to protect you,” he spoke, softer.
“At the party, you asked me to love you,” I reminded him.
“I shouldn’t have asked that.”
“I don’t understand what you do want then, Abel.”
He blinked at me then his eyes fell to my chest. Moments of silence swam between us.
“I don’t want to explain it; I just want someone to do it. To feel it, for me. Concern isn’t it, though. I appreciate your concern, but I’m fine.”
“Are you? Are you really? This fight…”
Abel raised his hand to silence me then let it fall to my face. A single finger traced down my cheek and under my chin.
“This fight is not your concern,” he said, then turned and walked away, leaving me the one behind.
A week before the fight, I still remained near campus. The hype from the advertisements was making it difficult to live a normal life. Shepherd and I agreed I’d need to stop attending classes to focus on what laid ahead: the fight against my brother.
