by Donna Fasano
She watched him rub at his chin and gaze off over her shoulder as he summed up their kiss. He really was analyzing the evidence. The romantic haze she'd been engulfed in cleared all of a sudden. She'd thought this "experiment" of his was quite intimate, but now she was left feeling like a lifeless utensil– a beaker or a petri dish. And she didn't like it at all.
"Hey," she called to him. And when she had his attention, she continued testily, "when you equated our kiss to an experiment, I thought you were being… romantic. But now I can see that you were serious, and I don't mind telling you that this isn't right. I'm not some laboratory specimen to be–"
"Oh, Cassie," he interrupted. "I'm sorry I offended you. I didn't mean to."
The honest contrition exposed on his face and in his voice helped her to relax a little, but the insult she felt was evident in the firm line of her lips.
"I wanted to kiss you," he said, "and disprove my hypothesis because I knew it was wrong. I knew what I felt for you was more than mere physiology."
His last few words made her eyes go wide.
"I knew," he went on, seeming not to notice her reaction, "because, I could see you were beautiful..."
He called you beautiful. The realization sank in immediately. The thought alone would have sent her heart reeling, but he'd actually said the words. Right to her face.
"And I had this tremendous urge to kiss you," he continued. "Touch your skin... and smell your hair.... but I also wanted other things."
He hesitated, and Cassie thought she'd die in the silence of the few seconds before he explained what he meant by other things.
"I wanted to know things," he finally clarified. "Where you were born. Your favorite food. What your hobbies are."
A delightful, numbing haze slowly fogged her brain, and she felt the overwhelming impulse to tell him anything and everything he wanted to know.
But this man is your employer! This time the silent voice of dissent was as loud as a blaring horn. She needed to put some space between herself and Joshua. She needed time to think. She barely knew the man. Yes, she needed precious time.
"Joshua, wait just a minute." She moved backward a foot. "Now, I will admit that there's some kind of... spark or something between us," she said. "But common sense will tell you that it's nothing more than physical attraction– an attraction that we really, really need to deny–"
"Oh, no," he said, emphatically shaking his head. "Haven't you heard what I've been saying? If it was a simple case of physical attraction alone, I wouldn't feel this desire to know your favorite color, your favorite season. Or your shoe size, or what you like to read, or where you went to college, or if you like to walk in the woods or... or... how you met Aunt Mary."
Her blood froze solid when he mentioned that dreaded 'c' word. College. A silent expletive shot through her thoughts. If this kept up, he'd find out the truth!
"Look," she said, working hard to remain calm. "I work for you. You pay me money to care for your son. You weren't even certain that you wanted me for the position. Don't you remember? It is not– I repeat, not– a good idea for us to become involved in any kind of relationship except that between an employer and an employee." As she spoke the two nouns, she pointed at him and then touched her own collarbone, as if he needed help figuring out who was who.
He scowled. "But you can't stand there and deny the fact that we–"
"That's exactly what I intend to do." Cassie turned and swam away from him toward the steps that led out of the pool.
"But, Cassie," he called.
When she reached the stairway, she turned back to face him. "I don't mean to hurt your feelings. But I need this job."
With that she climbed from the pool, snatched up her robe from where she'd tossed it on the chair and headed for the house on shaky legs.
Joshua watched Cassie stalk across the lawn and he scowled. She might deny what was between them–
The thought stopped short and he rubbed his fingers over his chin. She hadn't really denied anything, he realized. In fact, she'd admitted what she felt– the physical attraction. He couldn't help but grin, thinking that Cassie found him attractive. The mere thought of her saying so was a sensuous stroke to his ego.
No, she hadn't denied what was between them. She had renounced it. Well, to hell with that. He wanted so badly to explore the charisma... or allure... or whatever it was that so strongly drew them together!
But Cassie clearly felt that because she worked for him, they couldn't become personally involved. He did have to admit that it was an extremely logical notion on her part. A more personal relationship between them would have the potential of raising some problems for everyone concerned. He understood that, yet his brain continued to refuse to acknowledge it. Swiping his hand in a large arc under the cool water, he couldn't quite figure out why his thinking process where Cassie was concerned continued to be confused and irrational.
He pushed the thought aside and directed his attention to more important matters–investigating the potent feelings he was experiencing.
As a scientist, he prided himself on being a linear-thinking man who devoted his life to identifying and solving mysteries with the use of scientific equations and systematic experiments. If given the time, he was confident he could figure out just how to categorize these emotions that were plaguing him.
Joshua swam slowly toward shallower water and realized there was another factor to be considered in this paradox– Cassie's emotions. She'd admitted feeling something for him… a spark of physical attraction is what she'd called it.
His foot grazed the pool bottom and he stood. Shielding his eyes from the glare of the setting sun, he remembered the flash of fear in Cassie's gaze just before she'd made her escape. Of course, she didn't want anything to ruin this job and that was clearly understandable.
The best thing for everyone concerned would be to follow Cassie's lead and deny his every desire where she was concerned.
He got out of the pool and picked up his towel, one final question echoing across his thoughts. Did he truly believe it was possible for him to live in the same house with Cassie and not surrender to the urges she provoked in him?
Chapter Six
The latch clicked softly as Cassie closed the back door behind her and walked out into the still, muggy night. Slipping off her shoes, she felt the cool grass tickle between her toes and she sighed contentedly.
This was her quiet time. Both boys were tucked into bed and Joshua was still at the university. Two nights a week he taught a late class and didn't arrive home until nearly ten. Cassie took advantage of these evenings to enjoy the night air and some precious time alone.
As she passed the pool she saw the moonlight glinting on the water like a thousand dazzling diamonds. She couldn't go near this area of the yard without thinking about the kiss she and Joshua had shared nearly a month ago. The Experiment as she'd come to think of it. She didn't stop at the pool, but continued meandering further out across the back lawn.
That kiss had swept her away, had clouded her thinking. She had totally given herself over to Joshua's charms before she'd even had time to realize it. Thank heaven, her subconscious had shouted the dangers at her until her attention had been captured. Thank heaven, she'd still had the wherewithal to listen!
This job was a necessity. It wasn't something she should be toying with. Eric needed for her to be gainfully employed. In this economy, jobs were not easy to come by. She couldn't take any chances at all of Joshua discovering her secret. Because if he did, he'd fire her on the spot. Physical attraction or no physical attraction. Of that, she was certain.
So for the past several weeks since the kissing episode at the pool, Cassie had tried hard to keep herself out of Joshua's way. She played board games with Andy and Eric, or occupied them with various crafts, or took them on trips to the mall and the park and local nature center when Joshua was at home. She even had them going to bed a little earlier so she could read them Mark Twain's The Advent
ures of Huckleberry Finn. Avoiding Joshua was exhausting. The worst times for her were during meals, she realized as she relaxed onto the wrought-iron bench under the oak tree in the backyard. She couldn't escape him then.
The four of them ate breakfast and dinner together. And at every meal she could feel Joshua's intense gaze on her, and she had to fight the urge to stare back. She knew very well that he had things he wanted to say to her, she could read it on his face. Thankfully, he never talked about anything personal in front of the children. However, just the feel of his dark eyes on her was enough to keep her as tense as a tightly coiled spring.
Gazing up through the tree branches at the fat, full moon, she tried to focus on the sound of the chirring crickets. However, thoughts of Joshua hovered near, destroying any chance of tranquility for her on this beautiful summer night. But this was nothing new. In fact, she'd become accustomed to the way he would intrude on her thoughts no matter the time of day or night.
Some of the statements he'd made all those days ago at the pool continued to haunt her. Something about what he'd said wasn't right. If the situation were different, she might have been able to ask him some questions. She wished she could talk to him and quell her confusion.
Joshua, she imagined herself saying, what did you mean when you said–
"Cassie?"
She gasped, and swinging her gaze up and around, she found herself looking into Joshua's inquiring gaze.
"J-Joshua..." She stumbled over his name, feeling flustered and unprepared. Glancing at her wristwatch, then up at him, she continued in a rush. "I meant to be in before you got–" She choked off the rest of the sentence. "I mean..."
He lifted his hand. "You didn't lose track of time," he said, his tone gentle and understanding. "I know you've been hiding from me. That's why I made it home a little early tonight. I wanted to catch you before you went up to your room and shut me out."
The fact that he knew she'd been avoiding him made her flush with heated embarrassment and she was grateful for the shadows cast by the old oak tree.
"I want to talk to you," he said. "May I?"
He indicated the space on the seat next to her.
She nodded her assent, it was the only mannerly thing to do, and when he joined her, she immediately noticed just how small the wrought-iron bench was. He rested one ankle on the knee of his other leg.
They sat in silence, and as the seconds ticked by, Cassie's stomach knotted tighter and tighter. His cologne smelled so good, and the urge to look at him was too damned strong.
"It's a beautiful night. The moon looks so close… we could almost touch it. Don't you think?"
His voice had that husky quality that she remembered so well. The same mesmerizing one he'd used during The Experiment. The tone that had her melting in his arms. Alarm bells clanged in her head.
"What did you want to talk to me about?" she asked stiffly.
"Cassie." He smiled and then chuckled softly. "I love the sound of your name."
"Joshua, please."
"Why won't you–"
"Joshua." The crispness of her voice thoroughly severed his question. She twisted to face him. "I am Andy's nanny. Did you need to talk to me about your son?"
"Well, that's one of the subjects I'd like to discuss."
"Fine," she said. "What is it you'd like to know?"
He, too, turned on the small seat. His knee brushed her thigh and he placed both feet on the ground to give her more room.
"You've been here for almost a month," he began. "How are things going? With Andrew and Eric, I mean."
"Those boys act like they've known each other all their lives," she said. "They get along so well it's almost scary."
"That's good." He tilted his head a fraction. "Isn't it?"
She nodded silently.
There was a moment of silence and the tension once again hummed like a live wire.
He studied her for several long seconds before asking, "And how are you liking the job?"
She couldn't help but smile. "I love it," she answered quietly. "Andy's a wonderful little boy. He's very..." She hesitated, searching for just the right word. "Studious. He reads lots of books and has a lot of different interests. Eric just loves looking at his coin collection."
While she talked, he lifted his arm and rested his elbow on the seat back, which left his hand dangling a fraction of an inch from her upper arm. She could feel the heat of his body. Every little movement sent the intoxicating aroma of his cologne wafting toward her, and she fought the impulse to pull great quantities of it into her lungs. The magnetism she felt was strong, nearly a tangible thing, like dozens of tiny strings pulling and tugging at her. Lord, but it frightened her.
"I've been so busy," he told her. "I feel as though I haven't spent much time with my son lately."
"And you should," she said without hesitation. "Spend more time with Andy, I mean. He loves you very much. He looks up to you. He's always telling us stories of how you did this or that. Andy is very proud of you."
Joshua's smile made her go all soft and warm inside.
"You'll never know how nice it is to hear that," he replied.
Bolstering herself with a deep breath, she said, "He's been after me to talk to you."
"Oh?"
"Yes." She nodded. "About the list."
"Now, Cassie–"
"He wants to toss a baseball with Eric," she rushed on before he refused to listen altogether. "He's been begging for me to ask you if he could have a baseball mitt. Throwing a ball wouldn't exert him too much. And he's hardly used his medicine at all. I can't see why..."
"Wait, wait."
Joshua only had to lift his fingers a fraction to touch her arm in an effort to quiet her, and it worked.
"Just slow down a minute."
A pulsing heat emanated from the spot where his fingers gently pressed against her arm. She knew she should pull away, but at the same time she also recognized the strong desire to do just the opposite. She would have liked nothing more than to lean toward him– to feel his touch on more than just that one tiny area of her skin.
She glanced down at his hand on her arm and then up into his eyes. As she searched his gaze, her emotions waged a horrific battle inside her. She should be used to this topsy-turvy state, like she'd boarded some wild amusement park ride.
"You're right," he said softly. "Andrew should have one."
"One what?" she asked, realizing instantly how clueless the question sounded. "Oh, yes," she quickly amended. "A mitt."
Damn, why did he always seem to muddle her thinking to the point that she looked like a total idiot?
"I'll have some free time this weekend," he said. "We'll go to the sporting goods store at the mall and pick one up."
"Andy will be happy to spend some time alone with you."
"Oh, but I meant all of us," Joshua said. "Eric will need a new mitt too."
Cassie thought of the worn and tattered glove that she'd purchased for her brother at the charity shop. Then she lowered her gaze.
"But his mitt is just fine," she said awkwardly. The glove really wasn't, but she didn't have the money for an expensive new one.
"But I want to buy him a new one," Joshua insisted.
"Oh, but I couldn't let you–"
"No arguments now." And when she complied, he smiled. "I'm glad that's settled."
His hand closed on her arm and her throat went dry. They fell silent again, and although she forced herself not to look, every nuance of her attention focused on the velvet heat where his skin came into contact with hers.
He slid his fingers upward until his palm rested on the curve of her shoulder. There was no hint of forwardness in the movement. On the contrary, the action conveyed only feelings of warmth and unreserved honesty.
"The issue is settled, right?"
She nodded. "Yes, it's settled. Eric will be very happy." She smiled before adding a whispered, "Thank you for the offer."
"You're welcome," he said i
n that deep, liquid voice of his. Then his smile broadened.
She realized at that moment that the tension knotting her stomach had eased, and she knew he was working hard at getting her to relax.
It wasn't as though her attraction for him had abated. Oh, no. The pale gray suit he wore accentuated his tanned complexion. His pristine white shirt was a perfect backdrop for the magenta geometric shapes on his tie. The scent of him was enough to make her feel dizzy. Her desire to be touched and kissed by him burned like a bright, hot fire deep down inside her. And she could easily read a mirrored craving in his eyes, but at the same time she could see that he intended to hold his urges at bay. She suspected he'd decided to do so out of respect for her wishes to keep their relationship on a purely professional basis, and she was thankful for his consideration.
Since he seemed determined to contain his ardent feelings, and he also emanated a friendly openheartedness, she thought it might be a good time to further broach the subject of Andy's restrictions.
"Joshua..." she began slowly. "Can we talk a little bit more about the list?"
He touched the tip of his finger to his bottom lip, obviously assessing her and the idea of discussing a topic about which he was quite adamant. She was surprised by her lack of anxiety. She would have thought she'd have been scared witless to bring up the restrictions. Whether it was the beautiful moonlight, the calm night air, or just his amiable manner, she didn't know, but something about tonight helped her to remain calm and collected in the face of what might very well turn into an argument.
Finally he nodded and said, "Sure, we can talk about the list."
So there, under the oak tree, with moonlight fingering through the leafy branches, Cassie pleaded Andy's case. She told him how his son wanted so badly to run and play like other children, how Andy had astutely asked if what he'd heard was true, that children sometimes did grow out of their allergy problems.
