“Are you all right?” she cried, struggling to get off him. “Did I squash you?”
“No,” Bram groaned. “It’s my chest. I think you crushed my ribs. I can’t breathe…”
“Oh, Bram,” she knelt down beside him. “I’m so sorry. I knew I shouldn’t have let you discharge yourself. You’re obviously not fit and now…”
He began to shake. It took a moment to realise he was laughing. He propped himself up on his elbows and grinned at her.
“I think you broke my heart, Nurse.”
“Oh! What? You!” She scrambled to her feet and kicked him in the thigh with her bare foot, which was sore as well as freezing cold, then she wrenched off his jacket and flung it at him.
She’d forgotten this side of him. The teasing; the way he could wind her up so easily. She’d completely buried the fun and laughter they used to have and had chosen to just remember the serious, determined Bram Fletcher that had scared her to death every time he went out on a shout.
It had been like a dark cloud over their relationship, shadowing everything they did. Always there at the back of her mind. What if he gets called out on a shout? What if he doesn’t come back? He’d told her she had too much imagination.
“Regan… wait…”
“This is not funny,” she said. “We’re meant to be looking for Jay, not all this stupid messing about.”
He grabbed her arm and swung her back round. His face was deadly serious, his expression as dark as she’d ever seen it.
“Don’t for one minute think I don’t realise how serious this is,” he said, his voice gravelly. “I want to find that kid safe and well as much as you do.”
“I know,” she whispered.
She turned away from him and started to stamp across the rocks, not taking such care as before, then she remembered Georgie’s shoe and turned to sweep it up from the sand where Bram had dropped it.
Her knees were raw and bleeding, her fingers likewise and as she spun away from him again she caught sight of a little pile of rags standing proud of the outgoing tide. Just a dark heap.
“Oh, my God,” she whispered. “Oh no… Jay…”
She ran out. There weren’t so many rocks, but more tiny stones, more areas of sinky mud and more slippery clay flats and she had to fight to keep her balance. All the time she ran, she prayed this was just what it looked like, a heap of old clothes. She was aware of feet slapping on the mud behind her and as she reached the pathetic little mound, Bram was beside her, both of them breathing hard.
“Oh no,” Bram muttered.
Jay was a scruffy little boy, smaller and skinnier than the other kids in the class. His hair was too long, always untidy and his clothes were literally coming apart at the seams in some cases. He’d go off to school in the mornings looking neat and smart, but by the end of the day he looked as if he’d been dragged through a hedge. He had the cheekiest little grin and the most sparkly eyes.
“Oh, Jay,” she sobbed and bit on the back of her hand, tasting salt and blood. His black hair was matted with sand and blood and God only knew how many bones he’d broken when he’d fallen to the rocks and she could only hope he wasn’t conscious when it happened.
She brushed his hair back from his face. He was so cold. She couldn’t let this happen. She turned him onto his back and prepared to perform CPR, but Bram reached out and stopped her.
“It’s much too late, Regan. He’s been dead for hours.”
She could see that! She wasn’t stupid! It was just that she wanted him to be alive, wanted to breathe life back into his little body. She didn’t want to have to tell his poor mother that she’d lost her child. How could anyone live through pain like that? It was unbearable.
She prayed his death had been instantaneous as she gathered the little boy up in her arms, held him against her chest and wept. He was so white. So white and so very cold.
This cheeky little boy had taken Georgie under his wing when she started school and although he was little, he was tough. He and Georgie insisted they were going to get married when they grew up and eat pizza for tea every day. They helped each other with their reading and sat next to each other at school.
“I’ll get…” Bram began, but he choked on the words. There was nothing he could get. Nothing that would bring this child back. And instead of trying to get anything, he sank onto the mud beside Regan and folded his arms around her and the little boy.
A shout went up in the distance. Help was coming, but it was too late. No one could do anything.
Bram wasn’t weeping like Regan, but she could feel the ragged catch of his breath and the tremors shaking his whole body. His arms tightened around her and she leaned against him and sobbed.
Regan sat down in the quiet hospital corridor and buried her face in her hands. Her eyes were sore and swollen, but no matter how awful she felt, she knew it was nothing compared to how Katie was feeling. The poor woman. She’d collapsed when the news was broken to her and then she’d started to blame Georgie.
“If she hadn’t encouraged him, he’d never have gone to the cliffs!” she’d screamed.
Regan didn’t know if that was true or not, but one thing was certain, she was not going to let Georgie carry the burden of guilt for the rest of her life. They were just kids. What had happened was a terrible, tragic accident for which no one was to blame.
Katie had even lashed out, punching Regan in the chest, but her punch had no power and she’d collapsed into Regan’s arms, sobbing before Lally drew her gently away and took her home.
And then she had to tell Georgie. It was the most painful, most difficult thing she’d ever had to do and she couldn’t help but feel, despite not wanting to blame anyone, that none of this would have happened if she hadn’t split up with Bram when she did.
Perhaps having a father around would have curbed Georgie’s wild streak. No, no that was silly. If Jay hadn’t taken Georgie with him, it would have been someone else. And even if Bram was around, it wouldn’t necessarily have stopped Georgie running off like that to help a friend.
But what was even sillier was the realisation that her whole break up with Bram had been so stupid, so futile. Of course the world needed men like him who were willing to put their lives on the line to save others. Thanks to her and her stubbornness, her daughter was growing up without a father, a father who would have adored her given half a chance.
They wanted to keep Georgie at the hospital for another night and she was quite happy about that. She’d made friends with a little girl in the next bed and having spent time in the hospital crèche as a toddler, she was very familiar with the place.
Regan knew she should go home, but once she’d sat down, the weariness had overwhelmed her. Lally had already left, taking Katie home and promising to take Bonnie for the night just in case Regan got any silly ideas about staying over at the hospital.
She could use one of the on call rooms, she supposed. If she could gather up the energy to actually move.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Bram saw his last patient out of the door, then locked up. Everyone had been so good about their delayed appointments. Not a single person had complained. Most people had heard about the little boy and word had quickly got round that Bram had been involved in the rescue.
He still felt numb with shock. There was nothing as bad as losing a child and every time he closed his eyes he saw Regan with Jay in her arms.
But they’d saved Georgie. He had to hold on to that. It was, after all, the successes that kept you going, knowing that you could and would make a difference in the majority of rescues.
He took his dogs for a quick walk, but in the opposite direction to the cliffs down along where the sand dunes rolled towards the marshes. The dogs bounded along the beach, sending up clouds of geese and gulls. The wind was fresh, the scent of the sea, sharp. He couldn’t be sorry he came back. Nowhere he’d ever been had felt as right as this place.
Would it feel as right if Regan wasn’t here? That was
another matter. And the signals she was putting out were confusing. Her body was giving him a different message to her lips. Her eyes were saying, “welcome back, I’m glad to see you,” but her manner said, “keep your distance.” But it was only natural. She was bound to be wary after the way he’d left town.
Back at the surgery, he rubbed all the dogs down with towels before heading to the hospital.
Josie was on duty again and she smiled when she saw him.
“Hello again, stranger,” she said. “How are you feeling now? Regretting discharging yourself?”
“Not for a minute. I haven’t come back for treatment,” he said quickly. He’d had enough of hospitals and wanted to spend as little time in one as possible. “I know Regan’s taken some time off, but I wondered if you could give me her address or phone number?”
“Oh that’s nice,” Josie said. “After all these years, all you want is Regan’s phone number. Way to make a girl feel wanted!”
He grinned.
“Sorry, Josie,” he said, reaching out and giving her a friendly hug. “How are you?”
“I’m fine, thank you. But you know I can’t give you Regan’s number,” she said. “I really wish I could, but it’s against regulations and besides, she’d kill me and I’m too pretty to die.”
“She hates me that much?”
Josie smiled and shook her head.
“Of course she doesn’t hate you, but it’s complicated,” she said. “You two really need to talk.”
“I’m not sure if we have anything to talk about,” he said and was surprised at the look on Josie’s face. It was almost as if she knew something he didn’t. Perhaps Regan was in a relationship. But he wouldn’t press her. Her loyalties would lie with Regan and rightly so. It wasn’t fair to put her in a difficult position.
“It was worth a try,” he grinned. “So I guess there’s no chance of you leaving Regan’s number on the pad there and turning the other way while I write it down like they do in the movies?”
“No chance at all,” Josie said. “Sorry, Bram. I wish I could.”
“It was worth a try. Georgie still here?”
“Yes, but…”
“It’s okay,” he said. “I know where she is and I promise I won’t tread on any toes. I’ll be nice as pie to her family.”
“Wait, Bram, you don’t understand,” Josie said.
“What don’t I understand, Josie?”
She clamped her lips together.
“What I mean is, her family will probably be with her and you know what hospitals are like about too many visitors.”
“Don’t let it worry you,” he said. “I’m just going to drop a gift off, then I’ll leave.”
He turned to go and Josie ran round in front of him.
“You don’t want to do that,” she said. “I mean, you can’t go round taking presents to everyone you rescue. You’d soon be broke.”
He shook his head.
“I always get a little something when it’s a kid,” he said. “Always have. It’s nice for me to see them in one piece again, especially if they were hurt like Georgie.”
“Oh, yes,” she said with a sigh. “I see your reasoning, but…”
“Sorry, Josie, I think you’re needed.”
He saw the young doctor, Karen wasn’t it? Now instead of keeping Josie talking, he tried to hurry away.
“Not so fast, you,” Karen called out. “How are you?”
She stood on her toes and flashed her penlight in his eyes.
“What did you do that for?”
“To see if there was anything in there,” Karen said. “I hear you were on the beach again helping look for the little boy.”
“Yes, what of it?”
“You should be resting,” she said. “You certainly shouldn’t be hanging around here, unless you’ve come back for treatment?”
“I was looking for Regan,” he said.
“Well, you won’t find her here as I expect Josie has told you. I suggest you go home.”
“Thanks for the suggestion,” he said. “But I’ll decide myself where I go.”
“Impossible man,” Karen sniffed. “I don’t know what they all see in you.”
He stared after her as she flounced off. What was it with women always bossing him about? Josie flashed him a look, then hurried off behind Karen. And what did she mean she didn’t know what they all saw in him? No one saw anything in him!
Unless Regan… He smiled, then quickly banished it. No, Regan wasn’t the sort to reveal her feelings to anyone. She’d always been a very private person. So was he. That was one of the many reasons they got along so well. Correction. Used to get along so well.
He stopped at the little hospital gift shop and bought a balloon and a small toy dog before taking the lift up to the ward. Normally he avoided lifts like the plague, but it seemed every bone in his body ached and the stairs were too much like hard work.
When the lift doors opened, he looked along the corridor and saw someone sitting on a chair, head in hands. He almost backed into the lift, reluctant to intrude on someone’s private grief, but gradually it sunk in exactly who it was sitting there all alone and his first instinct was to rush down there, pick her up and cradle her in his arms.
He almost pressed the button to go back down, but he’d done enough running away. It was time to start facing up to things and one of them, the only one that mattered, was Regan.
Common sense stepped in. If he did rush down there and start hugging her, she was likely to give him a kick! But since when did common sense have anything to do with anything? She needed a hug. She was alone. He was here. It was a no brainer.
She looked so desolate, so small and alone he found himself striding manfully towards her, well as manful as you could be with a limp!
He stopped in front of her and she stared at his shoes, then her gaze moved slowly up to his face and she let out a gasp.
“What are you doing here?”
She looked dreadful. Her eyes were dark hollows and her skin was pale and yet he thought he’d never seen her look so beautiful. But that wary look was there too. The one that told him to keep his distance. Maybe gathering her up for a cuddle wasn’t such a great idea after all.
“I might ask you the same,” he said and sat down beside her, still clutching the balloon and the toy. “I just popped in to see Georgie.”
“Oh, did you?” She seemed wary and suspicious. “Why?”
“Because I feel sorry for the kid,” he said. “She’s been through a lot and now she’s lost her best mate. Apart from that, I’ve seen nothing of her parents. I mean if it was you or I, wild horses wouldn’t drag us away from her bedside, am I right?”
She looked down at her hands, but he was sure he was right and that she would agree with him, even if she’d never admit it.
“You have no idea what you’d do in this position,” she said softly. “You can’t judge other people when you can’t possibly know what their situation is.”
“I wasn’t. I didn’t mean…” He sighed, exasperated. If he wanted to convince her that he’d changed, he wasn’t doing a very good job of it. “I really didn’t mean to sound so judgemental. I just wanted to see her and give her these.”
Regan looked at the balloon and the toy and her face softened into a smile.
“She’ll love those.”
“So what’s your excuse for being here when you should be at home catching up on your sleep, Regan?”
“I just wanted to see Georgie too,” she replied. “I’m supposed to be going straight home, but I came over so tired, I had to sit down. I may stay here overnight. I’ve nothing to go home for.”
She didn’t sound self-pitying. It was just as if she was stating a fact. He was glad she had no one to go home to, but at the same time he ached for her. Someone like Regan, with so much love to give, should have someone to go home to.
Oh, but she didn’t say that did she? Having nothing to go home to and nothing to go home for
were two different things.
“Is it really so bad that you want to sleep here?” he said. “You used to hate sleeping over at the old hospital, do you remember? You reckoned it was haunted.”
She shivered and laughed self-consciously.
“It was!” she said. “You’d hear noises at night, doors opening and closing and sometimes I woke up with the feeling someone else was in the room.”
“Yes, I remember,” he said. “You reckoned it made your hair stand on end.”
“It did!” She laughed.
“Your hair used to be so short that it used to practically stand on end anyway.”
“Thanks!”
“I like it like this.” He lifted a handful of her untidy, tangled hair and ran it through his fingers.
“Well it doesn’t stand on end any more,” she said. “There are no ghosts here.”
“Hospitals are noisy places, even at night,” he said, but he’d loved that side of her, the part that could be scared by a strange noise. Watching a spooky film with her was great. She always used to snuggle up close to him and he’d put his arm around her and pull her close.
She said she felt safe in his arms. That had been such a good feeling. The best. Knowing that he could make someone as self-reliant and tough as Regan feel safe.
“Bram?”
“Sorry, what?”
“You were miles away,” she said and he saw it there, the warmth in her eyes that was so inviting. Like a log fire on a cold day, drawing him in. “I said would you like me to take the toy and balloon in to Georgie for you?”
“No,” he said. “But I would like you to wait here. Will you do that?”
She nodded. If she tried to stand up, she’d probably fall over. That’s how she looked.
“Is anyone with her? Parents?”
“No.”
The tut of disapproval was out before he could stop it and instantly that guarded look was back on her face.
He cleared his throat. “I expect it’s been a very long day for them,” he said. “It can’t have been easy. And then to find out what had happened to Jay must have brought it home even harder what could have happened. Probably best they’ve gone home. They’ll want to get the kids settled for the night on the ward anyway.”
Dangerous Love Page 7
