“Drink your coffee,” Craig ordered. “It should help the physical reactions.”
Or make them worse. James didn’t say the words out loud. He just sipped on his cooling latte.
Craig wasn’t a conversationalist and James didn’t know what to say, so they sat in silence for several minutes until his phone rang. From the ringtone he knew exactly who it was. “It’s him,” he murmured, staring at it.
“Want me to answer?”
It was a surprisingly nice thing to ask but James shook his head. “No. I need to do this.” He tightened a protective arm around Zippo and answered the call. “Hello, father.”
Kaliq cleared his throat. “James, what is going on? I have heard… things. Aren’t you at school?”
Shame went through him. He should have said something. “I finished my dissertation a few weeks ago. I got offered a job and took it.”
“I see. And what of the job your uncle gave you? He is expecting you in June.”
James swallowed convulsively. “I can’t take that job, father. I can’t.”
His father sighed. “I do not understand. Are you ashamed to be my son?”
“What? Why would I be ashamed?” James asked, confused.
“I have tried for years to get you to go to my home country, to see things as your birthright, but you refuse.”
“I can’t go there.”
“Do not believe the American view of Middle East,” Kaliq snapped. “They do not understand.”
“I think they do,” James snapped back. “I’m not even legal in your country.”
“What do you mean? You are half Saudi. Of course you are legal.”
“I’m gay.” As soon as the words rushed out of his mouth, he wished he could bite them back. At the same time, it was a relief to have said them.
Silence met his words.
“Did you hear me?” he asked, his voice going up. “I’m gay, Kaliq. Your son is a homosexual.”
He could hear his father muttering something under his breath on the other end of the line. “You are not,” he finally said.
“Yes, I am. I have been my entire life.”
“I should have…” Kaliq growled under his breath. “It is not right, James. To lust after another man. It is not right.”
As he said the last few words, Alec rushed into the room and he looked up into those warm hazel eyes. With one look, Alec made James feel something he hadn’t realized. Pain went through him a second later when Slate and a gorgeous man with a shaved head walked in. That was Alec’s former sub. Keb-something.
“It’s who I am,” he said numbly, feeling his heart break. How had he fallen in love only to know he was going to have to walk away? He’d fallen in love with Alec Rowland. But his family would never accept their relationship. It would be best to walk away and let Alec take care of Keb. It was more painful than knowing his father would disown him. It was more painful than knowing his mother most likely would once she found out. It would be more painful than anything he’d ever done, but he would do it. Sacrifice was something he understood and he was sure Keb would be far better for Alec than he ever could be.
“You cannot be my son,” Kaliq said. “Come. I know a man who can help you overcome this affliction, turn you into a good man. You can join Islam and go to Saudi where the family can set you up with a lovely submissive girl. This is much better than the path you are on, James. If you choose to stay what you are, we will not speak again.”
That was exactly what he’d expected. When Alec strode around the desk and lifted him and Zippo up, sat down, and sat them on his lap, he knew he couldn’t live that lie. Not anymore. “I don’t know what’s going to happen from here on out,” he said, forcing his voice to be calm. “But I’m not going to live a lie anymore. I’m gay, father. I always have been. I always will be. I’ve found a me I really like.” And people he adored. People he didn’t want to leave. Kendrick, Becca, Alice, Slate, Ryan, Mark—even Craig. But mostly there was Alec. How was he going to break things off with him? James brought sadness wherever he went. He would not bring Alec down.
“This is not over,” Kaliq snapped. The line went silent and James looked at it. The call had ended.
“I’ve been disowned,” he murmured. Strangely enough, that didn’t scare him. It felt life altering, but in a very good way. “My father won’t speak to me anymore.”
“Because you’re gay?” Keb asked quietly. James nodded. “That fucking sucks. My parents did the same thing to me. You deserve better.”
That wasn’t expected. The last thing he’d anticipated was for Keb to be nice to him. He was definitely better for Alec than James. Alec grasped his chin lightly and turned James to face him. He looked deep into James’s eyes and his narrowed. “What did I say about not being a martyr?” he practically growled.
James’s mouth dropped open. How had he known?
Alec cocked a brow. “Yes. I see the look, James. That look that says you’re going to step out of the way. Well, guess what? I won’t allow it. You’re mine…” There was a long pause and then a wicked grin crossed his face. “Pup. Got it?”
Pup? James blinked at the sudden rush of warmth that went from the top of his head down to his toes. Oh. He liked pup. “But I’m trouble,” he murmured.
Craig snorted. “Alec, this one is going to keep you on your toes.”
“Definitely,” Alec agreed, looking pleased. “Not a chance of ever getting bored.” His eyes hardened. “You’re done here.”
James looked at the clock. “But I haven’t worked much of this afternoon. I should get caught up.”
Craig barked a laugh and both Keb and Slate looked like they were trying not to laugh. “Boy,” Craig said, shaking his head. “Perhaps you haven’t figured this out yet. That man holding you is your Dom. You agreed to follow his word, correct?”
“Yes,” James agreed, but that didn’t change the facts.
“Well, you’re living in a fucking kink community. Every sub is subject to their Dom’s word. And you are too. You may work here for the community, but if your Dom says it’s time to go home and the work day is over? It’s time to go home. Get out of here.” He turned toward Keb. “Who’s this?”
“Keb will be working at the Faire,” Alec said. “He needs to be in a structured environment for a few months. Tomorrow I want to meet with Kendrick, you, Neil, Alice, and a few other Doms so we can agree on some stringent boundaries for him. He needs them.”
“Good to hear. Where’s he staying?”
“With me,” Slate said. “He can sleep on my couch.”
“He going to be okay without a Dom’s influence?” Craig crossed his arms over his chest and stared at Keb, whose eyes dropped to the ground. James would have peed his pants if Craig looked at him like that.
“Keb?” Alec said in a firm voice. “You’re in a pretty bad place. I’m not sure you should be without a Dom around.”
Craig grunted. “Good enough. Get going. I’m locking up after Alec gets his sub and the town mascot out of here. Then you two are going to get a roommate for the night. Me. Move it.”
James really didn’t think he should leave, but nobody seemed to care what he thought. Alec shut his computer down and put Zippo’s halter on. Next thing he knew, they were outside in the blistering cold. The night itself wasn’t cold, but the breeze bit clear through. He opened his coat and put Zippo inside to keep him warm and Alec led him to one of the small electric carts.
The drive back to Alec’s cabin was quiet and he shivered the whole way. Then again, he’d been shivering ever since Alec walked in earlier that afternoon. When they walked into Alec’s warm home, his shivers continued.
“Sit,” Alec said and pointed at the sofa. “Ass down and you won’t get up until I say so.”
Oh boy. James didn’t need an interpreter to tell him he was in trouble. Though he wasn’t sure which of his offenses was uppermost in Alec’s head. Trying to break things off, he supposed, though he still wasn’t sure why that would
bother him. It wasn’t like Alec loved him.
He sat down and removed his coat and Zippo’s halter. Zippo, warm and happy again, went to stand near the arm closest to the kitchen, his ears up as he listened to the whoosh of the coffee machine.
A few minutes later, Alec walked back in with a mug filled with hot cocoa. “Thought you could use this.” He put it in James’s hands. “Drink it.”
It was a good thing he liked chocolate because he wasn’t going to argue with that tone. They hadn’t discussed what punishments would be, but he knew he was going to get one. And he had no idea what to expect from it.
The cocoa was thick and warm and tasted wonderful. Once he started, he couldn’t stop drinking and the heat of it soaked into him. When the mug was empty, he turned it at an angle so Zippo could lick up the leftover marshmallow.
There were only so many things to do before he finally had to look into Alec’s eyes. He expected anger or disappointment. Instead, he was faced with that wonderful warmth those hazel eyes exuded so often. How could he defend himself against that? “I th-thought you’d do better with him than me,” he blurted out. Instantly he knew it was the wrong thing to say. But there was no way to take it back. As if his mouth had a mind of its own, it just kept going. “I don’t know anything about relationships or kink. I love this place, but I’m not good enough for you. Keb seems like a good guy. I’m sure he can serve you better than I can.” He paused but Alec still didn’t say anything. So he filled in the silence. “I’m a loser, Alec. Don’t you get it? Nobody ever wanted me and you’ll figure out why at some point and I’d rather get away now before I fall anymore in love with you than I already am.”
Warm lips attacked his and James melted into one of Alec’s hot, hard, passionate kisses that robbed him of all thought. When he needed to breathe, Alec pulled back, soft pants coming from his lips. “I told you I don’t allow martyrdom, James Kaden-Scott. You read the papers before you marked your limits, yes?” Confused, James nodded. Of course he’d read them. He’d read them several times. “Then do you remember that it is the Dom’s role to make the rules and the sub’s role to obey them?”
“Well, yes but—”
“Do you remember that it’s not the role of the submissive to tell the Dom how to feel, act, or behave?”
“Well, yes but—”
“And do you remember that I wanted to train you? That I wanted to be in a relationship with you? I chose that, James. Me. You telling me how I should feel or act? That bothers me and I don’t like it one fucking bit. But even worse? That you actually feel that way. Do you think I would waste my time on a loser?”
Heat flooded James’s face. He’d fucked up. “No, of course you wouldn’t. I—”
“Damn fucking right I wouldn’t.” Alec placed a finger in the middle of James’s chest and stared hard into his eyes. “Mark this, James. You’re worth it to me. I don’t fucking care how long it takes. I’m going to get you to believe that. You’re going to see what I see. And you’re going to walk around, proud as fuck, of the man you are.
“And don’t think I missed the part about you being in love with me.” His eyes twinkled and James felt a rush of emotions that were so complex he didn’t try to untangle them. But oh were they awash with hope. Alec leaned in and kissed him softly, his lips pulling out whimpers and moans that James could not have held in for anything. “I personally think that’s why you’re trying to back off, pup.”
He shivered at the word. “I love that,” he whispered against Alec’s lips.
“Pup?” James nodded. “Good. I think that’s what I’m going to call you from now on. My pup. Before we move on to the rest of the evening, we need to take care of what just happened.” His eyes were still kind, but they’d turned firm, making him shiver involuntarily. “That’s right. You tried to push me away. That’s not going to ride, James. As such, I’m going to make sure you remember this lesson the next time you try to turn martyr.” He stood up and picked up Zippo. “I’m going to put him in the bathroom, because he will definitely not understand what’s about to happen. By the time I come back down, I want you stripped and facing that corner. Understood?”
James managed to nod and for a moment, watched as Alec went upstairs. He was in so much fucking trouble. Slate had mentioned something about discipline zeroing out the scale. That his sins would basically be forgiven through it. As scared as he was about getting hurt in the long run, he trusted Alec not to harm him. When he heard the bathroom door shut, it kicked him into gear and he quickly undressed and went to stand in the corner next to the sword. It felt weird. What was he supposed to do there?
Alec’s feet on the stairs made him stiffen and he focused entirely on the sound as Alec came closer and closer.
“So tense,” Alec said. “Do you think I’ll harm you?”
“No. But I don’t know what to expect.”
“I know it’s new, but all you need to know is that I’m going to take care of you. James, I don’t believe in the ‘you’ve been bad so you’re going to be punished’ scenario. That’s all about the Dom. And yes, while it bothers me that you tried to push me away, this is not about me. This is about you. You’re hurting and you’re worried. This is going to take that away. Understand?”
“No.”
Alec chuckled. “You will. I’m going to spank you with my belt, James. As many times as I feel is enough for you to let go. So brace your hands against the wall and stand still. This will hurt,” he said firmly. “If it didn’t, it wouldn’t work.”
James could understand that, but he was not, in any way, ready for the first fall of Alec’s belt.
Chapter Twenty-Four
The sharp snap of his belt smacking against James’s skin filled the air along with the strong scent of leather. He had deliberately not hit hard, but he hadn’t tapped lightly either. James’s yipe was from surprise and he jerked his hips forward. Alec waited and after James took a couple breaths, he stepped back and took up a better stance with his upper body at an angle. “Good, pup.”
Even through James’s nerves, he could feel his pride. Alec wanted to smack the people who taught James that he wasn’t good enough as he was. The man was smart, funny, and hot as fucking hell. He loved so incredibly freely and passionately. Zippo was a testament to how grounded James was. If he wasn’t, Zippo would not have nearly the self-confidence he did. And that, Alec knew, was all on James. He had figured out how to be, even without his parents’ acceptance. He was a strong fucking man. And he was Alec’s.
Fierce pride filled him and he quickly landed another blow. A deep red flashed across James’s gorgeous olive-toned buttocks before disappearing again. Perfect. From James’s wince, he knew he could feel it, and yet it would take time to build up the heat that would stay in his pup’s head for the next few hours and be a mental reminder for a few days. Since he knew the intensity needed, he kept that strength and landed fall after fall of the leather, James’s ass going from olive to dusky pink to a deep red over the next fifteen minutes.
Small gasps and sharp breaths came from James and when those sounds turned to cries of pain, Alec stopped. He dropped his belt to the side and placed his hands on James’s shoulders. “Stand up.”
His pup was covered in sweat and he shook as he pushed back from the wall and turned toward Alec. Those gorgeous brown eyes were glassy with tears. “I’m sorry,” James whispered.
“Shh.” He yanked James into his arms and held him as he burst into tears. These were nothing like the tears born from terror when Bronick had tried to hurt Zippo. No. They were far more intense, his body jerking with the force of his sobs as he expunged the hurt built up over the last three decades. “You’re a good man, James,” he said every time the sobs started to slow down and they sent James into another torrent of them. Each time, he held him tighter, letting his man, his sub, his pup know he was there.
In all his years as a Dom, he’d never felt the pull so strongly. Perhaps it was the fact he’d decided he was ready
for a more permanent relationship. Perhaps it was the fact that James was just the right partner for him. All he knew was that James was his and he wasn’t going to let him go without a crowbar. When he felt James go a little boneless, he guided him to the floor. James stayed on his knees and wrapped his arms around Alec’s waist, burying his head in his abdomen.
Damn but he looked gorgeous on his knees.
He trailed his fingers through James’s hair. It was soft and full. Alec loved his hair. Actually there wasn’t a part of James he didn’t love. Well, perhaps his martyrdom. But strangely enough, that made Alec love him all the more.
“Tell me,” he said. “Tell me about the first time you remember having to give up something you really wanted because of someone else. Tell me,” he insisted when James didn’t speak.
“I was ten or so,” James whispered against his stomach. “There was a fair at school and I won a math competition. All the winners were supposed to go to the school that night to get their ribbons. One of my cousins had a sports thing that night. Mom told me it was more Christian to go to my cousin’s event than to be selfish and go to school for my ribbon. I wanted my ribbon but we went to the basketball game instead.”
Alec swore a litany of insults mentally toward James’s mother. Her own son was going to be lauded for his skills and she had forced him to go to a game? Bitch.
“What else?” he murmured, keeping his voice soft.
“I got into Harvard,” James whispered softly. “It was such an amazing accomplishment. But Kaliq has another son the same age. He was paying for our education and could only afford one Ivy League school.” He gulped. “He told me it was up to me as I was the eldest. That either I could take Harvard and force Ren to go to a local college, and he wanted to go to medical school, or I could go to the University of Connecticut, which is a really good school, and let Ren have the education that would take him the furthest in his career. After all,” he added with a mirthless laugh. “I was only a mathematician whereas Ren wanted to save lives.” There was a long silence before he added, “I found out later Ren had joined Islam. I think Kaliq had every intention of supporting the son that followed the path he’d set out.”
Making His Stand Page 14
