by Regan Ure
"Hi, Haven," he greeted with a smile as he walked to the bottom of my bed. "I'm Doctor Johnson."
He was tall and lean with short brown hair and brown eyes. He didn't look older than thirty.
"Hi," I mumbled softly. I couldn't help my immediate reaction. I struggled to relax around new people I didn't know, especially men.
He reached for a clipboard that I assumed had my patient file and had a look in it. I held my breath as I waited for him to speak.
"Relax," Damien whispered beside me. I released the breath I'd been holding as Damien gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.
"How are you feeling?" Dr. Johnson asked, putting the clipboard back at the bottom of my bed and coming to stand on the other side of the bed from Damien.
"Okay," I murmured, trying to keep my anxiety at bay. I knew what I was feeling was ridiculous because Damien was with me, and I knew that the doctor was here to help me and not hurt me. But years of abuse had unfortunately painted most men with the same brush as Grant. I couldn't stop the fear I felt.
"You're a very lucky girl," he commented. I knew he meant I was lucky I'd survived the attack, but the fact that I'd been abused for several long years didn't make me feel lucky at all.
"How is the pain?" he asked, with a concerned look.
“It’s manageable,” I replied. He looked at me with a little disbelief.
"I have you on a low dose of painkillers, so if you're in any pain I can give you more," he offered, his eyes still a bit wide with surprise.
"No, thank you."
I understood his surprised look. With the years and years of abuse, I'd built up a high pain tolerance.
"I just need to have a look at the wound to make sure it's healing," he informed me. He waited for me to nod my head.
"Do you want me to step out?" Damien asked.
I shook my head. I needed him with me.
The doctor examined the wound on my stomach. He could tell from my body language that I was nervous. The doctor lifted the gauze and studied it for a moment. It was still red and the cut was a couple of inches long, with five stitches holding the wound together. I still had to come to terms with the fact that I'd have the scar for life—it would be something to remind me of what I'd endured and what I'd survived.
"It looks like it's healing well," he told me as he covered the wound with the gauze.
"You still need to take it easy, but if everything goes well you should be out of here in a couple of days," the doctor said, giving me his verdict.
I only had a couple of days to decide what I was going to do.
"I'll see you at the same time tomorrow," Dr. Johnson informed me as he left the room with a smile.
"That's good news," Damien said.
"Yeah…"
I couldn't help the slight panic at the thought that everything was happening faster than I could deal with.
"What's wrong?" he asked when he saw my panicked expression.
"It's just everything seems to be happening so fast and I haven't had time to think about your parents' offer," I babbled, and as I said the words my panic began to grow.
Damien leaned over so that our eyes were at the same level.
"Everything will be fine," he assured me.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Haven
Damien popped out a couple of hours later for a few minutes when the nurse came in to change the dressing on my wound. I was surprised when he walked back in the room with a girly, pink and flowery vanity bag. It was early evening already.
"My mom went and got you some stuff," he said as he handed me the bag. “She wasn't sure what you preferred so she bought you two of everything she thought you’d need.”
I opened the bag. He wasn't kidding. I couldn't help but stare at the shampoos, conditioners and other toiletries. One body wash and body cream was vanilla fragranced, and the other set was rose fragranced. I felt the sting of tears as my bottom lip began to tremble slightly. I bit down hard on it to try and stop the emotional outburst that was about to take place. My eyes were still on the contents of the bag while I took a deep breath.
"Did she forget something?" he asked when he noticed I was still staring at the stuff in the bag.
"No," I croaked before swallowing my emotion back down.
"What's the matter?" he asked gently. His eyes were filled with concern.
"Nothing," I managed to whisper hoarsely.
“I can see something is wrong,” he said softly, looking a little confused.
"It's just… I'm not used to people doing such generous things," I explained with a shrug.
"It's how parents are supposed to be," he explained. "They're supposed to do thoughtful things like this because they love you."
Only in my distant memories had my mom been the mother that had loved and cared for me. He stood in front of me for a minute in silence.
“Sorry,” I mumbled when I felt the sting of tears.
"After everything you have been through, you're allowed to be emotional. It doesn't make you weak, it makes you human. Never think that you are weak. You've dealt with some seriously tough stuff and you never gave up. You’re the strongest person I know," he expressed. I felt a flutter in my heart.
I was speechless.
“Cry if you need to," he whispered, his face only inches from mine. He was so close that I felt his breath tickle my face.
My eyes flickered to his lips for a moment and then my eyes darted back to his. He leaned in a little closer as his eyes remained fixed on my lips. I felt the butterflies in my stomach start to flutter at the anticipation of his lips touching mine.
The door opened and the night nurse walked in. He pulled away and I averted my gaze. Our first near kiss evaporated into thin air.
"I'm going to get a soda," he told me, unable to look at me directly as he shifted nervously beside me. "Do you want one?"
"No," I mumbled, glad he was going to give me a few minutes to collect myself.
"I won't be long," he assured me before he walked out the door.
The night nurse walked over to me and checked my drip.
"How are you feeling?" she asked while she adjusted the drip, giving me a friendly smile.
"I'm okay," I murmured. I still felt very nervous around strangers, but women didn't instill the same fear that men did.
"How is the pain?" she asked.
"It's fine," I answered, fidgeting with my hands to contain my nervousness.
"Would you like something to help you sleep tonight?" she asked. They’d asked me the same question the previous evening and I'd declined.
I was about to decline again, but then I decided it might help me get a decent night's sleep and keep the nightmares about Grant away.
"Yes, please," I replied.
"I'll be back in a few minutes," she said before she left the room.
Another nurse brought in a tray of food and I began to eat.
Thoughts of Damien began to monopolize my thoughts. My fingers touched my lips when I thought about what had nearly happened a few minutes before.
There was no doubt about how I felt about Damien—I'd wanted him to kiss me. There was enough to deal with without trying to complicate my life further with a boy, but I couldn't help the way I felt when I was around him. I wasn't sure if I'd begun to have feelings for him only because he'd been my pillar of strength while everything else around me was falling apart. If it hadn't been for him giving me the phone, I would have died. He'd saved my life.
I suppressed a laugh when I thought about his surname. Knight. And just like a knight, he'd swooped in and saved the day. But I didn't believe in fairy tales anymore. Besides, Damien wasn't exactly the love-professing and commitment type who was going to give me the happy ending that I'd read about in fairy tales.
I knew his reputation with girls. Chris had warned me about him before, although I hadn't seen him with a girl since he'd broken it off with Angela.
But what really baffled me was that I couldn't understand why he'd nearl
y kissed me. Was I just a girl he wanted to use, and then move onto the next one? That thought hurt. Over the past few days I'd depended on him so much, and I wouldn't know what I'd have done without him to lean on. I couldn't lose him.
So I made up my mind. I'd ignore the brief temptation to kiss him and I'd keep him at arm’s length.
No girl wanted to be used and then discarded when they'd outgrown their use. But I could see why Damien had a line of girls waiting for the chance to have their go with him. Not only was he extremely good looking, he had a confidence about him that was attractive and hard to turn down.
That settled, my next decision to make was a major one. It was whether I should go stay with the Knights. It would be easy to just say yes to the Knights' offer, but I was scared. I trusted Damien, but I'd only met his dad once and I'd never met his mom. I was scared to take that leap of faith and trust again.
The thought of foster care did scare me. I'd heard a few horror stories. What if they were worse than Grant? I shuddered. It was hard to contemplate an evil worse than him.
At least I knew Damien and trusted him. I'd met his father, and he seemed nice and friendly. I couldn't help but wonder what his mom was like.
Damien walked back into my room with a soda. His eyes avoided mine when he sat down in the chair next to my bed. He seemed to feel like I did: slightly uncomfortable.
When the nurse walked back in with a cup of water and my sleeping pill, I wasted no time in swallowing it. She picked up the tray of food and left.
Sleep would give me a reprieve from having to deal with Damien and thinking about all the stuff I needed to do, and decisions I needed to make. And hopefully I would get a good night's sleep as well. I'd never taken a sleeping pill before. I must have had a low tolerance for it, because minutes later I could feel my body relax. My eyelids grew heavier, and I drifted into a deep sleep.
When I woke up, Damien was sleeping. He was seated in the chair next to the bed and his head lay next to my hand as I watched him sleep. He’d pretty much spent all of his time with me. He was missing school but I couldn't help but feel grateful that he was with me. He made me feel safe, and after everything that had happened I needed that.
I wondered if the police had caught Grant. If Grant was in police custody, I wouldn't be so dependent on Damien. It wasn't fair to him that I needed him so much. He barely had a life outside of me at the moment.
Besides, I wasn't sure how much more school his parents would allow him to miss to be with me.
The only time he would disappear for an hour or so was when he went home to shower and change and that usually coincided with the morning visit from the doctor. I was still nervous around my doctor, so I would request one of the nurses to stay with me while the doctor did what he needed to.
Dr Johnson didn't get offended; he seemed to understand my nervousness around him.
With my hand so close to Damien I had to resist the urge to touch his hair. After our near-kiss yesterday, I couldn't deny that what I felt for him was more than feelings of friendship.
When the nurse brought my food in a little later, Damien finally woke up. Even though he'd gotten some sleep, it was uncomfortable trying to sleep in a chair, and I was sure he wasn't getting enough of it. He looked tired.
"I need to go home and shower and change," he said as he stood up and ran a hand through his hair. Even first thing in the morning with his unruly hair he was gorgeous.
"Sure," I said, and nodded my head.
His phoned dinged with a message. He reached for his phone and read the message.
"My mom wants to come and visit you this morning during visiting hours," he told me, tucking his phone into the front pocket of his jeans.
I nodded my head. I'd met Steven, Damien's father, already, so it seemed to be a good idea to meet his mom as well.
His mom had been so thoughtful to send me the vanity bag full of toiletries. I wasn't too nervous about meeting her because from her actions I could tell she was a very thoughtful person. I was actually looking forward to meeting her.
Damien left while I eyed the tray of food the nurse had brought in for me.
It was scrambled eggs and toast, with yogurt and some orange juice. When asked whether I wanted coffee or tea, I settled on tea.
Most people would turn their noses up at the thought of hospital food, but when you'd gone hungry more times than you could count, you appreciated everything you got. It wasn't long after I'd finished breakfast when the doctor came in for his morning visit. The day nurse looking after me for the morning followed in behind him. I gave the doctor a small smile.
"How are you feeling this morning?" he asked as he surveyed my file.
"Good," I replied. I was feeling better, although I probably still looked terrible. Since the first time I'd looked at myself in the mirror and fallen apart, I hadn't been brave enough to do it again.
"We can take out the drip today," he instructed the nurse. I felt relieved that I would finally be able to walk around without having to drag the drip with me. It also meant that I would be able to bathe myself.
"Everything is looking good, Haven," he informed me as he closed my patient file and handed it to the nurse. "You should be able to go home tomorrow."
I should have been happy that I was getting out of hospital tomorrow, but I still hadn't made up my mind on where I was going to go. The information the doctor had just given me would push me to make a decision today. I couldn't procrastinate over it any longer.
He left with a smile as the nurse started to take my drip out. There was a bruise where the needle had pierced the skin on my wrist. It was only a small bruise compared to the other bruises still decorating the rest of my body.
When the door open about twenty minutes later, I expected to see Damien, but instead an older lady stepped into my room, giving me a tentative smile.
"Hi," she said softly as she stepped closer. In her hand she held a bag.
"Hi," I greeted her back. I was almost always nervous around new people, but I felt completely relaxed around her.
"I'm Amy, Damien's mom," she introduced herself. I already knew who she was. Although Damien looked just like his father in many ways, there were a few physical traits he'd inherited from his mom, like the shape of his eyes and his mouth.
She was beautiful, with shoulder-length blond hair and vibrant turquoise eyes. She was slender and looked to be slightly taller than me. She was dressed in a suit with matching pants. I remember Damien telling me she was a doctor. She walked to the bed and sat down in the chair beside me. I could see her studying the bruises on my face and I saw her lip tremble for a moment before she regained her composure.
"How are you feeling?" she asked, her voice steady.
"I'm better," I answered softly. Physically, I was recovering, but mentally I wasn't sure if I would ever recover.
"I didn't come to see you to pressure you into a decision," she told me as she placed the bag on the floor next to the chair. "I wanted to meet you. I know you probably think it's weird for strangers to offer to take you in, but I want you to know that we have your wellbeing at heart and the best of intentions," she explained nervously.
I wanted to reach out and place my hand over hers so that she wouldn't be nervous.
"When Damien first told me what had happened to you, I was so upset," she said. "Children are meant to be loved and cherished, not mentally and physically abused, no matter what the circumstances are. I want you to know that you deserve a safe and loving environment to grow up in. My husband and I would like to give you that. There are no strings attached.”
My bottom lip began to tremble at the impact of her words on me and a tear slid down my face.
"Oh, honey, I didn't mean to make you cry," she said softly as she reached for me and pulled me into a gentle hug. I didn't like to be touched and I was usually fussy over who I felt comfortable touching me, but it seemed to be different with Amy.
I felt totally relaxed with her, and when s
he touched me I didn't feel a need to pull away. For the first time in a while I felt what it should be like to be hugged by a mother.
My tears began to flow as I hugged her back.
My decision was made.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Haven
I pulled back from the hug with Amy and I looked up at her.
"I'd like to come and stay with you," I whispered, my face soaked with tears. I knew it was the right choice.
"I'll get Steven to start on the paperwork," she whispered hoarsely to me. I think they needed me as much as I needed them.
"I'd like to start decorating your room. Do you have a favorite color?" she asked.
I didn't really have a favorite.
“Anything is fine,” I replied. She didn't understand that I would be happy with just a safe home and a bed to sleep in. What they were offering was more than I thought I would ever have, and it was enough for me.
"Are you sure?" she asked as she tilted her to the side, watching me with her big, expressive eyes.
"Yes, you can make it whatever color you want," I answered.
"I will make sure it's beautiful," she assured me. "I brought you some stuff, I hope the sizes are right."
She placed a bag on the bed and I leaned closer as she opened it up. I was curious.
"I wasn't sure what you needed, so I got some of everything," she informed me as she began take some clothes out of the bag.
She'd bought me clothes.
"Thank you," I whispered hoarsely. I couldn't believe she'd been so kind to offer me a place to stay. She'd bought me toiletries and a vanity bag, and now here she was with a bag full of clothes.
It was something I hadn't even thought about because I'd been wearing hospital gowns. I swallowed hard to keep my emotions in check. If I cried again she would probably think I was losing it, or that I was a crybaby. I never cried and now I was so emotional because of her kindness.
"I brought you a couple of pajama outfits as well as a couple of tracksuits and some T-shirts, and I also got you some underwear and bras. Once you get out we will be able to go shopping for more stuff," she said as she took the clothes out the bag and set them down in front of me.
