I don’t even respond. I know that what he’s saying is perfectly rational. But I don’t have time to be rational; I just want Grace.
“He could have just lost his job? What about our jobs?” Tim demands. He’s new to this firm but came with me from our prior firm, so he’s one of the few who know my old reputation. “This was my number one concern when agreeing to this merger—that everyone here is a bunch of philandering playboys, but I thought you would leave your old ways in the past. You do know that you’re putting the rest of this firm at risk with what you’ve been up to, right?”
He’s staring at me angrily as he hurls the words. I’m hurt that he has such little faith in my ability to make decisions—I’ve fooled around before, but I’ve honestly not felt this way about any of them as I do for Grace—but, at the same time, I can understand where he’s coming from. He’s always been one to speak his mind and I can’t fault him for that.
“I know what I’ve been doing is stupid and we’re lucky that we haven’t landed ourselves in some sort of legal trouble,” I say, trying to placate them. “But there was just something about her. She seemed…”
“Different?” Tim says, annoyance in his voice. “She’s not like all the other women you’ve ever been with before?”
“Hey,” Asher says, obviously objecting to the mocking tone in Tim’s voice. “It does happen, you know.”
“No, I was going to say she seemed genuine,” I say, answering Tim while sighing deeply. But I give a nod of thanks to Asher for the backup. At least I’m among some people who know what I’m going through. “And I don’t know how it happened but I do know that I want to be with her.”
“I’m sure you thought that about all the other girls I’ve seen you out and about with,” Tim snaps at me.
I resist trying to roll my eyes at him. He’s just jealous.
“Not true at all,” I tell him. “I wouldn’t have done something so dangerous had I not thought it was the real thing.”
I can see Cameron slowing shaking his head, as if realizing I really mean it.
“You really shouldn’t be allowed to hire female assistants,” Steve says. “That rule they applied to Garrett before he hooked up with Carolina should have been more strictly enforced, and continued to be.”
“Hey!” Garrett objects. “That worked out just fine, thank you. Don’t be dragging me into this.”
“You all drag yourselves into this and your new partners too,” Tim tells him. To me, he says, “You need to get your act together, man.”
“You’re better off without her. Nothing good can come of this,” Steve says, and gets up from his seat. He turns off the projector we had been using for the meeting and unplugs it, gathering the small machine in his hands.
“You know, I don’t need a lecture right now. I need you guys to be on my side,” I say, getting up and gathering my stuff from the meeting. I no longer really wish to speak to them. I sit on the edge of the conference room table, defeated.
Tim also begins picking up his things from the meeting, but he remains silent, indicating that they have nothing else to say to me. He joins Steve by the door and then they stop and look back at me, their sneers showing they think I’m pathetic.
“We are on your side. You just don’t want to hear the truth,” Tim says and walks out of the room. Steve remains behind for a moment.
“Tim’s right. Maybe now you’ll learn not to mix business with pleasure,” Steve says, and he too, leaves without so much as a second glance.
One by one the other partners leave; some hadn’t said a word to me. But finally only Asher and Cameron are left—the two original founding partners and childhood friends.
“You know,” Asher says, putting a firm hand on my shoulder. “I’ve learned I’m not one to try to give advice about these things.”
“That’s for sure,” Cameron says, with a laugh. “We learned the hard way that when we fall for someone in this office, we fall hard, and not everyone understands. Hell, we didn’t even understand ourselves, after it happened to us.”
“That’s true,” Asher agrees. “At first, we were hard on our fellow partners for doing the same exact thing we had. We thought that even though it lasted for us, it would be different for them. But then we learned we know shit about any of this.”
“Yeah,” Cameron says, with a shrug. “We have good insurance, and hopefully we won’t be needing it. Hopefully you can get this sorted out, just like we did. We’ve decided to trust our partners to be able to do that, from now on.”
“Thanks, guys,” I tell them, relieved that not everyone hates me.
Suddenly, Madilyn pokes her head in through the door.
“Everything alright, honey? The meeting ended and everyone came out except for you guys…”
“Everything’s fine, my love,” Asher says, nodding at me and then walking over to Madilyn and putting his arm around her.
“They’re just in a hurry to get out of here because they have a big date tonight,” Cameron explains.
“Oh, hush,” Madilyn says, but she’s laughing.
“It’s true,” Asher confirms, smiling down at her. “Her mom is taking our baby to meet Santa Claus at the mall. It’s not every day we get time to ourselves. So I need to savor every second of it.”
“He doesn’t know what to do with himself when I’m not covered in baby puke or having to run off to sing a lullabye,” Madilyn says, obviously enjoying teasing him.
“That’s not true at all,” Asher says. “I know exactly what to do with myself, and with you too…”
“Get a room,” Cameron calls after them. “No, seriously, maybe ask Madilyn’s mom to keep the baby overnight, and book a hotel room. You guys obviously need some alone time, to get all of this pent up frustration out of your system.”
“Yeah, you’re desperately announcing your affection in public,” I chide them, but I’m smiling. My heart pulls at me, wishing I could be doing the same with Grace. If only she could see how much I care about her.
Fuck.
I care about her. That much is for sure. I hadn’t meant to fall in love, but I clearly have. And now I have to do something about it.
“Bye, Boyd,” Cameron tells me, as he follows Asher and Madilyn out the door. I still hadn’t gathered my stuff, too flustered by how horribly the talk had gone with my partners, so I start doing that now, all the while wondering how I can get Grace back, and what will happen if she doesn’t want that.
Soon, I’m left all alone with my thoughts, which can’t help but wander off to no place I want to be.
Chapter 19 – Grace
I spend the next several days alone in my room, only coming out for meals and to take long walks through the park across the street. Andrew and Colleen try to cheer me up, but nothing works. Nothing will placate my grief over losing Boyd. And although I was the one who made the choice—or rather, had to make the choice—to leave him, it doesn’t make the pain hurt any less. If anything, it makes it worse.
I’m quietly reading at my desk when I hear a knock at the door.
“Come in,” I say, placing the book face down on the desk and swiveling my chair towards the door.
Andrew opens the door slowly and takes in the room before he says anything. I wait patiently for him to start the conversation, although I know where it’s already going to go. Our conversations lately have been short and concise. It’s not like it used to be and I’m afraid that we’ll never get back what we once had.
“Let’s go for a walk. I’d like to talk to you,” Andrew says, walking into the room. He sits on the edge of my bed and looks at his hands. “I know things have been hard for you since quitting your job and I was hoping there was something I could do.”
“Andrew,” I say, looking away from him. I’m not really sure what to say to the man who forced me to make the hardest decision of my life. “There’s honestly nothing you can do. I just need some time.”
I swivel my chair away, my back turned to him, and
attempt to go back to reading my book.
“Please, Grace,” Andrew says, standing up and coming over to me. “I want you to be able to confide in me. Maybe talking about…Boyd with someone else will help you move on.” He gets up and walks over toward the door. “I’ll see you outside in ten minutes.”
I sit at my desk for several minutes, knowing that I don’t seem to have another choice. But maybe talking about Boyd with someone else will help me move on. I can’t just keep everything bottled up forever. I’ll never be able to let go if I’m trying desperately to hold on. I grab my tennis shoes and pull them on.
Plus, it’s not like I have anything better to do, I can’t help but remind myself. I feel I’ve given up my only chance of happiness in order to keep my foster parents happy.
Andrew waits for me on the porch, in full on athletic gear. I can already tell that this is going to be much more of a walk then I’m going to be able to handle. I’ve never been one to enjoy working out. In fact, I quite prefer the activity of wrapping a blanket around myself on the couch with my Kindle in hand.
The trail into the park behind our house is a long one. It winds deeper and deeper into the woods for what feels like an eternity. Andrew walks beside me in silence for several minutes, the miles sliding past us slowly.
“Grace…” Andrew begins but I cut him off. I stand in front of him, my hands on my hips in frustration.
“How do you know that what I feel for Boyd isn’t true love? How do you know?” I ask, not sure if I actually want an answer from Andrew.
“Grace,” Andrew says, stopping me in my tracks. “You’re young. You don’t know what you really want. Only God knows what’s best for you.”
“I don’t know if that’s true,” I say, knowing that what comes out of my mouth will only cause Andrew pain, but I can’t stop myself from saying it. “What’s so bad about knowing myself and knowing what I want?” I continue, sitting on a rock just alongside the trail. I lace my fingers together and take a deep breath. “I know that I want to be with Boyd.”
“Grace, don’t say such things,” Andrew says, sitting on a rock beside me.
“Why not?” I’ve never spoken to Andrew with such contempt before and yet I can’t keep the frustration out of my voice.
“Because he’s not right for you. God is working on His plan for you and you need to give Him time to do so. He’s even working on his plan for me and it’s taken me in a very unexpected direction.”
He moves closer to me and stares out into the trees.
“What are you talking about?” I ask, curious as to what Andrew’s really getting at. “What direction?”
“I believe that God is calling me to separate from Colleen.” He says it so matter-of-factly that I’m unsure if I hear him correctly.
“I’m sorry, what?” I turn towards him in shock, not believing what I’m hearing.
“I’m going to leave Colleen.”
“Why? And why would you think that God would want you to do that?”
I honestly cannot comprehend anything that’s happening at the moment.
“Sometimes you just have to take things in stride,” Andrew says, looking into my eyes. “Sometimes you just have to accept the fact that things change.”
He gives me a look that I’m unsure what to do with. It’s unlike any look Andrew has ever given me. It’s almost as if…
“I think we should head back to the house,” I say, standing up and brushing myself off. I no longer wish to have this conversation with Andrew. I don’t even want to think about where he’s going with it.
It makes me sick to think he could think that way about me. Had he just been waiting until the right time to tell me? Or had he only realized it now that I’m trying to move onto a life that’s not so dependent on him? Either way, it’s sick and I question his motives for everything now. This is not what I need, on top of everything else.
Boyd pops into my head and I wish desperately to be able to talk to him about what just transpired between Andrew and me. I begin walking down the path back towards the house. Andrew stands up a few moments after me and we walk back to the house in silence.
Chapter 20 – Grace
That following Sunday, I find myself at St. Benedict’s before anyone else has arrived for church. I walk through the empty pews in silence, waiting for someone or something to arrive. It takes several long minutes before the rest of the parishioners start trickling in.
“Good morning, Grace,” I hear my name and I turn around to find Colleen standing behind me. “You left early this morning.”
She smiles warmly at me and I can’t help but suddenly feel guilty. Even though I’ve done nothing wrong—not with Andrew, that is. At least I’m feeling guilty about something else besides hooking up with my boss, for once. Suddenly my supposed transgressions pale in light of how Andrew had been acting—what he had been insinuating.
“Morning, Colleen,” is all I say back to her, and she guides us along the slowly filling pews to our seats near the front. “I just felt like getting out of the house. It’s nice being here alone. It’s calming.”
“Yes, it is.” Colleen takes my hand as we sit down in the front pew. “I hear you and Andrew went for a walk last week. Did he help you see things clearly?”
“I…” I’m not sure where to start and I’m not sure if this is the appropriate place to discuss this. “He definitely helped me see something. He told me about how…”
“How things are with us?” Colleen doesn’t look at me but continues to stare straight ahead at the front of the church. The stained-glass windows shine in the early morning sunlight.
“So, it’s true?” I ask, not wanting to hear the answer.
“Yes, it’s true.” Colleen says, looking at me. She smiles at me again but it’s a creepy, eerie smile, and she lets go of my hand. “Andrew wanting to separate from me is nothing new. It’s just the first time you’re hearing about it. We always stay together, because it’s God’s will. There are some things we can’t change, even if we want to. And even if you don’t agree with everything that Andrew says, he does know what he’s talking about. He wants what’s best for you and that’s not for you to be with Boyd.”
“But…”
I can’t even fathom her words. How does this not bother her more? Why is she so blasé about it? I begin to realize they may have been living an entire façade right before my very eyes, and deceiving everyone else, too, pretending to be in some stable marriage when really it was very clearly falling apart if not completely shattered.
The two people I thought were my unshakable rocks are turning out to be more like glass that is quick to break. Nothing makes sense to me any more and I begin to wonder why I denied myself my own happiness just to try to please them. Suddenly, their need for constant control over me makes sense. They were focusing on my life so they didn’t have to focus on their own.
“There are no ‘but’s,’ Grace. If you don’t take our advice and leave Boyd behind for good, God won’t smile upon you. And most of all, you won’t be welcome in this church.” Colleen looks away from me and doesn’t say another word.
I’m so confused. How could she be calmly telling me about my own fate while not even seeming to care about her own? I can only surmise it must be some sort of bad coping mechanism.
The Pastor steps up to the pulpit, preparing to speak. He looks at me as if glad I’m there, but I don’t even try to pay attention this week. I’m beginning to wonder what I’m doing here at all. I’ve always liked volunteering at the mission but other than that, I’ve never truly felt at home, and now I know why. It wasn’t just about my mother and my own past, but it was also about Andrew and Colleen and the present life that all three of us have been sharing together for far too long.
Suddenly the decision I should have made earlier bombards me like a truck. But I can’t do anything about it at the moment. So for now, I hold my head high and look ahead.
Right now, it’s time to try to listen to a s
ermon, even though I feel I’ve been doing enough of that lately, from Andrew and Colleen. Later, it’ll be time to do what I should have done a long time ago. Hopefully, it’s not too late to fix my mistake.
Chapter 21 – Boyd
I find myself staring at my computer screen, unable to focus on the emails trickling into my inbox. I almost don’t even recall how I ended up at work this morning. The night before was nothing but restless sleep. Endless tossing and turning that lead to more hours staring at the ceiling then in actual sleep.
Grace constantly floats through my mind, my desire for her taking over everything I do. She’s like a fucking drug that I just can’t quit. And one that I don’t want to.
A knock at the door startles me and I shuffle things around to make it look like I hadn’t been sitting here doing nothing for the last hour.
“Come in,” I say, looking toward my computer and opening the first of many emails. It’s all nothing but nonsense from my employees about issues needing my help to resolve. They all seem to small in comparison to the weight around my fucking heart.
My new assistant, Oliver, walks in and gives me a nervous look. I can barely look at him. All I want is for this young man to be Grace. For her to walk into this office and tell me all the things I want and need to hear from her. All the things I should be telling her. And yet…
“Pardon me, Mr. Ashdown,” Oliver says, holding several folders in his hands. “Your 10 o’clock appointment is here.”
“Thank you, Oliver,” I say, sighing heavily. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
He closes the door after a quick glance back at me and I can’t help but pity the poor kid. He’s not going to have a very friendly boss if things keep going as they are.
Sitting in the meeting with my partners and a potential new client, I can’t keep my brain focused on anything but Grace. I know how important this meeting is and I know what it will do for the firm if we get this client on board. He has a large company that rivals Damien’s entities.
I know all of that and then some and yet I still can’t get Grace out of my mind. I manage to make it through the meeting somehow, and afterwards, without contributing much of anything to what anyone is saying, I leave and head back to my office. Oliver stops me in my tracks.
Loved by the LumberJacks_A MFMMMM Reverse Harem Romance Page 109
