Chapter Five
“Dad, are you sure about this?” Darcy asked as she and her father walked toward the barn.
“I’m supposed to start exercising just so long as I don’t overdo it. Yes, I’m sure.”
“I can teach Sean to ride.”
“I want to.” Her father gave her a hard look. “I haven’t been able to do much else for my only grandchild.”
Guilt, just as her father had intended, swamped her. She had allowed her own feelings to get in the way of Sean knowing his grandfather. She’d been wrong, and her father was making sure she knew that.
“So Joshua Markham is coming along. What’s going on there?”
Darcy stopped before they reached the barn where Joshua’s red truck was parked. “Nothing, Dad, and don’t imply there is.”
“Mighty defensive, if you ask me.”
She huffed and began walking again. “I’m not.” This was going to be a long morning if her father’s surly attitude was any indication.
“Mom.” Sean raced toward her. “Joshua is a beginner like me.”
Darcy caught sight of Joshua standing by his truck, dressed in jeans, boots and a short-sleeved plaid shirt, rubbing his thumb across the pads of his fingers. “I thought it was about time he learned to ride, since this is horse country. What do you think?”
“Yes. Are you gonna teach him while Grandpa works with me?”
Her son’s eagerness took hold of her, producing a smile. “I’m gonna try. That is, if he’s a quick learner.” She threw the man in question a glance and noticed him ambling over to them.
“What happens if I’m not a quick learner?” Joshua asked, ruffling Sean’s hair.
“It might be kinda fun to see how you handle a runaway horse.”
Sean giggled and turned his face up toward Joshua’s. “Mom’s just kidding. She has the patience of Job.”
“I may be testing that, Sean,” Joshua said, laughing.
“Are we all going to stand around jawing or are we gonna ride?”
“Grandpa, I’m ready.” Sean hurried after his grandfather, who was heading into the barn.
Darcy exhaled a huge breath while she watched her son and father disappear inside.
Joshua took her hand and held it between his. “Sean and Shamus will be fine.”
Darcy clenched her teeth, tension in every fiber of her being. “I’m not so sure.” She tugged her hand free, putting space between them.
“Don’t you know grandparents’ relationships with their grandchildren are different from parents’ with their children?”
A lump clogged her throat. She couldn’t speak for fear her emotions would pour out.
“Besides, you’re gonna have your hands full dealing with me. You’ve got to promise me before I get up on a horse that if it bolts you’ll rescue me.” Again he ran his thumb over and over his fingertips.
She moistened her throat. “But aren’t you the rescuer?”
“A horse, madam, isn’t a burning building.”
Darcy started for the entrance. “I’m so glad you clarified that for me. For a moment I was confused.”
His bark of laughter followed her into the barn. She found her father and Sean at the stall of a dark brown gelding—her son’s horse. Her father finished putting the saddle on, showing Sean every step. Then her father led Sea Wave over to the mounting block and tightened the cinch on the saddle before allowing Sean to get on.
“Just remember, if Sean can do this, so can you.”
“You certainly know how to motivate a guy.”
“I use every means I can to get the job done.” Darcy flipped her hand toward a stall at the other end of the barn. “That’s your horse for today. Put her saddle on.” She began walking away.
Joshua grabbed her arm. “Where do you think you’re going?” Panic laced his question.
“To get my mare.”
“I may not know much about riding, but I do know if you don’t get your saddle on securely, you will fall off the horse.”
“I know. But we learn so much better from our mistakes.”
He covered the area between them. “You’re enjoying this way too much.”
First she smiled, then she laughed. “Yes.”
Somehow he shrank the space between them, his breath fanning her cheek. “I’m glad. I don’t like seeing you upset. Remember we’re here to have fun. Now, show me how to put on the saddle.”
“First you flatter, then you demand. You have an unique way of getting what you want.”
“Is it working?”
Shaking her head, she stepped around him toward the stall where his horse was. She drew in several deep breaths to still the racing of her pulse. His nearness threatened her resolve to keep an emotional distance.
Darcy brought the gray mare out into the middle of the barn to demonstrate how to secure the saddle. She was aware of Joshua’s close scrutiny and her hands actually quivered. When he took the strap to tighten the girth, their fingers brushed and an electrical current zipped up her arm. She quickly moved back several paces, feeling the strong beat of her heart against her chest.
“Mom, look at me.”
At the sound of her son’s voice she whirled about. He was seated on Sea Wave, his posture correct, a wide grin on his face. He waved at her and she gave him a thumbs-up. While her father prepared his stallion to ride, Sean waited with the reins in his hands, watching everything his grandfather was doing.
Ten minutes later Darcy mounted her mare while Joshua surged into the saddle as though he had been doing it for years. He flashed her a grin. “I’m a quick study.”
“And I get the impression not much scares you, really.”
“After facing a wall of fire coming at me, you’re probably right.”
“What is it about men and doing risky things?”
“It’s my job.”
“That’s what my husband used to say—and his job killed him.”
“When it’s my time to leave here, then it’s my time. I can’t let fear govern my life or I wouldn’t be able to do my job.”
“There’s nothing wrong with a healthy dose of fear.” Darcy jerked her reins to the left and set her mare into a trot.
“I agree.” Joshua trailed after her, out into the sunshine. “It’s what makes me pause and check out a situation before tackling it. I don’t rush into a burning building without assessing it first.”
“That’s comforting to know.” Darcy clamped her lips together before she said anything else that would give away her growing feelings for the man riding beside her.
“Watch out, Darcy O’Brien, you might actually start to care.”
She shot him an exasperating look. “I care. You’re a friend and I prefer that nothing happens to a friend.”
“We can’t live forever. What’s important is what we do with our time on earth. I want no regrets when I die.”
“So you don’t have any regrets?” She pulled on the reins to halt her mare’s progress, allowing her father and Sean to ride ahead.
Joshua brought his horse up next to hers. “I didn’t say that. I have regrets. I’m just working on cutting them down, that’s all.”
“Your approach to life is a lot like my husband’s was. And look what happened to him.” Though their marriage hadn’t been a good one, she’d lived in fear every time he’d gone up in his fighter jet. He’d loved the rush and thrill of defying the laws of nature.
“Did your husband believe in God?” Joshua shaded his eyes with his hand, his gaze intent.
“My husband believed only in himself,” she said with all the bitterness that had built up in her over the years she’d been married.
“Then we aren’t alike at all. I put my faith and my life in God’s hands. That’s not to say I don’t believe in myself. I’ve been trained well to do what I do. There’s only a certain amount of our life we can control—for the rest we just have to have faith in the Lord that He knows best.”
“I wish I could f
eel that way.”
“Why can’t you?”
“Because I’m not sure I know who I am.” Darcy spurred her mare forward, needing to put an end to the conversation before she confessed the struggle she was going through to discover the woman left after Clay’s sudden death. Coming home had put her personal journey into a nosedive.
She caught up to her father and son on the trail to the creek as they headed into a grove of trees. There the cool breeze died, replaced by the cool shade. The scent of damp earth and pine vied with leather and horse. Several birds sang above her, while the sound of water rushing over rocks resonated through the woods.
This was her favorite place on the farm. When she was a little girl, she came here to think…or to cry. She almost hated the idea of coming here now with her father because this had been where she’d come to escape the stress of trying to be perfect for him.
Her emotions warring, she stopped near the stream and dismounted. “This place hasn’t changed,” she murmured, making a slow circle, taking in the tranquility that surrounded her. Physically at least…but spiritually it had changed. She wasn’t the same little girl who had fought every day for her father’s approval. That much she knew about herself. Somewhere along the line she’d given up. Hadn’t she?
“Beautiful.” Joshua came up next to her.
Sunlight shot through the openings in the tree canopy to flood the forest floor as though gold poured from the heavens to mingle with the browns and greens of earth. A merging of two worlds. Darcy wanted to dance in the streams of light, lift her face up and let them bathe her in warmth.
“Yes, it is,” she said.
A yellow butterfly, soaring on an air current, passed in front of her. She watched it disappear into the thick grove on the other side of the creek and wished she could follow.
“Did you see me, Joshua?” Sean ran up to him. “Grandpa says I’m a natural.”
Darcy’s gaze fastened onto her father, upstream, holding the reins of both horses. Weariness showed in the deepening lines about his mouth and eyes. “Dad, why don’t we sit and rest here for a while?”
He came alert. “I don’t need to rest.”
“You might not, but I do. I haven’t been here in years and would like to enjoy it for a while.”
Tension seemed to siphon from him, sagging his shoulders. “Fine. I’d forgotten this was your favorite place.”
“It was, Mom?” Sean asked.
Darcy nodded, her gaze still fixed on her father as he dropped the reins and eased down onto a large boulder near the creek. Seeing him wince brought words of caution to her mouth. She dug her teeth into her lower lip to keep them inside. Her father wouldn’t appreciate them.
“Are there fish in this stream?” Sean peered into the clear, cool water.
“Yes, but I don’t think there are any that you would want to eat. Most are too small.”
Joshua stretched his muscles. “Do you like to fish, Sean?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t gone fishing before.”
“Well, tell you what. I’ll take you one day and we’ll see. Sweetwater Lake is a great place to fish.”
“Can Mom come, too?”
“Sure.” Joshua flashed her a grin. “That is, if you want to. You’re welcome to come too, Shamus.”
Her father shook his head and waved his hand. “Never did like to sit still long enough to catch anything. Too impatient for fishing.”
Sean’s brow furrowed. “How long do you have to sit still? I don’t know if I can, either.”
Joshua’s wide shoulders rose in a shrug. “That depends on how the fish are biting. The place I’ll take you is a good fishing hole. Probably not too long.”
“Good. My teacher says I squirm too much in my desk.”
“I had that same problem, but I’ve managed to fish.” Joshua eased down onto the grass-covered ground next to Darcy and leaned back against a large oak.
Sean picked up some pebbles and tried to skip them. They plunked into the water, the sound slicing through the silence.
“It’s all in which pebbles you select, son.” Her father motioned for Sean to come to him, and he began to instruct her son in how to skip rocks.
Darcy listened to her father’s patient words and marveled at them. Thank you, Lord, for that.
“Your father’s good with Sean.” Joshua took a blade of grass and chewed on it.
“Yes.” The word came out bitter sounding, and she immediately regretted her tone. Her own relationship with her father shouldn’t color her son’s.
“But he wasn’t with you?”
“I can count on one hand the number of times he was patient with me when showing me something.”
“Maybe he’s changed. Mellowed out.”
“Maybe,” she said with all the cynicism she had developed over the years in regard to her father.
“Was that why you stayed away all these years?”
She clenched and unclenched her hands. “Yes. I only had so much emotional energy.” And I’d used it all up trying to keep my marriage together, she added silently. “I know I shouldn’t have stayed away. I won’t again. I’m stronger now. I can deal with my father for a few weeks a year.”
“That’s good. Sean’s connecting with his grandfather.”
Darcy’s gaze found her son standing next to her father, intent on what Shamus was saying. Sean picked up a pebble, examined it and tossed it back. Selecting another one, he tried it. The flat stone skipped two times across the stream.
“Way to go, Sean.” Her father patted her son on the back. “You’re gonna be a pro in no time.”
“You think, Grandpa?”
“Sure.”
Darcy turned away, her throat tight. Feeling vulnerable and guilty made each breath she took difficult. The constriction in her throat spread to encompass her chest. Sean’s laughter echoed through the woods. With her eyes squeezed closed, she listened to the two men in her life and wished she felt connected.
Joshua laid his hand over hers. Her eyes snapped open and she looked into his.
“Ten years can make a difference, Darcy. Talk to your father. Let him know how you feel, especially about the past.”
“How do you tell someone you love that you don’t want to be around them?” Her question took even her by surprise.
“When I have a particularly difficult problem, I pray for guidance. You aren’t alone. You have me. You have God—”
“Ready to head back?” Her father approached with his arm about Sean.
Darcy swallowed once, then twice before she thought she could answer. “Yes. There are still a lot of chores that need to be done.”
“And a puppy to pick up,” Sean said, snatching his reins.
“Here, I’ll give you a leg up.” Joshua pushed himself to his feet, a groan escaping his lips. “I don’t think I should have sat down. That was a big mistake. My muscles are protesting.”
“If you aren’t used to riding, that certainly can happen.” Darcy took her reins and grabbed hold of her saddle to hoist herself up.
Joshua rolled his eyes, his first few steps toward Sean rigid. “Now you tell me.”
“You just have to work the stiffness out, Joshua.” Her father mounted his stallion and waited.
Sean vaulted into his saddle with Joshua’s help. “Can we go faster on the way back to the barn?”
“Sure, once we hit the meadow—” her father paused and threw her a glance “—that is, if it’s okay with your mom.”
Shocked that he’d asked her opinion, Darcy nodded. While Sean and her father headed back through the woods toward the pasture, she watched Joshua pull himself into his saddle, a grimace on his face.
“Are you that sore?”
“Afraid so. I keep in shape, but obviously a whole different set of muscles is involved in riding.” He stared after the disappearing pair. “Do me a favor?”
“What?”
“Let’s take it slow and easy.”
Darcy suppress
ed her laugh. “I can handle that.”
But could she handle a man like Joshua? Each day she was around him she grew to like and care about him more and more. Against her nature she was finding herself confiding in him, which should be setting off alarm bells in her mind. But it felt so natural and right…. We’re just friends, she thought—and was afraid she was lying to herself.
“Come in. Crystal has been so excited since you called.” Tanya Bolton stepped to the side to allow Darcy and Sean into her house.
Sean cradled his new puppy to his chest. “At church Wednesday night Crystal told me she loved dogs. I wanted to show her my new one.”
“She’s back in the den. Why don’t you take your puppy back there and show her?” Tanya pointed toward the hallway. “While he’s doing that, would you like something to drink? I have sodas, iced tea, water?” She walked through the dining room into the kitchen.
“Water is fine.” Darcy noticed the stack of dirty dishes in the sink and some pots with dried food in them left on the stove. Two houseplants on the windowsill over the sink were wilting and turning brown.
After pouring some iced water from a pitcher in the refrigerator, Tanya indicated a chair at her oak table in front of a large picture window that offered a view of the small backyard.
“Since the accident Crystal hasn’t had too many of her friends over. We’ve been pretty tied up and haven’t even had a chance to go to church until a few weeks ago.”
“Sean said Crystal is in his summer Sunday school class that Joshua teaches for the upper elementary grades.”
“She’ll graduate to the next level next summer. She starts the sixth grade next fall—that is, if she goes to school.”
Darcy lifted the glass to her lips, the cool liquid sliding down her dry throat. “Why wouldn’t she?”
“Tom doesn’t want her to go to school now that she’s in a wheelchair.” Tanya dropped her gaze to her hand that held the drink. “In fact, he isn’t too happy that I’m taking her to church. He wants—” She looked at Darcy, tears in her eyes. “He thinks she’s better off being home-schooled and staying here. I won’t hide my daughter. I can’t—” Tanya cleared her throat and took a large gulp of water. “I don’t know what to do.”
Gold in the Fire and Light in the Storm Page 7
