A nerve in the man’s jaw twitched. “How does it look to you?”
“You’re not doing too well.”
“I guess we can’t say you’re blind, Reverend.”
“What happened?” Samuel indicated the cuts on Tom’s face.
“I walked into a brick wall. An occupational hazard in here.”
“Have you reported—” Samuel glanced at the guard “—the brick wall?”
Tom shrugged, all expression shutting down completely.
“Is there anything you want me to do? Maybe I can talk to someone for you.”
Again another shrug.
“I will pray for you.”
“Suit yourself. It won’t help, reverend. Nothing does.”
The man’s words held no hope, and the expression in his eyes was weary as though he didn’t care anymore about anything.
“Perhaps we can pray now.”
“I stopped praying the day Crystal fell from the horse. What good is praying to a God who allows your baby to be hurt?”
Hearing Tom’s anger, which mirrored his own at one time, made Samuel wince. Was that how he had sounded after Ruth died? He was ashamed of those feelings now. No good came of them except to throw his family, his life, into chaos. He wanted to help Tom see that.
“You have a beautiful daughter who is full of life. She isn’t letting the fact she’s in a wheelchair slow her down. She’s—”
“Stop right there, Reverend, or this meeting is over. I won’t listen to you talk about God and His grand plan that somehow involves my daughter being crippled. So if that’s all you came to talk about, then I guess you wasted your time.”
“No, that’s not all,” Samuel murmured, staring at Tom’s closed expression. The silence lengthened into a long moment while Samuel tried to decide how to approach Tom about the divorce. He couldn’t think of any way but straightforward. “Tanya doesn’t want a divorce.”
Tom blinked rapidly several times, then that blank look reappeared. “That’s too bad, because I do.”
“Will you at least see her and talk to her about it?”
Tanya’s husband shook his head. “No use in wasting either one’s time.”
“She doesn’t feel it’s a waste.”
“Too bad.” Tom scraped the chair back and rose. “You’ve wasted enough of my valuable time. I have to get back to work.”
The almost monotone quality to his voice sent chills down Samuel’s spine. Desperation made him ask, “Don’t you want to know how your family is doing?”
Tom closed his eyes for a few seconds, then opened them and looked right at Samuel, no expression whatsoever on his face. “They’re better off without me. Now, if you’ll excuse me.”
Tom was at the door when Samuel said, “Your daughter misses you.”
The man’s back stiffened, but he didn’t turn around or say anything to Samuel’s last remark. When the guard and Tom left, Samuel scanned the bleak decor. It mirrored his feelings. He made his way out of the room and toward the guard at the end of the hall. The only result of this meeting with Tom was that he needed to prepare Tanya for the worst.
Lord, help me to be there for her in her time of need. Guide me in what I need to say to help her through this. And please be with Tom. He has lost all hope and needs it—and You—more than anyone.
Beth paused on the stone path, hesitant to go any farther into the Garden of Serenity. Samuel sat on a wooden bench near the pond with his head bent, his hands clasped together and his elbows resting on his thighs. He was a man lost in prayer.
She’d started to leave when he raised his head and peered at her. No, he was simply a man lost. His dejected expression ripped through her composure and sent her forward, her only thought to comfort. “What’s wrong?”
The haunted look in his eyes shifted as though he was trying to mask it but was not quite able to. “I went to see Tom in prison.”
Beth settled next to him on the bench. “I know. Tanya mentioned it earlier today at Alice’s Café.”
“Yeah. I forgot about your meeting with the others.” He scanned the area as if he finally realized they were sitting in the middle of the church garden. “How did you find me?”
“Jane said you headed over to the church when you returned from your trip. I saw you as I was heading into the building to find you.” With only a few inches separating them, she felt tension emanating from him and her concern grew. “What happened with Tom? Will he see Tanya?”
“No. He is adamant about that—and the divorce.” Samuel took hold of her hand and gripped it. “I couldn’t help him, Beth. I tried, but he wouldn’t listen. He has turned away from the Lord.”
Even though Samuel’s clasp was tight, what unnerved her about his touch was its intensity, its desperation. “Sometimes there’s nothing we can do to make a person listen to reason. You can’t make a person believe in God’s purpose.”
“I have no business being a minister. I can’t help my parishioners. I can’t help my family. I can’t help myself.”
Beth sucked in a deep breath and held it until her lungs felt on fire. Such despair wrenched her heart, constricting it into a painful lump that seemed to barely beat in her chest. She covered their clasped hands with her other one and angled her body so she faced him. “Where in the world has that idea come from?”
His darkened gaze shifted to hers. “Take a good look around you.”
Her throat closed around the words she wanted to say. She swallowed several times before she felt she could talk above the barest whisper. “I have. Today I sat with Tanya and listened to her sing your praises for the help you have given her through this difficult time. That doesn’t sound like a person who hasn’t been able to help someone. You can’t help everyone. I’ve learned that the hard way as a teacher. You try your best and hope you can, but it doesn’t always work.”
“When I came to Sweetwater, I felt this was my last chance to prove myself as a minister.”
She hadn’t thought it possible, but his eyes became even darker, as though turmoil churned in their depths. “Last chance? You had a good record as a minister.”
“Not since my wife’s death. I guess you could call what has happened to me a crisis of faith. So how can a minister who is questioning God’s purpose in his own life help others see God’s purpose?”
“When my mother died, I was angry at God for taking her away and leaving me with three siblings to raise. I didn’t know how I was going to make it. Raise them. Finish college. Have a life. We all have times in our lives when we wonder about the plans God has for us, even reject the direction He wants us to go. Just because you are a minister doesn’t mean you’re immune to doubts or questions concerning your faith.”
“But Tom still won’t see Tanya. He’s still proceeding with the divorce.”
“And we’ll be there for Tanya. We can’t control Tom’s actions, but we can help Tanya deal with them.”
He released a deep breath through pursed lips.
“You must keep talking to God. He’s there. He’s listening. Always,” she added.
“I’m trying.”
“That’s all you can do. Try your best. As far as your family goes, your children adore you. Yes, Jane is rebelling, but that’s typical of a teenager. I’ve seen some growth over the past few months, mainly because she knows you’ll love her no matter what. That’s powerful stuff when you’re dealing with raging hormones.”
Samuel smiled, one corner of his mouth lifting. “I guess you should know, since you’ve raised three teenagers and dealt with hundreds on a daily basis.”
“Yes, the teacher knows best.”
He chuckled. “I thought that was the father knows best.”
“As my students say, whatever.”
Samuel straightened, removing his hand from hers. “Did you need me for something?”
For a few seconds Beth battled disappointment that they were not holding hands any longer. Then she thought of the danger in that and pushed her
conflicting feelings to the back of her mind. “We were planning Crystal’s birthday party in a few weeks and wanted it to be a surprise for her. Do you think we could use the rec hall for the party? Her birthday is on a Wednesday and she has youth choir practice that evening.”
“That’s a wonderful idea. We can have the party after the practice.”
“That was what I was hoping you would say.”
“What can I do to help?”
“Nothing. Tanya, Jesse, Darcy, Zoey and I have it all planned. We’ll just need your presence.”
“You’ve got that.” Samuel rose and offered his hand to help her to her feet. When she stood, he moved back a step and said, “Now, about that date we discussed going on. How about going to the movies? Maybe next Saturday night?”
Date. There was that word again. “That sounds fine.” That sounds dangerous, an inner voice taunted. “Why don’t you come over for dinner at my house beforehand?”
“We can go out. I don’t want you to go to any trouble.”
“I know we could go out, but I like to cook and I would like to cook for you.” What in the world had she just admitted to him? The ground she was standing on seemed to tremble.
His smile this time was full-fledged. “Then I can’t say no. What time?”
“Let’s say seven. We can go to the later movie.”
“You’ve got yourself a date.”
That was what she was afraid of, she thought, staring at his heart-melting look, the dimple in his left cheek. If she stayed any longer, she would end up a pool of liquid at his feet. She backed away.
“I’d better go. Even though I’m officially on spring break, I have tons of papers to grade. The exciting life of an English teacher.” She heard herself rambling and winced inwardly.
She spun about to leave.
“Beth.”
His voice called back to her. She glanced over her shoulder, steeling herself.
“Thanks for everything.”
Her resolve not to fall for him was fast crumbling about her. “You’re welcome. You would do the same for me.” She hurried away before she decided to stay…Something she knew was dangerous.
“Would you like to come inside for a cup of decaf coffee?” Beth asked as Samuel escorted her to her front porch Saturday night after the movie.
He took her key from her and inserted it into her lock, then opened the door. “That sounds like a nice way to end this evening. Besides, I want to help you clean up the dishes from the dinner.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I know. But I want to.”
“You’re a keeper. A man who wants to do dishes.”
“And I do windows, too.”
“How about bathrooms? That’s the room I hate to clean the most.” Inside her house Beth shut the front door and slipped out of her heavy sweater, draping it over a chair in the foyer.
“I can’t say I’m too fond of doing the bathroom either, especially after the children use it. Thankfully Aunt Mae takes care of the housework. She has managed to get my children to help, which was something I wasn’t very successful at.”
“I have to admit I found it easier to do the work than plead with and prod my brothers and sister into doing their chores.” She walked through the living room and dining room into the kitchen, heading for the coffeemaker. “Have a seat. This shouldn’t take long.”
“What about those dishes?”
“They can wait a little while longer.”
“You won’t get an argument out of me. What did you think of the movie?”
Beth filled the glass carafe with water and poured it into the coffee machine, then switched it on. “I liked it. It was light and funny. I wasn’t in the mood for anything heavy this evening. It’s nice to see two older people falling in love. So many movies are about young people, as though anyone over forty doesn’t have a love life.”
“I think Jane feels that way about anyone over thirty. By the way, speaking of my oldest daughter, thank you.”
“What for?”
“We got her report card right after spring break and she passed all her subjects. I don’t think that would have happened if you hadn’t intervened.”
Beth sat across from Samuel at her kitchen table. “This next nine weeks will be even better. I haven’t quite convinced her to use the resource room, but I’m making headway. Hopefully by the end of the semester she will use it for the end-of-semester tests. I think it will help her to take them in a quiet environment with few distractions.”
He leaned forward, clasping her hand. “What am I going to do without you next year? What’s Jane going to do?”
Beth’s heart thudded in her chest, its beating thundering against her eardrums. “You two will be fine.” A sadness at the thought of leaving her hometown encased Beth in an icy shroud. She shivered.
“Cold?”
“No—yes. Truthfully, I am a little afraid of striking out on my own. I’ve never been very adventurous and I certainly haven’t had a chance to travel much. I’ve only been to a few places, the farthest being Chicago, which isn’t that far. I haven’t been able to learn much of the language. What if I can’t and no one understands me?”
He squeezed her hand, a gleam twinkling in his eyes. “You’ll do just fine. Gesturing and body language can go a long way until you get the hang of Portuguese. I have confidence in you. You can do anything you set your mind to.”
The scent of coffee brewing saturated the kitchen, adding an extra warmth to the atmosphere between them. Beth relaxed against the back of the chair, listening for the dripping to stop. “You sure know how to make a woman feel special.”
“That’s easy. You are special.”
In that moment she felt very feminine and even pretty with Samuel’s gaze trained on her, his total attention focused on her as though she was the only woman alive for him. How could a woman not feel special under those circumstances? How was she going to walk away from such a wonderful man, who made her experience things she never had?
The coffee finished perking, and Beth rose to withdraw two mugs from the cabinet above the machine. After pouring the dark brew into the cups, she asked, “Milk? Sugar?”
“Three heaping spoonfuls of sugar, please.”
Surprise widened her eyes. “I can just give you the bowl of sugar and you can have it straight.”
“In the army some of the coffee I had to drink was so bad that I’m not sure it was really coffee. I had to do something to make it drinkable. Now I can’t have coffee without lots of sugar.”
“I have my coffee blended for me. It’s a shame you have to mask its rich flavor with sugar.”
“Okay. Two spoonfuls. I can compromise when I have to.”
Beth added the sugar to his mug, then brought it over to the table and set it in front of him. She sat catercorner to him and took a tentative sip of her coffee. She loved this blend with a hint of vanilla in it.
Samuel curled his fingers around the handle and drank his doctored brew. “Mmm. This is good. We could have used you in the army.”
“Maybe before I leave I can wean you off so much sugar in your coffee.”
A cloud descended over his expression. “Anything is possible. How’s Crystal’s birthday party coming along?”
“Great. Everything’s in place. Planning this has really helped Tanya take her mind off the divorce. That and your help.”
“My help?”
“Don’t play innocent with me. Tanya’s told me about the couple of times you’ve stopped by her house to check up on her and talk to her. Your counseling means a lot to her. She’s gone through a great deal in the past few years.”
“She’s lucky to have friends like you.”
“I’ve seen Craig paying a lot of attention to Crystal during Sunday-school class lately. I think he likes her.”
“He called someone last night and had a fit when Allie tried to listen. I got the feeling he was talking to a girl. Maybe it was Crystal or Susie.”
“It’s spring. Love is in the air.”
“Is that it?” Merriment flashed in his gaze as it locked with hers. “She’s an older woman. Do you think that could work?”
“Possibly,” Beth answered, thinking of the few years’ age difference between her and Samuel.
Silence stretched between them—visually connected but separated by a table. His look dropped to her mouth and her lips tingled. Cradling the mug between her hands, she sipped her coffee, her gaze on Samuel the whole time.
He reached across the table and took her mug, putting it down. Then he feathered his finger along her jawline before tracing the outline of her mouth. She inhaled a sharp breath. The roughened texture of his fingertip sent chills down her body.
“I don’t know how you ever thought of yourself as plain. You aren’t plain at all.”
His words washed over her, making her care even more for this man sitting in her kitchen as though he belonged there. “With you I never have.”
“Good.” His hand delved into the curls of her hair and cupped the back of her head.
Tension coiled in her stomach. She was falling in love with a man who still loved his deceased wife, who wasn’t over her death.
Samuel rose and drew her to her feet, his hand still in her hair. He moved so close she was sure he could feel and hear her heart pounding. His scent surrounded her as though wrapping her in a protective cocoon. He tilted her head and angled his, slanting his lips over hers.
His kiss rocked her to her core. She felt as if she were floating in the air, her heart soaring. It wouldn’t take much to want to center her whole life around this man.
Panic began to eat at her composure. How could she fall in love now of all times? Samuel Morgan, and especially his family of three children, did not fit into her plans for the future—plans she’d had for years.
Chapter Eight
Beth stiffened in his arms. Samuel pulled away, dazed by the reaction that had taken hold of him when his mouth had covered hers. He felt as though he had come home. That wasn’t possible. Quickly he stepped back, dropping his arms to his sides. Guilt began to gnaw at his insides. How could he forget Ruth so easily? He shouldn’t have kissed Beth. They were only friends.
Gold in the Fire and Light in the Storm Page 29
