She screwed her face into a puzzled expression. “Are you all right?”
He nodded. “Better than I realized I would be.”
Her frown deepened. “What do you mean?”
He held up his left hand. “I took off my wedding band.”
Her eyes grew round. She sat up. “You did? Why?”
He strode to the chair and sat, placing his hands on his thighs, his fingers spread wide. “Because it was time. I was living in the past. That isn’t good for me or my family.”
“Sometimes telling ourselves what is good for us and really feeling that way are two different things.”
“In my case, it isn’t.”
“We haven’t talked about me having breast cancer. We’ve avoided the subject.”
“And you don’t want to avoid it any longer?”
“I think we need to talk about it. I know what your wife’s illness did to you. I don’t want to be the cause of any more pain for you.”
Samuel leaned forward, sandwiching her hand between his. “I’m working on it. God and I have had some long talks lately.” He hiked one corner of his mouth up. “I may not always see the big picture, but I’m trying. My main concern right now, Beth, is making sure you get back on your feet.”
“If your aunt has any say, that may not be anytime soon.”
“She loves to pamper, to do for others. Kinda reminds me of you.”
Sadness entered Beth’s expression. “I won’t be able to go to Brazil in a few weeks like I had planned. The doctor said my recovery would be at least two and a half, three months.” She slipped her hand free, plucking at the sheet. “I’ll have to call the Christian Mission Institute to explain what happened. I hate letting anyone down.”
“Most of all you?”
Her eyes gleamed with unshed tears. “I wanted to go. I have my passport. I’d bought some clothes for the jungle. I can’t say my Portuguese was too great, but I am sure once I got there it would have improved. Now none of that makes any difference.”
“Why do you say that? You could always leave later.”
“The institute will have filled that position. They’ll need someone to take my place.”
“There are other positions, other groups.”
Entwining the sheet about her hand, Beth shrugged. “I guess.” When she brought her head up and looked him straight in the eye, she asked, “Do you think God is telling me I shouldn’t leave Sweetwater?”
“That’s something you have to work out with Him. I’m discovering He brought me to this town for a reason. Maybe it is to help Tanya or someone else. But the longer I am here, I know it in my heart.” He patted his chest.
“How’s Tanya really doing? I can tell something is wrong, but she wouldn’t say what when she visited me that last time in the hospital.”
“She received her divorce papers two days ago. She came to see me right after that. We prayed together.”
“She should have said something to me.”
“She didn’t want to burden you.”
She winced. “There’s a lot of that going around.”
“Then you understand her silence?”
“Yes.” Beth straightened and reached for the phone. “But she isn’t a burden. When will she realize that?” She punched in Tanya’s number and waited for a good minute before hanging up. “No one’s there. I’ll call her later to check on her.”
“I forgot. She’s probably out at the farm. Crystal’s riding again, with Darcy’s help.”
“Tanya agreed to that?”
“Crystal has been asking and asking for the past few months. Darcy has made sure that Crystal has the gentlest mare to ride.”
“I have heard riding is good therapy.”
“Conquering one’s fears is important, too.”
“Whose? Tanya’s or Crystal’s?”
“I think a little of both. The first time Crystal rode, Darcy told me she was white as a sheet and scared. She clenched the reins and hardly relaxed for the first twenty minutes. But by the end of the lesson she was laughing. This is the second time.” He shifted in his chair. “We can learn something from Crystal.”
“To meet our demons head-on?”
“Yep—she’s quite a special young lady.”
Beth blew out a long breath that lifted her bangs. “I’m out of commission for less than a week and look what happens. You know more about my friends and their lives than I do. Darcy didn’t say a word.”
“That’s because the first lesson was yesterday evening.”
“And they’re out there again today?”
“Crystal got up this morning and insisted she go back this afternoon. Tanya couldn’t say no and neither could Darcy.”
She twisted her mouth into a frown. “What are they doing? Calling you every hour to give you updates?”
“Actually one of your group of friends does practically call me every hour to see how you’re doing. I just ask them some questions to find out what’s going on, so if you want to know I can tell you.”
A smile graced her mouth. “I have some nice friends.”
“Yes, you do, which says something about you.”
Pink tinged her cheeks, adding some color to her pale features. She averted her face while stretching to grasp the mug. Fighting a yawn, she took a sip. “Even lukewarm this is good, and I need some caffeine if I want to stay up for dinner.”
Standing, Samuel reached for her coffee and took it from her. “Take another nap. I’ll bring you a tray when you’re rested.”
“But I don’t want to be—”
“Don’t, Beth. The best medicine for you is sleep. Aunt Mae’s dinner can be heated up when you’re ready to eat. I’ll check back later.”
She hid a yawn behind her hand. “I don’t take naps, and certainly not two in one day.”
“Then this is a good time to start the practice.” He strode toward the door, opened it and glanced back to see Beth snuggle down under the covers.
He fought the urge to go back and tuck her in, as though that action would keep her safe. Her health was in the hands of the Lord now. God had brought Beth into his life for a reason. He needed to practice patience and see what the Lord had planned.
Allie clapped her hands. “I won! I won! Again!”
“You’re one lucky girl,” Beth said, shuffling the deck of cards.
“Can we play another game of war?”
“No, you can’t, young lady. It’s time for bed.” Samuel entered the den and set a mug down next to Beth on the coaster on the coffee table.
She looked into it and frowned. “Milk?”
He stood next to his youngest. “You said you had a hard time falling asleep last night, so I thought this might help you. I hear warm milk is good right before bedtime.”
Allie cocked her head to the side. “It’s your bedtime, too?”
Tired, Beth nodded. “I didn’t take as many naps today as yesterday and I think I’ll have no problem sleeping tonight.” She grinned. “Now I know why I don’t take naps. Then I don’t toss and turn during the night.”
There was no way she was going to tell either Samuel or his daughter that the main reason she didn’t sleep well was her dream, centered around the man standing not two feet from her. It wasn’t every day she discovered she was in love. Even though he had taken off his wedding ring several days ago, that didn’t mean he loved her. And even if he did, she wasn’t looking for a ready-made family. She’d raised one already.
“Daddy, I want some warm milk.” Allie scooted back onto the navy-and-tan couch. “I don’t want to toss and turn.”
He narrowed his gaze on his daughter. “You don’t toss and turn. You sleep like a log.”
Allie lifted her chin and crossed her arms. “But I might start tonight.”
Beth chuckled. “She’s got you there.” She had to admit Allie was adorable, and so were Craig and Jane. Okay, she couldn’t kid herself about his children. She cared about them, but enough to take on another fami
ly? Whoa! He hadn’t asked her to, so why was she thinking about becoming a member of Samuel’s family?
“No, this is a new stall tactic.”
“You think?” Beth tried to suppress her laugh, but the exasperated look on Samuel’s face made her giggle leak out.
“Eight-thirty is too early for someone my age to go to bed.” Allie puffed out her chest. “Cindy isn’t my age yet and she goes to bed at nine. I think I should be able to stay up at least as late as Cindy Blackburn.”
Samuel squared his shoulders as if he were going to do battle. “I’ve got news for you, young lady—you are not Cindy Blackburn. It’s still a school night and Allie Morgan goes to bed at eight-thirty.” He checked his watch. “Which is right now.”
“But, Daddy—”
He shook his head once. “No argument. We’ll discuss your bedtime when it isn’t your bedtime.”
Allie pushed herself to her feet, her shoulders hunched over, a dejected look on her face. “Can we talk about it tomorrow?”
“That will depend on how fast you get ready for bed.”
Allie ran from the room. The sound of her going up the stairs reminded Beth of a stampede of cattle she’d seen in a movie earlier that day while trying to do something when the children were at school and Samuel was at the church. She was afraid she drove Mae crazy with all her talk. Idleness wasn’t her cup of tea.
“You’ve got the magic touch,” Beth said, rising from the couch so Samuel didn’t tower over her.
“No, you do. My kids stayed at the dining-room table long after we had eaten because of you. They enjoy your company.” His look snared hers. “I enjoy your company. Are you sure you have to leave tomorrow?”
Chapter Twelve
“Yes, I’ve been here for four days. That’s long enough.” Beth knew she should move away from Samuel, but his look held her transfixed.
“What are your plans after that?”
The question that she had been avoiding since she had found out about having cancer hung between them. “I don’t know,” she finally answered, chilled by the uncertainty of her future. “I contacted the Christian Mission Institute and told them I couldn’t take the job, but that’s all I’ve done.”
He stepped forward, taking her hand between his. “You haven’t had much time to think about what you’re going to do after you recover. I meant what are you going to do in the next few weeks?”
“Oh.” The warmth of his hands cupping hers flowed through her, taking with it any coldness his question had produced.
“Since school is out in three weeks, you won’t be going back this year, and I know firsthand—” his mouth lifted in a lopsided grin “—how you like to be kept busy.”
“I could help with the auction, and I can still tutor Jane until school is out.”
“She’ll appreciate that and I’m sure Jesse and Zoey will appreciate any help with the auction. But what are you going to do for yourself?”
“I—I…” Beth couldn’t think of anything. She wanted to say it was because Samuel was so close and robbing her of any rational thought, which was partially true. But deep down she knew the reason she couldn’t think of anything was that all her life she had lived for others. The trip to Brazil had been for her, and yet now that wasn’t possible.
“That’s what I was afraid of, Beth. You don’t know how to plan things for yourself. Tell me one thing you would like to do when you feel up to it. Is there some place you would like to go that is within a few hours of here? What do you want to do?”
An idea popped into her mind, and she smiled. “Hot air ballooning.”
“Done.”
“What do you mean, done?”
“I’m giving you a month to get back on your feet physically, and then you and I have a date to go hot air ballooning.”
“But I don’t know of anyone in Sweetwater who has one.”
“That isn’t your problem. Leave everything to me. For once let someone take care of you.” He tugged her toward the door. “I need to say good-night to Allie. Want to come?”
“Love to.”
As she followed Samuel up to the second floor and his youngest daughter’s bedroom, she realized how much she looked forward to saying good-night to Allie. She missed that routine with her siblings. She missed Holly. She missed her two brothers. Tears swelled her throat. Of late she seemed more emotional, and hoped that would settle down soon.
Several books were stacked on Allie’s lap as she sat in her white canopy bed, waiting for her father. “I want you to read this tonight.” She held up a big thick book. “No, I think I want to hear this one.” She put the first story down and selected another one. “Will you read it to me, Beth?”
Beth glanced at Samuel, who nodded. “Sure. I loved Black Beauty.”
“I’m gonna learn to ride like Crystal.”
Alarm rang through Beth’s mind when she thought of the riding accident that had led to Crystal’s being in a wheelchair. Beth’s protective instincts came to the fore. Then she peered at Allie’s eager expression and remembered what it had been like when she’d been Allie’s age and wanted to ride horses. She wasn’t Allie’s mother, and even if she was, she would need to learn to let go. That had been a hard lesson for her while raising her siblings. Even now she still felt responsible for them, still worried about them.
“Do you know how to ride a horse?”
The little girl’s question pulled Beth back to the present. “I rode when I was a teenager. I haven’t since then.”
“Maybe you could take lessons with me.”
Clearing her throat, Beth opened the book. “We’ll see.”
“That always means no when Daddy says that.”
Beth peered at Samuel, who stood by the door watching them, his arms folded over his chest, his shoulder cushioned against the jamb. “But it doesn’t mean no when I say it. I’m just not sure of my plans once I get better. I don’t want to make a promise I can’t keep.”
“Okay.” Allie scooted over so that Beth could lean back against the headboard next to her.
Samuel couldn’t take his eyes off Beth. Captivated, he observed her read to his daughter as though Allie was the most important person in Beth’s life. Any lingering reservations about taking off his wedding ring were gone as he took in the picture of Beth and Allie sitting side by side, their heads bent together. His heartbeat sped up. He rubbed his sweaty palms up and down his arms.
He loved Beth Coleman. She would be a perfect mother for his children. She was good for him. She made him realize what was important in life: God, family and friends.
Then he remembered Beth’s dream to travel, to serve the Lord in other parts of the world. How could he deny her that dream if he truly loved her?
A rough roar from the propane burner pierced the air, then quiet wrapped around Beth as she stared down at Sweetwater below the hot air balloon. A breeze cooled the warm June day, relieving the heat of summer. She saw her house, the church and Samuel’s place, the lake with several boats on it. Jesse stood on her deck with Cindy next to her, waving at them. Beth returned the greeting as Nick came out to put his arm around his wife’s shoulders and pull her close. Nate ran around the side of the house and up the stairs, joining the others.
A lump formed in Beth’s throat. Jesse and Nick were so perfect for each other. Why couldn’t she have found someone when she was younger? Her bout with cancer had only confirmed in her mind that she needed to do something for herself. Soon she should reapply to the Christian Mission Institute. If everything went well, in six weeks her doctor would release her, with a daily pill the only indication she’d had cancer.
The loud rushing sound cut into her thoughts as Samuel shot flames up to heat the air in the balloon. It rose above the lake, the wind stronger. The basket swayed. Beth gripped its rim to steady herself while Samuel came to stand beside her.
She slid her gaze to Samuel. “How did you arrange this?”
“With some help from Nick, who knew someone
in Lexington. I told you I wanted to fulfill one of your dreams.”
“You’ve been up in a balloon before?”
He nodded. “Quite a few times. I’m certified to fly one, so don’t worry. You’re safe with me.”
“I’m discovering there’s a lot I don’t know about you.”
“Isn’t that what getting to know a person is all about, discovering those little things? I dated Ruth for three years and was married to her for thirteen, and she still was able to surprise me.” He stepped back to hit the burner so the air in the balloon heated up.
When he returned to her side, Beth looked down at his hands clasping the railing in front of him and noticed that the area on his left finger where his wedding band used to be wasn’t white anymore. In the six weeks since the surgery, she had started to dream something different. Samuel was always there to help her through any rough spots with the cancer treatment. He listened to her, especially when she felt depressed. He and his children had even helped her around the house and in her yard with chores when she had been overly tired. She wondered if, in his mind, she was taking the place of Ruth, since he had never had the chance to do those things for his wife.
After firing the burner again, Samuel stood back and studied her. “I hate to use the cliché, but a penny for your thoughts. You look so serious. This is supposed to be for fun.”
She pushed away the nagging doubt and managed to smile. “I’m having fun. I just started thinking about the past six weeks. I shouldn’t have.”
“Why not?”
She gestured to her face. “Because of that serious expression.”
“I don’t want you ever to feel you can’t say anything to me. I didn’t like you thinking you couldn’t tell me about the cancer. I hope we’ve gone beyond that.”
She nodded, feeling closer to him in that moment than she ever had. “Then I have a question for you. For the past six weeks why have you been there every time I needed someone, sometimes when I didn’t even know it? Does it have anything to do with Ruth and her fight against cancer?”
Samuel sucked in a deep breath, moving back a step and almost absently hitting the burner to keep the balloon in the air. “You don’t pull any punches.”
Gold in the Fire and Light in the Storm Page 35
