by Ines Saint
What had she done? Had she beckoned him to kiss her? Or had he beckoned her? Her thoughts came in confused, fuzzy bursts as she fought her shock. One thought was clear; Nick definitely knew how to kiss a woman. He blew her daydream of a kiss out of the water and into the stratosphere. She could barely hear what the announcer was saying over her pounding heart.
Jamie found Alex and almost dragged him away from the redhead. Normally, she’d be sorry to interrupt someone else’s good time. But the redhead gave Jamie a triumphant look, as if she’d succeeded in taking Jamie’s date away. It was a look Jamie deplored. For the life of her, she would never understand why a woman would take pleasure in hurting another woman that way. It was unfathomable to her.
“I thought you were dancing with Nick.”
“I’m sorry, Alex, I hate to do this to you, but I’d really like to go home.”
“Of course I don’t mind, but what’s wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing, I feel ill, that’s all.”
Alex sighed. “I wish you’d trust me, Jamie. Stay here and I’ll get our coats.”
“Jamie!” She turned to see Justin coming up to her and winced, afraid he’d seen and afraid of what he’d do to Nick if he thought Nick was taking advantage of her.
“Were you going to leave without saying anything?”
“Oh … sorry, Justin. I wasn’t thinking. I had a few drinks and it’s been a while … the alcohol isn’t agreeing with me.”
“Will you be okay? Do you want me to take you home?”
“No, Alex will take me, don’t worry. Liz is having a really good time — stay with her. I’ll be fine.”
Justin held her in place with a look she couldn’t decipher. “Just remember what I said, Jamie.”
“Well, sure. Except … what did you say?”
“Any goon worth his salt needs to know the score.”
It was Justin’s way of telling her he knew something was going on with Nick. Of course he did. Justin was always looking out for her.
Chapter Eleven
Any goon worth his salt needs to know the score. Justin’s words echoed in Jamie’s head that Sunday afternoon as she walked over to Moe’s rink to confront Nick over what had happened the night before. Jamie the coward wanted to avoid him until he left. After all, December twenty-eighth wasn’t too far away and Nick wasn’t technically a goon, either. But the Jamie who’d decided she and Nick needed to clear the air opened the doors to the rink, made her way to the seats on the sidelines, and looked for Nick among the uniformed players.
She hadn’t quite anticipated her lips would hum with the memory of his kiss at the mere sight of him. Her breath caught as she watched him steal across the ice, pound the puck, and glide to a sudden stop, the sound of shaved ice filling the air. Score. A few guys slapped his back. He went around the ice, quick and smooth. It had been a while since she’d seen him play, and the full force of his grace and athleticism moved her.
It was as she’d gone back in time, watching the alluring Nick Grey, this talented, gorgeous player who always seemed out of reach.
Why did their paths have to cross, and why did she have to feel the way she was feeling, now? Their ages hadn’t been right when they’d been ripe for love, and their hearts were now too blemished by harsh realities.
“Hey, there’s a spy in our midst,” Dylan Kirkpatrick yelled out.
“Isn’t that Jamie Viera?” A guy who vaguely looked like an older version of Troy Mueller, another hockey rival from Justin’s past, pointed in Jamie’s direction and at least half a dozen guys turned to stare. Including Nick.
A few pairs of skates sliced across the ice and a couple players reached her.
“Did Viera send you?” Dylan asked.
“I think he sent her to distract us.” A player she didn’t know hung his arms on the side of the rink. Nick’s hands quickly pulled him away. “She’s here to talk to me.” Catcalls and whistles followed, along with a few predictions of Justin Viera’s fury and backlash.
Jamie pretended to smile. Although she hadn’t expected this much attention, she already had an excuse prepared. “My kids are in Nick’s school, guys, and he’s been too busy to meet with parents lately. I have a few things I need to talk to Nick about that can’t wait, and luckily, I know just how to corner him.”
“Get back to practice,” Nick said, gesturing them off before turning to Jamie.
“Hi,” she said when they were alone. Their eyes met for the longest few seconds of her life before he answered, “Hey.”
Jamie breathed in, steeling her nerves. “Nick, we need to talk.”
“I know, but here?” he asked, looking back.
“Where else? School? My house? No. I thought about it and I really feel it’s safer here.”
Nick climbed out of the rink, sat down next to her, and took off some of his gear. He then rested his arms on his thighs, his eyes on the floor. She looked over at him, and her throat constricted. After talking herself into coming down here, she didn’t know what she’d say.
Her whole point in coming to the rink had been to simply acknowledge they were attracted to each other and that they’d stupidly acted on it, but to agree it didn’t mean anything and move on.
She shook her head and started speaking. “Okay, here it is. On Saturday, I had too much to drink, and I usually don’t drink, so my head wasn’t really in the right place. Then we were dancing, the lights were dim, the music was soft, the whole setting was just … conducive, you know?” Jamie swallowed, wondering if she was getting her point through. “And then there was your cologne — it’s really masculine, and I haven’t been that near a man in a long time, and that’s why it happened, but it doesn’t mean anything, and I want to put it behind us.”
He smiled up at her then, his eyes luminous, and it took all she had not to suck in a breath. The attraction was stronger than ever now. Didn’t these things fade with time? “You came down here to talk about my cologne?” he asked.
“No. Well, sort of. See, the cologne has something to do with it because of the pheromones — they’re triggered by scent, and they incite attraction. Even when we think we’re in control, they sometimes take over.”
“Tricky little bastards.” Nick grinned, which wasn’t the reaction she wanted. A minute ago, he’d been sober. She wanted sober.
“Nick, I’m trying to be serious.”
“Sorry, it’s just you reminded me of Michael for a moment there, trying to make scientific sense. I never would’ve guessed he got that from you. You don’t strike me as the logical type.”
“I’m usually not. I guess he’s rubbing off on me.”
“You know, when I first saw you sitting here, I couldn’t help but remember you as a child, heckling me during high school games.”
The memory eased some of her anxiety. “Justin used to tell me what to yell at you and when to yell it.”
“And you had to do everything he said?”
“Well, yes, he was a hockey god and I worshipped him.”
“He was not a hockey god.”
Jamie smiled. “You know, I was remembering you earlier, too.”
“Yeah?”
“Nick Grey, reigning sports king, living above us all in his cool mansion. And your mother was so reserved and mysterious … ” Jamie remembered she and Justin used to think she was a Russian spy. “While your father was always involved in all sorts of endeavors, everything about you seemed larger than life.”
“And everything about your family seemed warm and normal. It looked like heaven from where I was standing.”
They stole a glance toward the rink where Nick’s teammates had stopped playing, realized they were too close, and separated.
“Someone could’ve seen us on Saturday. If something like that got back to anyone at school … I
can’t believe I took a risk like that.” Nick shook his head. “I’ve also offended you twice, and I don’t ever want to hurt you again. I don’t like confusion. I need to feel I have a grip on things, and the one thing I can’t get a grip on is what’s happening between us. I just need to understand it so I can deal with it.”
Jamie closed her eyes. “What’s happening is lust. That’s it. There’s nothing else to understand.”
“Lust?” Nick’s eyes blazed, and Jamie felt the heat everywhere. He stole a glance at the players, who were in full hockey mode again, and leaned in closer, practically whispering in her ear. “Lust may be why you stood before me, closed your eyes, and told me, in detail, how you wanted to be kissed. Lust alone is not why I kissed you.”
Jamie backed away and tried to regain her senses. For a minute or so, she couldn’t even speak. “I’m a mom, Nick, with two small boys. You don’t want to feel lust for me, let alone anything else.”
“You’re right. I don’t, which is why I’m trying to make sense of this, so we can both get back to normal.”
“Forget about sense, Nick.” Someone had to say what really mattered. “I’ve been thinking about switching the kids to another school when you come back, and that would not be what’s best for them. So you see? This is no good. I think we just need to agree to stay away from each other, there’s really nothing else to talk about.”
• • •
Nick felt as if he’d been kicked in the gut. Michael and Timmy were happy at his school. Nothing else mattered quite as much as their happiness. If there was one thing he was clear about, it was that children should never suffer over adult situations. He sighed. “Don’t do that, Jamie. You’re right. We just need to stay away from each other. I’ll be gone in a month, anyway.”
Practice was over and one by one, his teammates left, each of them calling goodbye to him or slapping him on the shoulder. Still, Nick and Jamie didn’t move. These moments would be over for good as soon as they left.
He finally got up to leave, not even sure he should say anything. They’d already said everything that needed to be said.
“Nick?” Jamie looked up, and her eyes seemed troubled in places he couldn’t reach, but she tried to smile. “We both know the score, right?”
Nick shrugged. “For some reason I feel like you’re the only one who knows the score, Jamie, but that’s okay because we shouldn’t even be in this game.” He leaned down and kissed the top of her head, his chest feeling heavy and constricted. For the first time in a long time, he was afflicted by something he wouldn’t recover from anytime soon.
• • •
When Nick got back up and moved to leave, Jamie caught a glimpse of the double doors. Her body stiffened when she saw Celine Bliss through the slit. Celine took one look at Nick and Jamie and turned to leave. Jamie froze.
What did Celine think she’d seen? Should she say something to Nick? Had he been expecting Celine? At least half a dozen questions and thoughts passed through her mind.
An achy lump settled in her stomach, reminding her that there was too much she didn’t know about Nick, and that caring too much about all those unknowns could be painful.
Just the memory of having been in acute emotional pain once before was enough to turn the lump into ice. She’d vowed she would only expend her emotional energy on her children. Jamie shoved everything she didn’t want to feel way down and got up to leave.
• • •
That evening, Nick got a call from William Bertrand, the head of the Board of Trustees for Grey Private Elementary School. He wanted to see him in Nick’s office first thing the very next morning.
As the head of the Board of Trustees, William Bertrand was the custodian of the school’s integrity and reputation. William was also a good friend to Nick.
After exchanging pleasantries and getting caught up on affairs, Nick watched as William pursed his lips before taking in a wavering breath. “I’m happy to hear your plans for your sabbatical are going well, and that your efforts this semester will make sure the school won’t suffer your absence as much as we’d anticipated,” his gravelly, statesman-like voice began. “That’s one of the reasons I’m here.”
Nick nodded and waited for the elderly man to continue. “I hate to say, Nicholas, that I’m also here to clear the air in regards to a troublesome rumor.”
“A rumor?” Nick immediately sat up straighter. Unproven rumors were not something William would trouble himself with. Rumors eventually died down, and no harm came from them when no basis was found.
“Yes. I must ask you to clear up your relationship with a woman named Jamie Sullivan. I believe she is the mother of two children here at the school. Certain information has only been revealed to me, but I must be prepared if I’m questioned by parents or trustees about this.”
Nick stared at William, shocked. “I don’t know what to say.”
“The truth, Nick. It’s what I’ve come to expect from you.”
Nick couldn’t betray Jamie, but he wouldn’t lie to William. “Many parents and I maintain relationships outside the school. I grew up with more than a few, I have business ties with others, and Jamie Sullivan, in particular, I’ve been acquainted with most of my life.” Nick got up and walked toward the front of his desk, wanting to demand that William name the person who’d spoken to him about Jamie and Nick’s relationship, but William would keep the name quiet.
“All right, settle down. My only concern, in regards to the school, is that a sentimental relationship between its headmaster and a parent would have to be out in the open, serious, and, well, PG. We can’t help whom we fall in love with, but keeping things honest and going about things the right way would help the school avoid bad publicity. I don’t want to pry into your personal life, Nick, but you need to give me your word that when it comes to the school, I have nothing to worry about.”
Can’t help whom we fall in love with? Nick stared at his old friend. “I’m leaving soon, William, and any rumors should die down soon after. I can’t guarantee you have nothing to worry about, William, because I don’t even know what it is this nameless person is accusing me of and because I’m human. But I can guarantee that if I ever become involved in a sentimental relationship of any kind, with anyone, I’ll inform you immediately. And I give you my word that I will stay away from Mrs. Sullivan. The last thing she needs is to be connected to me by rumors. She doesn’t deserve the scrutiny, William. And, I understand, neither does the school. I’ll be mindful of both.”
William studied Nick, his expression neutral. “You’re right when you say you’re only human. Just remember that.”
The weight of everything he’d been carelessly risking settled on him. He’d worked hard to build his life just the way he liked it. He’d carved out a place where he could be himself, have his fun, yet still have the respect and trust of the people around him.
He fully intended to come back to this life.
Chapter Twelve
“Nick, can we talk to you ’bout something?” Timmy came up to Nick one day during indoor recess, Michael two steps behind him. Nick had been giving one of the custodians instructions on an electrical issue and had been just about to leave the kindergarten classroom.
“Sure, buddies. What’s up?” he asked.
“Why is Jason’s mom getting married to someone who isn’t Jason’s dad?” Michael asked.
This was a tough one, and Nick paused to pick his words carefully. “Well, because sometimes things just don’t work out the way you want them to. It would be great if two people fell in love, had children, and stayed together forever, but it just doesn’t work out that way for everybody. It does for some, like your grandparents and your aunt and uncle, just not for everybody.”
“Like you’re not with Emma’s mom?” Timmy asked, apprehensively.
“And like Mom didn’
t want Dad to die,” Michael said softly.
“Exactly.” Nick breathed out slowly. “You know, I think you two already understand better than most people how things don’t always work out as planned. We just have to make the most with what we’ve got, and that’s what Jason, Alex, and Marie are doing. Jason now has even more people to love him. You should really talk to your mom about this if it’s making you uneasy.”
“Will Mom marry a stepdad?” Timmy asked.
“Maybe Mom can marry Alex!”
Nick panicked. He put his hand on his chest, wondering if mere questions could cause heartburn. “I, uh … well, guys, I really think that’s a question for your mom. But you know what? You have no reason to be jealous of Jason. You two already have more than enough people to love you. Maybe you should ask your mom for a puppy instead of a stepdad, okay?”
“A puppy … ” Michael repeated slowly, his eyes bright and smile wide. Timmy showed his enthusiasm by jumping up and down.
• • •
With Christmas season coming up, Jamie threw herself into activities with a renewed sense of purpose. She was on both the Christmas play and decoration committees at school and she was enjoying the new creative outlets … and distractions.
A huge tree with decorations made by the children, multicolored lights that looked like candy strewn about, a beautiful nativity scene, and the scent of pine greeted her whenever she walked into the school.
The play was coming along well, the kids were adorable with their lines and their songs, and they’d managed to give each child something special to do. Parents would be delighted.
There was a sweet sense of accomplishment regarding her professional life, too. She’d designed a new, beautiful, open-winged hummingbird charm that reminded her of harmony, and it had become an instant hit. Her Christmas orders were all shipped, and she was caught up with the business side as well: inventory, invoices, ordering supplies, and more.
