by Bronwyn Eley
There was only Yes, my lord.
The laundry girl was very short. The wash basin came up to her shoulder. Granted, it was large, but she looked closer to childhood than to my age. Her small hands struggled to grip the heavy washing bat as she plunged the clothes under the water. I knew I didn’t have to help her do the washing out in the grounds, but I told her I would to keep myself occupied while Rennard was busy with official duties. A few hours in the sunlight and fresh air were a step up from my usual surroundings.
The harder I worked, the more I kept my mind off what had happened in the Council session before. Why had I imagined Sedly attacking Enllen? Why had it seemed so real? I tried to pass it off as exhaustion, but I had realised there was a more likely cause.
The Relic.
But was it the Relic, or was it Rennard? Rennard wasn’t what I would call a kind soul, that was for sure, but what reason could he have for toying with me like that? It had to be the Relic. But tormenting my mind, causing hallucinations – was this something the Relic enjoyed?
I still couldn’t believe that the Relics were capable of consciously making decisions, but it was beginning to look like the only explanation. The way Keithan spoke of them wanting came to mind. He had been around this one so much longer than I had. Had read more extensively than I ever would. Maybe he was right.
The thought made me sick.
‘Kaylan.’
Looking up, I saw Jesper standing a few metres from me, hands clasped in front of her.
‘Can I borrow you?’
I looked to the girl, whose name I hadn’t bothered to ask. She shrugged. I finished laying the wet sheet out flat on the grass and made my way to Jesper.
‘Would you accompany me on a walk around the gardens?’ she asked. I opened my mouth to respond, but she beat me to it. ‘I know you have work to do, but I thought, while the sheets are drying …’ She trailed off and shrugged. ‘I sometimes like company on my walks. Besides, I’d like to get to know you.’
A small laugh bubbled from my chest. ‘Why?’
‘Why not?’ she rebutted.
‘But,’ I began, shifting to look around us. ‘Would Lord Rennard approve of us socialising?’
She didn’t follow my gaze. ‘He’s not here.’
My hesitation was brief. Then I nodded and Jesper turned and led the way. Heading for the garden, we passed under a stone archway wrapped tightly in vines. Thick hedges stretched in either direction until they disappeared from view. Soon enough, trees towered above us and paths wound in all directions.
I followed Jesper’s lead. Neither of us spoke for a while, but she eventually took the reins. ‘Now would be the time to ask.’
‘Ask what?’
‘Your questions,’ she said, as if it were obvious.
‘You would answer any question?’ I kept my gaze low.
‘I offered, didn’t I?’ She picked a twig off the floor and began breaking it into little pieces. She threw them in our path.
I was unsure where to begin. Was it best to ease into it, or get straight to the burning questions? I looked to her, trying to understand. I knew so little of her story, and even less of her motivation for seeking me out.
‘Where did you meet Lord Rennard?’ I watched for her reaction.
A small smile touched her lips.
‘I grew up in Stynos, far from here.’ Something told me she meant more than distance. Now more than ever, I envied her for the places she had been. ‘When I was fifteen, people started to notice me. I had many admirers. None that pleased me or my family enough. But one day, our Lord held a diplomatic meeting with a man from a distant city. Ren. They were wandering the part of town I lived in and he saw me. I obviously felt him, his power, before I saw him.’ She chuckled bitterly. ‘My family and I weren’t in the highest of ranks in Stynos; money didn’t come as easily as it does now. So when he came to us and asked me to marry him, my parents didn’t refuse.’
‘Your parents chose for you?’
Jesper brushed off my shock. ‘It’s quite common there. While they made the final call, it was something I –’ She broke off, sighed deeply. ‘I wouldn’t say I wanted it, but …’ A long pause. ‘My brother is disabled, and now has a much more comfortable life because of what I could do for him. For them all.’
She tore a rose from its stem, twirled it in her fingers and then threw it to the ground. A small drop of blood oozed from a break in her skin.
‘You’re bleeding.’ I pointed to her hand.
She brought it up to her face and frowned. ‘Where?’
She turned her hand so I could see. The blood had gone. The cut had healed … Or it had never been there in the first place.
I gritted my teeth.
It was best to move on quickly. I didn’t want to explain to her that I was losing my mind. I didn’t want her sympathy. ‘My mistake,’ I shrugged. ‘How long have you been here?’
‘I came here when I was twenty-four, and we are about to celebrate my thirtieth birthday.’
‘Six years?’ It was longer than I could ever imagine. ‘How is it possible you’re ...?’
‘Still alive?’ She laughed. I tried to ignore the bitterness behind it. ‘Well, I’m here for my birthday, which is next week. But I don’t spend all my time here or with him. Otherwise I wouldn’t last very long.’
Not like me.
The Shadow’s duty meant that fewer people would die from exposure to the Relic’s poisonous effects. It was now my job to keep people like Jesper, the laundry girl and the kitchen boy safe by sacrificing myself to the magic’s bitter, inevitable end. I shook the thought from my head.
‘How often do you see him, then?’
‘A few times a year,’ she explained. ‘It was part of the agreement he made with my family, with me. In fact, it was his idea. He assured us that he would only call on me once a season, as well as special occasions, to ensure I lived a long life.’
‘Where do you go?’ It was more than just simple curiosity. I couldn’t imagine the places she had been. What little I did know, I had learned from books in school. And even that was limited. Reading and writing were never job requirements at the forge.
‘Sometimes I go home to my family and friends, but it’s so far.’ She shook her head. ‘Other times I travel. I also have my own home, not far from here. I spend a lot of my time there, living life while I can.’
‘What’s the point?’ I feared I was moments away from crossing some boundary.
‘The point of me?’ Her lips quirked when I nodded. ‘Pleasure, Kaylan. It’s what all men want.’
I bit my lip and looked ahead, reminded of Shae, who used to ignore her obvious beauty. It had troubled me when she first began to speak of men as if their intentions toward her were merely contracts.
‘He wants a family, of course. But he explained to me, before we married, that –’ Jesper stopped, chewing on the inside of her cheek. ‘Until recently, he’s not been so interested in the idea ...’
She picked a white flower this time and pulled off its petals one by one, leaving the yellow centre exposed. Her unfinished sentence slowly drifted to the ground with the discarded petals. Leaning over, I picked a flower of my own.
‘He seems quite –’ I stopped myself.
Jesper smiled warmly. ‘Go on.’
Had she grown to love him over the years? I didn’t see it in her eyes when she looked at him, but who was I to know anything about love? I had barely even liked anyone in my life.
‘He seems quite strict,’ I said finally.
‘Wouldn’t you be?’ she countered. ‘Running a city and being a ruler is no easy feat. He has over twenty thousand subjects spread out over his lands and about half of those live here in the city. He has to deal with death, deception, fraud, defence, war ...’
There hadn’t been a war in over a decade, not since Lord Oldar had to be put in his place. War takes something from everyone, but to say Lord Oldar’s people suffered was an understatement. He mos
tly kept to himself now, and somehow managed to hold onto his people’s loyalty. For the most part, anyway.
‘I think he’s done pretty well, considering,’ Jesper concluded.
‘I heard his father was strict, too.’
‘He died before I married Ren,’ Jesper explained. ‘But he’s told me many stories – and when you hear them, Ren makes sense as a person, you know?’
I nodded. Our families shape us and we shape ourselves for them. I was definitely like my father.
‘No one’s perfect, Ren’s father less than most.’ She smiled wryly. ‘But I think Ren is grateful to him. After all, Rallin chose Ren to succeed him. That has to mean something. Respect or love, I’m not sure, but it meant a lot to Ren to be chosen over his siblings.’
The crunch of footsteps stole our attention. I looked to my left, Jesper mirroring my movement.
Markus moved in the opposite direction to us, heading for the grounds, I assumed. He hadn’t noticed us, or at least had chosen not to approach. I faced Jesper, hoping somehow by hiding my face I would hide us altogether.
‘You’ve met Markus,’ Jesper said. She was calm but waited expectantly, unspoken questions in her eyes.
Oh, no. She knows.
‘We met the other day.’ I looked at the ground. Had they talked about me? Did he know who I was? Was that why he didn’t approach us?
Jesper was silent for a long time as we continued to walk. My heartbeat grew steadily. I hated every silent moment.
‘I understand,’ she said finally. ‘Shae.’
I peered at the grand woman next to me. Her eyes were soft, a sad smile gracing her face.
‘You told him who I was.’ I sighed, defeated. Yet somehow my chest felt lighter. Lying was never my strong suit. Then again, I had never felt the need to lie about who I was before.
But Jesper sounded surprised. ‘No. It’s not my place to do so.’
‘But –’
‘I understand, Kaylan,’ she said slowly, stopping us. Her hand lightly brushed my arm. I pulled away. Too much sympathy in that light touch. ‘I’m not saying I approve. I don’t enjoy lying to my friend, but I do understand. So I won’t tell him.’
I gestured to my uniform. ‘You’d think the Ediann crest would give it away.’
‘How so? I am his wife, after all. My workers are his workers.’
‘If I were your maid, would I be wearing this uniform?’
‘When we visit the castle, yes,’ she said simply. ‘I’m not so strict outside of Edriast, but in the presence of my husband, they know to show respect.’
I let the information sit, overcome with a desire to be her maid over what I had become instead. I wished my lie to Markus had been true. Wished my life hadn’t turned into this. But if I thought too hard about what it meant –
I swallowed down the bile building in my throat and closed my eyes against tears.
‘But you should.’
I cleared my throat and opened my eyes. ‘Should what?’
‘Tell him.’ She smiled sadly. ‘Who you really are.’
I shook my head, heat flooding my cheeks. ‘He’ll look at me differently.’
‘How will he look at you?’
I wanted to sigh. I wanted to yell. How could she ask that? She was looking at me that way right now. ‘Like I’m the Shadow.’
Jesper frowned gently.
‘Like I’m dead already.’
‘He won’t –’
‘Won’t he?’ I snapped, but instantly recoiled at the sound. I knew I couldn’t speak to her that way. I took a step back, dragging a disgruntled but polite Kaylan to the surface. ‘Forgive me, my lady.’
‘Jesper,’ she corrected.
I shook my head. ‘My lady –’
‘Jes-per,’ she sounded the syllables sternly.
‘She did the same to me when she arrived,’ a deep voice said.
Startled, we turned to see Markus lingering on the other side of a flower patch. He stood lazily, arms clasped behind his back, a roguish grin on his face as he appraised us.
‘If I’m not to call you Nobleman Aldwaine or sir or whatever it is your underlings call you, then you don’t get to call me my lady,’ Jesper sneered, and then laughed. ‘I hate it. Lords, you call my husband Rennard.’
‘Point taken.’ Markus turned to me. ‘She’s rather stubborn. I would just give in and call her whatever she wants. It will save you a big headache.’
‘That’s nice,’ Jesper laughed, plucking another petal from her flower.
‘I see Jesper is teaching you her bad habits.’ Markus gestured to the flower in my hand, also missing half its petals.
I rubbed my neck and shrugged. ‘Guilty,’ I admitted. Markus and Jesper chuckled. ‘It’s quite therapeutic, actually.’
‘There are other ways to relieve stress.’ The way he said it made my face burn hot.
‘Oh really, Markus?’ Jesper intervened, rescuing me from a response. ‘Why don’t you share with us?’
Markus shook his head quickly, closing his eyes. ‘Oh no, my lady,’ he began mockingly. He opened his eyes. They were the brown found commonly throughout the city, dark and rich. ‘It’s for me to know.’
‘You won’t even tell a friend?’ She feigned offence as I watched their interaction curiously. They were clearly quite close – as close as propriety allowed, at least.
‘Not even you.’ His blank expression didn’t give an inch. ‘Sorry.’
Jesper hooked her arm in mine. I jumped slightly, the desire to recoil from her touch itching along my skin. But I didn’t pull away. ‘That’s alright. I have a new friend now, anyway.’
Friend?
Suddenly she went from my lady to my friend. Maybe I was just all part of their banter. Tomorrow I would deliver her breakfast and receive nothing more than the briefest of acknowledgements.
‘I’m sure her company is better than mine,’ Markus said.
‘She’s cleaner than you, too.’
Markus tisked and brushed his hands against his pants. ‘What can I say? The mud is where I belong.’
His clothes were brown even before the dirt gathered on them. They were loose and shaggy, matching his hair. He wore thick brown leather shoes, which looked heavy despite the ease with which he ran in them. A thin silver chain dangled down his chest, revealing a small letter A attached to the end, where his shirt opened. It hadn’t been there the other day. He noticed my gaze, so I quickly flicked my attention to Jesper.
‘So, Jesper, are you looking forward to your birthday celebration?’ Markus asked. Jesper let out a short laugh, as if she couldn’t quite believe the question.
‘Ren has planned the whole thing,’ she said flatly. ‘He even took it upon himself to have my outfit made.’
‘And what has he chosen for you?’
‘A bear,’ Jesper said flatly. ‘Because, apparently, I’m sweet and delicate, unlike a bear.’
‘How endearing,’ Markus mumbled.
Timidly I asked, ‘A bear?’
They both turned to me. ‘The theme is “come as you aren’t”, and Ren thinks …’ She paused. ‘It’s not what I would have chosen.’
‘What would you choose?’
Her soft eyes strayed to Markus as she considered, and something passed between them. There was more to this conversation, past talks that would fill in the blanks, details I was not privy to.
‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘Well, I look forward to it.’ Markus put his hands to his chest. ‘So when you’re not lording over the rest of us from your high position, come join us for a dance.’
Jesper gave a single enthusiastic nod. ‘I will do that. It’s no fun without dancing.’
Markus smiled and turned to me. ‘I know you think you’re a terrible dancer, but allow me to teach you.’ I opened my mouth to refuse but he stepped forward. ‘One dance, please.’ He gave a small bow. ‘I’m not terrible, I promise.’
I looked to Jesper for the answer. I had no idea if personal
servants were invited to celebrations. Even if I was, I would surely be refilling Lord Rennard’s cup all night. And then there would be no way of hiding who I really was. Some night that would be. Jesper just shrugged, and I sighed.
‘I’m not sure I will be attending,’ I said hesitantly.
Markus drew in his chin and turned to Jesper. ‘How unkind, Jesper. Your ladies always accompany you.’
‘That’s right.’ Jesper peered at me. ‘They do.’
‘You see,’ said Markus. ‘You have to come. It’s your duty to your Lady.’
‘I suppose I do,’ I said, at a loss.
Come clean. Now. This is getting messy.
‘I had better get back.’ I slipped my arm from Jesper’s.
‘Of course. I shouldn’t have kept you for so long.’
I moved a few paces back. ‘I’ll see you at lunch, my lady.’
I could see the soft frown around her eyes just before I turned to walk away. The two were silent, at least until I was out of earshot. How could I be excited for a celebration of Jesper’s birthday when no one expected me to make it to my own?
The day had flown by and before I knew it, evening meal was finished. I looked at the open door ahead of me. The guard, who had opened it, stared at me expectantly. I took no notice. Beyond him, a shadowed figure lingered by the gate.
He was waiting for me.
I had no idea what errand we were running and I didn’t care. What if someone recognised me? If I was lucky, Rennard’s errand wouldn’t take us beyond the upper city’s limits. It was unlikely, but I still had to force myself toward him.
My feet scraped against the gravel path and Lord Rennard turned at my approach. He held out an arm, a thick coat grasped in his hand.
‘Put this on,’ he said sternly. I did so. It wasn’t cold, so why was I wearing it? I took in what he wore. Gone were his rich clothes, replaced by a plain, dark outfit. ‘Make sure that crest is fully covered.’
He nodded to the Ediann family crest on my shirt. As I buttoned up the jacket to the top, hiding it from view, I noticed his Relic was also hidden from view. I could still feel it there, feel the heat, the pain and the nausea, but for once it wasn’t on display. I wanted so badly to ask what we were doing, what this all meant, but a small voice told me it wasn’t my place to ask.
