by Bronwyn Eley
‘May I see her?’
‘Shae is with a client at present.’
My stomach twisted. Shae and I rarely spoke of her work. It was a topic she hated and something I avoided.
Quinn reached out and picked up a strand of loose hair that had escaped my messy bun. I flinched away from her touch. The message not lost on her, she stepped back.
‘Will Shae be long?’
Quinn smiled tightly and gestured to an open doorway on her right. Whatever lay beyond was shrouded by the sheer fabric strewn across the entrance.
‘You can wait for her in the courtyard.’
With a quick nod, I hurried away from Quinn and her dolls. Pushing the fabric aside, I emerged into a long hallway and passed through a tunnel of light. On either side ran long tables covered with candles and flowers.
The narrow pass was intimate, the gathering heat pulling sweat from every inch of my skin. I followed the thick red runner until I reached a large round courtyard.
The balmy afternoon air brushed my face; there was no ceiling above except the bright sky. High stone walls wrapped around me, blocking out the town. I counted eight doors off the courtyard. One of the rooms beyond surely housed Shae and her client.
I moved into the small but luscious garden in the centre of the courtyard. A narrow, flat-stoned path circled its main attraction: a stone water feature of a delicate eagle, spreading its wings and spouting water from its mouth to a small pond below. I took a seat on a stone bench and relished the sunlight on my skin for a while.
Just as my skin started to burn and I contemplated moving to the shade, one of the doors opened and a tall, thickly built man in a guard’s uniform emerged. After a moment, Shae appeared behind him, a lacy red dress barely covering her, sweaty hair tucked into a bun. She slipped on a thin silk robe, intricate with silver thread. Together they walked, hand in hand, to the exit, where they paused and shared a slow kiss before he disappeared into the candlelit tunnel.
She hadn’t seen me. She rested against the wall, eyes closed for a moment, before pushing off and pulling her robe tight. I stood suddenly, which was enough to catch her attention. The shock on her face didn’t surprise me, but as she let out a quiet sob, I had to force myself not to react.
Then she was hurrying across the courtyard and crashing into my arms. We stayed like that for a while, not speaking, the sweat on her arms glistening.
‘Does anyone know you’re here?’ Shae’s voice was as tense as her body. She pulled back to see my face.
‘Quinn said I could wait for you.’
With a quick breath and a smile, she was back. ‘How are you here?’
‘I missed you.’ Seeing her again made me fear it was all a dream. How many times had I dreamed of being at home with my family, Shae included, a normal girl again? ‘So, this is home?’
She shrugged and looked around. After a moment of silence, her head dropped and her soft breaths collapsed into sobs. I drew her into a hug.
‘You’re so thin,’ Shae choked out through sobs. My stomach twisted. ‘Your hair looks nice, though, for once.’
Laughter erupted from my chest, but her attempt to match it fell woefully short.
‘I wish I could take you back with me,’ I admitted, even though I would never really wish that on her. ‘There’s no one as nice as you in that place.’
She drew away from me with sad eyes. ‘No one? Haven’t you made any friends?’
I shrugged. Could I call Jesper my friend? I wasn’t sure I would be permitted to do so. Besides, she would be gone soon enough, and I would be alone again. ‘Is there even a point?’
‘Of course there is!’ Shae scolded. I looked up at her with a raised eyebrow. ‘Don’t look at me like that. I could have had the same attitude coming here. Instead, I embraced my fate, and I’ve actually made some great friends here.’
‘But Shae.’ My voice came out in a whisper, as if it were some secret. ‘It’s different.’
‘Yes, it is.’ Shae’s gumption was back, momentary weakness forgotten. ‘If I were you, I wouldn’t want to be surrounded by strangers when my time came.’
I paused. It was a hard thing to hear from Shae.
‘Make connections.’ Shae gripped both my hands now. ‘Please, for me. Don’t be alone in there.’
Too late.
Instead of promising to do as she begged, I offered a tight smile, which she gave in return. ‘Why are you here?’ she asked. ‘Not that I’m not happy to see you. It’s just ...’
‘I have a favour to ask.’
Both of us pleased by the change of topic, Shae pulled me to the bench.
‘I’ve been invited to a celebration in the castle and I need a dress.’
Shae sat back and laughed. ‘I never thought I’d see the day.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You despise these outfits, as you call them.’ She gestured to her silk robe. In truth, I had never hated them, just what they so often represented. Shae looked beautiful in them, but they defined her now as something she was not.
‘Lord Rennard insisted I dress appropriately.’
‘Appropriately?’ She dragged me to my feet. Her eyes passed over my physique. Her hands grabbed my shoulders, pushing them back roughly. My spine cracked as it straightened. ‘Curse your broad shoulders.’ She bit the inside of her lip. ‘Actually, one of the girls should have one that fits you. Wait here.’
I made slow circles around the courtyard in her absence. This was stupid. Maybe this was how Shae felt the first time they forced her into one of these dresses. They looked good, but it wasn’t who we were.
A few minutes later, Shae returned with a blue bundle in her hands. It was too lovely, too clean. Something for me to ruin.
‘While dressing appropriately isn’t something you particularly strive to do,’ she said, releasing her grip and letting the material unravel toward the ground, ‘I’m certain this will do.’
Light danced off the clear glass beads that spread across the chest. Two glass wings sprouted from the cluster in the centre, as if the jewelled creature was taking flight. I reached out, brushing against the stones.
‘Are you sure this is alright?’
‘It’s fine, Kaylan.’ Shae pressed the dress into my outstretched hand. ‘A celebration, you said?’
‘Lady Jesper’s birthday,’ I explained. ‘She invited me herself.’
Shae’s smile erupted and she pulled me into a hug. ‘Tonight will be so much better with you there!’
‘You’re going?’ Relief swelled in my chest. As strange as it was to have my worlds merging, the night seemed less daunting now.
‘Some of the Companions have been invited by Lord Rennard. I hoped I would see you there but couldn’t be sure,’ she explained, releasing me.
He had invited Companions to his wife’s birthday?
‘What do you know about Rennard?’ I asked her.
She went still. ‘I’ve met him a few times.’
‘You have?’ I pulled back to look at her. ‘You never told me that.’
‘You never asked,’ she replied quietly.
Heat burned in my cheeks, shame knocking at my heart.
‘And?’ I urged.
‘He’s always extremely professional when he’s here. Professional and charming.’
‘Why does he come here?’
‘For regular inspections. This is one of the city’s highest-income trades, and he likes to invest his time in his more profitable businesses.’
‘So he never ...?’
Shae shook her head. ‘Never. Why do you ask?’
‘Oh.’ I ran my fingers over the silk. ‘Just trying to figure him out, I guess.’
‘Hold on.’ Shae reached out to touch the dress. ‘It’s a costume party.’
‘I know. The theme is “come as you aren’t”, and I’m no lady.’
Shae chuckled. ‘Clever. I like it.’ She nudged me with her shoulder. ‘Stop fiddling with it. You will look magnificent. Jus
t make sure to clean up first. If you’re going to wear a dress like this, you don’t do it carelessly.’
‘Yes, ma’am,’ I laughed. Quinn had likely told her the same thing when she arrived. Perhaps it was their mantra. Or a rule.
Jesper and Shae were going to great effort to see me there tonight. I didn’t want to disappoint them.
Shae pulled me into another hug and we stood in silence. If our young selves could see us now, what would they think? What would they feel? Gone were the two little girls who would chase each other through the streets until their parents came looking for them at sundown. Gone were the dreams of what we might be when we grew up.
What had this city turned us into? Nothing but puppets to a grand master.
Chapter 13
It was certainly a sight, me in the kind of dress Shae wore. I felt wholly unnatural, like a child playing dress-up. I didn’t enjoy the feel of silk against my skin. I didn’t enjoy the way men looked at women who wore these dresses. I didn’t feel feminine or beautiful or regal or important. I felt like an imposter.
The horrid shoes Shae had provided clacked loudly against the stone floors as I hurried for the Grand Hall. The fabric of my dress stuck uncomfortably to my skin as I reminded myself yet again why I was going: to see Shae. I didn’t want to disappoint Jesper, either, but it was the thought of seeing my best friend again that propelled me on.
When I reached the Grand Hall, the doors were closed. It was quiet. Not a party in sight.
‘Shit,’ I muttered, looking around fruitlessly for someone to direct me to the celebration.
‘My lady?’ A gentle voice echoed down the long, empty hallway. Lirr approached, recognition dawning on her face. ‘Oh, Kaylan.’
I held up a hand. ‘Just me.’
‘It took me a moment to recognise you.’ She appraised my outfit with a gleam in her eye. I knew the dress was beautiful, that I might even have looked beautiful in it, but it was not me. What was left of me was now on display. The dress hung halfway down my back, exposing how my once-strong muscles were now fading away. The beaded string that passed along my shoulder blades itched; every few seconds I would roll my shoulders to try to shift it.
‘I borrowed it from a friend for Lady Jesper’s celebration tonight,’ I explained.
‘It suits you.’ Lirr’s lips tucked up. ‘And are you meant to be a noble lady?’
‘That’s right.’ I returned a small smile. ‘Any chance you know where I’m meant to be?’
Not here.
‘The celebration is on the grounds. I can show you.’ She turned to continue in the direction she had been heading. I fell into step and, together, we fell into silence.
‘Should I ask the dreaded question?’ Lirr asked after a moment.
Despite the nervous twist in my stomach, a smirk found its way onto my face. ‘About how I’m doing?’ Lirr shrugged as I considered how to answer her. I had a feeling that Lirr honestly cared about the Shadows. Her position would limit the emotions and opinions she was allowed to voice about the matter. Perhaps being mother hen was her way of supporting the Shadows – me – through our final months.
‘You haven’t come to see me,’ she said quietly.
‘I know,’ I replied, keeping my gaze on the path ahead. Lirr did the same. ‘I’ve always been the kind of person who just keeps her head down and gets her work done.’
‘This is somewhat different.’
I sighed. ‘A bit of normalcy right now is just what I need.’
‘Is it working?’
‘No.’
She shrugged again. ‘Worth a try.’
‘There’s nothing normal about this,’ I said bitterly. ‘In fact, it’s even more intense than I expected.’
‘More intense than dying?’ Lirr said. I shot her a look and she mumbled an apology.
I waved it away. There was no point tiptoeing around the fact. ‘It’s alright. Rennard is different than I expected. And with everything that’s going on, I’m finding my time here a lot more challenging.’
Lirr’s whole body tensed. It was harder to tell while we were moving, but years of growing up in a household where arguments were commonplace made me good at reading body language.
‘You’ve been here a long time,’ I began slowly. ‘You probably know Rennard better than most people.’
She nodded. ‘True.’
Her response invited nothing more, but I kept going.
‘He must be struggling a lot with what’s going on –’
‘Kaylan.’ She stopped walking. ‘Before you say what I think you’re going to say ... Don’t.’
‘I just want to know what’s going on,’ I said quietly.
‘As someone who has known Lord Rennard a lot longer than you, my advice would be to drop this.’
Her words stung. Gone was the mother hen. This was the cold, hard, professional worker that Rennard – Lord Rennard – so desperately desired.
‘Head down,’ Lirr continued. ‘Get your work done. Right?’
‘Right.’ But nothing was right. In fact, the more hints I got about Bellamy, the more I was beginning to fear the underlying tension running throughout the castle. ‘Sorry,’ I added for good measure.
‘It doesn’t matter. But what does matter …’ Lirr laughed and held a hand to my hair. ‘May I? Ladies never wear their hair like that.’
I turned my back, mostly so I didn’t have to meet her gaze.
‘You have such lovely hair.’ She brushed it out with her fingers. ‘Why do you never wear it down?’
‘Habit, I suppose.’ I gave a lopsided shrug. ‘My hair caught fire once, in the forge. It was an effective learning experience.’
‘I can imagine.’
Lirr took the loose ends of my hair and curled them around her fingers. When she was finished, she put her hands on my shoulders. I reached back. The top half of my hair was braided around my head and the bottom half flowed neatly down my back.
‘Beautiful,’ she said, with a warm smile. I noticed that her hair was done up in a simple bun to match her plain grey dress.
We made our way to a part of the grounds I was unfamiliar with. We were on a stone path, vibrant green encasing us. The trees were especially tall, their rough bark nearly invisible in the darkness.
A movement in the tree nearest to me caught my eye.
I shot back. Out of the rough strips of bark came a hand, dark and cracked, with long fingers. It curled those fingers in a slow, beckoning motion before reaching for me.
Swallowing, I leaned away. Whatever it was, it wasn’t real. Another nasty trick by the Relic to scare me when I thought I was safe.
I blinked rapidly and shook my head just a little too hard, enough to send a searing pain into my eyes. When I looked again, the hand was gone.
‘This way,’ Lirr called from a distance.
I hurried to catch up, ignoring the curious look on her face. Did she know? Had she seen this kind of decline before? I hated that I was like the rest. That I wasn’t stronger than them.
That I wouldn’t be the one to beat the Relic.
We entered a clearing. An enormous white gazebo stood in the centre of the festivities, shining in the candlelight that dotted the area. Flowered vines wrapped the entire structure and long strips of coloured fabric blew in the wind. Lord Rennard sat at the centre in a grand chair, with an empty chair beside him for Jesper.
Musicians played at the base of the gazebo, their instruments ringing out over the hum of the crowd. Large flames blazed atop tall poles, light dancing in the soft breeze. A palette of colours swam before me: guests weaving around each other like a practised dance. There was actual dancing too, of course.
There would have been a time when the sight of the feast would have made my stomach rumble, but now it turned unpleasantly. The long table ran alongside the dance floor, draped in a deep green cloth and trimmed with gold. Fresh fruit, cold meats and sweet cakes filled every inch. On the other side were dozens of small tables, each just
big enough for two or three people.
‘Kaylan.’ Lirr’s voice was barely audible over the sounds of the celebration. ‘Come this way.’
The scene was a wild mess of fur and colour and cosmetics. Guests were dressed up as knights, maids, flowers and animals of all kinds. More than one person was dressed up as a bear. Imagine Rennard’s embarrassment. He would hate his idea to be unoriginal.
Lirr led me toward the gazebo. I followed her up the stairs, eager to get the obligatory greeting out of the way. A familiar wave of heat hit me as we reached Rennard and my eyes closed at the assault. The music was so loud; I couldn’t hear what Lirr was saying to him. For once, I released the groan built up inside me, hoping it would take some of the pain with it, swallowed up by the noise of the music.
Lirr took my arm and gently pulled me forward. Rennard’s costume was magnificent. Gone were the rich, dark clothes he was so fond of. Instead, he wore an outfit of deep blue velvet, embedded with small crystals that shone with every movement. He was the night sky.
The Relic shone from his chest – lighter tonight, almost clear, but with a tinge of yellow remaining, candlelight reflecting from its centre.
It was the brightest star in his sky.
What did he mean by this costume? Was there any significance behind his choice?
‘My lord,’ I said, not daring to bow too low with a heavy head. When I looked back to him, his eyes were narrowed.
He opened his mouth to speak but instead pointed to my dress. His eyes were locked on me, his chin supported on a closed fist. I stole a glance at Lirr as she stepped an inch closer to me.
‘What a lovely dress that is on you, Kaylan,’ Rennard said. My stomach knotted at the look in his eyes, shining with curiosity. ‘Before you came to us, you were a Blacksmith?’
He already knew this, but I nodded confirmation.
‘What was the name of your Lead Blacksmith?’
‘Aleck Tosh, my lord.’
Rennard grunted. ‘I’ve heard of the man, yes.’ He sat back. ‘Well, he must have liked you very much.’
‘My lord?’
‘I had always considered yours a pleasant enough face, but I’m surprised that Mr Tosh didn’t mark you for reassignment.’
