by Bronwyn Eley
‘How do you think I got involved in this in the first place?’
‘No.’ I shook my head. ‘You’re lying.’
‘No, I’m not,’ he countered with a vicious laugh. ‘You got used to burying your head so far in the sand that you don’t want to believe it.’
‘Don’t yell, Elias,’ I said calmly. ‘And don’t you dare ruin his memory for me.’
‘Ruin his memory?’ Elias jerked forward, then settled back. ‘I was proud when I found out. Walker recruited me. Found me and told me about how Father used to work with them.’ He looked so pleased with himself, as if it were an accomplishment.
‘I don’t believe you,’ I spat. ‘They’ve manipulated you! They found out I was your sister and that I was the Shadow and they –’
‘This was months ago, Kaylan,’ he interrupted. ‘Long before you left for the castle.’ He paused. ‘Knew that would shut you up.’
‘Stop,’ I pleaded. I was so sick of always fighting with him. We hadn’t had a normal conversation in years. Everything was tainted by what happened to our father and by the choices Elias had made since.
I tried again. ‘If this is true –’
‘It is.’
I glared at Elias. ‘If this is true, why would you want to follow in his footsteps? I can’t imagine it was a safe life. Maybe it was even the reason he was on the roof that night –’
‘They think that too,’ Elias admitted.
My stomach dropped. ‘They told you that?’
‘They think someone on the other side found out he was involved and killed him for it.’ There was no doubt on his face or in his words. He believed it.
The worst part was that, deep down, I always knew there had been something suspicious about our father’s death. He had fallen off the roof of a building – a tragic accident. But my mind had never really been able to accept that completely. He had always been so sure-footed. What had he been doing up on a roof in the first place?
We had chalked it up to a misadventure.
I could still hear the way my mother kept calling his name as she fought against the guards trying to pull her off his body.
Kerrin! Kerrin! Kerrin!
As if it would somehow wake him up.
Would this explain why he had fallen? Had he been pushed?
‘You want to die too, then, is that it?’ I spat at Elias.
‘I want to do something good with my life,’ he countered, turning away from me. ‘This is good work, Kaylan.’
‘Is it?’ I challenged. ‘You’re not in the castle, Elias. You haven’t seen what this is doing to Rennard.’
‘To Rennard?’ Elias’ mouth fell open. ‘If you’re sympathising with that man, then there is no hope left for you. Or –’ He paused. ‘Or is this the Relic’s doing? Has it got to you?’ He said the last part very quietly, as if the Relic might be listening, might come after him too.
‘Everyone around Rennard is suffering because of what Bellamy is doing,’ I continued, ignoring the look on his face. ‘Replacing one madman with another isn’t a good plan.’
‘Bellamy is not a madman!’ Elias whispered furiously. ‘You have no idea what you’re talking about.’
‘Neither do you,’ I responded flatly. ‘From what I hear, your man Bellamy is murdering innocent people.’ Did Elias know who would have to pay in blood for Bellamy to win this fight?
‘They are not innocent!’ he spat. ‘Bellamy is a hero. He was born to privilege and could have just lived a peaceful life. Instead he’s chosen to rise up and defend us, the downtrodden – people like you and me, Kaylan.’
‘Have you met this man?’
Please say no.
‘No,’ Elias said hotly. ‘Not yet. And I can’t wait until I do. He’s fighting for us, so tell me why you’re so against this.’
‘I’m not sure what kind of man he is,’ I admitted. ‘But his plan involves spilling innocent blood, Elias. That’s a fact I can’t ignore, and neither should you.’
Elias stepped back, his expression going blank. ‘A stalemate it is, then. I’m never going to believe that Bellamy’s cause isn’t the right one. Don’t try to change my mind. I will never give this up.’
‘I just don’t want to see you get hurt.’
‘Well, that’s not your problem anymore, is it?’ He tried to laugh, but the sound came out weak and thin. ‘Go, run back to your castle. I don’t need you anymore.’
‘I can see that.’
It was true that this was the most passionate and alive I had seen him in years. After seeing our father’s body broken and bloody on the ground, we both fell into darkness. For me, it had only been a while. I had Kye and Rhey to worry about; Shae to pick me up.
Elias had only ever had our father. He never came out of his dark hole.
Until now.
I looked up, tears welling in my eyes. ‘Don’t let this be how you go out, Elias.’
‘Goodbye, Kaylan.’
So cold. So detached. So much had changed in him, but this hadn’t. What had I done to drive a wedge between us? How had caring for him and wanting the best for him made me the enemy?
‘Goodbye, Elias.’
With a final blank look, Elias moved to the door and slammed it behind him, cutting me out of his life for the last time.
Chapter 20
That was it. I was done. All I could think as I stumbled my way through the crowd was: let them see me cry. What difference did it make now? I had said my goodbyes. Now I had nothing left.
And after everything else, I had to find out that my father had been part of a rebellion? A rebellion that got him killed.
Who had pushed him? What had happened on that roof?
Markus had managed to find a seat at the bar, and he looked strangely at ease for a Nobleman in the Slip. It shouldn’t have surprised me. He wasn’t like the other Noblemen I’d met.
I slipped in beside him, face streaked with tears, an open book. He jumped at the sight of my appearance, then reached an arm around me.
‘You found him?’ he murmured, rubbing my arm. I nodded, setting my jaw. ‘That bad?’
I nodded again. I wanted to talk to Shae about it. I needed her right now, but my new life was a lonely one.
With tight lips, Markus slid from his seat. He tossed more money than necessary on the counter, waiting until the barman took it with a quick nod of thanks, then ushered me out into the open air.
I gasped, turning to him. ‘Your dogs. I completely forgot. I’ve delayed us too long.’ I let out a groan. ‘Oh, Lords, Rennard –’
‘Won’t care one bit,’ Markus cut in, hooking an arm around my shoulders and leading me away.
Once in his familiar territory, Markus dropped his arm and led at a brisk pace. The Northern Gates teased us, streets and streets back, winking at us between buildings. If we took a few more turns to the south, we would pass the spot where they found my father’s body.
Could it be true? Had he been plotting to destroy the regime and help Bellamy murder innocent people? The thought made me sick to my stomach. My father had always been a family man; there was no way he would approve of killing children, no matter who they were.
Markus and I approached the City Wall. Like the castle, the wall was one of those things you couldn’t help but stare at in wonder. It was impenetrable. It had to be, with stones that thick. The gate itself was a layered web of traps. Getting in or out without permission was impossible – not that we ever needed to leave. Only merchants, guards and nobility had reasons to travel beyond the wall.
Ten guards had their attention on us within seconds. One of them shot forward and nodded. ‘Nobleman Aldwaine. Are you here to inspect the merchandise?’
Merchandise. They were living, breathing things brought down to mere objects, seen only for the value they could bring to Lord Rennard. I scoffed, loud enough for the guard and Markus to hear. The guard cocked a brow; Markus glanced over his shoulder. ‘I’m here to inspect the hounds,’ Markus returned. ‘Take
us to the man.’
We didn’t go through the Main Gate – it was only opened for large merchandise, carts and the like. The guard led us to a small wooden door to the side, built into the stone wall itself. It was small but strong, with sturdy hinges and several bolts. The guard pulled keys from inside his armour and wrenched the door open with great strain.
My heart thundered. The possibility that we were going beyond the wall crept its way into my mind. But I soon realised the door led to a space inside the wall itself. The wall was hollow, guards hurrying about in the space within.
The guard took us left and we followed a slow curve until deep growling and heavy panting reached my ears. A stocky man with snow-white skin and sickly brown hair wrenched himself from his seat, face filled with a mix of relief and frustration.
‘Finally!’ he sighed, shooting a look at each of us. ‘I was hoping to be lost to dreams by now.’
‘We’re here now.’ Markus stepped forward to assess the hounds.
The hounds. There were ten of them, and they were huge. Q and the rest would look like puppies next to them. Narrow faces, large eyes, fur as thick and dark as storm clouds rolling in. They were leashed to metal hooks lodged in the wall. Something told me the hooks weren’t originally intended to hold dogs.
They moved gently, but were alert as Markus approached them. With complete ease, he moved around them, lifting their ears, pulling back their lips to see their too-sharp teeth, feeling their undersides, passing his fingers between each of their toes and through the grooves on the base of their feet. The merchant watched him with a look that told me he was insulted by Markus’ detailed assessment.
‘Bred them all myself,’ he said. ‘They’re good dogs. Will listen if they believe you’re worth listening to.’ He made a strange sound in his throat. Markus, still lost in his work, began asking a series of questions, all of which the man begrudgingly answered. When Markus finally went quiet, the merchant sighed. ‘Not a thing wrong with any of them, alright?’
Markus took his time. When he finally stood, having just run his hands along their bodies, feeling between their muscles, he brought his hands together with a loud slap. ‘Right.’ He nodded to the guard. ‘Pay the man.’
The guard passed a purse into the merchant’s eager hands. He pulled at the strings and peered inside, moving the coin around with his finger.
‘Lord Rennard sends his regards to Lord Oldar.’ Markus spoke formally, as he did when addressing Rennard. ‘And his appreciation for this fine merchandise.’
No more was said. The merchant was ushered away by the guard and Markus called me over to help. I eyed the beasts and they eyed me. I wasn’t sure they would think I was worth listening to.
Markus unhooked five of the leashes from the wall and held them out for me. I let out a slow breath.
‘Confidence.’ Markus winked.
A smile tugged at my mouth as I took the leashes. I half expected the dogs to bolt the moment I held them, but they merely shuffled closer. With the other half, Markus led the way.
What a sight we were. Markus and I were no small pair, and even we were dwarfed against the sheer size of these hounds. I felt as if I were walking among a violent storm front as it moved to find its next victim. Yet this storm was protecting me. People saw our approach and scattered as quickly as possible. I glanced at Markus, noting the amused expression on his face.
The smile faded from my lips as my mind wandered back to Irey’s. Who had pushed my father? Why had Elias told me? It would torment me until this was all over. For years, I had told myself that he had just slipped. That it had been an accident. Now it was as if he had died all over again. I bit my lip to stop from crying out.
‘Iron barrel hinges?’
I dragged my eyes away from the hounds and focused on Markus, whose attention was on the road ahead. ‘What?’
‘I just remembered your fixation on my hinges.’ He chuckled. ‘It makes sense now.’
The guards at the castle gate gawked, shuffling back slightly. I had never seen them move so quickly to get the gate open. We crossed the grounds, now shrouded in darkness, Markus leading the way to where the dogs would be kept. He wouldn’t dare mix them with Q and the others tonight, instead putting them in an unused enclosure on the other side of the grounds.
It was similar to the other dogs’ pen, with another small cabin attached. Markus opened the gate and, once the hounds were inside, called for them to sit. He signalled for me to release their leashes and waited until he had their full attention. They settled, and it was as if the entire world had fallen silent, waiting to see what Markus would do next.
I realised I was staring when he finally looked up at me. He left the hounds sitting at attention and moved over to me.
‘Thank you,’ I murmured as he approached. Right now I needed to be alone, to process everything my brother had just told me. Perhaps there was a way of finding out if it was actually true. If I could find out which guard discovered my father’s body, perhaps I could question him. It had been a guard, or so I was told. ‘You were right to insist I say goodbye. As hard as it was –’
I didn’t realise he wasn’t stopping until it was too late.
Firm, warm lips crashed onto mine and, as I stumbled back from the shock, Markus’ arms wrapped around my lower back, holding me steady. I thought about stopping him, pushing against his chest, pulling away – but it was his choice, after all. His choice to kiss me, knowing what would happen to me soon enough. So instead I settled my hands on his arms, my twisting insides an utter distraction. I relaxed against his body, a rush of excitement coursing through every part of me.
But then he let go, head jerking back as if shocked awake from a nightmare – eyes wide, lips parted, body deflating. It was enough to start my brain working again. I pressed my hands against his chest and pushed back, his arms releasing me with little resistance.
‘We can’t.’
The combination of my pounding heart and shaking limbs left me breathless. It wasn’t my first kiss. There had been someone when I was younger. He was a few years older than me and eventually lost interest. I couldn’t say I was too eager to repeat the feeling of embarrassment and confusion after that.
But this was something else.
Markus stepped back and dropped his hands to his sides. ‘I know.’
I had known it the moment I saw him: I would have to say goodbye to him, too, eventually. From the start, my weakness drew me to him. I fed off his strength, his energy, his smiles. But it couldn’t go any further, for both our sakes. Silently, I turned and headed for the gate.
‘Wait!’ Markus’ hand closed around my arm, pulling me back. ‘I just –’
I turned to him. His touch didn’t bother me, unlike the rest. I had been manhandled one too many times, and the thought of someone’s hand around my arm usually set me on edge.
But not with him.
I took a step closer and folded myself against his chest. His other arm wrapped around my body and his scent enveloped me: sweat and earth and animals. It wasn’t a typically pleasant smell, but it was right for him.
He pulled back. ‘Maybe if I went to Rennard –’
‘You know that won’t work.’ I pressed a hand to his chest. ‘Besides, the damage is done now.’
‘That’s not true.’ He gripped my shoulders. He was lost to fantasy, ignoring the hard truth. The Relic had taken its toll on my body and there was no coming back from it. ‘Your body would heal over time.’
‘What?’
‘There might be some permanent damage, to your mind, most likely.’ Markus was talking quickly now, caught up in his thoughts. ‘But there’s a chance your body could recover if we get you away from it soon.’
‘But we won’t,’ I said flatly. My mind was reeling, too, but I couldn’t let myself believe any of this could ever happen. ‘This is it for me, Markus. We need to stop this.’
I pulled away from him, holding my hand up when he started to speak. ‘Stop.
Please. This is already too hard. Rennard won’t let me go, and even if he did, I couldn’t do that to someone else.’
‘But it will happen eventually,’ Markus insisted. ‘When you’re gone, he’ll choose another. This never ends.’
‘Of course it doesn’t,’ I whispered. ‘It only ends when –’
When he dies.
How Elias would have loved to hear me say those words. It was what he wanted; what they all wanted. And what did I want? Not to die, that was certain. But there was no easy way out of this. I couldn’t run. I couldn’t appeal to Rennard’s humanity. All I could hope was that, when it came, the end was quick.
Or you could kill him.
The thought was a snake, slithering into my mind, whispering the words in Elias’ voice.
I wasn’t a murderer. But Bellamy was. It was his plan to kill Rennard and stop his rule. Stopping his rule would mean no more Shadows.
Could I let it happen?
More than that, could I help the rebellion achieve its goals? If I passed on enough information to help Bellamy or his followers gain a foothold inside this castle, they could end Rennard’s life before he ended mine.
I knew Markus’ eyes were on me for a completely different reason, but the snake in my mind whispered that he knew my every thought.
‘Don’t –’ He stopped. ‘I want –’
I wiped at my nose. ‘You’re not making this easy.’
‘Nothing about this is easy.’ He gripped my hands. ‘But I want to get to know you. I want you in my life. I can’t just let him kill you.’
Let him kill you.
It was the first time I had heard any of Rennard’s loyalists – which Markus was – voice the truth. That Rennard was choosing to kill me for his benefit. It wasn’t personal; it was professional. In his mind, it was the only thing to do. My life was worth sacrificing for his benefit.
Markus brought a hand up to brush my cheek and brought his body close again. His breath warmed my forehead as he pressed a slow kiss to it.
Rennard’s life would be worth sacrificing if it meant saving hundreds of future Shadows – and their families – from enduring the same fate. There would be no more suffering. No more hard decisions. No more Shadows who lost everything to pain and darkness.
