by M. K. Harper
“Swear jar,” Caulder and I say in unison, earning us both a glare.
“Oh, hush. The boy is too smart for me. Half of what I teach him he already knows. If we have to supplement with alternative criminology studies then so be it. Mind ya business,” she scolds Dax jokingly.
The six of us sit and eat together like it’s something we’ve done for years. There’s no awkwardness. We laugh and tell stories. Dax finally convinces Mom to explain why she calls me doodlebug, much to my horror. Before long, the table is cleared and Beatrix is handing Mom a stack of leftovers to take with her. They share another hug and I can just tell they’re gonna be the best of friends. I see Mom out and tell her I’ll see her at home, then go to do my new nightly ritual of reading Caulder a bedtime story. He’s already waiting on me when I walk into his room, our book clasped in his hands. I take my place beside him and pull him close before opening up Where the Wild Things Are to where we left off. I haven’t read more than five pages when I feel his little body sag against me. I save our place and lay it on his nightstand. With the skill set of a fucking ninja, I move him off of me and ease out of the bed without waking him. Leaning down, I tuck the covers around him and run my hand through his soft hair. I soak up every feature. His cute button nose, those long lashes that make me more than a little jealous. He’s perfect.
“I love you, Little Tyrant,” I whisper and press my lips to his forehead.
“Love you too, Lindy,” his sleepy voice surprises me. Guess he wasn’t as asleep as I thought he was. My heart cracks wide open and tears flood my eyes. Those three little words have ignited a visceral reaction in me that I have no clue how to explain. I’m blinking away the tears and taking a few deep breaths when I catch sight of Dax leaning against the doorway.
“Take a walk with me?” he whispers. I nod and join him, linking our hands together. With one last look back at a snoring Caulder, I follow the man I love wherever he’s planning to lead me.
Chapter 23
Dax and I walk in silence as we make our way up the cliffside at the back of his parents’ property. I may have started whining about three minutes in, but Dax swears it’ll be worth it. I’m a sticky, sweaty mess when we finally reach the top but fuck if he wasn’t right. The sun has set to the point that it’s mostly dusk, but in the distance you can still see the orange glow of the sunset. It’s a beautiful sight.
“When you said this was your favorite color, this is the exact shade I thought of. I used to come up here all the time when I was a kid and watch the sun disappear. It was kind of my own little safe place. Somewhere I could go to think or just be without any background noise.” He moves me in front of him and wraps his arms around my waist. I lean my head back against his chest, melting against him. We stay silent until there’s barely a sliver of an orange glow in the distance. I turn in his arms and clasp my hands around his neck.
“I love you,” I say, my voice steady and strong. “I loved you before I even realized that was what I was feeling. It was such a foreign emotion for me. It should’ve been more difficult to open my heart to you, to trust you so implicitly. But it was easy. So fucking easy, Dax. So once again, my answer is yes. Yes, I want to go forward with the bonding ceremony. I don’t want to wait a minute longer than we have to.” He sucks in a sharp breath, his eyes scanning my face rapidly.
“You mean that? You love me? You want to bond with me in two days?” His questions are asked in an almost disbelieving tone.
“Yes. A thousand times yes to all of it.” I run my fingers through the back of his hair.
“I want to kiss you so bad right now, but I won’t,” his fingers grip my hip and pull me closer. I want to cry out in protest. Hell, I’m almost willing to beg him to kiss me. “I know I’ve stolen some touches here and there and couldn’t resist kissing you in other places, but when our lips meet for the first time, there won’t be anything between us. Not your age or my job. Because when it does happen, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop at just kissing you, Linny.”
“I can’t fucking wait,” I rasp, breathing a little heavier.
“I don’t know the extent of your relationships before me. In my heart, it feels like it’s just been me, but I’m not going to assume. If that’s not the case, it won’t change a thing. I still love you. I just want you to know, that for me, there hasn’t been anyone. Not a kiss, not a grope, not anything more than a platonic hug. I wanted all those things with you. I knew that whoever you’d be, you’d be more than worth the wait,” he confesses, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. I can’t explain the euphoria that blazes through me at that knowledge. Even through years of feeling unwanted because of my own father’s rejection, it’s crazy to know that somewhere out there, someone had been thinking of me their whole life. Planning for a future and not willing to risk my feelings so he could go fuck around like most teenage boys. The man was a saint.
“Thank God it didn’t take us years to find each other. Woulda sucked to be a real life forty year old virgin,” I joke. He throws his head back and laughs, the sound going straight to my girly bits.
“Can I see it?” I blurt out. His wide eyes and panicked look make me laugh.
“Your wolf,” I elaborate. “You really think I was asking you to whip your dick our, right here and now?”
“Baby, please stop talking about my dick,” he groans. “The idea of my most cherished appendage even being a thought in your head has the starved bastard standing at attention, rallying the troops. Then once he finds out it’s a false alarm and we aren’t heading into battle, he revolts by gifting me with the most painful set of blue balls known to man.”
“Are you comparing sex with me to war?” I cock me head, trying to decide if that’s an insult, or who the hell knows what.
“A war with me to not embarrass myself and nut in sixty seconds,” he answers bluntly. “We’ve been preparing for this moment for years, going over battle plans if you will. Lots of hand to dick combat.” He wiggles his fingers at me, a cheesy grin fixed on his face. I burst out laughing. I’m blown away that we’ve once again talked about another thing that should’ve been awkward and uncomfortable but wasn’t. It was light and eased my fears about actually doing the deed. Dax just admitted to being a self proclaimed expert battle strategist. Aka - a professional at masturbation. If that doesn’t take the weight off of me, I don’t what will.
“This has gotten so off topic,” I snort. “I really do want to see your wolf.” Dax takes my hand and leads us over to a huge rock where can sit down.
“I just feel like there’s so much I don’t know but should know. Like this whole part of you has been pushed to the side, not being talked about. I don’t like that, I want to know everything about you,” I tell him sincerely.
“I want you to know everything about me, too,” he says, pulling my legs over his so I’m sitting between them and facing him. “I just didn’t want to put so much on you, especially after everything with Christian. My wolf has been pacing and irritated because he wants to meet you, his mate. But I’ve been terrified that the second I shift it’ll trigger that night for you and I don’t want you to look at me with fear or disgust. It’d hurt too fucking much. I figured we could just ease into that part of me,” he shrugs, like it’s no big deal.
“Dax,” my heart breaks at how selfless he is. “That’s my wolf. I’d never be afraid of him. Of you. I hate that you’ve been dealing with this and haven’t said anything. Does it hurt? To deny your wolf?” I’m not sure if I’m prepared for the answer but I need to know.
“God, hearing you claim us...” he growls. “Yes and no. It’s not really a physical pain, more of a mental tug of war. The push and pull manifests physical reactions. Like anxiety, which leads to headaches. But no specific pain for telling him no. I’ve always prided myself for having a good connection with that part of me. It’s important to in order to live a normal, human life. It’s not like we communicate with words, just this link in our emotions you could say? He underst
ands there’s a reason for why I’ve held him back, even if he doesn’t know or comprehend the specifics.” My mind whirls, so many thoughts and questions racing through it.
“What else do you want to know?” he asks while tracing circles on the inside of my wrist with his thumb.
“Can someone be turned by being bitten? I guess, how much of the folklore is Hollywood and how much is real?” I feel stupid for even having to ask.
“No, we can’t turn anyone. Lycanthropy is a genetic mutation that can only be passed down through procreating. You already know the full-wolf and half-wolf differences. As for what’s real and what’s fake,” he trails off in thought before ticking them off one-by-one with his fingers. “We aren’t forced to turn on full moons. We do have some enhanced senses, such as hearing and sight. It’s exponentially better when we shift, but most of us have 20/20 vision in this form and can hear better than the average person. We don’t, however, have super speed or strength. Most of us are docile and live in peace. Wolves are territorial by nature though, so outside of pack, we don’t take kindly to people wandering around our land. Definitely possessive of our mates,” he grins wickedly and I roll my eyes.
“You don’t say,” I deadpan. “The fact you’ve been sulking over a six year olds claim on me sort of gave that away.”
“In my defense, that six year old is a charming little shit,” he argues lightheartedly.
“He is, isn’t he?” I ask in a wistful tone, smiling at the thought of my Little Tyrant snug as bug and snoring away.
“You really love him, huh?” Dax’s hand cradles my cheek and I lean into it and nod.
“I really do.” I close my eyes I revel in the feel of his warmth. “You’re always so warm, like a personal heater.”
“Yeah, we tend to run hotter as well,” he chuckles.
“You really want to meet my wolf?” His hopeful tone has my eyes opening. Those gorgeous green eyes look for any uncertainty I might have, but he won’t find any.
“Don’t you mean my wolf?” I grin and bite my lip. His guttural growl is all the warning I have before he’s sweeping us up on our feet. He hops off the rock and then grabs me, setting me down as well.
“Stay right here.” I nod. He walks about ten feet away and starts undressing.
“Uh...I thought we established I was talking about wanting to see your wolf not your dick.” He tosses his shirt aside, standing there in a pair of faded blue jeans and black chuck taylors. It feels like I’ve swallowed cotton and possibly in need of a defibrillator to restart my heart. Seeing his bare chest is a lot like a religious experience and I want to worship at the alter of Daxton Elias Bardot. I’m sure that’d be considered worshipping a false god, but I’ll just have to take that up with Jesus-Man himself on judgement day.
“Eyes up here, Linny.” Dax snaps his fingers looking entirely too smug. He pops the button on his jeans and I squeak or maybe it’s a high pitch moan, who the hell knows.
“Close your eyes, baby. I can’t shift with my clothes on. It’ll shred them and then we’ll have to do an awkward walk of shame back to the house,” he laughs. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, trying real freakin’ hard not to crack an eye open with each sound of his clothes being tossed aside.
“I’m gonna shift now, Linny.” I nod, afraid to do much more than breathe. I can hear a grunt and the scuffle of dirt before multiple thumps. Specifically what sounds like four paws landing on solid ground. I can hear him approach but I still keep my eyes tightly shut. I’m not afraid of Dax, I’m just afraid in general. I can’t pinpoint what is. I just suddenly feel scared to open my eyes. Something cold nudges my hand and my eyes fly open instinctively. In front of me is the most beautiful wolf I’ve ever seen, not that I’ve seen any aside from Christian. His coat is white with traces of grey and his head reaches my stomach. Pretty certain he’s not the size of a normal wolf. He sits back on his haunches and I step closer, erasing the space between us.
“Dax?” I hesitantly ask, having no clue if he can even hear me in this form. I know they’re two separate parts, so I hope to hell I’m not offending him. The wolf nods, and I sigh in relief.
“You can hear me? We didn’t exactly talk about that part...” he nods again. I reach my hands up and bury them in the fur around his neck, throwing caution to the wind. It’s surprisingly soft. A contented rumble leaves him, making me smile.
“You like that, huh?” Another rumble. Dax moves forward, inching closer. His teeth snag my sleeve and pull me down so he can bury his head against my neck. He roots around and I laugh.
“Are you seriously marking me with your scent right now?” His huff is my only answer. I rest on my knees and let him rub all over me, knowing this side of Dax needs this right now. When he’s finished metaphorically pissing on me, he sits back once again and does something super fucking creepy. He smiles. A weird ass, wolf smile that’s more than a little scary.
“Oh God, no. Don’t do that,” I shake my head at him but still laugh. I swear he rolls his damn eyes. I surge forward and wrap my arms around him tightly, needing to feel connected to this Dax. My forehead rest against his.
“Mate,” I whisper, knowing he’ll be able to hear it. He growls, but it doesn’t scare me. I know it isn’t done in a threatening way. More of a me wolf, you mine type of way. His big tongue laps out and licks the entire right side of my face. I giggle, falling over and taking my wolf with me. He continues to lick me and jump around playfully, causing my heart to swell at the sight. Once we’ve worn ourselves out, I curl against the massive wolf and bask in his warmth. It’s late when he finally nudges me. I know we need to get back but I don’t want to go. I stand and stretch and watch in fascination as Dax pads over to the cliff edge. I move to stand beside him, burying my hand in the fur on his back, trying to figure out what he’s doing. His dark eyes turn to me before he lets out the most beautifully haunting howl. The sound pierces a part of me I can’t quite place, but I know now why I was suddenly so terrified to face Dax’s wolf.
With startling clarity, it hits me that a part of me wants this. To run with my mate through the woods. To howl in glee with him. My heart aches for that missing piece I’ll never be able to give him. That destructive part of my brain tries to tell me this is just another of those things that makes me not good enough, but I push it away. I bury it so fucking deep and pray it never sees the light of day again. I know neither part of Dax thinks that way. His love is a sure thing, not conditional upon how wolf-enough I am. As if he has a direct line to my thoughts, Dax shifts right before my eyes. He’s on his knees when he comes around, burying his face in my stomach and holding me against him. His goods are hidden, fortunately. Unfortunately?
“Baby,” his voice cracks. “God, Linny. Thank you. That was fucking everything. Having all of me so in tuned with you is bliss, baby. I love you. I love you so much.” He kisses my stomach, running his hands up and down my sides. “Two days. Two. Days. Linny and I’m gonna mark every inch of you. I’m gonna explore your body like I’m Christopher motherfucking Columbus.” His words are muffled against me but I can still make them out. I laugh and then groan, wishing I could snap my fingers and speed up time. Instead, I bury my face in his hair. Tugging on it slightly, I tilt his head up to face me.
“Fuck me...” he moans, his eyes rolling in the back of his head. I smile, thrilled that he reacts this way to me.
“I love you more,” I say, kissing each corner of his mouth.
“Yeah?” he says, eyes still closed. “Well I love you most.”
Chapter 24
“Good Morning...” Mom whispers and my eyes pop open. Her face is inches from mine, giving me a small heart attack.
“Fucking hell, Mother! You just took ten years off my life,” I puff out through heavy breaths.
“So dramatic,” she rolls her eyes.
“Keeping doing that and they’re gonna get stuck that way,” I scold her, sounding way too motherly for my age. “Jesus, it’s like the closer I get to
adulthood the more I start to sound like a mom of four with a mini van.” A sobering thought hits me that the only part of that statement I find truly cringeworthy is the mini van. Mom winks and I narrow my eyes at her.
“Just thought you’d like to know your phone has been blowing up,” she nods to my nightstand where it sits on the charger. As if to emphasize her point, it dings.
“Why, in the name of all that is holy, is someone trying to wake me at this hour?” I groan, trying to bury my face in my pillow to block out the early morning sunlight.
“Find out for yourself,” Mom says in a teasing tone, unplugging my phone and tossing it on the bed beside me.
I slide the unlock button and stare at the string of unread messages I have from Dax, Chevy, and lastly, Beatrix. I start with Dax first, noticing he’s sent multiple.
Dax: Good Morning, baby. I hope you had sweet dreams. About me...
Snort.
Dax: Today, it’s all about you since tomorrow will be all about us. I want you to have a day dedicated to celebrating your eighteenth birthday. And since the actual day will probably be overshadowed by the bonding ceremony, I give you....today. I love you, Linden Elodie Lockwood. I hope you like what I have planned. Pack a bag, enjoy your day, and I’ll see you tonight, my love.
This man. This. Fucking. Man. He’s going to be the death of me with his sweet words. I’m grinning like an idiot, but also confused as hell about needing to pack a bag and dying to know what he’s planned. I exit out of our texts and open Chevy’s.
Chev: Bitch...I am up at six in the morning. For you. Dax better get me a bomb ass birthday gift next week.
Chev: Exactly how attached are you to him? Because seriously, I’m swooning over here...
Chev: And now I’d like the answer to that question for an entirely different reason. He’s a demanding little shit and apparently I’ve become his bitch boy.
