by K. M. Scott
That she included me in her future made me smile. I kissed her lips and whispered against them, “And I can give you greasy bacon kisses like that too on your porch.”
She made a face like she didn’t like the taste on my lips. “My neighbors are going to wonder about me and the man who eats that gross bacon on my porch, but you know what? I don’t care what they think. I’ll let you eat it all you want.”
“I just can’t kiss you afterward without brushing my teeth?”
Diana lifted herself up and kissed me. “You can kiss me anytime, Cole.”
“I will.”
We sat there in her bed surrounded by empty plates after a night of sex I never imagined would ever happen for us. That feeling of peace she’d brought into my life a decade ago had fully returned last night, and I didn’t want to think it would ever leave.
She leaned her head back against me and said, “I don’t remember what you dreamed of doing after high school. Why can’t I remember?”
I pressed my cheek against her to feel her soft hair next to my skin. “I don’t know either. I’m sure it was something stupid. I wasn’t much for planning out my life like you were then. I was just hoping to get through the next day.”
“I’m sorry I never knew how bad things were for you, Cole,” Diana said quietly, as if she had anything to apologize for.
“Don’t feel you have to say you’re sorry. You were the only thing that got me through those days. I may have seemed like I didn’t care if you came out to the woods any night, but I did. You have no idea how much I cared. I just didn’t know how to express it because I was only a kid.”
She turned to look at me and frowned. “I saw when they came to take your father away that day. I couldn’t imagine what you were feeling. That must have been so hard for you and your brothers.”
I thought back to that day and shook my head as the memory came back all too vividly. “I don’t think I can explain how much that scared me. My mother had left, and then they took my father and we were told the house would soon be gone too. I’d lived in that house all my life. My brothers and I had no idea where we’d end up. All I could think was I’d lose all my friends, baseball, and everything I had that came with living in that house. I guess, looking back, it was always the plan that my grandmother would take us in, but in the moment when it was all happening, I felt like I didn’t have anything to hold onto, like my world was spinning out of control and nothing tethered me to the earth.”
“Is that why you spent so much time at our house right after?”
I took a deep breath as that horrible day began to fade away again. “Yeah. My older brother was able to take care of us until we moved to my grandmother’s, but I didn’t want to go back to that house. I couldn’t get the memory of my father being taken away out of my mind. So Ethan asked your parents if I could stay for a while. I expected them to say no since I don’t think they wanted the son of a felon even hanging out with their kid, much less practically living with your family. When they said yes, I was surprised, but you know what the best thing about that was?”
Diana shook her head. “I don’t know. What?”
“That’s when I started to think I liked you. You probably never noticed how much I paid attention to you in those weeks, but I did. Thinking back, I guess I was stalking you then too. And to think I believed my whole stalking thing just happened in the last week.”
“You have no idea how long I had noticed you, do you?” she asked and then lowered her head, blushing.
“In my defense, I did have a lot of shit going on for a teenage kid to deal with,” I said, trying to make her smile.
“When we were in sophomore year, you and your friends would play football after school at the field by school. Sometimes Ethan would stay if he didn’t have his photography classes to go to, so I’d make an excuse to hang around because I said I wanted to watch him play. But it was you I wanted to see. I liked when your side would play skins the best. You never noticed me because I was always just Ethan’s sister and I wasn’t one of the girls you hung out with then, but I noticed you.”
“Skins, huh? I guess you’re right about you bookworm types. I never figured you even saw me since every time I came over to the house before those few weeks I stayed you disappeared.”
Looking up at me, her blue eyes wide, she gave me a shy smile. “I knew I wasn’t the type of girl you’d like. You always spent time with the cheerleaders and girls who went to parties with you guys.”
I lifted her chin with my finger and kissed her. “Again, in my defense, I was a teenage boy. We are historically the worst when it comes to decision-making. That doesn’t excuse me for being stupid, but I did get better two years later. I deserve some credit for that, don’t you think?”
She nodded and smiled. “Yes. And for what it’s worth, I loved every minute of that time we spent together in those couple months we were secretly meeting in the woods.”
Wrapping my arms around her, I pulled her to me. “I did too. You saved me, Diana. Nobody else made me think things would be okay, but you did. I couldn’t have found what you gave me in any other girl then. When I needed someone, you saved me.”
No matter what she thought she knew about those hours we spent together, nothing I said truly explained how much they meant to me. As much as I hated to admit it, now I was little better off than where I was ten years ago, but this time I wanted to be worthy of all she offered.
I just had to figure out how to be that for her.
Chapter Fourteen
Diana
My lunch with Summer that we’d planned two weeks ago felt like torture as I struggled not to tell her the wonderful news about what happened with Cole. I wanted to so badly, but was that the right thing to do? I wasn’t a teenage girl anymore. By the time someone got to the age I was, they should have been more mature.
But since I’d missed out on most of my twenties, part of me couldn’t help but want to share some of the details with her. Another part wanted to tell someone just to show I wasn’t some sad, pathetic creature who couldn’t attract a man to save her life.
Most of all, though, I wanted to share my happiness with my friend.
Leaning over the table toward her, I looked around to make sure no one at the nearby tables were paying attention to us and whispered, “I have something I want to tell you.”
A look of confusion came across her face. “Okay. Is anything wrong? Do we need to leave now?”
“No. I’m fine. In fact, I’m better than fine. I’m thrilled about something I want to tell you about, but I need you to promise me you won’t say a thing to another soul, especially my brother. Okay?”
Summer leaned down until her face was next to mine and nodded. “Okay. What’s going on, Diana?”
“I slept with someone last night.”
It took a few seconds for my statement to sink in, but when it did, Summer practically threw herself back against her chair, her mouth hanging open in shock. “You what? Who? I thought you didn’t like any of those guys we were looking at on that site. Who is he? How did you meet him? Have you been able to go out on your own? That’s great!”
I couldn’t tell what she thought was great—my having sex that clearly had rocked my world enough to want to tell her about it or the idea that I had gone out of my room without anyone with me, which seemed far less impressive in the big scheme of things.
“It’s someone you know.”
Being cryptic wasn’t naturally my style, but I felt like I needed to slow-walk her to my big news of who the man was I’d had sex with.
She narrowed her eyes and stared at me intently. “You slept with someone I know? Who?”
I waved her down to where I hovered over the table and whispered his name. “Cole.”
“Cole who?” she asked, and then as if a lightbulb lit up over her head, her eyes grew as big as saucers and she said far too loudly, “Cole Knight? You slept with Cole Knight, Ethan’s best friend?”
Instantly, I swiveled my head around to see if any of the other customers at the restaurant had heard her. No one stared at us, thankfully, but if I was going to tell her any more details, she needed to keep her voice down.
“We’re in public, Summer! Lower your voice,” I whispered.
She shook her head fast. “You just told me you had sex with Cole Knight, Diana! I’m in shock. How did this happen? When? Where? How?” she asked in rapid-fire succession, her voice barely quieter than a few seconds ago.
“If you promise not to let everyone in this restaurant know, I’ll tell you. Just calm down. Jeez, you’re making a bigger deal of it than I am, and I’m the one who hasn’t been with a man in eight years.”
Summer took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Once all the air had left her lungs, she shook her head again. “I’m just blown away by this. I want details. This is no time to be modest, so spill them. Start from the beginning and take it slow. I’m just getting used to this, so bear with me.”
My future sister-in-law didn’t tend to overreact most of the time, so I knew I’d truly shocked her by my announcement. I liked how that felt. She and Ethan were always surprising all of us with their news about his success with the photography business, their engagement, and all their wedding plans, so it was nice to be the one doing the surprising for once.
“I saw him in the hotel lobby the afternoon you and I went to the bridal shop to look for dresses. We had a drink at the lounge and talked, and it was really great. It felt like no time had passed since we used to hang out together in high school. I mean, well, it was a little awkward at first, but he was sweet, so I gave him my number so he could call me.”
“And he called and what? You invited him over and wham? You guys leaped into bed?” Summer asked, clearly overestimating my abilities with men.
I laughed and waved away her questions. “Not exactly. He called and I asked him to go apartment hunting with me. We saw two apartments, but I didn’t like either one of them. Then we had dinner at a little place in the Upper East Side and went back to my room. We talked for a little bit, and then I kissed him.”
“What? You made a move on him?” she asked with a look of amazement.
Nodding, I smiled with pride. “I did. I wanted to know what it would feel like after all these years, so I leaned forward on the couch and kissed him. And it was as wonderful as I remembered.”
Summer shook her head. “Unbelievable! So then he made a move, and you just went along with it and slept with him? I don’t know what to say, Diana.”
“Not exactly,” I said with a shrug. “He initially didn’t seem to want to do anything, so I told him to leave. I didn’t want him to stay if I was the only one in that room who wanted things to go further.”
“So you gave him the green light and he marched right in and made a move.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. God, she was so off the mark about Cole. She had him sounding like he practically attacked me. I needed her to know how wrong she was about him.
“It wasn’t like that, Summer. I told him I wanted him, and then we kissed for a little bit and things progressed. I wanted him as much as he wanted me. So we slept together, and I’m not going to lie. It was fantastic.”
By the time I finished talking, my smile had stretched so wide my cheeks were beginning to ache. I didn’t care. I had every right to grin like a woman who’d had great sex for the first time in ages. Literally.
Summer appeared speechless and kept opening and closing her mouth like she had something to say but didn’t know the right words to use. I rarely had this effect on those around me, and I had to admit I liked it. The days of boring Diana who never did anything interesting had ended.
“You slept with Cole Knight,” she said like she needed to hear it in her own voice to believe it.
“Yes, and it was fantastic. For both of us, I’m happy to announce.”
Her mouth dropped open yet again at that comment. “Wow. I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you’re happy for me.”
A look of concern filled her eyes. “Are you okay? I mean, he’s not exactly the type of guy I would have suggested for your first time out of the gate.”
Her worry made me smile. “I wasn’t a virgin, Summer. I have had sex before in my life. Believe it or not, before the accident, I did have a normal life that included sex.”
“I know, but it’s been a long time. Isn’t there some kind of thing where you revirginate after so many years?”
Whether she meant that to be funny or not, I laughed out loud. “I don’t think that’s a thing. And even though I’m sure this is moving into TMI range, it’s not like that part of my body hasn’t been having a regular workout for all these years. I’m a normal woman in her twenties. I just wasn’t sexually active with a man until two days ago. And yesterday morning. And afternoon.”
Summer waved her hands frantically in a futile effort to make me stop as I spoke candidly about my sex life. “Oh, my God! I had no idea, and I’m not sure I want to know any more, especially about how many times you and Cole had sex. TMI!”
When she finished flailing around, I told her the most important truth the past few days had shown me. “I’m happy. I haven’t been able to say that for a long time and truly mean it. And here’s another newsflash. I’m moving out of the city. I want somewhere I can have a yard and a porch I can sit on and eat my breakfast in the morning. Somewhere I can close my eyes and enjoy bacon and eggs.”
For the fifth or sixth time since we finished our lunch, I’d shocked her into silence. When she finally recovered, she took a big gulp of her water and then sighed. “I’ve never seen you eat a piece of bacon in the entire two plus years I’ve known you, Diana. You’re moving out of the city? Does Ethan know? Do your parents know? That’s a huge step, isn’t it?”
“Yes, Ethan knows I’m moving,” I answered, knowing I was parsing the truth with that statement. “My parents do, too.”
Leaning in toward me, she took my hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Are you ready to live alone? I mean really alone. Living in the hotel isn’t living alone, technically. There are people there at your beck and call if you need anything. I know you don’t have housekeeping come in anymore, but that’s not the same as living alone for real. Are you ready for that?”
I smiled, thankful for her concern, but knowing I could handle this move. “I’m going to be fine. Yes, I’m ready for this, okay? And who knows? I might not be alone.”
She leaned back in her chair and sighed. “Okay. I need to visit the ladies’ room before we go, so give me a couple minutes. You’ll be good alone at the table here?”
For so long, that question had been one that needed to be asked, but I hadn’t had a problem being out in public alone for months. Summer and the rest of my family meant well, but they really needed to catch on to the reality that I was better now.
Much better.
“I’ll be fine. Relax. Go and take as long as you need to. I’m going to sit here and check out some house listings I found this morning.”
“Okay. I’d love to see them when I get back, if that’s okay.”
“Great! We can go back to my room and I’ll show you any I plan to see there. The TV is much better than looking at listings on my phone.”
As Summer hurried off to the ladies’ room, I began scrolling through pictures of what might be my new house sometime soon. I liked the yard, but the porch didn’t look big enough to fit a table and chairs for my breakfast and Cole’s, if he wanted to eat out there.
Not that I had mentioned any of that to him. We’d only had one night together. Well, one night and a whole day afterward. Smiling, I thought about how wonderful my time with him had been. I hoped we’d have many more. For now, the past few days made me feel like a new woman, and for that, I had him to thank.
When Summer and I got back to my room, Tressa was waiting for us. Surprised to see my sister in the middle of a workday dressed in her black skirt and pi
nk silk blouse that said she clearly had been in the office, I wondered if something had happened with my parents.
Fear tore through me as I hurriedly asked, “Is everything okay? Are Mommy and Daddy okay?”
She smiled and hugged me to her. “They’re fine. I had a few spare minutes, so I thought I’d see if you could talk about the bridesmaids’ dresses.”
My heart slowly returned to its normal rhythm as the fear that something had happened to my parents drained away. “You’re in luck because you can talk to two of your bridesmaids since Summer’s here. Come in!”
They sat down together on the couch and began talking about something regarding the wedding as I grabbed myself a drink of water. I offered them some, but neither wanted any. They seemed more focused on whatever they were quietly discussing.
“So what’s new on the bridesmaids’ dresses? I like the black silk ones you picked out. I thought they were a done deal.”
Tressa smiled. “I think they are, but I wanted to ask you two about what you thought.”
My sister wanting our opinions on the dresses seemed odd. She didn’t generally need or want other people’s opinions on her decisions, even when they involved making other people do things.
Looking over toward Summer, I said, “I like them. Summer, you like them too, right?”
“I do. I think they’re going to look gorgeous,” she said.
Tressa clapped her hands together, clearly pleased. “Great! So what’s new with you two? I never see you much anymore with all the wedding planning and work.”
Summer quickly ticked off what she and Ethan had been up to lately, and then they turned their heads to look at me. Something felt off.
“You know me, Tress. Same old, same old.”
My sister and Summer shifted uncomfortably on the couch, and in the silence I knew Summer had called Tressa and told her what I shared with her at lunch. How could she have betrayed me like that?
