“What do you think is going to happen now that Slim is gone?” I nonchalantly ask as Striker grabs us a beer while I roll a joint. "Rebel needs to rise up and take his rightful place and fill your daddy’s shoes. He might not want to face it, but that’s the harsh reality of it. Grim only cares about Grim, and well Rumor and Sunshine. He’s not like Slim and Rebel or you.” I lick the rolling paper and pass it over to Striker; he always rolls tighter than I do.
“I guess we will find out tomorrow, now you gonna' fire up this joint, or are you gonna' baby-sit it all night.” I stick my tongue out at him.
"Go ask your dickweed of a brother if he wants a midnight toke, he looks like he could use it."
Rebel comes back into the living room to smoke with us. Striker passes out on the couch, leaving me alone with Rebel. I know he is drunk, but that has never stopped me from trying before. It worked the night I attempted to give him a blowjob. I had no idea what I was doing but he seemed to be enjoying it until Rumor interrupted us.
"You want some company." I shove him towards the bedroom.
Rebel comes to a stop outside the door of the bedroom, leaning against the doorframe he looks three sheets to the wind, but he manages to give me a wide smile. "Baby, you are one of my best friends."
"I know," I lean up to kiss him and he pushes me a little too roughly, sending me to the floor on my ass.
"Fuck, I am sorry, didn't mean to do that." He shakes his head holding onto the frame of the bedroom door for support he helps me back to my feet. "Baby, you sure you want to cross this line." He wraps his arms around me and pushes me through the door and down on the bed, not giving me an opportunity to think about it.
Throwing his favorite line to me back at him as I straddle him, "Rebel, don't be cross with me. I couldn't bear it if you were mad at me." Batting my lashes at him I lean down close and whisper against his lips, "you know I care about you Rebel. Kiss me...tell me you don't feel something and I will never lay a finger on you again unless you ask me to." He looks at me as if he is having a war with himself. "Don't be a chicken shit, it's one kiss. And I don't mean no little peck; I want a real kiss, tongue and all. Those are my terms." I smile in victory when he licks his lips before leaning down over top of me.
"One kiss," he whispers more to himself than to me, before he crashes into me, our body's mold together becoming one. His lips melt into mine and I know he feels something when he gets lost in our kiss. Our tongues are dancing with desire; I feel it when he fully gives into his passion. The firmness in is pants is pressing against my stomach. His fingers are threaded in my red hair, before they begin traveling down my neck to investigate my torso. He unbuttons my shirt exposing my ample chest.
Rebel's hands discover their way to my breasts, followed by his skillful mouth. My hands tug on his zipper. I want this to happen—I need this to happen. I yearn to know he loves me. I would do anything for Rebel...anything. With his help, I ease out of my shorts and panties, and I help free him from his jeans. Rebel's tip is pressed at my liquid center ready to give in and show me he loves me too. The room is silent except for the heaviness of our breathing. I arch my back and he prepares to slide into me.
For my first time, doing this with Rebel when he won't even remember makes me feel cheap...used. I stop him, "Rebel," I push him off of me. I don't long for him like this. Do I really love a man, who can only be with me when he is too drunk to commit it to memory it?
"Thought, this is what you wanted." He looks at me through glossy eyes. I doubt he will recollect any of this tomorrow.
"Do you love me Rebel?"
"That's a stupid question, you know I love you."
"But not in the way that I want you too. Did you tell Rumor I was like a sister to you?"
"What's going on with you, you've been after me, I'm giving you what you want."
"Will it hurt?" I have been dreaming of this moment, Rebel pleasing me and making me his and it is nothing like I anticipated.
"Jesus, are you telling me you are a virgin Baby?"
"I was saving myself for you, so I'd be only yours the day you claim me."
"Baby, I'm not going to claim you, and goddamnit I am not taking your virginity!" Rebel is so pissed at me, now I've done it. I should have known he'd want someone with experience.
He pulls his pants up and I wrap the sheet around me, feeling quite exposed.
"Baby, I know you think you love me and that we are meant to be together. But just now, you felt the awkwardness didn't you. Sure, you are hot and I'd fuck you, but it would be weird for both of us, admit it. You were in love with the idea of being with me, but not me. I will not do this. Like this. With you."
"You don't get to tell me how I feel. Are you in love with my sister?"
"Does it matter? You and I know she wants out of this life."
"You didn't answer my question. Are you in love with my sister? Answer me!"
"Yes, satisfied?" I curl up into a ball, he doesn't want me, and he doesn't love me the way I wish for him to. Tears are falling down my face and leaking onto the pillow. "Baby, I'm sorry, I can't help how I feel. You are beautiful, feisty as hell and some day you will meet a man who will love all of those things that make you—you but that man isn't ever going to be me." He rubs soothing circles along the bare skin of my back, as he used to do years ago when I would be miserable because my father let me down.
"It's okay Rebel, I know you think of me as your sister, I won't lay a hand on you ever again, I promise." And I won't Rebel doesn't crave me and just maybe I don't desire him either.
**
I awaken the next morning with my face being licked by Roscoe— Slim’s hound dog. Poor guy must be lost with his daddy gone. ”Okay, okay I’ll feed you, give me a minute.”
Skillfully I remove Rebel's arm from my waist. He and I spend many nights drinking, smoking, fucking around and shooting the shit. Last night Rebel made it clear, he and I will never be, he probably won't recall any of it, but I'll know, he doesn't really love me. My back is stiff as I rise to stand. Roscoe is impatiently waiting by my feet to be fed. He follows me into the kitchen and I fill his bowl. I put on some coffee and peek into the living room at Striker as he rests on the couch. He is sexy as sin to look at. What girl wouldn’t be crazy for his pierced lip and pretty boy features? His left arm is covered in a full sleeve and he has live to ride tattooed across his knuckles. His hair is black as coal and messy with that tousled just fucked hair that reaches his chin. He wears glasses and I never thought glasses could be sexy, but on him, anything looks first-rate.
Why don’t I go after Striker instead of Rebel? Striker isn’t ever going to be tied down with one woman he likes his freedom too much—not that having a top bitch stops a man from sleeping with other women. Striker has been dating the same bitch for nearly two years and wets his dick anywhere he can when Aspen isn't around. That is another reason I wanted to belong to Rebel. I know that when he takes a top bitch, he will be faithful; he is bighearted in that way. Last night I know Rebel would have slept with me, but it felt weird, nothing like I was expecting it to.
Sure physically the attraction was there for both of us, but he was right emotionally it wasn't there in that way. I will always love him and a part of me will always wonder what may have been between us had Rumor not came into the picture. If Grim hadn't found her, Rebel would love me, he'd be mine.
Don't get me wrong I still don't want him with Rumor, she isn't the right girl for him. But I know I need to let Rebel figure it out on his own I don't want to be the one that drives a wedge between us. As much as I would like to be with him, I know you can't force something that isn't there. I have seen it for my own eyes with Foxie and Grim. She pined away after him for years and yeah he'd come in off the road and he'd fuck her, but he never could love her and offer her what she craved most of all—his heart. I don't want that sort of love. I want that ride or die love, can't eat, can't sleep—weak in the knees love. And if Rebel isn't going to give it to me, I'll
find a man who will.
I want that ride or die love that my father had for my mother. The evidence is proven on his back; her memory is inked into his skin and his heart forever. He did anything and everything all in her name all for the promise he made her. He was ready to die for her, to ride for, and he did—he rode thousands of miles for her, killing off a piece of him with every teardrop he earned. But nothing lasts forever...There was no happy ending for my mother, she found love and it killed her, my father found love and it ruined him. Love either grows or dies. If it grows, it expands beyond the depths of our reach, but if it dies, there is no getting it back.
2
**Baby 17 years old**
Baby
"Hey Baby, you got mail on the kitchen counter." Sunshine calls out to me cheerfully. I swear it should be against the law for a person to be so damned happy all of the time. Her, Grim and Rumor are sitting at the table together having dinner like a family. I grab a bottled water and take my mail from the countertop on my way to my room.
Grim calls out after me, "Baby, get your ass back in here and sit down for dinner. Need to talk to ya." Fuck, if I don't go in there it will be hell later.
Pulling out the chair furthest from Rumor, I take my seat. Sunshine automatically shoves a plate in front of me. I'm not in the mood to argue with her so I take my fork and begin eating her shitty spaghetti. Sunshine tries, love her heart but she can't cook for shit. But look at my father, he slops up her shit like a pig. Makes me pale watching it, but I know he loves her. I hope that one day a man loves me to the extent that he loves Sunshine. I used to wish my father would give me even an ounce of the attention and affection he shows Sunshine and Rumor. He has always treated me like the ghost of Gypsy Red. Why can't he see that I am not her, I am not my mother. Sure, I look like her but I'm nothing like her well from what I know of her, which isn't much other than she was basically a mole. Maybe my father resents me because of her, but whatever the reason I am tired of being made to pay for her sins.
"Sunshine and I are going to take our honeymoon in a week or so, I am telling you now that you better fucking walk the line while we are gone. LL and Romeo will be checking in on you girls daily." I know when he says you girls he means me. His precious Rumor wouldn't dare step out of line. Baby's a troublemaker, Baby is a liar, Baby never listens—I can just hear him talking about me to Skull now. Skull, how I miss that old coot, he never comes around anymore; his health does not permit it. Grim sent Betty to take care of him. He hates Betty, the history between her and my father runs way back to before my mother. He says she is a lying whore, and she doesn't deserve shit. Therefore, he figured her having to wipe Skull's ass and take care of him was a perfect place for her.
"Can't I just lodge with Foxie?"
"Hell no, you will stay here with your sister end of discussion." He just wants me here because he doesn't want me around Striker and Rebel, like that would stop me from fucking them if I wanted to. I'd do it anyway, anytime and anywhere if I really wanted to.
After dinner, I retreat to my room while Rumor plays kiss ass and does the dishes. Flipping through my mail, one envelope strikes me as peculiar. There is no return address and my name is written in a messy scrawl, looks more like chicken scratch. Lying back on my plush pink pillows I open the envelope to find a typed letter asking to meet me at an address that is a good hours drive away. There is no name or any clue of who sent it, just to be there tonight at midnight, alone. I am intrigued. Though I am not sure how I will get out tonight after Grim's curfew unless, he is needed elsewhere. I shoot a quick text to Trouble...
Baby: Need a favor and promise to make it worth your effort xx
Trouble: Anything for my favorite girl
Baby: I need to sneak out around 10:30, think you can get Grim out of the house. And I need your car.
Trouble: Consider it done, but you owe me.
Baby: Name your poison ;)
Trouble: I sure could use a case of apple pie shine
Baby: I like the way you think- next time I baby-sit, you can swing by
I sit and wait for Grim to leave. When I can no longer hear his chopper in the distance, I climb out of my window and make my way to the back of the garage where Trouble parks his car. His keys are waiting in his candy apple red 1977 Transam, just like always Trouble has come through for me. He isn't the best-looking guy, but he is loyal. He is my best friend other than Rebel and Striker. He always comes through for me no matter what I demand of him. The idiots I attend school with, they don't get me, they think I am trash, because of who I am. That's how me and Trouble became so tight, he has always had my back at school, kept me from stabbing a few of them prissy ass bitches more than a time or two with my fork at lunch. As I said, I have Grim's temper. But Trouble is graduating this year leaving me to the wolves next year.
My old man would shit a brick if he knew I was out this late on a school night and driving Trouble's fast as lighting car. Grim took my license from me as punishment last time I was late, which reminds me I need to get that back before he whisks Sunshine off on their romantic trip. I crank up the radio and put the pedal to the floorboard once I am out on the highway. I giggle as I listen to the song that is playing, 'She's only 17' is blaring out the speakers, Trouble loves 80's rock and I don't know how he does it but he seems to always have the perfect song playing when I get in his car. It's like he has mapped out the soundtrack of my life.
**
Pulling into a rundown deserted gas station, I feel slightly afraid. What if it is an enemy of my father's waiting to ambush me? I should have brought Trouble with me, but no, I had to follow directions. Reaching under the seat, I find Trouble's insurance—a 9-millimeter pistol. Carefully I tuck it in my small handbag before stepping out of the car. There is a dim light on inside the crumbling building. Here goes nothing...I walk to the door and it pushes open with a slight creak to it.
"Damn if you ain't pretty, look here boys we got us a fresh one." A fat older man with a gray beard is sitting on a stool playing one of those old-fashioned penny poker machines.
"Can it Roy," a younger sounding guy, wearing a red bandanna hiding most of his face except for his dark blue eyes greets me with a wink. With a deep voice, "You must be lost sweetheart, you are too damn pretty to be here looking for any of us. Did you make a wrong turn somewhere? You see, we aren't the sort of men you come looking for unless you want to die or fuck, which one do you fall under?" He laughs mocking me with his piercing blue eyes. As rude and crude as he is, I find myself wanting to run my fingers through his shaggy brown hair. If he could see the tats I am concealing under my hoodie, he would wipe that smug smile off of his ruggedly charming mouth. He would clearly see that while I might like to fuck, if he touches me the Black Rebel Riders' MC would slit his throat. I have the club names initials tattooed on my collarbone in Chinese letters it reads BRRMC.
He steps closer to me practically pinning me against the door I just walked through. My hand is resting on the gun in my purse, I will shoot this asshole if need be. If there is one thing Grim ever taught me it was how to shoot, he made damn sure his daughter knew how to defend herself. I smile sweetly making sure to show no fear of this arrogant bastard and his friends. Looking closely at his many tattoos I see now why I am here, these dick licks are Devils Rejects. He has their devil emblem on his neck; there is no mistaking him for anything other than a Devils Reject.
He pulls his bandanna down around his neck. "You got a man sweet thang," he licks my bottom lip, making liquid fire shoot through my belly and between my thighs. Sweet Jesus this man is doing things to my body. I take the opportunity to take my stance in case I have to shoot him.
"Sure do, I have a man takes real good care of all of my needs, but tell ya what...if I ever feel the need to stray, I won't be calling you." The twinkle fades from his devilishly beautiful eyes. They are like blue pools of water sucking me in threatening to bring me under the surface and drown me under their gaze.
"You got a mou
th on ya. You know what I do to bitches that got a mouth on them..." His hands slide between us and he tugs on the zipper of his jeans. "I give them a mouthful." With his gesture I turn rigid, my jaw goes slack.
I probably should keep my mouth shut, but I cannot control my wicked tongue. "That little thing, honey I've seen rats with bigger dicks than you." Forcefully he takes my chin in his hands. His rough calloused skin sending shivers down my spine. Just as I am about to shoot the motherfucker we are interrupted by the reason I was brought to this shithole.
"Lucky, you have about three seconds to get the fuck away from my guest before I end you." Lucky goes pale backing away from me with his hands up in surrender. The old man I believe his name was Roy is laughing so hard he about gets choked on his own spit.
I step forward greeting a man who shares my sister's smile, it is odd and comforting all in one. I am not sure what to make of him. "Follow me," I obey following him past where there used to be cooler of soda and water. The light is dim, making a buzzing sound. The smell in this building is musky, damp, making my stomach turn. We come to a stop at a small room, "have a seat."
Looking at the dingy chair, I am almost afraid to take a seat. "I prefer to stand."
"Have it your way." This stranger, who doesn't feel like a stranger at all, has a seat behind an old metal desk. Suppose you are trying to figure out who in the hell I am and why I brought you here." I nod urging him to get on with it. The longer I am here the more uneasy I grow. "Name is Rush; I was a good friend of your mother's. Been dying to meet you since I found out you were alive. You look just like Kara Marie. I moved away while she was pregnant with you. I've only been back about a month. Lived out California all these years, never even knew your mother was dead until about eight years ago, figured you were dead too when I heard the news. Fuck, you sure are your mother's daughter. You can take your finger off the trigger, I would never hurt you, and you're family."
Baby (Black Rebel Riders' MC) Page 2
