Holding her waist, she crushed the paper against her body, struggling to find a way to calm her beating heart and silence the rushing blood thundering in her ears. After several harsh breaths, she managed to slow the rhythm of her pulse and quiet the roaring in her brain.
She wiped her eyes and opened them only to see Caleb standing in the doorway. His face was a twisted mask of pain and sorrow and shock that mirrored everything she had corralled into stoic, reluctant acceptance.
“You’re deploying,” she said, holding up the wrinkled letter, her voice devoid of the emotion battle ramming her from the inside out. Legally, according to the military’s strict rules, her only connection to Caleb would be through their son. She, by her stubborn refusal to accept his proposal weeks ago, would have no rights at all.
Chapter Eighteen
Caleb had heard Hannah crying as soon as he had stepped inside the kitchen. He’d rushed to find her, fearing something horrible had happened to her or Jason. Now, standing in the doorway of his office, adrenaline still pumping through his veins, his heart beat a vicious tympani inside his chest.
“I told you I planned to go back after my father recovered.”
“But he’s not ever going to be well enough to resume control of Gibson Technologies.” She put the crumpled letter on his desk. “You had the board members vote him out of power. Who will run the company if you’re overseas in deep cover?”
“Unlike my father, I have complete confidence in the company’s executives.” Caleb folded his arms across his chest. “They’re perfectly capable of keeping Gibson Technologies in the black and fully operational if I choose to go.” He wanted to stay, but refusing his commander’s fourth call to duty felt like a betrayal to everything he had fought to become when he’d joined the Marine Corps. “Backing out of this mission could jeopardize the lives of the men who are counting on my commitment to them.”
“I understand your commitment to your men. But two years is a long time to be incommunicado,” she said quietly. “The only way I’ll be able to get in touch with you is if something happens to Jason.”
“Nothing will happen to him.” He crossed the room and stood next to her. “I’m not abandoning you. I’ve got everything worked out.” He’d spent the better part of his morning finalizing the deal and had planned to surprise Hannah with the news after dinner. But now he’d have to pull out his ace in the hole a little earlier than he’d anticipated.
“What do you mean you have everything arranged?”
He reached inside his suit jacket’s pocket, then withdrew a white box tied with aqua ribbon. “I was going to give this to you tonight, but I figure now is the right time.”
She inhaled a sharp breath. “Is this what I think it is?”
“Open the box,” he said, placing his gift in her trembling hand.
“I should have said yes before. I’m sorry. So so sorry.” She untied the ribbon and it floated down. Carefully, she opened the box, but when she saw the contents her face paled. “This is unexpected.” She withdrew the house key that he’d nestled inside only an hour earlier. “And unnecessary. I already have a key.”
“This one’s special. Permanent.”
She moved to bring her arms around him, but he held up his hands stopping her. “I bought the mountain house for you and Jason. The paperwork is filed with the bank. You won’t have to move even if something happens to me when I’m overseas.” He spoke fast, tripped over his tongue trying to get everything out quickly because the look on her face wasn’t the rapturous one he had hoped for when he had finalized the deal. “It’s all yours.”
“I see.” Hannah closed the box. “But the thing is I don’t want this house.”
“Why not? He loves it here. You love it here. Why move back to that dinky apartment when you can stay here, free and clear?” And be waiting for him when he returned from wherever he chose to go. “We don’t have to get married. I know you don’t want to be hitched to a Marine after what happened to you in Los Angeles. But your safety and security are important to me. I figured this was a great solution. A win-win with no strings.” He’d already proposed once and been rejected. No way would he take that risk again. But she confused the crap out of him.
Her lips thinned to a razor sharp line. “The reason I said no to your marriage proposal was because you issued it like an order. I didn’t want to live with a man who didn’t love me and who controlled me. Not again. I went through that kind of hell once. It nearly destroyed me. Now you’re telling me how I have to live instead of asking me if this is what I need. I never asked you for a house, Caleb.”
“No. You wanted me to give up my career, abandon the men in the field so you could have the perfect, white picket fence life of your dreams. I can’t give you that.”
“You’re right. I did want you to take the safe road because I was terrified of what could happen if you came home with PTSD. I didn’t want to lose the man I loved.” She put the box next to the paper she had placed on the desk. “But from the beginning of our reunion, I did tell you that we were a team no matter what you decided. I tried to get you to talk about this after your last business trip, but you refused. You didn’t trust me enough to make me part of the equation. That’s not what I want my future to be like—you going into the shadows, making decisions without consulting me, and then expecting me to understand.”
“I didn’t want to upset you. Two years is a long time to wait. I couldn’t ask you to give up having a future with a normal dude. I was trying to respect your fucking wishes.”
She folded her hands. “I might have gotten upset, but I did want to be part of the decision. No matter what happened, I thought of us as a team after everything we’ve done together. But you didn’t respect me, or trust me enough to trust me with your heart. With your life. With everything that you had because I thought that we had something special between us. Not just a child, but a chance for a real future as a couple. But you decided everything without even consulting me. Once again, you’re issuing orders instead of risking the one thing I do need. And that’s not good enough for me. I deserve more.”
Jesus. What more did he have to do to prove that she mattered to him? He didn’t get it. “I think the reason you slept with me two years ago was because you knew I wasn’t going to stay. You said you loved me then, but you only loved the freedom you’d have gotten once I picked up my kit and walked out of your life to return to the Marines.”
She recoiled as if he had physically struck her. “You’re right. I didn’t want every facet of my life manipulated until I lost my sense of self respect and worth. But you’re wrong about why we were together. You were running away, angry with your father, and acting like a man possessed. I knew all about how anger clouded a person’s mind. How it endangered the lives of the people around him. I lived through that pain. I thought my love could stop Brandon from destroying himself. It didn’t, but I tried. I really tried to make up for that with you. You left anyway. When you returned, I was afraid to try again, but my heart couldn’t deny you when I saw how much you cared for Jason. How much you cared for me. I trusted you enough to risk loving you all over again. But you’ve made all these decisions without once considering my feelings about them. I can’t be with a man who doesn’t give me 100 percent of himself no matter what happens.”
“I’m not Brandon.”
“No, you’re not, but I can’t be with someone who doesn’t treat me like an equal. And until you realize that, I can’t be with you.”
Caleb felt the world he had created, the possibilities slipping away, and he couldn’t figure out how to stop the tilting. He’d tried to show her he cared, but what he’d done wasn’t good enough. Nothing he’d ever done when he’d been growing up in Sweetbriar Springs had garnered him the approval he’d so desperately sought from his father. Now the one person he expected to accept him as he was refused what he had to offer.
“I want to protect you,” he said, trying once more to make her see it his way. �
��Give you a safe place to call home. That should be enough.”
Hannah swallowed hard, her hazel eyes glimmering with a wet sheen. “Without love, this place will never be a home.” She moved around him and walked to the office door.
“You’re using my commanding officer’s letter as an excuse to leave.” Caleb slapped his hand against the hard desk, welcoming the pain that shot through his arm. “Until now I wasn’t even sure I would take on the mission. But your rejection of everything I’ve done to prove to you that I care about my family and you makes my choice crystal clear.”
She stopped in the opening, her back ramrod stiff, then turned around. “Your call to duty could have been our call to duty. Staking a claim here in Sweetbriar Springs should have been one we made together. But you’re still acting like a free agent.” She stepped back through the door, and tears trailed freely down her cheeks. “I didn’t ask for anything but for you to trust me with your heart. If you can’t give me that, then we have nothing to hold us together,” Hannah said before leaving him alone.
###
The following morning, Caleb woke up to the sound of nothing. Jason’s little boy giggles didn’t ring through the house. Hannah’s laughing voice didn’t echo down the hall. His head, however, pounded mercilessly. The banging and clatter of a thousand drums brought on by his attempt to obliterate his frustration the night before with a bottle of fine single malt scotch.
His mouth tasted sour and pain lanced white hot through his closed eyes.
Vaguely, he remembered making a series of calls to his buddies and blathering about Hannah and Jason. They’d been appropriately empathetic, extolling the dangers of women and relationships in tandem with Caleb. But now, without the warmth of her body laying next to his, her arm flung across his waist and her head nestled in the crook of his shoulder, every word rang false.
In spite of all his good intentions, he had blown it. He’d done it so magnificently that he bought a house he didn’t need, or want, for a woman who didn’t need or want him.
Well, too damn bad. He’d get over this shit the usual way. Another tour of duty would clear the Hannah debris from his mind once and for all. That meant getting up, working his ass off all day to get Gibson Technology squared away, then he’d pack his kit and head to the base.
He sat, groaned, and clasped his head between his hands, trying to keep his brain inside his skull. A shit ton of legal maneuvering would have to be accomplished in a short stretch of time. But first he needed coffee. Preferably via an IV.
Standing, he grabbed his T-shirt from the corner of the bed, pulled it on as he walked across the bedroom floor. A sharp edge knifed into his bare foot and he hopped before stopping cold. He looked down and recognized the stray orange Lego block from Jason’s collection of toys.
His throat tightened and his eyes pricked with pain. God, he’d miss his little guy so much. The horsing around, the little boy antics, the tender moments in between the busy-ness of keeping up with an active toddler. Though Caleb hadn’t been there from the get-go, he couldn’t imagine not being there for Jason in the future.
He loved his son. A son that hadn’t been planned and hadn’t been expected, but she’d given him a chance to know his little boy without recrimination or any expectation other than being Jason’s dad. All she had asked of him was to be her partner in raising their son.
Hannah had used no strings, had not demanded one thing in return, and she sure as hell hadn’t manipulated him into a commitment based on obligation.
Caleb picked the Lego off the floor and examined it, his vision blurred. He swiped his eyes. She had only wanted him to trust her and love her. Instead of giving her his heart, he had given her a fucking house. He said he’d wanted to protect his family, give them a safe place.
But he’d lied to himself, and to her.
He had wanted to make sure she would be there, waiting for him, when he got home. And instead of telling her that he couldn’t live without her, and admitting how conflicted he was about the orders he’d received, he’d bought her a house. He’d tried to order her how to live while he was gone. He hadn’t risked his heart because he’d been afraid of another rejection when she’d been nothing but supportive throughout the weeks that they’d lived together.
Clutching the Lego, Caleb exited the bedroom. Moments later, he held his commanding officer’s letter and reread it. He had always had the choice. There had been no pressure to go out again. The commander understood the necessity of Caleb taking over his family’s conglomerate of businesses. He’d even gone so far as to state that Caleb had earned the right to stay stateside and reclaim his life. The only reason he wanted to return to the Marine Corps was he’d let his pride blind him again. Yes. Serving his country had brought him the acceptance he’d craved, but it had also offered him a way out of dealing with the reality of his father’s infidelities and how that had impacted his entire family.
He’d been afraid to turn into his father, and how that would hurt Hannah. But in the end, he’d committed the same damn crime. He’d used the Marines as an escape hatch rather than trusting her 100 percent with his heart.
The lines blurred and blended together. Emptiness, and a sensation of being hollowed out slipped like death under his skin and into his bones. He had been a fucking idiot and had used the very values he had lived by as a Marine to justify another tour of duty out when his family needed him to live by those values at home. Even when she’d flat out told him what she deserved, what they deserved, he’d run from it like a coward. He had been afraid to accept her love. He’d been fucking terrified of destroying everything they had together. How could he ask her to take that kind of chance on him?
But he had made a huge mistake. Because the woman who had born him a son and raised him by herself for over a year had a heart that had waited for Caleb all along. He was such a first class dope that he didn’t recognize that from the very first moment he had walked back into her life.
If he went on another tour of duty, he’d be running away from the one thing that mattered most. Hannah. And the promise of a future filled with love, laughter, and hope.
She’d known from the beginning the one thing that Caleb had always wanted and she had given it to him freely. Her heart. Folding the letter in half, he realized that he only had one more chance to save his ass and claim that heart again.
He’d have to give her exactly what she had asked for, and this time failing wasn’t an option. Because if he lost Hannah, he’d never get to where he really belonged.
Chapter Nineteen
Everything that Hannah had worked so hard to achieve was finally coming together. In less than an hour, the Mayor would perform the ribbon cutting ceremony and Sweetbriar Springs’s downtown historic district would reopen.
Jason had spent the rest of the weekend with his grandparents which had given her time and space to regroup after leaving Caleb. It had been the hardest thing she had ever done, but he had given her no choice.
She stepped outside, then waved to the baker two doors down. “We couldn’t have asked for a prettier day to celebrate,” she called while she readjusted the red, white, and blue bunting she had hung the day before.
“Yep!” The baker continued sweeping the sidewalk in front of her door. “Not a cloud in the sky.”
Sunshine warmed her back and the sweet smell of azaleas and spring flowers filled the air. But a cold, lonely feeling dipped low in her belly just the same. While there wasn’t the slightest possibility of rain in the forecast, she couldn’t shake the gloom shadowing her thoughts.
She missed Caleb. Missed his support when she had extra work to do in the evening. Missed the quiet and steady strength he had whenever a task had to be completed. And she missed the warmth of his embrace, the slide of his body against hers in the still of the night after they had tucked little Jason into bed.
Oh, she could go it alone again. But this time she’d know exactly what she was missing every day now that she had tasted the swe
etness and simplicity of having Caleb by her side.
Her assistant opened the door and stepped outside. “Everything is in order inside.” Terry `passed a to-go cup of chai tea to Hannah, then sipped her own drink. “Looks like we’ll have quite the crowd today. You must be thrilled.”
Hannah shaded her eyes from the sun’s glare. The town square park already had several families and couples picnicking at the benches. A group of teenagers had started a pick up game of Frisbee golf, finally free of their high school for the summer. She recognized most of the faces, picking out her parents, Caleb’s folks, and Jason along with her sister, and brother-in-law as they crossed the park from the other side of the square.
Michael’s van had pulled up on the other side of the street. One of his former Olympic teammates jump out the driver’s side to ready the lift for Michael to exit it in his cherry red motorized wheelchair. In the distance, a very pregnant Kennedy lounged next to Zach near a picnic table while Chelsea Anne played with her baby doll. Her babysitter Lori walked arm in arm with her latest conquest near the gazebo where the ceremony was about to begin.
“The entire clan is out to support you,” her assistant said. “Go on. Join them. Won’t be long before the band plays and the ceremony begins.”
“You sure you’ll be okay on your own?”
“Absolutely.” Her assistant nodded. “Enjoy this day. You’ve done a marvelous job. You’ve earned the right to bask in the limelight with your family and friends.”
She hugged Terry. “Thanks.”
Walking toward her family and friends, she searched for the one person she had hoped would be there. If not for her, then for his son. But she didn’t find him.
Most likely he had made good on accepting his orders to serve and had returned to his base. Sighing, she closed the distance between her and her family, each step felt like she was slogging through mud instead of walking on air. Though she finally had everything she had dreamed of: a thriving business, the respect of her community, and a group of loving family and friends, she couldn’t shake the ever present sadness that had haunted her sleep and waking hours.
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