Double Threat My Bleep (Double Threat Series)

by Julie Prestsater

  Much to my surprise, Ben and Vanessa show up to bid farewell to Jon. And so does Erica. Poor Josh. His eyes light up when he sees her, but she doesn’t even pay attention to him. She only stays a few minutes. Just long enough to piss off Keesh when she kisses Jon on the cheek. I doubt even Steph would mind if Keesh decks her after the way she just totally blew off Josh. Skank.

  Yay. She’s gone.

  We eat. We talk. We reminisce about the goofy things Jon has done. Tripped and knocked over a display of chips at the grocery store, blew chunks after chugging one too many beers at a party, talking crap without even realizing it, and my favorite—slide tackling Eric this year. Payback’s a bitch. I knew he’d eventually get him.

  When it’s time to go, Jon lets us know that he and Keesh are going to stay behind. His mom is going to pick them up later. So it’s our turn to say goodbye.

  Ben and Vanessa go first. He hugs them both, and Ben says, “Good luck, kid.”

  Travis and Jon do the manly handshake that only guys can figure out because it seems to be different each time, but somehow they know what to do. “See ya on MySpace, or Facebook, or Twitter. Hey, you’re gonna be the next Ashton,” he tells him. Jon chuckles.

  Dom gives Jon a big bear hug, lifting him off the ground and shaking him. Jon doesn’t know whether to cry or be scared. “We’re gonna miss you,” he says, with a frog in his throat.

  Steph is full on crying. Now I am too. And Keesh is standing there with tears streaming down her beautiful face.

  “We sure are,” Steph screeches, throwing her arms around Jon and squeezing him so hard he looks like he can’t breathe.

  “I’m gonna miss you guys too,” Jon squeaks out.

  My turn. I don’t say anything. I just go over to him and put my arms out for a hug. “Take care of my girl for me,” he whispers in my ear. A tear drops on my face, and it’s then that I realize he’s crying too.

  “I will,” I assure him.

  I turn around and Travis puts his arm around me. I don’t push him away, I let him comfort me. But I wish Alex was here.

  This one’s going to be tough. Josh and Jon have been inseparable since the day I met them. They’re like me and the girls. They’re like brothers.

  Josh pulls his hat down to cover his eyes. But I know he’s sobbing. His ears are red, and his hands are shaking. This sucks so bad. He swipes his hand across his face to wipe the tears.

  The boys don’t say anything at first. They give each other one of those chest bumping hugs. They mumble something but I can’t understand what they’re saying. When they let go, Josh mutters, “Let’s go,” as he walks away.

  “Okay, let’s get outta here,” Ben says, breaking the ice. “See ya around.”

  We all murmur a final goodbye, and I jog ahead to catch up with Josh.

  “You need anything?” What could I possibly do to help though?

  “Nah,” he says. “I’ll be alright.” I don’t know what I’d do if Keesh or Steph moved away. But Josh’ll be alright. He will be. Not today. Not tomorrow. But eventually. Someday.

  Chapter Twenty Three

  Without soccer to keep Keesh busy, this last week has been unbearable. All she does is mope around. She’s wearing soccer shorts, sports bras, and t-shirts to school. My friend, Keesha who normally looks incredibly cute every day since the day we met, came to school in Crocs today. Crocs. Do you know what those shoes look like? Seriously, are they even really shoes? Okay, I’m not a slave to fashion or anything, but even I wouldn’t wear those plastic funky squeegee looking things.

  Desperate times call for desperate measures.

  “Mom,” I call out into my cell. “I need your help. Can Keesh and Steph stay tonight for a sleepover?”

  “Well that sounds nice, honey,” she says.

  “I want it to be totally foo foo, like tons of chocolate and ice cream, and popcorn, and whatever else you can think of.”

  “Okay, I guess I can go to the store and pick up some snacks. So what’s going on?”

  Do I tell her? Why not. “Keesh is still wigging out without Jon. Today she wore Crocs to school.”

  My mom gasps. “This is serious. I’ll pick up some new nail polish, and maybe some face mask stuff. You can do some makeovers too.”

  “Thanks Mom, I knew you’d understand.”

  Getting Keesh to leave the house is proving to be impossible. I have to ask my mom for help again. She calls Keesh’s mom and tells her what I have planned. So her mom probably forces her to come. Who care’s how she gets here? She’s here and that’s all the matters.

  “The pizza’s here,” I tell the girls. “Let’s eat.”

  “Good, I’m starved. The line was way too long at lunch again. They need to do something to get them moving faster. I’m sick of eating a bag of chips for lunch,” Steph complains.

  Keesh rests her chin in her hand, but doesn’t make a peep.

  “Tell me about it. Well, we have enough food here to last a week. I think my mom went a little overboard.” I glance at the kitchen counter covered in cookies, chips, candy, popcorn, soda. She’s so extreme. Last year, I couldn’t get her to buy baked chips and now here she is, stocking our shelves with junk. I’m not complaining though. “You gonna eat something, Keesh?”

  “Uh…no, I’m not hungry,” she tells us.

  “You need to eat. You’ve lost a lot of weight already since…” Steph begins, but she cuts her off.

  “Don’t say it. Since…”

  “She’s right, Keesh. You have to eat eventually. Do you want to get sick?” I plead.

  “But I’m not hungry and I don’t feel like eating.”

  Steph slams her hand down on the counter. “Dammit, Keesha. You’re gonna eat a piece of pizza and you’re gonna like it. Stop acting stupid. I love Jon and I miss him too. But you can’t make yourself sick over this. Snap out of it before I kick your ass.”

  Whoa. Keesh looks at her wide-eyed and stunned. I look back and forth between them, not sure if I should say something to break the silence. This isn’t like Steph and I have no idea how Keesh is going to react. She takes a deep breath, gets out of her seat, picks up a piece of pizza, and takes a bite. Whew.

  “Thank you,” Steph says. Keesh nods.

  Well that was a close one.

  “Thanks for getting us together,” Steph says. “We haven’t done this in a long time.”

  “I know. It’s cool, huh.” We’re sitting on the floor in my room, polishing our toes. Steph has mastered the art of flower painting, so she’s working on Keesh right now. I think I’m going to do polka dots. I don’t feel very flowery today.

  Since Steph put her foot down, Keesh is letting herself enjoy the sleepover.

  “How long are we supposed to leave this stuff on our face?” Keesh asks. “My face feels tighter than my skinny jeans right now.”

  “I dunno. Let me check,” I tell her. I flip over the bottle of the moisturizing exfoliating masque to read the directions. “Uh…five minutes ago.” We break out into a giggle.

  Toes are done. Face is rinsed. Time to snack again. We each grab a bag from the kitchen and bring it into my room to listen to JoJo on the radio. Maybe he can cheer up my friend.

  “So what happened with you and Dom at New Year’s?” Keesh asks through the crunching of her Hot Cheetohs.

  I drop my box of licorice. So we’re gonna go there. Steph digs her hand into a bowl of kettle corn. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I thought you wanted to listen to JoJo,” she says, continuing to stuff her face.

  “I’m listening to him. Don’t worry. So let me remind you. We were in the spa and something floated to the surface and it wasn’t a lifesaver,” Keesh tells her with a chuckle. A goofy grin spreads over my face at this exchange.

  Steph is blushing. Omigod. They did it in my spa. That’s what the blush means, right?

  “Well, it’s not what you think,” Steph begins. “We aren’t having sex. You know I want to wait till I get married. And even if I
thought Dominic is the one I’m going to marry, I still wouldn’t do it. He can wait till we say I do.”

  “So his shorts were off why then?” I find myself asking.

  “Well I didn’t say we weren’t doing anything. I just said it’s not what you think?”

  Keesh grabs a handful of Cheetohs, sits up straight and says, “So tell us. Spill baby. Give us the details.”

  “No way. How would you like it if the guys spilled their guts about us?” Steph questions us, piling more kettle corn in her mouth.

  I turn up the volume on the radio just in case my parents pass by, I wouldn’t want them to hear this conversation. Holding out my box of licorice to both of them, I offer them one but they wave it off. I lean forward over my pillow and tell Steph, “I don’t think it matters. I’m sure the guys talk. So tell us. You’re obviously more experienced then I am and I’m the one with the older boyfriend so I need to learn a few things. We haven’t done anything…well anything that would require us to take off our clothes.”

  Steph looks a little embarrassed but she decides to talk anyway. “Well, we kind of fooled around that night. But that was the first time. We’ve been together for almost a year and all we ever did was kiss. But lately, we’ve been making out a little more and touching each other.” She pauses, slowing down with that last detail.

  Keesh scoops up another mouthful. “Keep going, keep going.” It’s like we’re watching Maury or something and we can’t wait for the juicy details.

  “Okay, okay, don’t get your panties in a bunch. Sheesh.” Steph puts her empty bowl aside. “So we were just playing around that night. We were kissing and I had my hands on his waist and I started tugging at his shorts. I thought he’d stop me. I’d done that before, just playing, and he always moved my hands away. But he didn’t that time. He kinda moved around and wiggled himself out of his trunks.”

  “With your help,” I add.

  Steph smiles, “Well yeah.”

  Keesh, eager for more, tosses a pillow at Steph. “And then what?”

  “Oh my goodness I can’t believe I’m even telling you this. Maybe I should call Dominic and make sure it’s okay.”

  “Seriously, Steph. C’mon, just dish, okay,” I snap. My lack of patience is killing me now.

  “Fine, give me those licorice then,” she concedes. I pass her what’s left, and hope that there’s enough in there to satisfy her. She takes one rope out and rips off a piece. “So you guys jumped out of the spa. And we kinda laughed it off. I really didn’t think anything else would happen. I thought he’d just put them back on and that’d be it. But the more we kissed and the more our hands moved around, we sort of started exploring each other, I guess.”

  “Each other? I didn’t see you take anything off,” Keesh blurts.

  “I didn’t. And I won’t either. But he can still touch my body with my clothes on. It’s nice actually. We can be close that way and I don’t get uncomfortable. I’m not ready for him to touch my naked body or see it though. I’m not even comfortable seeing myself naked.”

  “Oh, Steph, I’m sure you’re beautiful naked. Be confident. Dominic will love you now matter what,” Keesh tells her. We both know why Steph isn’t comfortable—it’s her size she’s worried about.

  “You think I’m worried about all this,” she says, pinching a roll. “No way. I’m not really. Dom doesn’t care. And if he did I wouldn’t be with him in the first place. I’m just not ready to be that physical. But when I am, he better watch out.”

  “So what did you do then?” I ask, still curious. I really want to know.

  “Let’s just say he explored the hidden treasures upstairs and downstairs.” She puts her head down and grins. “And it felt really good too. Thank God my clothes were on though. I can see how people say they just get caught up and do it. But I don’t want that to happen to me. I’m way way way too afraid of getting pregnant. If we ever do it, he’ll be wearing a condom, two maybe, and I will be on the pill or patch or something, and then there’s the spermicidal gel and foam. I don’t want any accidents.”

  I think I lost it at two condoms. I’m laughing so hard I actually snort. I love it when laughing is contagious and the more we laugh the more we can’t stop.

  “Omigod, stop. Stop. I can’t breathe,” Keesh says, trying to calm us down. “It was sounding so good and then you had to ruin it with double baggin’ and jiz-killing foam.” I start cracking up again. Nice way to put it Keesh.

  “Well you guys asked,” Steph says in her defense.

  “Alright, alright, so he played with your boobies and with your vajayjay, and you did what to him, because he was shortless. You were not doing the touchy feely over his clothes.” Keesh has a way with words.

  “Well…” Steph is not so eager to share.

  “Did you touch it?” I ask in horror. For some reason, I’m kind of grossed out by the fact that she touched his bare naked wood. I mean, sure I touched Alex’s but it was still in his jeans. Wow.

  Steph looks guilty.

  “You did, didn’t you?” Keesh’s eyes widen, as she points at her.

  Steph lets out a big sigh. “Okay, I did. But not for a long time. I didn’t like give him a hand job or anything. I just kind of checked him out a little.”

  “Oh, honey, never say little when you’re talking about your man’s manhood, okay,” Keesha teases.

  “Holy crap. Steph touched a weiner,” I sing.

  “A weiner, Meg? C’mon,” Keesh says in disgust.

  “What’s wrong with weiner? You want me to say penis?”

  “How about dong?” Steph suggests.

  “No, that sounds dumb too. How about schlong? That way it sounds like he’s hung like a horse,” Keesh proposes.

  “Schlong? Omigod. Where did you hear that one? That’s awful. Let’s ask the guys,” I say. “Let’s text them.”

  “Wow, Meg, what are we gonna say? What do you call your penis?” Steph asks.

  “Why not? This should be fun,” Keesh declares taking out her phone.

  Steph texts Dominic and Josh. Keesh texts Jon and Travis. And I send one out to Alex and Ben. They’re going to think we’re nuts—and they’d be right.

  Within seconds texts start flying in.

  excuse me?

  WTF.

  r u guys drunk

  want me 2 show u

  The last one was my personal favorite sent in by Travis. After we text them all back explaining that we’re just trying to come up with a word for it rather than calling it a penis which sounds so clinical—and no we’re not drunk or high—they humor us with a response.

  Alex: I’ll play along…here’s a nice one…stiffy ;)

  Ben: whatever ladies this is weird but u can call it a flesh wand…lol

  Josh: manhandle…dis is wat ur tlkin bout at ur slumber prty

  Travis: I like 2 hang out wit my WANG out…so come ovr at ur own risk…jk

  Dominic: I just call it a boner..or a rod…nothin fancy

  Jonathan: mines a heat seeking moisture missile…nice 1 huh…u no u miss me

  Omigod. Jon kills me.

  “They must think we’re total sickos,” Steph says.

  “Yeah but they’re loving it and you know they’re all calling or texting each other trying to figure out what’s going on over here,” I tell them.

  “You know it,” Keesh agrees. “You know Josh and Travis wanted to come. If they’re not with us, they don’t know what to do with themselves. Hello, go play a video game or something.”

  “I think I’m gonna start calling Travis, wang,” I joke.

  “Nah, you really shouldn’t give him any pet names. That dude still wants you,” Keesh says.

  “Whatever happened to Leeeechaaa?” I ask. I can’t say her name without enunciating it like that.

  “He said she was a little too spicy for him,” Keesh explains.

  “I thought guys liked spicy. She had the Megan Fox thing going on…super sexy,” Steph says.

  Keesh
digs into her Cheetohs again. “Yeah, I think boys our age think girls like Megan Fox are hot, but they wouldn’t know what to do with her. So I think this chick was a little too intimidating for him. I think he’s scared of her. And that’s too bad, I think she dug him.”

  “So what you’re saying is I’m not very intimidating…or sexy?” I joke.

  “That’s exactly what I’m saying…but not in a bad way, of course.” Is there any other way?

  “Okay, no nicknames for Travis. What now? You guys wanna watch a movie or something? I’m getting a little tired.” My original plan was to stay up all night, but Keesh seems to be doing better so if we just chill now, I think she’ll be okay.

  “Sounds good,” Steph replies.

  “Yeah, I’m tired too, and I need to stop eating these. The bags almost gone.” Keesh tosses the bag on my desk.

  We haul some blankets and pillows out into the family room where we can rest for the night. I love girl’s night out—or in. It couldn’t have been any better. Or funnier.

  Chapter Twenty Four

  “Hey, babe, watch it. You almost hit my third leg,” Dominic warns Steph, as she jumps in his lap.

  “Whatever, Dom. You could’ve just told me to be careful. I woulda understood what you’re saying.”

  I’m thinking it was a bad idea to ask the guys about the whole alternate words for penis thing. They haven’t been able to let it go. Seriously, it’s been three weeks and they are still cracking jokes. Dom would have never said something like that before and now he’s talking about his third leg. Give me a break already.

  “When are you guys gonna give that up? It’s getting old,” I complain.

  “Never,” Josh yelps. “It will never get old. In fact, I’ll be right back. I gotta go drain the main vein.” Travis gives him props and they slap hands. Whatever. Josh leaps to his feet and jogs across the quad to the bathrooms.

  “Forget it, Meg, they’ll never let it rest,” Steph sighs.