“I-I … can’t do it. I can’t do this without you, Joey.”
“That’s why you need to do it, Tris. We owe it to ourselves to be true and honest. Don’t you think we need to find out who we really are, to stand on our own two feet, without each other to lean on all the time? Or would you rather stumble forward with crippled feet for the rest of your life? We need to find a way to be truly complete while alone. Only then would we be worthy of each other. There wouldn’t be any more fights about guilt or jealousy. We could be together and strong,” I said, stroking his dark locks. “Because, right now, we are together, but we are weak. We are together because we’re weak. So we might as well not be together at all.”
“I knew it … I knew in my gut something bad was going to happen today,” he sobbed.
I hugged him for some time while he cried. I forced myself to remain numb. I had to be strong for the both of us. I couldn’t allow myself to cry, to feel. After a while Tristan’s sobbing subsided but he still had his face buried in the crook of my neck. I continued stroking my fingers through his hair, trying to sooth his grief, to give him strength for these next steps in our lives.
“Let us be brave, now, Tristan,” I said, leaning slowly away from him when I noticed he was calmer.
“I can’t … I’m not ready,” he said, with so much sadness in his voice. “I’m sorry. I-I can’t. I can’t do this. I can’t leave you, Joey.”
I gazed at him with a soft smile and wiped the tears from his face. “Do you think I’m wrong?” I asked him softly. “Do you not agree with me?”
He blinked, pushing back the tears that kept coming, unable to answer my question. He knew I was right. He knew he had to agree with me. I nodded in silent agreement, and started to pull away, but he grabbed my hands and pulled me back into his arms.
“Please. Don’t,” he whispered, hugging me tightly. “Just … don’t leave. At least, not tonight. Stay with me tonight?”
“I’ll stay here tonight … if you prefer,” I said, caressing his face while he looked at me with his piercing gray eyes. I was too tired; I had no strength left to fight him any more.
A final single tear escaped from the corner of his eye, despite him willing himself to remain strong. I leaned closer until our foreheads were resting against each other’s.
“I love you.” I cupped my hands around his face. “I will love you always. No matter what. You know that, don’t you? That could never change.”
He nodded in silence and stared down, unable to meet my eyes.
“Tris, don’t be sad … I-I’m doing this for us,” I said, my voice faltering a little. Seeing him like this was breaking my heart, making me falter and doubt my decision.
He still didn’t say a word, but he looked up, our foreheads still touching. He looked at me deeply for a long time in silence before kissing me softly on the lips. It was a delicate kiss at first, filled with so much emotion and so many unspoken things, but then he deepened it, and I was lost in the warmth of his lips. His body smashed against mine; his scent in his every pore intoxicated all my senses, and the hot flavor of his taste was in my mouth. He was like a drug and once again I was lost in my addiction to him. I was too tired to fight it.
I shouldn’t have let him lift me up onto the bed, his hands tangled all over my body, our lips never leaving one another’s. I shouldn’t have let him undress me, with such urgency, need and longing, despair flowing from each of his fingertips, from every stroke of his hands over my skin, burning me with desire and pain and so much sorrow. I shouldn’t have let him have me just out of fear of losing me.
I thought of so many things I shouldn’t have. But I was too lost, and too tired.
And for tonight, I needed him as fiercely as he needed me. Tomorrow, I would have to start learning how to live without him, but for now all that mattered was that I was in his arms, and the pain of separation was dulled by the hunger of his kisses, and my lips were numb and swollen with my craving for him. I needed him like an addict, and tonight I would have my fix.
The whole time we were burning and melting into each other on that bed, gasping and moaning in pleasure and despair, I knew I should have been stronger. I should have stopped this from happening for it would only cause us more pain in the morning and fill us with more regret.
But I couldn’t stop him. I couldn’t stop myself, not while we both rolled in waves of pure ecstasy exploding deep inside our cores, in anguished release. In the end, I could only sigh a quiet plea for forgiveness, for not being as strong as I should have been.
For giving in when I should have walked out.
But I was just too weak, and so, so tired.
Chapter Twenty
Evil Is Going On …
I remembered not getting any sleep that night. At some point I watched as the sunlight broke through the window, casting its warm glow over the hardboard floor, stretching its rays over the bed, lingering over the sheets and then stroking Tristan’s smooth skin with a soft, gentle touch.
I watched Tristan’s chest rising and falling slowly, his face free of any sorrow and his whole body safely cocooned in the relief of sleep. His nose was slightly buried in the pillow and he faced the other side of the room; a few locks of hair covered part of his eyes. I wanted so badly to brush those locks out of the way so I could see him fully, so peaceful and perfect in the morning sunlight, but I was scared of touching him. He would certainly wake up if I touched him.
I snuck out of bed, dressed as silently as I could and walked out of the room holding my breath so I wouldn’t wake him. If Tristan were up, if he looked at me with his blazing silver eyes, I knew I wouldn’t have the strength to walk away from him. His eyes would always be my doom.
I only dared to let out the breath I’d been holding when I reached the front door. I stepped outside, locked the door and was about to turn towards the garage when I bumped into Jamie. He looked at me with his usual blank stare before greeting me with a quiet good morning.
I always had a hard time reading Jamie; he was very good at hiding his emotions. I think the fact that he was behind a camera most of the time made him build up an unintentional protective mental barrier. Looking in his eyes was like looking at blank lenses. Now that I didn’t have my sight, it was near impossible to read him.
“Seth told me to come early today. We have plans … Is everything all right, Joe?” Jamie asked, frowning.
“Huh? No, yes, everything is fine.”
“I mean, because you’re never up this early. And you sound a little off …” He seemed anxious, like he wanted to ask something more but didn’t know how to do it.
I fumbled with the car keys in my hand, trying to avoid eye contact. Jamie was a good observer; I didn’t want him to see how troubled I was. “No, everything is okay, Jamie. Some friends are waiting for me, so … I have to go.” I quickly excused myself and ran off to the garage before he could ask any more questions.
I sped out of the driveway in Josh’s car and drove straight to Celeste’s house. I arrived relatively fast since it was so early in the morning and there was no traffic yet.
The first strange thing I noticed when I arrived was that the front door had been left open. The Harker sisters weren’t careless like that; something was definitely afoot in there. I walked inside the house with cautious steps. Then I knew for sure something was very wrong. Jars and vases lay broken and shattered everywhere: art canvases slashed in tattered frames, benches tossed and turned on the floor, claw marks on the walls. It looked like there had been a war in here.
I could feel my eyes widening and I kept silently praying that nobody had been hurt. I couldn’t see any blood stains anywhere … that was a relief … of sorts.
“Vigil? Celeste?” I called out in a small voice. “Anyone?”
“Joey?” Arice’s worried face peeped around the kitchen door. “Oh, thank God you’re okay!” She ran in my direction, curly auburn hair bouncing all over her scared face. Luna, Celeste and Vigil walked out of
the kitchen shortly after, all of them looking disheveled and ragged as well. Celeste was supported by Vigil, who was holding a bloody cloth to her forearm. Vigil looked like he was about to be sick, but was holding up the best he could.
“Oh, God, what happened here?” I gasped, seeing their faces.
“What the hell happened to you?” Celeste cut in, only just restraining herself from shouting. I could see the anger radiating from her in heated waves. “We’ve been calling your cell phone for hours! We left messages; we were worried sick,” she snapped, waving her bandaged arm and wincing in pain. “You said you’d be back soon, and you were gone all night. You never called or answered your damned phone!”
“I-I’m s-sorry!” I stuttered. “My cell phone isn’t working and I stayed home tonight because … some stuff came up … and then I got up really early and didn’t remember to check for messages. Is everyone all right?” I asked, walking up to her. “Is Vigil okay?” My voice was coming out a little strangled.
“Yeah, yeah, we are all all right, now,” Celeste grumbled, while rubbing her temple with her slender white fingers. It looked like she had a hell of a headache.
“What happened?” I asked again. “It’s like the place has been blown up,” I said as we made our way into the living room.
“Raided.” Celeste sat down on the couch with a weary grunt. “The place has been raided. Your little friend ‘Nick’ turned the place upside down looking for his magical things last night.”
“Did he take the glass ball?” I whispered, sitting down next to her, dreading the answer. If we didn’t have the ball any more, all would be lost. The possibility was too terrible to fathom.
“No, the glass ball is safe,” Celeste reassured me, taking the bloody cloth from her arm.
“Oh, my God! Did … did he bite you?” I asked, worried.
“No, I slipped and cut myself. Too much broken glass on the floor.”
Vigil sat down the other side of Celeste, dressed in black sweatpants and a crumpled white T-shirt. His glossy black hair was as messy as the girls’.
Only then did I notice how pale he was – even more pale than usual. His skin was so transparent I could almost see the outline of green veins beneath it. He looked kind of ill.
“Are you okay, Vigil? You don’t look so good …”
“I feel like my head is liquifying, my insides are agonizingly sick, and breathing either makes me want to throw up or makes me feel like hot needles are being stuck deep inside my brain. Other than that, I am fine,” he said, sounding tired.
“He’s fine. Just a little hangover, that’s all,” Celeste interjected, a little miffed.
“That’s what too much wine can do for you, pal,” Luna jeered.
“This hangover thing is awful! If I survive this, I will never drink wine again,” he vowed, grimacing.
“Yeah, heard that one before …” Arice said, trying hard not to chuckle.
“How did Nick get in the house in the first place? I thought you guys have protective spells and wards …” I asked.
Celeste looked flustered, and was staring hard at the floor. “Erm … yeah, well, you see, every night I cast new spells on every entrance, but yesterday I kinda … forgot … a few spots,” she mumbled.
I glanced at Luna, who was looking at her sister and sniggering. Then she noticed me watching and made a drinking hand gesture.
“I guess she had something else on her mind last night,” Luna explained, looking from her sister to Vigil in amusement.
“I woke up at the crack of dawn with Mr. Skittles scratching my face like a maniac, and soon after that a hell of a rumpus started in the living room,” Arice began. “I walked in and that evil thing was here trashing the place, and when it saw me, it flipped. The thing was raging, hissing nonsense about his belongings, and setting jinxes and curses on our house. It was possessed by the devil, I swear to you!”
Luna began her part then. “I woke up to Arice’s screams and we tried to toss that thing out of the house, but as she said, it was flipping mad! It only stopped clawing at things after Mr. and Miss Booze-head over there—”
“Arice!” Celeste blushed.
“Sorry. After Celeste and Mr. Vigil finally woke up. As soon as this Nick saw Vigil, it hissed and vanished from sight. It was seriously scared. The last thing it said was that it was coming after you, Joey. That’s why we’ve been calling you.”
“But that was near the break of dawn. It must have given up because the sun was rising. Mr. Vigil says this thing hates sunlight, right?” Arice said.
“So you’d better watch out tonight,” Luna remarked. “That thing is definitely coming for you.”
“Oh … God. Do you think he’ll go back to my house?” I jolted upright on the couch.
“You bet your sweet ass.”
“Luna! Language!” Celeste admonished, looking at Vigil with another light blush on her cheeks.
“Oh, he doesn’t care, Celeste. He’s too focused right now on trying not to throw up.”
“Guys, I’m serious! What am I going to do? Should I be getting back home now? Are the boys safe at our place?” I asked.
“I think they are safe for now; at least, during daylight,” Celeste said. “But at night …”
“What am I going to do? I can’t leave them alone to fend for themselves. I can’t leave Vigil here alone, either. What am I going to do?”
Shards of glass that were scattered over the floor started shuddering as if they had been hit by a small quake. The thought of any of the boys getting hurt because of me – of Tristan getting hurt – made my heart fill with horror. And it was making my new powers have an effect on my surroundings.
“Everything is going to be all right.” I heard Celeste trying to soothe me, but her voice sounded so far away.
“No, it’s not! What if something happens to the boys?”
“Joey. You have to stay calm,” Vigil said, leaning over and touching me lightly. “Remember, deep breaths, do not let your feelings overcome your thoughts. Do not let your fear rule you. You are stronger than that. You have to keep calm.”
I stared at his deep black eyes. Once, a long time ago, they had been cold and emotionless, but not any more. Now they were filled with worry and concern. I knew I could trust them. I knew I could always count on him.
I closed my eyes and breathed slowly until I was calm again. The shards of glass stopped tinkling on the ground and the room fell silent.
“Good. That’s good.” Vigil breathed out in relief.
I opened my eyes and saw him smiling softly at me. Then he turned to the girls and crossed his hands over his lap. “Now, let us talk about a plan of action, ladies. I think perhaps now it is time to speed things up a little. We have been discussing a way of trapping this creature. Celeste, do you think it can be done tonight? Do you think you can set things in motion over at Joey’s house?”
Over the last few days we had been discussing lightning spells that could trap Sneaky Nick when he showed up. Celeste would be responsible for the spell part. The interrogation would be done by Vigil, so we could find out how the damned glass ball worked, but he wouldn’t – couldn’t – let Nick suspect anything about the switch. That was the tricky part of the plan.
Celeste turned to look at him, a little pale and uncertain. “Yeah, I think so,” she said quietly. “I need to prepare some things first, pack everything for the spell, and then we can go.”
“Good,” Vigil said, resting his head back on the couch. “Now, can we talk about how much medication I am going to need for this blasted aching in my skull?”
After Celeste and Vigil had taken a couple of aspirins for their headaches, we started getting things ready. Luna and Arice stayed behind to protect their house and the magical items in the leather pouch, while the three of us drove to my place. We arrived with spell books and protective amulets of all sorts and shapes, and made our way slowly up the drive, our arms laden with magical accessories.
“Oh, my
God, I forgot Mr. Skittles!” Celeste shouted suddenly, turning back to look frantically inside the car.
We’d agreed to bring Mr. Skittles with us to help us locate Sneaky Nick. The cat was like a walking security system for supernatural activity. It was he who had woken Arice the night before, and we were betting he could do it again.
“I can’t believe I forgot him,” Celeste continued, her eyes filling up with tears.
I glanced at Vigil, who stared back at me, clearly at a loss. What was with Miss Snow Queen’s waterworks? It was just a cat. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one having problems controlling emotions around here …
“We have to get him back, Joey. How am I supposed to take care of this spell? I can’t even remember the cat! I can’t believe I left him behind. I’m messing things up for you, Vigil, I’m so sorry!”
“Celeste, it’s okay! I’ll go back and get him. Please, stop crying!” I said, trying to calm her down. “You start preparing the spells and I’ll go fetch him, okay?”
She looked at me in relief. “Really?” she asked, sniffing rather loudly. Watching an over-emotional Celeste was a bizarre experience. She was always so composed and collected. Vigil was really affecting her. I thought maybe Miss Snow Queen had a thing for our unearthly friend.
“Yes, really, Celeste. It’s no problem. If you guys need anything, ask Seth or any of the boys. I’ll be back before you know it,” I said, handing my stuff to Celeste and opening the car door.
Vigil had his hand on Celeste’s shoulder – his way of comforting her, I suppose. He wasn’t overly fond of close contact, but he was trying his best with her.
It took me about ten minutes to drive back to the Harker house and find Mr. Skittles; then twenty minutes more to convince him to scramble inside the car. Mission accomplished, I sped through the streets, eager to get back home. The sun was just setting on the horizon, leaving a faint purple lingering in the night sky. I chose a slightly longer route home because I knew it was more likely to be clear of traffic, and I was right: it was just my car cruising along the street. By now it was properly dark, except for twinkling lights from the windows of the many houses nestled along the road.
The Lost Girl Page 16
