by J. R. Ward
As they fixed themselves plates of turkey and mashed potatoes and some kind of broccoli mix, she tried not to see or smell any of it.
“What’s the matter?” Qhuinn said as he slid onto the stool next to her.
“I don’t know.” She should have been relieved that Wrath and Phury were so forgiving of her transgression. Instead, she was more anxious than ever. “I don’t feel right… I want to help. I want to make amends. I—”
John began signing something from over by the microwave—but whatever it was, Qhuinn shook his head and refused to translate.
“What is he saying?” she demanded. When she got no response, she put her hand on the male’s arm. “What’s he saying, Qhuinn?”
“Nothing. John ain’t sayin’ no goddamn thing.”
The other male didn’t appreciate the shutout, but he didn’t argue either as he prepared a second plate of food, no doubt for Xhex.
After John excused himself to go feed his shellan, the silence in the kitchen was broken only by the sound of Qhuinn’s silverware against his plate.
It was not long before she was ready to jump out of her skin, and to keep from screaming, she began to pace around.
“You really should rest,” Qhuinn murmured.
“I can’t seem to settle.”
“Try to eat something.”
“Dearest Virgin Scribe, no. My stomach’s a mess—and it’s so hot in here.”
Qhuinn frowned. “No, it isn’t.”
Layla just kept walking, faster and faster—and she supposed it was because she was trying to get away from the images in her head: Xcor looking up at her. Xcor taking her vein. Xcor’s big body… his massive, warrior body laid out before her and clearly aroused from the taste of her blood—
“What the hell are you thinking about?” Qhuinn asked darkly.
She stopped short. “Nothing. Nothing at all.”
Qhuinn shifted on his stool, and then abruptly shoved his half-eaten food away.
“I should leave you,” she announced.
“Nah, it’s cool. Guess I’m tetchy, too.”
As he got up from the counter with his dishes, her eyes traveled down his torso and widened. He was… aroused.
Just as she was.
Remnants of Autumn’s needing, clearly—
The heat wave came over her in such a rush, she barely had time to grab onto the granite counter to keep herself standing, and she coudn’t respond as she heard Qhuinn shout her name from a distance.
Need gripped her body, fisting her womb, making her buckle under its force.
“Oh… dearest Virgin Scribe…” Between her legs, her sex opened, the blossoming having nothing to do with Xcor or Qhuinn or any outside force.
The arousal came from inside of herself.
Her needing…
It hadn’t been enough. The visits to the Sanctuary hadn’t been enough to keep her from being caught by Autumn’s—
The next surge of yearning threatened to take her to her knees, but Qhuinn was there to catch her before she hit the hard tile. As he dragged her into his arms, she knew she didn’t have much time to be rational. And knew the resolution that abruptly came upon her was at once utterly unfair and totally undeniable.
“Service me,” she said, cutting off whatever it was he was saying to her. “I know you don’t love me, and I know we won’t be together afterward, but service me so that I can have something that’s mine. So you can have something that’s yours.”
As the blood drained out of his face and his mismatched eyes bulged, she forged on, talking in fast gasps. “We both have no true family. We’re both alone. Service me… service me and change all that. Service me so that we may each have a future that is at least partially our own.… Service me, Qhuinn.… I beg of you… service me.…”
SIXTY-TWO
Qhuinn was pretty certain he was in a parallel universe. Because there was no way that Layla was going into her needing… and turning to him to see her through it.
Nah.
This was just a mirror image of the way the real world was—a world where the biologically pure stuck to themselves so that they created generations of biologically pure and therefore superior young.
“Service me and give us something that is ours—” The hormones in her cranked up to a newer, higher level, cutting off her voice. It soon came back, however, with the same words. “Service me.…”
As he started to pant, it was unclear whether that was the sex in his blood, or the vertigo created by this unexpected cliff he was hanging off of.
The answer was no, of course. No, absolutely not, no children ever, certainly not with someone he wasn’t in love with, certainly not with a virgin Chosen.
No.
No…
Fuck, no, shit, no, God, no, damn it to hell, no…
“Qhuinn…” she groaned. “You’re my only hope, and I yours.…”
Well, actually, that wasn’t true—at least the first part. Any other male in the house—or on the planet—could take care of this. And of course, right afterward, they would be answerable to the Primale.
Not a conversation he was going to volunteer for.
Except… well, she was right about the second part. In her delirium, in her desperation, she was voicing the same thing he’d been thinking for months now. Like her, he had nothing that was really his, no prospects of true love, no abiding reason to rise each sunset other than the war. What kind of life was that?
Fine, he told himself. Go get a goddamned dog. The answer to all that was not to lie with this Chosen.
“Qhuinn… please…”
“Listen, let me get you to Doc Jane. She’ll take care of you the right way—”
Layla shook her head wildly. “No. I need you.”
From out of nowhere, he thought, Young were a future that was your own. If you parented them well, they never truly left you—and they could not be taken away from you if you kept them safe.
Hell, if Layla conceived, even the Primale couldn’t do shit, because Qhuinn would be… the father. Which in vampire terms was the ultimate trump short of the king—and Wrath wouldn’t touch something private like this.
On the other hand, if she didn’t fall pregnant, they would likely beat the ever-loving balls off him for soiling a sacred female—
Wait a minute. Was he actually considering this?
“Qhuinn…”
He could love a young, he thought. Love it with everything he was and ever would be. Love it as he had loved no other, even Blay.
Closing his eyes briefly, he went back in time to the night he had died and gone up to the door of the Fade. He thought about that image he had seen, that little female.…
Oh, Jesus…
“Layla,” he said roughly, as he put her back on her feet. “Layla, look at me. Look at me.”
As he shook her, she seemed to gather herself, focusing on his face as she gripped his upper arms with her nails. “Yes…”
“Are you sure. Are you positive—you need to be sure—”
For the briefest of moments, a completely lucid, rather ancient expression cut through her tortured, beautiful features. “Yes, I am sure. Let us do what we must. For the future.”
He searched her face carefully, just to be sure. Phury was going to be pissed, but then, even Chosen had the right to choose—and she was picking him, right here, right now: As all he saw was an abiding resolution, he nodded once, picked her back up into his arms, and strode out of the kitchen.
His only thought, as he hit the bottom of the grand staircase, was that they were going to conceive in the next few hours, and both the young and Layla were going to live through everything: the pregnancy, the birthing, and those critical few hours thereafter.
He and Layla were going to bring into the world a daughter.
A fair-haired daughter with eyes that were shaped like his, and at first colored like the Chosen’s… before they changed to be as the blue and green of his own.
He was going to have a fam
ily of his own.
A future of his own.
Finally.
As Xhex stepped out of the shower, she knew John had returned, because she caught his scent as well as the smell of something frickin’ delicious. Reapplying the cilices she’d removed to get cleaned up, she wrapped a towel around herself and padded out into the bedroom.
“Oh, man, turkey,” she said as he set up a lap tray for her.
Glancing over, his eyes lingered on her body like he wanted to eat her instead, but then he just smiled and went back to his ministrations with what he’d brought them both.
“This is perfect timing,” she murmured as she got on the bed. “I’m starved.”
After everything was set up properly, from the napkin to the silverware to the glass and covered plate, he brought the tray over to her, placing it across her thighs. Then he retreated to the other side of the room to have his own food at the chaise lounge.
Would he rather be feeding her by hand? she wondered as they ate in silence. Vampire males liked to do that… but she’d never had the patience for it. Food was energy for the body, not something to get all Valentine’s Day about.
Guess they were both capable of closing each other out, weren’t they. And something was up: His grid was conflicted, to the point where his emotions were nearly frozen.
“I’ll leave,” she said sadly. “After I check in on my mother, I’ll go—”
You don’t have to, he signed. I don’t want you to.
“You sure about that.” When he nodded, she had to wonder, given what his grid was up to.
But come on, a couple of hours in the sack were not going to close the kind of distance they had been rocking lately—
Abruptly, he took a deep breath and stopped playing with what was on his plate. Listen, I need to tell you something.
She put down her fork and wondered how bad this was going to hurt. “Okay.”
Layla fed Xcor.
“What the f— I’m sorry, did I hear you right?” As he nodded, she thought, Right, she’d known there was drama going down in the theater district, but she never would have guessed it was that serious.
She didn’t know who it was. Throe tricked her—he reached out and found her and brought her to Xcor.
“Jesus…” Like the king needed another reason to kill that motherfucker?
Here’s the thing. She wants to help find him—and with her blood in his veins… she can. She knew where he was last night—sensed him clear as day. She could really help you.
Xhex forgot all about the food, adrenaline rocketing through her body. “Oh, man, if I can just get her in range… How long ago did she feed him?”
The fall.
“Shit. Time’s wasting.” She burst up and went for her leather pants, picking them up off the floor. Damn it, they were split in half—
There are some others still in the closet.
“Oh, thanks.” She went over and tried not to get depressed as she saw their clothes lined up together. God… “Ah, do you know where she is?”
Down in the kitchen with Qhuinn.
As John’s grid shifted, Xhex stopped in the process of pulling a fresh set out. Narrowing her eyes over her shoulder, she said, “What aren’t you telling me.”
Wrath and Phury don’t want to involve her. She offered to help and they shut her down. If you use her, they can’t ever know you did—I can’t state that more plainly.
Xhex blinked, her breath freezing in her lungs.
No one can know, Xhex. Not even Qhuinn. And it goes without saying that you’ve got to keep her safe.
As John met her stare grimly, she didn’t care about any of that shit. Didn’t even hear it.
With this piece of intel, he had just chosen her and her quest over both his king and the Primale of his race. Even more, he had potentially handed her the key to infiltrating the Band of Bastards—and sent her into the belly of the beast.
Talk about putting his money where his mouth was.
Xhex forgot about the leathers and walked over to him, taking his face in her hands. “Why are you telling me this?”
It’s going to get you there, he mouthed.
She brushed back his hair from his handsome, tense face. “You keep this up…”
And what?
“… and I’m going to owe you.”
Can I pick how you repay me?
“Yeah. You can.”
Then I want you to move back in with me. Or let me come live with you. I want us to be together properly again.
Blinking hard, she bent down and kissed him slowly, thoroughly. Words didn’t mean shit. He’d been right about that. But this male, who’d been all about brick walls and obstacles in the spring, was clearing the way for her big-time now.
“Thank you,” she whispered against his mouth, rolling everything she was feeling up into those two simple words.
John beamed at her. I love you, too.
After she kissed him once more, she stepped off from him, threw on a fresh set of pants, and grabbed her muscle shirt. Pulling it over her head, she—
At first she thought the hot flash that went through her was because she was standing directly under a heat vent in the ceiling. But as she moved and it stuck with her, she looked down at her body.
Glancing over at John, she watched him stiffen and glance into his lap.
“Fuck,” she whispered. “Who the hell’s in her needing now?”
John went to check his phone, and then shrugged his shoulders.
“I should probably get out of here.” Symphaths could generally control their fertility at will, and she’d always had luck with that. As a half-breed, however, she wasn’t willing to take a chance on it with someone actually having their time next door. “You’re sure my mother was over it when you went down to see Layla— Shit, I’ll bet it’s her. I’ll bet it’s the Chosen—”
A groan bled through the walls from over on the right. Where Qhuinn’s room was.
The muffled thumping that followed could only mean one thing.
“Holy shit, is Qhuinn…” Except she knew the answer to that. Training her senses next door, she picked up on their grids. No romantic love between them—more like resolution on both sides.
They were doing what they were with a purpose she could only guess at. But why would they want a young? That shit was crazy town—especially given the Chosen’s station… and his.
As another surge from the needing threatened to overtake her, Xhex lunged for her jacket and her weapons. “I really should go. I don’t want to get exposed, just in case.”
John nodded and went to the door.
“I’m going to go check in on my mother now. Layla’s going to be busy for a while—but afterward, I’ll talk to her and let you know how it goes.”
I’ll be here. Waiting to hear from you.
She kissed him once, twice… a third time. And then he opened the door and she left—
The instant she got out into the hall, the hormones hit her hard, knocking her off balance.
“Oh, hell no,” she muttered, taking off for the stairs and then dematerializing down to the hidden door under the staircase.
The farther away she went, the more like herself she felt. But she was worried about her mother. Thank God they had drugs to soften the edges of that crucible.
Tohr couldn’t possibly have serviced her. No way.
Emerging from the tunnel into the office, she strode out into the training center’s long corridor. There was nothing peculiar in the air, and that was a relief. The fertility period was violent, but the good news was, when it was over, it got out of Dodge fairly quickly—although the female generally required a day or so to recover fully.
Putting her head into the main examination room, she found no one. Same with the two recovery rooms. But her mother was here—she could sense her.
“Autumn?” she called out with a frown. “Hello? Where are you?”
The reply came from somewhere much farther down, where
the lectures used to be given to the trainees.
Striding toward the sound, she pushed her way into the primary classroom and found her mother seated at one of the tables that faced the blackboard. The lights were on overhead, and there was no one else in there with her.
Not good. Wherever the female was in her mind… was a not-good situation.
“Mahmen?” Xhex said as she let the door ease shut behind her. “How’re you doing?”
Time to tread carefully. Her mother was as motionless as a statue, and just as put together, everything all arranged from her tightly braided hair to her carefully matched clothes.
That totally-put-together was false, however, nothing but external trappings of composure that just made her appear even more brittle.
“I’m not well.” Autumn shook her head. “Not well. Not well at all.”
Xhex walked over to the instructor desk and put down her weapons and her jacket. “At least you’re honest.”
“Can’t you tell what is on my mind?”
“Your grid’s shut down. So you’re hard to read.”
Autumn nodded. “Shut down… yes, that would cover it.” Long pause, after which her mother looked around. “Do you know why I came in here? I thought the residue of the teaching would rub off on me. Not working, I’m afraid.”
Xhex eased her ass down on the desktop. “Did Doc Jane check you out?”
“Yes. I am fine. And before you ask, no, I wasn’t serviced. I did not want to be.”
Xhex exhaled in relief. Aside from her mother’s mental health, the physical risks of pregnancy and birth were not anything they needed to face right now—although maybe that was selfish.
Come on, though, she’d just found the female; she didn’t want to lose her so soon.
As Autumn’s eyes shifted over, there was a frankness in them that was new. “I need a place to stay. Away from here. I have no money, no job, and no prospects, but—”
“You can move in with me. For however long you want.”
“Thank you.” Those eyes moved away and lingered on the blackboard. “I shall endeavor to be a good guest.”
“You’re my mother. You’re not a guest. Listen, what’s happened?”
The other female stood up. “May we go now?”
