by A. K. Koonce
“What happened to him, Remy? Did she do this?”
I turn on my heels, swinging Lucas’ lifeless body with me like an afterthought, wanting to silence her words. She needs to never say anything like that again. It is imperative whatever she’s thinking needs to vanish from her mind.
“Stop—“
“Stop! Do not tell me to stop. Do you know who I—“
Her words become stifled nonsense as I cover her mouth with my hand. Her eyes grow murderously large, but she clamps her mouth shut with an angry “humph,” and I lower my hand hesitantly from her lips. I lean closer to her, pulling Lucas’ arm farther over my shoulder, trying to readjust his weight.
“I need you to be very careful with your words here.” She opens her mouth to protest, but I touch her lips lightly as I shake my head at her, earning another scornful look from the would-be Queen of England. “You should be careful with your thoughts, but you should be even more cautious with your words. Vitally cautious, Alex.”
I search her eyes and find intelligent understanding there. She swallows hard before nodding slowly. She looks to Lucas one more time before turning back to the shore.
“I expect to see you both on the shore in two hours, or I’ll check on him myself. I’m not afraid to enter the temple,” she says, holding her noble head high before stalking out of the forest.
I close my eyes slowly as if in prayer before soaring unnaturally through the trees. The forest passes in a blur around us, and I hope like hell we’ll be back in two hours’ time.
***
I sink Lucas’ body slowly into the Grave. The ancient symbols glow in the eerie light. I slip him under the thick surface of the water, praying he won’t drown, praying the Island hasn’t claimed him already.
I’m crouched at the edge, my hands gripping tightly under his arms as his head immerses below. My breathing quickens as I hold his drenched weight. I can’t tell if it’s working. He needs to release the pain. The water is still a glimmering dark purple.
Come on … turn black … turn black …
What the fuck, Lucas?
Do your thing already.
The water is still, whatever magic that lies below is unmoving, and I’m all but drowning my friend.
Fucking Felicity, throwing this kid into shit he shouldn’t be a part of. If he doesn’t make it I’ll kill her … If he doesn’t make it …
My heart pounds in my ears as a mixture of panic and anger floods my chest.
I clench my eyes tightly closed and focus all my energy into Lucas. Into his soul. Because it’s still there. A faded piece of it. His soul is his to keep, even if the Island owns his body, and his pain, and maybe even his mind some days. It’ll never own his soul. Not until he leaves here.
And he’s not leaving. Not today.
My energy pushes into him, and his pain floods my senses, pulling me down, weighting my chest with an unseen force. My current pushes through him, and I can physically feel the mass of pain dispersing, running through his body until there’s nowhere for it to go.
Nowhere to go but out.
The pool bleeds black around his floating body, washing through the unnatural water until its light beneath the surface fades away.
I pull him from the water, throwing him harshly to the cave floor. He sputters, black water spewing from his mouth. His breath rattles as he attempts to breathe again.
I push my wet hands roughly through my hair, and drops of the inky water run down my face. The tension in my chest finally subsides.
I have to make sure this never happens again.
CHAPTER NINE
What Does It Feel Like
Remy
Lucas splashes and laughs with Cali as if he wasn’t dead in my arms just hours ago. He holds her around her waist as she tries to get away from his relentless splashing. The two haven’t stopped laughing since we got here.
And it’s suffocating.
“You guys going to swim or what?” Lucas asks, raising his hands at us as he stares across the few yards of ocean separating Alexandra and me from them.
My eyes shift quickly to Alexandra who stands nervously at the edge of the water still fully clothed in her sundress. I haven’t pressed her to get in the water. As a former member of the British Royal Navy, I know how terrified people can be of the water. Alexandra has already had a bad experience with the ocean. I’m not going to pressure her into this.
“We don’t have to swim today. We can just walk out a few feet, or relax in the sand all day if you want.”
Her eyes are bluer with the ocean reflecting in them. I try to look away from her, out to Lucas and Cali, whose laughter has somehow increased along with my annoyance for how well they’re getting along, while I fail at making small talk with the one person who actually likes me. This was a bad idea.
“I’m not afraid of the water,” she says, her fingers playing with the hem of her white dress.
“Most people aren’t. They’re afraid of dying,” I say in a teasing voice.
“I’m not afraid of death either, Remy.”
I’m drawn to her honesty and find myself staring again. She looks out over the lapping waves, her long hair drifting in the breeze. She’s unafraid. Of everything probably. She leapt off that roof, knowing what laid beyond. And she had accepted it …
“Would you promise me something?”
I clear my thoughts and nod, ready to agree to anything she might ask me.
“If I look preposterous in this suit, do you promise to tell me?”
I blink repeatedly at her in confusion. “You’re not afraid of the water, of drowning, or even death … you’re afraid you’ll look bad in a bikini?” I ask slowly.
She shifts on her feet, biting her bottom lip in thought.
“Not bad, just … immodest.”
I can’t help the smirk from consuming my features. She pushes my arm lightly as a laugh escapes my mouth.
“I’m serious. Cali said this was a bathing suit, but I don’t think it is. I require your honesty.”
I laugh louder now at her hushed confession.
“It’s not funny, Remy.”
“I’m sorry; you’re right,” I say, trying to bite back my smile. “I will definitely tell you if it’s preposterous.”
“Are you mocking me?” she asks, her angry words a flow of rising and falling syllables.
“Not at all. I’ll even shield you from the other swimmers,” I say, a hint of a smile on my lips. I move to stand directly in front of her, blocking the view of the few other people at the beach today.
“Thank you. Maybe you are a gentleman after all.”
She pulls the hem of her dress up to start to reveal the possibly preposterous bathing suit.
“I never said I was a—”
My words fall away as she pulls the dress over her head revealing a pale green two piece. My mouth hangs open, midsentence, from whatever smartass remark I was considering before she undressed right before me.
Fuck.
I clear my dry throat again, but it doesn’t help. I couldn’t form words right now if my life depended on it. I look away from her, watching the sun reflect of the waves of the clear water.
It isn’t an inappropriate swimming suit. It’s by far more modest than the three pink triangles Cali is wearing. It covers her and even has a couple of inches of lace that covers her ribs. Locks of blonde hair brush against her collarbones and her bare arms. She’s beautiful, and logic could only have told me she’d be even more beautiful the more clothes she takes off.
I glance at her again out of the corner of my eye. Long legs stand nervously before me, hips just wide enough for my palms to grasp, a smooth toned stomach begs for my fingers, and … her eyes are glaring right at me. I dart my gaze down to the sand at our feet, studying the fine particles the cling to our ankles.
Her eyes light up as she dips her head down to meet my gaze, a hesitant smirk pulling at her lips. “Are you blushing, Remington?”
I s
hift my stance, looking back at the water behind us. Lucas’ smug face greets me. He gives me a moronic thumbs up, a gesture I’m sure Alexandra can see. Cali pushes him playfully until he lowers his hand from view.
Fucking just drown me now.
“Not preposterous?” she asks quietly.
I take a breath, trying to calm my pounding heart in an attempt to keep my blood from soaring south.
“Nothing could ever look preposterous on you,” I say in a gravelly tone, finally meeting her eyes.
Her head tilts up, closer to me, and a shy smile touches her lips. She’s so different than she appears. Different than she was in the tower and different than she was in her future. She’s different with me. Strong but shy, sweet but scowling. A million beautiful emotions so quick to surface within her.
“Teach me to swim.”
Thankful for her change in topic, I take her hand in mine, my bare arm brushing against hers as we wade out into the lapping waves. A tingling feeling spreads through me from her closeness.
She walks cautiously through the water. When we’re chest deep I stop, releasing her hand and facing her. Water droplets cling to her chest, begging for my attention but I refuse to look down.
“Let’s start with some arm motions. You’ll rotate your arms, extending them out, propelling through the water.”
I bend my knees until my head is barely above water and do a few mock breaststokes slowly in demonstration. Alexandra nods and mimics my movements. Her arms push through the water as her long blonde hair becomes saturated by the sea. Her porcelain complexion seems even lighter beneath the clear water.
“You know there’s a more hands-on approach to this right?” Lucas says exaggerating his words. His shaggy brown hair bobs through the waves as he swims over to us. His dirty words hold hidden meaning that I don’t need right now. I don’t tear my focus from Alexandra’s progress to even acknowledge him.
“What do you mean?” Her arms stilling beneath the water, her movements halting entirely to listen to him.
“Don’t listen to him.”
She doesn’t hear me.
“I think you’re ready for more.” His smile is taunting. “Bring her further out, Rem. He’ll keep you close so nothing will happen to you.”
“Fuck off, Lucas,” I say as if he’s a fly that doesn’t know when to stop buzzing.
I saved his life. Twice. This is the thanks I get?
My annoyance only brings him happiness, his straight white teeth gleaming against the ocean water.
“The woman has tales told about her that exist even in my time; I think she can handle a little water.”
What is he talking about? Has he done research on her? He has my full attention now as well as Alexandra’s and Cali’s.
“What kind of tales?” Cali asks, curious.
My fingers flex beneath the waves, instinctively wanting to shield the princess from whatever Lucas might tell her. I remain unmoving at her side, though.
Lucas floats away on his back as if he’s as light as air. He is, in a way. He’s the only person I know who is truly happy, even after all the things he’s survived.
“Mostly about her hair,” he says, drifting lazily past Alexandra.
“My hair? That’s my legacy?” Alexandra asks, her mouth hanging open in outrage.
Cali’s face lights up, understanding filling her features. She looks at Alexandra like she just met her childhood hero.
“The folklore isn’t exactly known for its cleverness during your time period. Women are best known for their complexion and virtue. It’s probably a guy thing,” I say, trying to suppress a laugh as I watch her brows pinch together in annoyance, a thin angry line appearing there. “Come on. Let’s work on your floating and your legs,” I say, trying to distract her as I try not to think too much about what I’m about to do.
Her damp lips are almost in a pout over what Lucas told her. It was probably the safest thing he could have told her. Whatever he learned, whatever she lost or could have been by being here, I know she doesn’t want to know. I know because I’ve seen what I lost. It hurts. Seeing the life you could have had. Even if it was a mediocre life at best, it was still yours, a piece of yourself you never got to have. Gone before it ever existed.
Alexandra stands in the water, her height more apparent against the threatening waves, her head level to my chest. She’s waiting for my next instruction. The perfect student. Her eyes drift down my chest, following the droplets of water that trail down my abdomen.
My pulse quickens, and I can’t help all the thoughts that drill through my mind as I glance over her wet body. My fingers flex into my palms, wanting badly to touch her.
“Come here,” I say almost as a plea.
She takes a few steps, closing the short distance between us. Her eyes search mine, moisture clinging to her long lashes.
“I’m going to support you while you kick your legs as hard as you can,” I tell her as professionally as possible.
She nods, appearing more nervous than the first time we met standing atop a roof prepared to fall to her death.
In a quick swoop, I lift her, balancing her weight with my palms flat against her abdomen, her skin smooth against my touch. She splashes unsteadily for a few seconds, her hand slipping down the back of my wet bicep, trying to find a safety as she lies with only my hands between her and the bottom of the ocean floor. I try not to think about how her slick body is pressed subtly against mine.
“You’re all right,” I say with a small smile as a nervous laugh filters through her lips. Do I make her nervous?
“Don’t drop me,” she commands, raising her head high to keep it from the waves.
“I’d never,” I say sarcastically. Her eyes tilt up just long enough to glare at me. “Now kick your legs, love.”
I’ve never been responsible for someone like this. I’ve never had someone depend on me to keep them above water. To keep them safe. How much she believes in me is unsettling in a way. My heart pounds wildly thinking about how much confidence she has in me.
We work together for over an hour. By the end, she still can’t swim, not that I expected her to today, but she’s close. A couple more lessons she could be pretty decent.
“I’m gonna walk Cali home. Meet me back on the Vela?” Lucas asks, pulling on a white shirt, dusty with sand.
“Yeah, sure.”
Lucas pulls Cali to his side, his hand grasping her waist, holding the curve of her body against his.
Everything looks so easy between them. There’s no nervous energy. No uncertainty. Because their lives are settled. They’ll always be here, together, while Alexandra’s life belongs to another world entirely. She should be there, waiting for her knight. Not here, suspended in time, letting the bastard who ruined her life paw all over her.
“What does it feel like, absorbing someone else’s death?” She looks to me as we start to walk up the shore.
Alexandra’s question grounds me to my spot. How the fuck did she know that? She’s wearing her white dress again, all covered up as she should be.
“What makes you think I absorb death?” I ask, pulling my shirt on and walking toward the forest with her, toward her hut.
“I wasn’t sure at first, not really, but seeing Lucas today and remembering how healthy you looked that night at the festival …” Her hesitant voice trails away.
She’s smart. Too smart for this place; questions are dangerous. Felicity doesn’t like questions, and words always seem to make their way back to the Priestess, no matter how quietly they’re spoken. The others, they don’t question their arrival here in paradise. Why question a good thing? Why question a Savior who seems suspiciously like a reaper?
Alexandra shouldn’t be here. Honestly, if I could stop enjoying her company so much I’d push her way. I’d try harder to make her want to leave.
Now feels like a good time to give it a solid effort.
With the truth.
“It feels like a lifetime o
f guilt, and pain, and suffering, and sorrow all harbored together creating a thick ocean of emotion. And I drown in it every night, unable to breathe or think or feel anything except for these stranger’s feelings pushing down on me, consuming me inside and out.”
I hold a long entangling vine out of the way for her to pass by. Her shoulders dip down as she crouches under my arm, brushing my side as she walks beneath.
“And when you return here?”
“It’s all washed away. So I can do it all over again tomorrow.”
I can see her thinking through my words. She’s always thinking, always assessing every little detail.
We walk quietly through the trees, along the dirt path to the huts. Long wide leaves and limbs brush our shoulders as we pass. I wish she’d just concede already, reject the Island, and let me take her home. Where I’ll never speak to her again. She’ll go her way and be happy, and I’ll go mine and be … forever here, a prisoner of pain.
When we arrive at her small hut, perfectly structured from long panels of bamboo, she faces me, studying me for several seconds.
What is she thinking about?
She pushes her long blonde hair from her face, holding the door handle in her hand. “Same time tomorrow?” she asks politely.
We’re done. Our small talk is over, and it hasn’t convinced her of a thing. We’ll do this shit all over again the same time tomorrow.
“Yeah. I’m going to warn you though, Lucas is not a morning person. We might be a couple people short.”
“Well, who will be there to give me an approving thumbs up when I undress?” she asks without cracking a smile.
I tilt my head back, rubbing my hand roughly down my face as I smirk at her words. I finally look at her, leaning closer to her. She stands her ground as she watches every move I make.
“If it means so much to you, I’ll definitely approve when you undress,” I whisper against her hair, unable to stop myself.
I feel her shiver as her face flames red, her eyes shifting to the ground as she bites back a smile.
God, I want her here with me. Every fucking day so I can see that shy smile, let her make me feel like I’m not a total screw up, and hear her laugh at every stupid thing I say.
