Dear Lord, I’d just said I needed to pull my head out of my ass, and there I was, maudlin all over the place. Enough of that. I straightened, ready to join the rest of the family, whether I knew where I fit in or not, when a motion down the grassy bank captured my attention.
My breath caught.
Donovan. White linen shirt, open at the neck, enough to reveal some chest hair, at least when he was nearer. Baby blue shorts, showing off his long, tan, muscled legs. Sockless feet tucked into calfskin loafers. I remembered the moment I met him as well. The night of Erica’s and my engagement party. The night I realized that all those prayers I’d thought Erica had answered were lost in the wind.
At the sight of him, my cock twitched with the memory of the taste of him over my tongue. Then I noticed he wasn’t alone. He’d brought a date?
I narrowed my eyes. I was going to have to give in and get glasses soon. No, not a date. Cody Wisner.
Relief and anger bubbled in me in equal measure, though relief might have had the advantage. At least Donovan hadn’t brought a date. But Cody? Seriously, Erica had invited him to our son’s birthday?
The two of them approached the family. Erica hugged Donovan, then gave Cody a kiss.
I tried not to hate the guy. I wasn’t jealous. There was no stirring at the sight of him kissing my wife—my ex-wife. Just anger. He’d stolen everything away from me. My family, my home, my illusions.
My children screamed in pleasure, cutting off Erica’s kiss, and ran to Donovan. I was a little jealous of him sometimes; the role of uncle was so much more glorious than dad. Although, I couldn’t blame Emma and Ethan. I wanted to scream in joy every time I saw Donovan as well. Joy and utter terror.
I walked over, telling my heart to slow down and my voice to be normal. Cody’s gaze met mine as I drew near. I gave a nod, free of any smile or warmth. A clear message we had nothing to say to each other but that I wasn’t going to gut him with the cake knife either. I didn’t wait for Donovan to lower Ethan from his arms. If I did, we’d have to figure out if we were to hug or shake hands. “You made it.”
He glanced over, his smile for Ethan morphing into something else. Still a smile, but different. “Like I’d ever miss a party. I plan on snatching a couple gifts for myself when the birthday boy isn’t looking.”
“Hey!” Ethan shoved Donovan’s shoulder, only making himself tilt backward.
Donovan released his grip, letting Ethan fall for a second, then scooping him close once more before giving him a quick kiss on the forehead. “You go play while I scope out which gift I’m stealing.” He placed Ethan on the sand and winked at Emma. “Don’t worry, I’ll share whatever I swipe with you.”
“You’d better.” She grinned.
“You’re both mean.” Ethan giggled and then rushed off. Emma hesitated, then gave Donovan a wave and hurried after her brother.
Even if I hadn’t lusted after Donovan from the moment I’d met him, I would’ve fallen in love watching him care for my children all these years.
I managed to erase that thought as he looked back at me. I could see him trying to decide what to say. We’d never been fully at ease with each other, or at least, I’d never been fully at ease around Donovan, but things were definitely tenser since Erica’s affair. And multiplied by a thousand since the party. I’d thought that was due to my own guilt, lust, and fear. However, the way he’d looked at me on the Fourth made me think he’d known it was me. Even now, among the Epstein side of his family, I swore the awareness nearly bubbled forth. It didn’t, thank God.
“Anything I can help with?”
Erica cut in before my lack of speech ability could make itself known. “Actually, yeah.” She handed him some keys. “Will you and Cody go back up and grab the gifts out of the back of Dad’s car? I didn’t want him and Mom to have to carry them down.”
“Of course.” He didn’t even hesitate, though I swore annoyance crossed Cody’s face. “Although I didn’t see Dad’s Range Rover.”
“He didn’t send you the pictures yesterday?” Erica let out a labored sigh. “He traded it for a Cayenne Turbo something-or-other. He kept debating between a black and white one and wanted my input.”
Donovan grinned. “Let me guess, he went with blue.”
She laughed. “You do know our father. Close anyway. Red. Bright red. Which, if I’d known was an option is what I would’ve told him. If you’re going to spend over a hundred grand, at least make it flashy.” She swatted at Donovan. “Don’t give me that look, Boy Scout. Now get to work.”
Donovan flashed a glance in my direction, an unreadable one, before he and Cody headed back up the bank.
I turned to Erica, reprimanding myself before the words even left my lips. “You invited Cody to Ethan’s birthday party?”
The coolness she’d spared me earlier poured from her now. “We’re together, Spencer. We have been for a long time.”
I scoffed. “Oh, yes, please remind me about exactly how long you’ve been together. Which movie had I taken the kids to when the two of you were in our bed?”
“Shut up, Spencer.” She took a step closer, her voice an assault. “This isn’t the place.”
“That’s what I’m saying, Erica. This isn’t the place. This is our son’s birthday party. The first one since the divorce.”
Uncharacteristic doubt passed over her features but left as quickly as it had come. “Don’t pretend you’re jealous, Spencer. We both know you’re not.” Her beautiful lips curved into a vicious smile. “It’s not my fault if you’re not taking advantage of the freedom I’ve given you. What’s wrong? Still can’t get it up, or are you still trying to pray it away?”
“Shut your mouth.” Both my fists and my teeth were clenched, and I looked away long enough to find Emma and Ethan. Both out of earshot, thank God. “Don’t spin this like you had an affair to do me a favor.”
She took another step closer, leaving mere inches between us. “Look at it however you want. I’ll remind you of just how many of my needs you weren’t meeting every day if you need me to. Hell”—she made a sweeping gesture—“I can make it clear to everyone here exactly how long those needs weren’t getting met and fill them in on why.”
“Fine, do—” I stopped myself, barely. If I told Erica to do it, she probably would. Spin around, right there on the spot, and give the performance of her life. With our children standing in earshot. “At least quit making out with Cody in front of the kids.”
“It was a hello kiss. That’s all.” She cocked her head. “Oh my God, you were jealous, weren’t you?” She snorted, letting me know just how close to losing it she really was if she was allowing herself to make such noises. “How did I not see it coming? You want him.”
Donovan flashed through my mind. “What?”
“You want Cody. Not that I blame you. Trust me, he knows what he’s doing. I’d forgotten how good sex could feel until he showed up.”
I was the one who spun around and walked away before I could say something I’d regret. Something about how I really felt about her, or felt about Donovan. To my relief, Erica didn’t call after me.
I was tempted to leave. Leave my own son’s birthday party. I glanced up the embankment and saw Donovan and Cody carrying down armloads of gifts. They blocked my path, which was good. I found Emma and Ethan tossing a football with several of the other kids. I ran toward them, pushing every other aspect of my life out of my mind, and intercepted the ball as it arched through the air and then tore into the surf, making all the kids scream and rush in after me.
Luckily for me, it was my son’s birthday. It also might have been lucky for me that my ex-wife’s boyfriend was present. Both were “get out of jail free” cards. Otherwise I might have been spit roasted. Even after ten years as an Epstein, I proved once more that I didn’t fit in. It didn’t matter if it was a birthday party for a seven-year-old or an exclusive beachside concert. One does not run into the ocean, whether you are thirty-nine or seven. The other parents w
ere not happy about their children’s designer clothes being covered in salt. But thanks to my “get out of jail free” cards, I only received admonishing stares. Even Erica kept her mouth shut.
I was sure I noticed Donovan smirk a couple of times, but it seemed like we were both focused on avoiding eye contact, so I couldn’t be sure. We made it through the barbecue, endless presents, and cake and ice cream, and managed to only look each other in the eyes a couple of times. But it was enough.
Though it terrified me, I was fairly certain from our exchange at the Fourth of July party that Donovan somehow knew he had been with me at the masquerade. With every quick glance, though they were few, I became more certain.
By the time the party guests started gradually heading home, Cody’s presence was nothing more than an annoyance. It had started to be an unexpected gift. I knew everyone could sense that I was off, that I wasn’t my normal self. But I wasn’t expected to be. The man my wife had left me for was at my son’s birthday party. Both the faux pas of taking their children into the ocean and acting strange could be forgiven, at least for a little while.
Through brilliant planning on Erica’s part, as our children would both be suffering from a sugar high, I’d already agreed that they would spend the night with me after the party. Honestly, I could use the distraction.
Leaving Cody and Erica to clean up the beach with a few of her family members, I took the first load of presents back to the car. The amount of presents my children got on their birthdays and Christmas made me uncomfortable at times. But I felt a little more at ease with the quantity now as they would be split up between two different houses. My kids were going through enough; I wasn’t going to make a big deal out of spoiling them with presents. Even so, it seemed to take a higher level of math skills than I was capable of to figure out how to arrange the packages in the back of my SUV. Maybe I hadn’t played Tetris enough as a child. I thought I had it secured just perfectly as I reached over to close the door when several of them came tumbling down. Hoping I hadn’t broken any of Ethan’s new electronics, I bent down to start again.
“Looks like you need some help.”
I glanced up to see Donovan standing beside me, his arms filled with unwrapped gifts. “You mean there are more presents?”
“Yeah, but this is the last of them. Ethan really maxed out this year.”
“Sure did. I think people felt sorry for him. Hopefully that’ll still be the case on Emma’s birthday so it’s even.”
Donovan started transferring gifts from his arms to the trunk. “You hold them still, and I’ll pile them in, and then you can slam the doors closed really quick.”
“So, I’ll have them all tumble out when I get home?”
He chuckled. “Just have the kids standing by. It’ll be like it’s raining toys.”
“Good idea.” I did as he suggested. Even with the two of us, a few gifts managed to sneak their way back out. Within a few minutes, though, all presents were piled behind the back doors and waiting to escape as soon as I opened them again. “Thanks.” I looked at him as I straightened and paused at the expression on his face.
Donovan peered around the side of the car, then turned back to me once more. I’d never seen him look so nervous, and I knew what was coming. Could feel it. I had enough time to stop it, find some distraction.
I didn’t.
“Maybe I should keep my mouth shut, like I’ve been doing, but it’s eating me alive, and I think I know the answer.” He licked his lip. “That was me the other night. At the… uhm….”
In that split second, a thousand options zoomed in my brain. “I know.”
Well shit. That was the most terrifying thing I’d ever said.
“You do?” Donovan looked like he felt the same way. “I mean, I thought you did. It’s seemed like that since, but… how?”
More terror. And this time, I chose the lying option. “When, uhm, at the… end. When that other guy wanted to….” Shit. “When you told him to back off, I recognized your voice.”
He gave a little shake of his head, and his eyes narrowed. “I did? I don’t remember speaking.”
Shit again. Maybe he hadn’t; I wasn’t sure. I was a lawyer, for fuck’s sake; I should be better at this.
He saved me from further explanation. “That doesn’t matter.” He stepped closer. “So, you knew, or figured it out, I guess. But you knew….” His voice changed, the nervousness still obvious, but there was something else too. Heat, lust, something….
I nodded, partly tempted to tell the full truth. Especially with him so near. I could reach out and pull him to me. Taste him in a different way, in a way I’d tried unsuccessfully to avoid fantasizing about for years. I couldn’t figure out what to say or what to do. Blood pounded in my ears and through my groin. Somewhere in the back of my brain, I could feel Erica and the kids nearby. Close. Too close. I nodded again.
Apparently, Donovan could feel them too. He checked around the vehicle one more time before looking back at me. “I have so many questions. Things I want to ask. Why were you at that party? Do you… have you always…?” He shook his head again. “Never mind, that’s unimportant. I just…. Are we okay? Are you okay?”
I couldn’t take it anymore. The past decade folded in on itself. Maybe it was the warm July night, the lull of the ocean, maybe just the desire to comfort Donovan. Probably it was simpler than that. It was his beautiful brown eyes, the allure of the scruff over his chiseled jaw, the heat from his body, from his desire that I couldn’t pretend to ignore anymore. I didn’t even try to answer his question; I just reached up, gripped him behind his neck, and pulled him to me, smashing his lips in a kiss.
Donovan stiffened, his body going rigid. He gave no other response than that, and for a moment, I thought I’d gone too far. That he was going to push me away, yell at me, accuse me of things, which I probably deserved. But then he kissed me back. And there was nothing tentative, nervous, or unsure about it. He stepped into me, pressing my back against the SUV, and his body into mine. And if his lips weren’t making his desire clear enough, the hardness of him against my thigh, and the hunger of his fingers as he pulled me to him left no room for doubt. He broke the kiss, and I thought he was pulling away, but he sucked in a quick breath and captured my lips again.
Everything was white noise, a billion sensations tumbling together, none of them discernible. The sweet taste of icing in his mouth, the smell of his skin, the sound of the ocean, the heat of his breath on my cheek, the sensation of him pushing against me. One short thrust, then another. Despite my best efforts—and unanswered prayers—I’d fantasized about this for years. Though it had never been like this. Not against a car, not out in plain view of the world. Even in my fantasies, I’d never been so daring. But his kiss? That was exactly what I had longed for. It left no doubt about his desire. And the fire that surged through me put every other heated moment I’d ever had to shame.
Laughter cut through the static filling my senses. At first at a distance, then closer. I broke the kiss and pushed him away. “Shit. They’re here.”
Donovan’s eyes went wide, but his gaze held mine for a brief heartbeat, and what I saw mirrored my feelings. Even if his words didn’t match. “Sorry. I wasn’t trying—”
“I started it.” I glanced between us, both of us sporting obvious erections. I yanked out my shirt and pulled it down. “Shit.”
Another glance, and he stepped away. He wheeled around and hurried toward his car, untucking his shirt as he moved. As voices drew closer, he hit a button and opened the trunk of his car. He reached it and leaned in, just as Erica, Cody, and the kids’ footsteps sounded over the gravel parking lot.
I took a couple of breaths, trying to figure out what to do, what to say, how to explain my flushed appearance, and then I followed Donovan’s example. I stepped away and opened the back doors. All the boxes and toys tumbled out.
“Dad!” Ethan rounded the SUV and gaped at the mess.
“Oh, for crying
out loud, Spencer. Can’t you do anything right?” Erica rolled her eyes and pointed at the pile of gifts. “Cody, show him how it’s done.” She paused, then addressed Ethan. “Actually, I figured we’d do it later, but seeing as we’re losing time anyway, you might as well decide what you want at our house and what you want to leave at your dad’s.”
I’d never been happier to be on the receiving end of Erica’s condemnation in my life. I risked a final glance toward Donovan. He’d already gotten in his car and was pulling out. Maybe with the chaos of the presents, the kids wouldn’t even notice that he’d left without saying goodbye.
Five
Donovan
I’d never planned on ending up in Lavender Shores. At least not long-term. I took the five-year approach to both my undergrad and my master’s degree. Those years in San Francisco allowed me my first taste of freedom from the convoluted mess that was my family. And I reveled in every minute. By the time I finished my degree in Psychology, things were ending with Paulie. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, and despite the life I’d managed to build over the past eight years in the city, it seemed like things were beginning to crumble. So Lavender Shores called to me once more. I came home, helped take care of Mom, and started my private practice. It was meant to be just that, practice.
By the time a year had passed, Mom had undergone treatment and the cancer was in remission. I’d healed from the heartbreak of my first real relationship. And I figured out that I’d chosen my degree in order to work through my own family issues, which should’ve been obvious all along. In doing so, having them all shoved in my face once more only led me to realize there were things I couldn’t fix but I didn’t really need to anymore. I’d gotten what I needed from Lavender Shores. It was time to fly, maybe to New York, Boston, even back to San Francisco. I’d open my practice for real, date for a while, and maybe build a family. One without all the twists and turns of my own.
The Veranda (Lavender Shores Book 3) Page 5
