“Anna?”
The heartbreak had been replaced with anger. I was so angry that I could not think straight. All I knew is that I wanted him out of there.
“Get out!” I hissed at him.
“Hey, what is going on? What’s happened?”
“You, that is what happened! You had been lying to me for months now. How could you? You said you love me and I trusted you. I slept with a married man! I promised myself never to do something like that. You knew what I had been through with my ex and you still decided sleeping with me is okay. How could you? What kind of monster are you?”
“Oh, my Love. I love you. But matters are complicated. Malina will take me for everything I have if she ever found out about us. But I love you enough to make time for you in my life. If I can just spend time with you the few evenings a week she works late or when I can tell her I have something on at school. Or like this afternoon. She has a meet-and-greet with some clients. They are going to be busy most of the afternoon and evening. I told her I am going to be out with a few of the boys, so I can be with you for most of the night. Come here.”
He held his arms out at me. I was so furious that I could hardly breathe. The gall of the man! How could he shame me like this. He knows me so well. How could he even imagine that I would be okay with being the other woman to any man?
“Get out! Get the fuck out of my house! I never want to see you again!” I screamed.
When he tried approaching me again, I lashed out and started hitting him. I felt helpless and hysterical.
“I can’t deal with you when you act like this. I will call you later.”
With that he walked out the door. I slammed the door and locked it behind him. I heard his tyres screech as he drove off.
My cell phone rang a few times over the weekend but I did not want to talk to anyone; least of all to Anton. I ignored his knocks at my door on Sunday. What did he tell his wife about where he was going when he came to me?
The Monday morning I went in to school, my resignation already typed. I made up a whole story for the headmaster about wanting a complete change in my life after my divorce. I told him that I had been thinking and that it would be too difficult for me to break with my past if I had to stick to my regular routine of coming to school, teaching in my familiar classroom and being around the staff who had known me as Mark’s wife for so long. None of that was true. But how could I tell this man who had always been so good to me, that I had slept with a married member of his staff? After talking to Nadeyn, I realized that some of my colleagues and even a few students must have known what had been happening between me and Anton. I could not see myself staying there and keeping my head high. And how could I look at Anton in the staffroom every day or run into him in the hallway, knowing how much he disrespected me?
FACING THE PAST
I started at my new school only a week later. The Department did not accept my resignation. Fortunately there was a crisis at another school with the deputy principal having a heart attack and they offered me a transfer. I felt relieved to be away from Anton and his constant nagging about me not wanting to be involved with him.
I found it hard to believe that this grovelling simpleton, who started following me around like a discarded puppy, was the same man who stood by me during the time of my divorce. I had to go as far as to threaten him with going to his wife or the Department if he did not leave me alone. He finally gave up.
But now it is a year later and here he is, on the plane with me. What am I going to do? Hopefully he will just attend the workshops and leave me alone. If I had known he would be here, I would never have agreed to present one of the workshops. But now it is too late to cancel. I can hardly get on the first plane and go home!
I wish Thomas was here. I miss him. I will call him as soon as I get to the hotel.
I wonder if I should tell him about running into Anton. He knows about Anton and what had happened between us. He was the first person I told how hurt and humiliated I felt by this man whom I trusted. How would Thomas feel if he had to know that Anton was on the same flight with me and that he would be spending the next few days around me?
An announcement from the cockpit that it is time to fasten our seatbelts and get ready for landing, brings me back to my surroundings. My notes are still lying on my lap, untouched. It is going to be a long night. I still have a lot to prepare before I can honestly say I am ready for tomorrow’s session. After seeing Anton and thinking about my past not only with him but also reliving some memories of my life with Mark, the last thing I feel like is being here and having to present one of the first workshops. But I know that I have an obligation towards the Department of Education and all the teachers from across the country that came here to learn and to share. I will not let them down.
The hotel’s courtesy bus takes us to our hotel and somehow I am not surprised to see that Anton is staying at the same hotel I am. I will just have to put him and the past out of my mind so I can get through the next few days.
After a long shower I lie down on my bed and dial Thomas’ number. I almost feel like crying when I hear his voice. Have I fallen this much in love with him that even the thought of being so far from him makes me feel more alone than I have ever felt in my life?
“Hello, my baby. How are you doing? How was your flight?”
“It wasn’t bad. I did not get all my work done so I will be staying in my room tonight so I can finish preparing for tomorrow.”
“You do that. And make sure you eat. I am worried about you when I am not around to keep an eye on you. You never seem to eat when I am not around. I don’t want you fading away while you are not here. You need to be strong when you get back. I have a lot to keep you busy with.”
I can hear the smile in his voice and it makes me feel so much better. We talk for another few minutes before we say goodbye. I sit on the bed with my phone in my hand for a while.
I can still hear his last words to me ringing in my ear: “I love you, Anna.”
I work for a couple of hours. When the room becomes too dark I switch on the light and ring the number for room service. While I wait for my meal to be brought to my room, I page through a magazine left on the small desk. But I find it hard to get into any of the articles and feel a sense of relief when I hear a knock at the door and the waiter announcing himself.
After picking at my food, I get my laptop and continue working. It is late when I finally switch off the light. I am tired and fall asleep almost immediately.
I wake up with a throbbing headache. I kept on dreaming last night. It was horrible reliving so many bad moments from my marriage. But like it always happens in dreams, everything became contorted with the entrance of Anton in so many scenes that I sometimes became confused as to the context of a specific dream. Why could I not just have a beautiful dream about Thomas? But no, as always, first Mark and then Anton had to come and disturb my dreams; another way in which they manage to disrupt my life.
I jump in the shower in an attempt to wash the cobwebs from my mind. No long, relaxing bath for me this morning. I ignore the urge to call Thomas and head straight for the conference facilities without having breakfast. I do not feel like talking to anyone today. As long as I focus on the material I prepared for today I will be okay.
I have already started with the first part of my presentation when Anton walks in. He has a smile on his face and from the blush on the face of the blond girl who enters the room only a minute later, I can only guess what he had been up to again. For a second I feel taken aback and have to fight the confusion I feel building up in my mind. I continue with my speech but in my mind I am fighting a battle with myself. I hate the feelings seeing Anton and the blond had stirred up in me again. I know I am not in love with him; in fact I doubt if I ever was. So what is this I am feeling? Jealousy? Rage?
By the conclusion of the day’s proceedings, I feel emotionally drained. I cannot wait to get out of here but after a standing ovation, people flock to the front for a chanc
e to talk to me. I smile mechanically and answer as many questions as possible. I hand out my contact information to colleagues who may need more help from me in future. Then he is there again. Anton stands right in front of me, among the rest of the teachers, with a sardonic smile on his face.
“So, Miss Lemar, will you be available to answer more of our questions later during the evening? Say, around dinner?”
“Yes, let’s all go out to dinner together and Miss Lemar can answer some more of our questions. Come on, Anna, let us buy you dinner. In return you can just sit there and answer our questions while eating. Come on, you have to be tired after such a long day. Let us buy you dinner,” another excited teacher says.
I realise I have not eaten yet and I am feeling famished. After skipping breakfast I could only manage a few cups of tea during intervals, so I can feel my body needs nourishment. I don’t want to spend the evening in Anton’s company but at least there will be a whole crowd of people with us. I can also not think of a logical excuse as to why I would not be able to have dinner with this friendly, welcoming crowd.
The evening seems to be a success. Wine is flowing as easy as the conversation and I finally start to relax. Quinton, one of the teachers who attended the session today, is funny and entertaining. If I had to guess, I would say he is gay. He is an attractive man – tall and slender with a childlike look to him. He entertains everyone with spoofs of famous speeches by politicians. For a thin white boy, he does a great Obama.
When I say that I am tired, he immediately jumps up and with a salute, he says: “At your service, Miss Lemar. I would be honoured to escort you to your boudoir.”
Everybody laughs when I say: “Thank you, my humble servant. But the front door of the hotel will do just fine. My boudoir door will be seen by none other than me.”
I can see the irritation in Anton’s face when I say goodbye to everyone with a mere wave of the hand. Did he think there would be hugs and kisses all around?
When Quinton drops me in front of the hotel, he asks if I would be okay going to my room alone.
“Of course, Quinton. I am a big girl. Thank you for a wonderfully entertaining evening. It was just what I needed after such a tiring day. See you tomorrow.”
With that I get out of his car. I take the lift up to my room. When I go inside, I just kick off my shoes before dialling Thomas’s number. He sounds sleepy when he answers the phone.
“I am sorry. I did not realize how late it was. I had just walked in the door.”
He immediately apologizes for sounding so sleepy. He had a long day as well and decided to go to bed early.
“I miss you too much. If I’m awake, I think about you being so far away the whole time. So I decided if I could sleep, time would pass a bit faster.”
“Oh you are so sweet. I miss you as well. I would never have been able to fall asleep if I could not hear your voice.”
I tell him about my day and about going to dinner with some of the other teachers. But I do not say a word about Anton being there. What would he say if he had to know that Anton was among the group I had dinner with? Would he understand that I got forced into going? That I could not say no without it looking very suspicious? I hate hiding things from Thomas since I also expect him never to lie to me; not even by omission. However, telling him these things over the phone feels too risky. What if he does not understand and I am not there to really explain everything to him? I would rather just wait until I am home and then tell him everything. In any case, it is not like there is really anything to tell. Why would I want to fill his mind with worries about Anton being at the conference?
After about twenty minutes, we say goodbye. I walk through to the bathroom and draw myself a deep bubble bath. I feel relaxed after the wine at dinner and having talked to Thomas.
I allow myself to just lie back in the bubbles and let my mind drift. The sounds of Gheorghe Zamfir’s pan flute fill my ears when I switch my iPod on. I relax and my hands start exploring my skin under the water. With Thomas being in the front of my thoughts, it is easy to make myself believe it is his hands caressing my body. My fingers finally find their way down to my pussy and I gently massage the mound surrounding it.
Fright is not the right word to describe the feeling I feel when I suddenly feel another hand over mine. I gasp when I open my eyes and see Anton’s bloodshot eyes right above me. I can now smell his alcohol-laden breath in my face while his right hand pins mine down under the water.
“Anton! Get out! How did you get into my room?”
He laughs and it is clear that he is very drunk: “Nothing that I cannot get some waiting staff to do for me. I convinced the cab driver to tell them that I am too drunk to get to my room on my own, so one of the bell boys brought me upstairs and gladly opened your door, thus letting me inside. They must have believed that my sexy wife is waiting for me.”
I push him away and he has to take a step back in order to maintain his balance. He is very drunk. I am now lying under the bubbles, wondering how to get out. I have no choice but to ask him to hand me a towel. He steps back but this time he is too drunk to keep his balance. He falls and I use the opportunity to get out of the bath and grab a towel.
Sitting on the floor now, Anton grabs the towel and part of my leg. I am wet and his hands slip off me. He only manages to hang onto the towel. He grabs at me again and this time he gets hold of me. He tugs at me. I lose my balance and come down hard on the bathroom floor. For a few seconds the world around me goes black. Immediately Anton tries to roll on top of me. He tries to kiss me in my neck but only manages to reach my shoulder. I start fighting back but his heavy body pins me to the floor while he fiddles with his zipper.
He pulls his dick from his pants and swears. He rubs his limp dick against me, while saying, “Come on, Doll. Don’t be like this. Open up. I want you.”
“Anton, get off me!”
I start crying. Different feelings roll over me, none of them positive. Anger, revulsion, nausea all take over and I try to fight the big bulk off me.
I hear him swear again: “Fuck!”
He lifts himself and I see him looking at his dick. It refuses to go hard and hangs on him like a limp vegetable far beyond its sell by date. I take my chance and jump up. I run into the bedroom and grab my robe which I quickly tie around my waist. I don’t want to leave the room in this state. But I also don’t want to be in the room with a man who was clearly going to rape me if he had not been too drunk.
Anton comes toward me again. He is unsteady on his feet. His pants are still undone with his dick hanging over the edge of his underpants. Is this the man I thought I had been in love with?
I realize arguing with him is not going to get him out of my room. I don’t want security involved so I decide to open the door. He comes after me again. I stand in front of the open door and when he lunges at me, I get out of the way and he falls halfway out of the room. I push him out the rest of the way and shut the door behind him. My legs give way under me and I sit against the door, sobbing.
I hear him swearing and slurring his words as he walks down the hallway. The shock from the previous ten minutes makes me tremble and I know that I have to pull myself together. What am I going to do? If I report him, our previous relationship will come out. My name and reputation will be dragged through the mud. The fact that I did not know that he was married and that I broke it off with him and resigned my position the moment I found out, would not count in the judging eyes of others. How will people understand that I went to dinner with him even though I did not want to? How do I explain that even though I had sex with him in the past, it is not what I wanted tonight?
No, I can’t risk it. What happened here tonight must never come out. But at the same time I am not up to attending the rest of the sessions, knowing he is in such close proximity to me.
I get dressed and pack my bag. I go to the bathroom and clean up the mess Anton caused by falling and also letting me fall. Then I call a cab. The nightshift rece
ption worker is fast asleep behind the counter when I leave the hotel. I look around wearily but there is no sign of Anton or anyone else.
When the cabdriver asks where I need to go, I ask him to take me back to the airport.
The airport building is deserted and I find a seat from where I can see the counter. As soon as the counter opens, I will buy a ticket to go home. I came here because I really did not know what else to do. I can now feel my body starting to ache from the bruising. All I want is to be in Thomas’ arms. I want to take the first flight home.
**********
During the night I realize that I cannot go home in this state. Thomas will know something is seriously wrong the moment he sees me. But I am also in no state of mind to attend the rest of the conference.
When the sun comes out the next morning, I walk out of the airport and hail the first cab I see. He takes me to a hotel on the opposite side of the city.
When I get to my room, I lock the door behind me. Nobody knows I am here but I need time to think and weigh my options. First of all, I need to call the organizers of the conference. Even though my session is done, they will still wonder what happened to me if I just disappear.
I pick up the phone and dial the number. It rings a few times before Libby answers. I tell her there was an emergency with one of my children. Nothing too serious but that I felt I needed to be there for them. Of course she is very understanding and she will pass along my regrets to the rest of the organising committee. I feel a bit guilty about lying to her but I don’t feel like I had a choice.
Thomas will be more difficult. I cannot go home yet. He will immediately know that something is seriously wrong. He swore that he would kill anyone who ever hurt me. So I will just have to leave him with the impression that I am still attending the conference. I will call him tonight just like I did last night. The idea of lying to Thomas makes me feel even worse but that is the only way I can protect him so he never finds out what transpired the night before.
The Coming of Anna (The Manhattan Series) Page 6
