So he didn’t notice the school bus, farther down. Sturm, Theo, Girdler, one of the Glouck boys, and The Assholes stood in front of the bus, lined up along the crosswalk.
Everyone had a rifle.
* * * * *
Frank said, “Five hundred dollars. That’ll buy you a damn good buzz tonight.”
“You got it.” Chuck peeled off five bills and slapped them into Frank’s hand, as the pickup finally rolled through the opposite crosswalk.
As the sheep crossed the center traffic line, the crack of a single rifle knocked Frank’s eyes into the swirling photo negative mode again.
The sheep was yanked off its feet and to the side, as if a giant invisible hook came out of the sky and caught it just behind the shoulder blades, catching on the bones and slamming it at the ground.
A cheer went up. Sturm raised his rifle.
Frank was so shocked he stood up, eyes locked on the dead sheep, nearly black in his eyes, now being pulled along by the lead line. The pickup rolled out from underneath him, unfelt and unheard. He suddenly looked up, and seeing the hunters aligned along the crosswalk, connections were made. He figured out that someone, probably Sturm, had shot the ewe. He went to sit back on the tailgate and fell on his ass.
The hunters roared.
Theo hit the gas, and tried to drag the corpse into Frank.
Frank jumped up and hopped over the sheep as it slid underneath him, painting the street like a sponge soaked in blood. Frank dusted himself off, and waved back at the hunters. Theo turned in a big circle, dragging the ewe around Frank, pounding on the roof, honking the horn, and generally having himself a good time. Chuck clutched at his belly, laughing all the while, his head swiveling around like a half deflated balloon of casing atop a sausage as he squinted through tears at Frank. “Sorry man, but that…that was fucking funny shit right there.”
Theo turned around and stopped. Chuck jumped off, shaking his head and giggling. He unbuckled the dog collar and joined Frank back on the tailgate. Theo took off, leaving the dead ewe in the middle of the side street.
Riding the tailgate back, Frank’s smile was more or less in place. After a while, he thought that if it hadn’t been him, it would have been pretty funny. And it wasn’t too long before he thought the whole thing was pretty funny, until they turned back into the alley.
He’d forgotten about the rest of the sheep. Twenty-five or thirty of them clung together like wet oatmeal, in the shade behind the supermarket. The fence was simply a roll of chicken wire stretched from the back wall out and around two dumpsters, forming a square.
Theo kept the pickup moving until Chuck was level with the corner of the fence. He jumped off, went up to the wall, and unhooked one end of the chicken wire. He grabbed a sheep, another ewe, by one ear, and threw the collar over her neck. He let go of the ear and grabbed the other end of the collar before the ewe could back away. He cinched it tight, buckled it, and dragged it out of the pen.
* * * * *
And that’s how it went. Theo would drive slowly out across Main Street, towing a sheep, and somebody down by the bus would be shooting like hell. Sometimes the shots would kill the sheep instantly, blasting it sideways two or three feet. By early afternoon, there was a thick trail of clotted gore the color of crushed pomegranates, covered in flies. Blood sizzled on the pavement, scarred with hundreds, maybe thousands of bullet strikes. The air smelled of blood and gunpowder.
For three hours, in the worst of the early afternoon, even the flies wouldn’t go out into the sun. They would cluster in curious stripes along thin strips of shadow that marked each tree limb, eating, shitting, fucking, and marching forward through the gore with the relentless snail’s pace of the sun.
Sometimes the shots weren’t even close, and Sturm had to step in and kill the ewe before it crossed Main Street completely.
Sometimes they’d blow the ewe’s head off and the collar would slip through the ruined skull and skitter along the sticky asphalt like a child’s pretend pet. Theo would stop the truck, back up, and Frank and Chuck would have to wrap the collar around part of the carcass, so they could keep dragging it along, and let the shooter continue blasting away at the target.
When this happened, it was really a two-man job. Most of the time, the neck was useless. Once in a while, if the sheep was skinny, they could buckle the collar in the hollow over the spine just in front of the back hips. That didn’t happen often. Instead, Frank usually had to lift the sheep by the front legs, while Chuck hacked away at the tendons and ligaments where those back hips were connected to the spine, slashing his way into the sheep so he could sink the collar deep into the wound, around the hips of the sheep and buckle it securely.
Frank always got nervous during these times, standing out in the street, hoisting the dead target, right in the middle of the shooting range. The shooters were undoubtedly drinking heavily, and you never knew when some drunk sonofabitch might just decide to take a shot at the sheep when Frank had it in the air, just for fun. The sun hammered down like a blunt nail into his eyes. Sometimes, when Frank’s eyes would blink over into seeing negatives, the blood looked like semen.
* * * * *
By noon the pile of sheep was as big as one of the dumpsters back at the sheep pen. By two, at the end of it, the pile nearly covered the street. Theo had to drive up onto the sidewalk, just to get around it. And they worked for hour upon hour in the blood and bullets and live and dead sheep.
Blue smoke rose above the town like smog.
Until finally, the last sheep was pulled slowly across Main Street. Theo must have been on his walkie-talkie, because everyone unloaded on the ewe. It exploded in a bright red mass of blood, bones, wool, innards, and brains. The collar slipped away, caught one of the front legs, and dragged what was left of the carcass away like a half digested bird skeleton through cat vomit.
Theo killed the engine and silence bloomed again. Frank and Chuck sat on the tailgate, staring dully at the pavement. Neither moved. The blood had crusted into a color of crushed red peppers on their clothes and skin, as if they’d been at ground zero inside a slaughterhouse, The flask had been empty for hours.
The hunters stowed their rifles back into the cases and ambled slowly down Main Street, rubbing their shoulders, talking loud over the ringing in their ears, and kicking the spent shell casings, which littered the ground like confetti after a ticker-tape parade.
Everybody was pleased as punch.
* * * * *
“Fine job, boys. Fine, fine job. I’d say our guns are good and sighted in,” Sturm said. Frank didn’t care if he was supposed to say something or not, or even if Sturm was talking to him and Chuck or the hunters or the sheep. All Frank wanted was to get back to the vet office, where he could wash the blood off and crack open a fresh bottle of rum. He practiced his smile amidst all the back slapping and yelling and joking but, really, he just wanted out of his clothes, out of his skin.
“Gentlemen,” Sturm called out. “Lunch is two blocks west. And beer.” He was slurring his words, but Frank didn’t think Sturm was drunk. Not yet anyway. This was different. Frank wondered if the tumor was doing the talking like the day when Sturm faced the lioness.
Frank shook the last guy’s hand and found Sturm waiting for him and Chuck and Theo. “Superb work, gentlemen. Simply goddamn superb.” He speech sounded normal, and Frank wondered if the suddenly dead tongue would come back. “You boys come on back and eat ‘til you bust, got it?” Sturm surprised Frank by tossing a bottle of Jack Daniels at him. Chuck got a bottle too.
“Well then. Get going, you two. You earned it, by God,” Sturm said, eyeing the vast pile of corpses. “Theo. Like a word with you.” Sturm went around the pickup and climbed into the front seat with Theo. Chuck was already halfway down the block, heading for the food.
Frank scratched at the blood and blisters on his head and followed.
* * * * *
The Gloucks arranged tables along Third Street, bordering the east side o
f the park, in order to catch the afternoon shade. They loaded the tables with sliced meat and long loaves of bread. Steak cut French fries with the skins still on. There was a whole table devoted to BBQ sauces alone, at least forty or fifty of ’em. Giant tubs of mayonnaise and mustard and ketchup, all soaking in ice. They’d raided the grocery stores down in Redding armed with several thousand dollars and damned near cleared the first few out.
It looked to Frank like they were prepared for more people, a lot more.
Everything sat in rapidly melting ice—The family had gone to the local supermarket for only two things during the chicken wire fence construction; the ice machine and horizontal freezer. It had taken the entire family to accomplish this, but now they had the ice machine running nonstop, filling it with water from the garden hose.
Three picnic tables were clustered in the shade down on the south side of the park. A shooting bench had been placed apart a ways, out in the sun; a large locked toolbox sat on top.
The hunters ate like they hadn’t seen food in two or three days.
Frank gave up looking for any kind of soap and simply plunged his hands into the icewater surrounding a bowl of honey mustard to clean them. The water calmed him right down, as if he just slid on his back out across a frozen lake at night. It felt so good that he splashed it back into his face, and more across his scalp. This was met with great enthusiasm and everybody tried it.
Frank got a plate and eyed the meat. Before he got any food, he got a freezing cold can of Milwaukee’s Best Ice beer. Icewater and sweat ran down the cracks in sheep’s blood on his face. The beer tasted so good that he finished it and went for three more. These went into hip pockets. Then he got some French bread slices, took another beer, and drifted through the tables in the shade and made his way around to the north side of the park, and sat in the shade on the running board of the old fire truck, away from the festivities.
“Okay, like your attention please,” Sturm’s voice came floating out across the park. Except for the men, the park was unnaturally still, as if nothing lived in the limp tan grass and brittle leaves. “It’s time to hand out some guns.”
The men cheered. Frank opened another beer, slumped against the wheel well, and listened to Sturm unlock the toolbox. “Have to introduce our referee first. This here’s Wally Glouck and he did a damn fine job keeping score.”
Later, Chuck told Frank that Sturm had gotten all the men to pay for the chance to shoot and win guns, something like five grand apiece. The pistols were handed out according to cost, most of the guns, all of ’em handguns, came in around two to three grand at the most. Girdler took third place and won a German Luger. Asshole #2 beat Girdler, but just barely. He got a nine-millimeter Beretta.
Sturm took first, winning a pair of beautiful Old West Colt .45 bright silver revolvers, like a TV cowboy’s gun. Scrollwork was etched into the barrel and the intricately carved handle. Chuck said that Sturm knew he was going to win; he wanted the twin six-guns from that dealer, and went and bought the guy’s entire collection out, for a low, low price. With that amount of cash and no paperwork, the collector couldn’t refuse. He kept the cash and hired a few guys to burn his house down. The other guns weren’t worth near as much; basically, the clients had paid for Sturm’s guns.
* * * * *
“This very afternoon,” Sturm said, “you all are going to have a chance to hunt that goddamn monkey you all saw on those wanted signs. So don’t go wandering off just yet. Remember, there’s a goddamn twenty grand bounty on its head. I have it on very good authority that he’s gonna make his escape in this very park—and just to make things interesting, he’s gonna be bustin’ loose with all his monkey buddies. That’s right. I promised you some shooting, and it’s shooting you’re gonna be doing, by God.”
Frank cracked open another beer.
“But—but here’s the only rule. You can only hunt with the pistol you won here today. That’s the only rule.”
The guy who won the .22 groaned; so did Asshole #3. He’d won a snub-nosed .38, which was accurate all the way up to about three or four feet. Everybody else laughed.
* * * * *
Frank found himself in Sturm’s cab as they drove to the vet hospital. “First off,” Sturm said, “you have to realize a couple of facts. One. We don’t have enough cash to pay the winner of this particular operation. Two. We don’t pay these boys off, then this whole operation is bust. You add that up, son, and you’ll come to understand that if we don’t win here, you don’t get paid. You understand that?”
“Yeah.” Frank understood all right, but he wondered where the hell all of Sturm’s cash had gone. Sturm had gone down to Chico a few days earlier and cleaned out his bank account, bringing back at least five Army duffel bags full of bills. Frank got the feeling that it was bullshit, that all that was really going on was that Sturm simply didn’t like to lose.
“So here’s the deal.” Sturm laid out the facts.
When they got to the hospital Frank cracked open another beer and led everyone into the barn. Sturm pointed out the monkey. “There’s the little fucker. See his earrings? Okay then. You’re gonna watch us load all these monkeys, every last one ’em, into that truck. Then you’re gonna follow us to the park. There, you’ll have a chance to get your guns ready, and we’re gonna let these monkeys loose.”
Getting the monkeys into the horse trailer wasn’t tough. They backed the trailer up the side of the barn, pried off a plank, and Frank coaxed all them, including the wanted monkey with the earrings, into the trailer with a pile of dried apricots. Sturm made a big deal of locking the gate with a chain and a padlock, presumably to prove that there would be no cheating. He gave the key to Girdler to hold.
Chuck and Frank jumped into the cab. Then, with Sturm following directly behind Chuck’s truck, the Assholes next, and Girdler at the rear, the convoy pulled slowly out of the gravel parking lot. As they turned left onto the highway, Chuck said, “Go,” dropping the pickup’s speed to just a crawl. Sturm made the turn slightly tighter, angling his truck so he was partly blocking the view from Escalade and the Winnebago. Frank stepped out of the pickup and crouched, waiting until the running board of the horse trailer had reached him, hopped on, and crawled inside through the front window.
He had a pair of pliers and ten minutes.
He had kept some of the dried apricots in his pocket and pulled them out now. The movement of the trailer spooked the monkeys, but they quickly surrounded Frank, making grabs at his fistful of dried fruit. He located the big monkey with the earrings and held an apricot. Just before the monkey could snatch it away, Frank dropped the fruit, and in the split second the monkey’s attention was diverted, he grabbed the back of the monkey’s neck and went to work. The hard part was avoiding the nails at the ends of the fingers and long toes. Sturm had warned him about getting any cuts on his face; he didn’t want Frank showing up at the park with any fresh wounds to spark suspicion. The left earring was the easiest, because Frank could handle the pliers with his right hand. The right ear took a while, but Frank had just finished when he heard Chuck start honking the pickup’s horn, pounding out a rhythm.
This was Chuck’s signal that they were nearly to the park. Sturm started hitting his out horn as well, and pretty soon, both the Escalade and the Winnebago horns joined in, the mechanical bellowing echoing down the empty streets. The horns had a sort of formal effect, heralding the arrival of the hunters.
Chuck made another left, slowing down as much as possible, and Frank slithered out of the front window. He scurried up to the cab and hopped inside. Chuck pulled out of the turn and circled the park, turning into the alley in the center of the block on the park’s south side.
Sturm had all the hunters line up along the north sidewalk, facing the bank, while Chuck backed the horse trailer back across Sutter Street. This way, the hunters would be turning and shooting into the late afternoon son, just to make things more interesting.
Girdler returned the key and while
Frank and Chuck drew back the bolts and got ready to drop the gate, the hunters loaded their handguns. Sturm said, “As winner of the last competition, I’m sitting this one out. It’s all yours, boys. Get your guns out.”
Everybody already had their pistols and revolvers ready.
Sturm raised one of his new pistols. “But before there’s any shooting, understand this. There’s rules here. We can’t have our own men under fire. You get five seconds. Understand me? You’ll watch as the monkeys get loose. There will be no shooting, none at all for a full five seconds. I’ll be going by my watch here. Anybody fires, anybody—and I’ll shoot them myself.”
Chuck and Frank propped the gate shut with 2-by-4s, and didn’t waste time hopping into the cab. They crouched low in the bench seat.
Sturm held up the other revolver as well, aiming both arms, arms straight, elbows locked, at the bank across the street. The pearl handles shimmered and flashed in the sun.
Sturm fired. Chuck floored it. The bullets punched the bank sign; the sign buckled inward slightly, but the damage was small, like someone getting playfully hit in the gut. A few pieces of glass the size of quarters hit the sidewalk. Everyone snapped their safeties off and jerked their guns up, itching to turn around and shoot, as the trailer door fell open and monkeys scampered through the cloud of dust and dead grass. The truck tires gripped first grass, then sidewalk and a quick jolt of grass again, finally bouncing down onto pavement.
“Three seconds,” Sturm hollered. Nobody knew if he meant that three seconds had passed, or if there was three seconds left.
Chuck’s truck made it to the alley and started gaining speed. The horse trailer bounced once as the hitch hit the center of the road. Most of the monkeys went for the trees immediately, but some stayed in the trailer, looking for the dried apricots that Frank had wedged between the loose slats in the floor.
“Set” Sturm shouted.
Hammers clicked back.
The monkeys shook dust into the air as they clambered into the dead trees.
Foodchain Page 24
