by Lisa Cassidy
“On Master Rothai’s orders,” he said shyly.
“What does Rothai want our robes for?” Dawn asked Finn and Tarrick as they arrived at their usual table.
“No idea, but he took ours too.” Finn shrugged.
“Maybe it’s an endurance test of some kind,” Cario’s voice interrupted, dripping with distaste. “Survival out there in winter without proper clothing.”
They swung around to see him standing at their table, plate in hand, sans robe. The shirt he wore underneath was as impeccably tailored as everything else he wore.
“Joining us for breakfast today, patrol friend?” Finn asked.
“I might as well. I apparently have to do everything else with you.”
“Is that why you asked to join our group at the beginning of the year?” Alyx said pointedly. “Because you figured we were so awful we’d never get near any fighting?”
“You’re smarter than you look, Egalion.”
Tarrick frowned. “I would have thought your grandfather would be thrilled to know you made a fighting patrol so quickly.”
“Oh, he will be.”
“But you’re not,” Finn said.
Cario rolled his eyes in irritation. “Despite my family’s thoughts on the subject, I have absolutely no desire to be a warrior mage.”
“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I’m not convinced us being in a fighting patrol is a good idea either,” Alyx said.
Both she and Dawn broke into chuckles when Tarrick shot them a glare.
Finn rose a few moments later with a sigh. “Time for our favourite class of the day.”
They all shivered as they made their way across the snowy grounds to the sparring yard, but it didn’t take them long to warm up. After a few terse words from Rothai, Alyx found herself with Jayn as a new partner. Pleased by the development, Alyx enjoyed the class. Jayn was a skilled fighter, a challenging match for Alyx’s developing skill, and she learned a lot even within the one lesson.
Today when they left the yard, breath steaming in the icy air, the initiate who had taken their robes at breakfast was waiting for them, robes in hand. Alyx took hers gratefully, noting that three green stripes had been sewn onto the shoulders of the robe. She had seen this before; two red stripes on the cloaks of those in second patrol, and one in blue on Galien and his friends’.
Just like that, Tarrick Tylender was a patrol leader, and they were all part of a DarkSkull patrol. It took a moment for Alyx to realise the warmth she was feeling was pride, and a small smile crossed her face as she ran her fingers over the stripes. Glancing up, she saw Cario already making his way towards the classroom building, robe settled over his shoulders.
She jogged to catch up with him, leaving Tarrick and the twins admiring their new robes. “Can I ask you something?”
“If you have to.”
“Why do you hate the idea of being a warrior mage so much?”
“Why do you care?”
Alyx persisted despite the edge in his voice. “I asked first.”
Blue eyes flicked towards her, irritation gleaming in them. “Maybe I get scared when there’s fighting.”
“I don’t think that’s true.”
“Oh really?” He huffed a laugh.
“I’m certainly nowhere near as good a telepath as Dawn is yet, but I didn’t pick up a shred of fear from you the other night. You weren’t scared.”
“You don’t know that for sure.”
“Our powers were joined. You kept yourself firmly apart from us, but I would have known if you were scared.”
Cario said nothing in reply to that, just kept walking.
“I know that I have no right to pry,” she tried again, “and you don’t have to answer my question. It’s only that Master Romas was right, yesterday. You’re probably the most skilled telekinetic at DarkSkull. You’d be a powerful warrior mage.”
“I don’t care.” Cario stopped suddenly. “None of it matters to me. I don’t want to be a warrior mage because fighting is a messy, chaotic, violent affair and I have absolutely no desire to participate in it.”
“So what do you care about?”
Cario smiled, burying his hands in his pockets. “Why does that matter?”
“I don’t know really.” Alyx shrugged. “Are we friends, Cario?”
That question seemed to catch him off guard. The smug smile faded from his face, and genuine emotion flashed momentarily in his blue eyes. It reminded her of what she’d seen in them that day she’d fought Fengel.
“I’d like it if we were,” she said quietly. “You’re distant and formal, and acerbic at times, but I like you. I enjoy it when we compete together in class.”
“So do I.” His mouth curled in a little smile.
“Friends then?” she asked.
He raised an eyebrow. “Would it mean I have to sit with you all at mealtimes?”
“Yes, but not all of them. At least one meal a day.”
The smile widened slightly. “Deal.”
“And you’d have to tell me… someday… what you’re hiding behind that indifferent smiling mask of yours.”
“Maybe I will.”
“All right then.” Alyx started walking. “We’re late for class. Prajana is going to glare at us.”
“She’s going to glare at you. She loves me.”
Chapter 25
A bird swooped low overheard, screeching as it caught sight of a rabbit dashing across the snowy field. Distracted for a moment by the piercing sound, Alyx almost missed Dashan’s swinging blow. Just in time she caught it, allowing his staff to slide along hers for a moment before flicking her wrist and pushing him up and outwards.
He took a few steps back and they circled each other, both breathing hard. She’d managed to eke out some time from her increasingly busy schedule to meet him for a sparring session, and fortunately the weather had held— the air was brisk and icy, and a thick carpet of gleaming white snow layered the ground, broken only by their footprints.
“Break?” Alyx asked after a moment. They’d been going at it for over an hour, and her recently-healed shoulder was beginning to ache.
“Sure.” He lowered his staff and they walked over towards a large fallen log by the edge of the field. Their horses had dug through the snow and were cropping grass a short distance off. “You’re doing good, mage-girl.”
“I know.” She dropped onto the log in relief, reaching up to massage her shoulder.
“Modest as always.”
She flashed a smile at him, then sobered. “Can I ask you a question?”
“If you have to.”
“What do you want to do after this?” It was a question that had been playing on her mind for a few weeks, and she figured now was as good a time as any to ask him.
“What do you mean?” He sat too, stretching out his long legs.
“I mean when we go back to Alistriem. Do you want to be a Bluecoat for the rest of your life?”
“What makes you think I wouldn’t want to be?”
“You flout the rules whenever you can—you seem compelled to demonstrate your individuality by rebelling against them,” she said thoughtfully. “If you really wanted to be a Bluecoat and rise up the ranks, I’d imagine you’d want to follow their rules.”
Silence greeted her words.
“Dash?”
“You’re right, as it turns out,” he said. “It was just a surprise, those words coming from you.”
“Why? You’re not the only one who can be annoyingly perceptive.”
He shrugged slightly, but said nothing for a moment. It was a contemplative silence and Alyx let him think.
“I don’t really know what I want,” he said eventually. “My options are limited because of my blood. I love the swordplay and athleticism of the Bluecoats, but I hate its rigidity. I won’t ever rise through the ranks, so I’ll never get to a position where I can make the rules.”
“That’s why you rebel so much? Because you don’t think you’
re going anywhere, so you don’t feel like it matters what you do?”
“Something like that,” he said.
“What you said the other week, about coming back here with me again next year and training the militia?” Alyx said quietly. “I think you should do it.”
“Really?”
“Yes. You’re right—few people in Alistriem will recognise the extent of your abilities because of your blood.” She shrugged. “Here, that doesn’t seem to matter. You’re doing good work.”
“What about you?” he asked. “Will you really come back here again?”
“It’s like you said. Being a mage is not what I would have chosen. Knowing that Rionn is in trouble, though, if I can help to fight back, then that’s what I have to do. If last year taught me one thing, it’s how awful it is to feel helpless, useless. I never want to feel that again.”
“What about marrying Cayr and living happily ever after?” Dashan glanced down, where he was digging into the snow with his boot.
“Being a wife is not the only thing I want anymore. I want to be more than that.”
“Queen of Rionn is a big position to fill. It would be tough to make room for anything else outside of it.”
“Maybe I can make something more of it.”
“If anybody can, it would be you, Alyx.” He chuckled.
They fell into silence again, Dashan’s words echoing in Alyx’s thoughts. It was the first time she’d acknowledged out loud what being queen of Rionn would mean. Her whole life, she’d always focused on the fact it would mean she was married to Cayr, not what else it entailed. Although Cayr’s mother had died several years ago, Alyx had seen over the years of her close friendship with Cayr the restrictions that his parents had lived with, the duties and responsibilities they carried.
Did she love Cayr enough to take on all of that as well? Of course she did, came her instinctive response. The niggling doubt accompanying that thought she banished to the dark recesses of her mind.
“Have you had any more nightmares?” Dashan’s voice broke the silence again. “You look like you’ve been sleeping better recently.”
“You noticed?”
“I am very observant, Lady Egalion.”
“I suppose that is one of your few good qualities,” she teased. “Actually, I haven’t had a nightmare for a couple of months now.”
He nodded. “And how have you been coping generally?”
“I sense there’s a more specific question you’d like to ask?”
“I’m attempting to be tactful.” He flashed her a quick grin.
She snorted. “Since when?”
“Fine.” His voice turned serious. “How are you feeling about your role in defending DarkSkull last week?”
“You mean that fact I used my magic to kill again?” Alyx didn’t say anything for a moment as she tried to think of what to say. “I’ve being trying not to think about it. In the heat of the moment you barely notice it’s happening, but afterwards... I don’t ever want to have to do it again, but I know that I will have to.”
Unconsciously, she began trembling. Taking so many lives that night had taken its toll on her but she’d repressed the emotion as deeply as she could bury it. The Shiven would have killed her, or other mages, if she hadn’t killed them first, but it didn’t change the fact that she’d taken more human lives.
“You keep making me proud of you, Alyx Egalion.” His voice brought her out of the memories. “Stop it, or I might actually have to start liking you.”
She didn’t say anything, inwardly trying to rebuild the wall around her emotions that Dashan had knocked down.
“There was this one night… you know… when I was on the border last year.” His voice broke the silence again, but it was low and almost inaudible. “A Shiven unit ambushed one of our patrols—we’d gotten too close to Port Rantarin. The attack came out of nowhere, we weren’t prepared.”
Alyx couldn’t bear the pain in Dashan’s voice. “Dash, you don’t have to—”
“It was a chaotic fight, the type where it’s hard to tell who’s winning or losing. The darkness didn’t help. There was one moment though... I’d fought clear but the rest of the unit was still desperately trying to fight back. Jarra and Filey—they were both close enough for me to help, but Filey had been disarmed and Jarra was facing a more skilled opponent.” He broke off for a moment, giving a harsh laugh. “It’s amazing how much you can read in a situation in a matter of seconds. I had to choose, Alyx. I knew there was only enough time to save one of them, and I had to pick.”
Alyx’s heart sank. “What did you do?” she whispered.
“I went for Filey. I thought maybe Jarra could hold out a little longer. He didn’t.” Dashan’s voice cracked. “He bled out in my arms.”
Alyx didn’t have the words to say to him. Instead, she crossed the distance between them, reaching out to take hold of his hand and squeeze it tightly in her own.
He cleared his throat. “I haven’t told anyone else, not even Cayr.”
“I know,” she said quietly. “I could see it in your eyes.”
He squeezed her hand. They sat there in the snow for a long time, breath steaming, the silence settling over them like a warm blanket.
Alyx woke at dawn, despite it being a day off, and rolled out of bed, pulling her cloak around her to ward off the chilly air. Quietly, so as not to wake the sleeping Dawn, she sat at the end of her bed and dug out a fresh piece of parchment from her chest.
Using the light of the early dawn sun shining through their window, she wrote a one-page letter intended for Brynn, then blew on the ink to dry it. The routine reminded her that she was supposed to have written a letter to Cayr days ago. Surprised at herself for forgetting something like that, she resolved to find time to do it soon.
“Sleepyhead.” Alyx smiled over at the sound of Dawn stirring. Ink dry, she sealed the note inside an envelope.
“How long have you been awake?” Dawn yawned.
“Not long. Come on, hurry up and dress, I’m starving.”
Down at breakfast, Tarrick was already discussing potential plans for the day, all involving a trip to Weeping Stead to pick up Dashan. A small smile crossed Alyx’s face at Cario’s presence at their table, chatting easily with Tarrick and Finn and apparently planning to join in their activities.
“You all go on ahead,” Alyx said. “I saw Dash yesterday and there’s something else I have planned for today.”
“What?” Finn frowned.
“I want to go and visit Brynn’s family.”
The table fell quiet. Tears sheened in Dawn’s eyes, and both Tarrick’s and Finn’s gazes dropped to the table. Cario, having not known Brynn, frowned in confusion.
“It’s all right. I’m fine,” she told them, trying to ignore the surge of guilt she felt at keeping them in the dark. “I feel bad for not going to see them earlier is all. You enjoy your day off. Say hello to Dash for me.”
“We’ll come with you,” Dawn said. “It’s a lovely idea.”
Having the telepath around Brynn’s family could be disastrous, and Alyx scrambled to think of an excuse to keep her away. In the end, she settled with, “thank you, but no. It would be difficult for you, hearing the grief in their thoughts. Besides, I don’t want to inundate them with people.”
“Understood.” Tarrick swallowed a mouthful of oatmeal. “Just me then.”
“I told you, I’ll be fine. I know you’d much rather spend the day sledding with Dashan and the others.”
“Doesn’t matter what I’d prefer,” he said. “I’m your protector, and you certainly aren’t going off alone.”
“Really?” Cario’s smile was wide and amused. “Her protector? She’s a mage of the higher order.”
“Even so,” Tarrick said coldly.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend.” Cario sat back, hands in the air in an apologetic gesture.
“You should let Tarrick go with you.” Dawn placed a hand on Alyx’s arm. “I’d fe
el better if you weren’t alone.”
Refusing at this point would only look odd, so Alyx acceded. “All right. Thanks, Tarrick.” She’d just have to hope Brynn’s family didn’t say anything to Tarrick before she had a chance to warn them.
They finished breakfast and went down to the stables together, riding out and separating at the front gates of DarkSkull. Dawn waved and promised to pass on Alyx’s greetings to Dashan.
Alyx and Tarrick turned left at the gates and continued east on the main road until they reached the small, unmarked turn-off that Alyx remembered from her carriage ride with Brynn so long ago.
Tarrick was reserved company; he didn’t say much at the best of times, and this morning he seemed to be more focused on scanning the trees for potential attackers than engaging in conversation.
“Have you spoken with your family recently?” Alyx asked eventually, bored by the silence.
“Not all of us have handy Bluecoats in Weeping Stead willing to pass secret letters back and forth,” he said dryly.
“Ha!” She scowled at him. “You’re basically mage royalty. If your family wanted to send you a letter, they’d make it happen.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he muttered, then, “Master Romas told them about me leading Third Patrol. Apparently they want to come and visit during festival weekend.”
“That’s wonderful, Tarrick.”
“If Master Romas hadn’t said anything to them, they wouldn’t be coming.”
“I’m sorry,” she said awkwardly. “Do your brothers feel the same way as your parents?”
“No.” His face softened and he smiled at her. “But they’re very important to the Emperor and can’t afford the time to visit. That’s all right, I understand. Being a mage is a special thing.”
They reached Brynn’s village before midday, and Alyx led the way to the small house she remembered visiting. A young pig-tailed girl answered the door, and Alyx thought hard, trying to remember his sisters’ names.
“Amelda?” she guessed.
“No silly, I’m Dana.” The girl dissolved into giggles. “I remember you, you’re Brynn’s friend.”
“That’s right, I’m Alyx.” She gestured behind her. “And this is my friend, Tarrick. He was Brynn’s friend too.”
