by Steve Kirby
Rachel reached out and took hold of Vicky’s hands.
“Your Mother took her own life Vicky, you know that.” She said sympathetically.
“No, he killed her, he made her do it.”
“She wasn’t well Vicky, she was suffering from depression.”
“That’s what that bastard wanted everyone to think, but it was him, he murdered her.” Rachel let go of Vicky’s hands.
“That’s not true and both of you know it.”
“Not true eh?” Ben said walking to the unit and pulling out a large book.
“Do you remember when we went looking in the attic for birthday decorations for Vicky’s sixteenth birthday party?” Rachel looked confused.
“Er Yes vaguely.” She said.
“Well in a box marked junk we found this.” He said handing her the book.
Rachel looked at it.
“Your baby book? I don’t understand.” Ben took the book from Rachel and opened it, he leaved through a couple of pages then stopped and took out an envelope, he handed it to Rachel.
“It’s a letter to us from Mum.” Vicky said. Rachel sat down took out the letter and began to read.
***
My darling children, please forgive me ,what I am about to do now Is the hardest thing I have ever done, not taking my life, that’s not hard because I’m already dead your father has done that, he has taken my hopes, my dreams and now my life.
No the hardest thing is leaving you both, never seeing you grow up, Please don’t hate me I don’t expect you to understand why I’ve done this now but hopefully in time you may find it in your hearts to forgive me.
All I ever wanted was for us to be happy, I thought I had found it with your father but he wanted different things I was never good enough for him I did try to be what he wanted but it was never enough, he has made my life unbearable he has tried to control all my thoughts and actions through bullying and beatings, for years he has tortured me mentally and physically even while I was carrying the both of you the beatings continued.
Well this is my time now, I am doing this as my last act of defiance against him, He has threatened to kill me before but this time I know he means it, I have hurt him but I am happy knowing that by doing this I am depriving him of his vengeance.
Leaving the two of you is hard but as I sit here writing this my last words to you, my mind is filled with all the firsts I have shared with you, your first teeth, your first smile, your first words, the list is endless and those memories are what I take with me now.
I made a mistake now your father has found out and is going to make me pay for that mistake, I can’t let him do that I’ve lost the will to fight anymore I’m too tired of living in fear and darkness I need to escape.
I thought I had found it, I thought I had found our way to happiness but it was an illusion, a dream I had. This is my life, this is my reality, I have never been so scared and alone before, I wish I could come down stairs and hold the two of you tight and make everything ok, I can hear you downstairs laughing and playing oblivious of what’s going to happen, I have tried to protect you to shield you from the truth but this is the truth, this is what your father has done to me. I will not let him take what’s left of my life I will not give him that satisfaction I hate that man and curse the very ground he walks on and I hope one day he will be as scared and alone as I am now.
I want you to look after each other protect each other, you are all that’s left of my time on earth, my legacy I’m so proud of you for being my children; I love you so much I know you will be sad for a while but always remember I will be watching over you always.
Be strong I haven’t done this to hurt you I have done it to save you from being dragged down into my life of hell.
Along with this letter there is the tape from the answer machine it may be useful one day.
Please be happy and think of me now and again remember I’ll always love you.
Goodbye and God bless both of you.
Mummy.
XXXXXXXXX
Ben put on the tape. The voice bellowed out around the room.
“You fucking bitch!...” Rachel sat there in disbelief at what she was hearing.
“I’m going to fucking kill you you slag!” she couldn’t believe the demonic voice coming out of that machine was that of the man she loved.
When the tape finally finished Rachel sat with tears streaming down her face.
” That poor woman, I’m so sorry.” She finally said.
“Now you understand why we hate him.” Rachel nodded; she stood up and again took hold of Vicky’s hands.
“You have to do something; you can’t let your mother’s life have meant nothing, you have to tell the police.” Ben put the tape and the letter back in the book.
“It’s been too long.” He said placing the book back on the shelf.
“We know the truth that’s enough and he’s no longer in our lives.” Rachel looked into Vicky’s eyes.
“That’s not good enough! Your fathers got away with murder as you said; he has to pay for your Mother’s sake.”
“Ok.” Ben said looking at Vicky and smiling.
“We’ll go and see him, but only for closure just to let him know that to us he no longer exists.”
Rachel nodded to Vicky.
“That’s fine you need to do it for your mother.”
”Will you come with us?” Vicky asked squeezing Rachel’s hands.
“No I’ve had my eyes opened, I need time to think about the future between me and your father.” Vicky smiled and gave her a hug.
“Well if you need to talk to someone we’re here.”Colin was reading a magazine when Ben walked in he looked up dropped the magazine onto the bed and gave him a huge smile.
”Ben! Wow it’s good to see you, Where’s Vicky?” Ben stood at the end of the bed and gestured towards the door with a tilt of his head.
“She’s on her way.”
“Well come here and have a seat, it’s been too long Ben, what went wrong? Why did you walk out?”
The door opened and Vicky came cautiously through and stood by her brother, her face expressionless.
Ben moved down the side of the bed.
“You want to know why we hate you so much. Well here’s a message for you from the grave.” Ben opened the letter and put it into Colin’s hand.
Colin read the letter his face showing no emotion finally he dropped the letter to the floor, Ben bent down and picked it up folding it gently he put it back into the envelope.
Colin curled his top lip, he looked down the bed towards Vicky.
“She was a weak woman, she never loved you, if she had she wouldn’t have left you, I stayed, I looked after you, didn’t I?” Ben leaned forward his face inches from Colin’s.
“You fucking blamed us you bastard for years we thought she had done it because of us.
Do you know what it’s like to carry that burden around with you for years? You not only killed our mother you ruined our lives as well you are an evil bastard and we are only here to draw a line under that chapter of our lives, As far as we’re concerned you no longer exist to us..”Ben turned around and held out his hand to his sister, she walked forward and grabbed it tight smiling at her brother.
“You are dead we don’t ever want to see or hear from you ever again.” Ben stood up and put his arm around Vicky’s shoulder, she nodded her head satisfied at what he had said.
“I think you have said it all Ben, Let’s go home.” Vicky turned towards the door.
“Whoa you two.” Colin said looking from Vicky to Ben.
“I may have been a bit rough on your mother you know nobody’s perfect,” He said smiling.
” But that’s in the past, Christ she was cheating on me, how would you react?”
“The letter said you beat her most of the time, even when she was fucking pregnant, her cheating was your fault, she was trying to get out to get away from you, I wish she was here now to see what a patheti
c little shit you really are, it’s just a pity you didn’t die but then you would have robbed us of the pleasure of letting you know just what we think of you you worthless little worm.” Ben turned to follow his sister.
Colin gritted his teeth.
“Get out the fucking pair of you, I don’t need you I never wanted you in the first place it was that bitch, she did it on purpose to trap me, you are both just like her weak , get the fuck out of my face I never want to see either of you again, Rachel! Rachel! Where the fuck are you? Throw these fucking wasters out! Rachel!” Vicky turned and laughed at him.
“Wouldn’t bother trying to shout for her, she’s not coming back. How does it feel to have your life ruined?” Colin’s right hand began to shake violently.
“Get out! Get the fuck out of here you little bastards! Nurse! Nurse!” Ben looked at him and laughed.
“Goodbye father I hope you have a long long life stuck inside that worthless body. This is justice for our mother, welcome to your own hell.” The door shut behind them, they could still hear him calling for Rachel as they left the hospital.
Epilogue
Rachel never went back, she filed for divorce soon after, she sold the house and moved closer to Vicky and Ben, Sally and George spend most weekends at their cafe helping out and getting to know their new found brother and sister.
Sally was a bridesmaid at Vicky’s wedding three years later; George went into the army but was killed by a roadside bomb while serving in Afghanistan in 2007, his father was never told.
Sam got a bravery award from the police and Fire brigade, They bought “Rose Cottage” from William and Mary, Lizzy and Jack adopted them as their new Grandma and Granddad, Mary taught Lizzy how to cook and sew and spent hours with her helping her with her homework, Jack took a long time to recover so most of his days were spent helping William in the garden, weekends were taken up with his dad, Sam bought a bike of his own and the two of them went riding every weekend they could.
Becky was busy too Beverley Louise was born nine months after they bought “Rose Cottage” Sam put it down to the excitement of buying the house, and the two bottles of wine they had to celebrate.
The movement in Colin’s arms lasted less than a month he was diagnosed a quadriplegic unable to do anything for himself. After he received the letter from Rachel’s solicitor he withdrew into himself for months never talking to anyone. Having no family able or willing to care for him he was placed in a nursing home, he needed 24hr care as he was unable to do anything for himself, he slept in a nappy and each morning had to suffer the indignity of having it changed by two of what seemed like to him strangers.
Many nights when the demons came the carers would hear him crying and calling out names of people long passed he wanted to die so much. He would scream for release from his useless body but release for him wouldn’t come for many years yet.
End
