by Nicole Snow
Obviously, I can't tell her that. I open my mouth and blander words fall out.
“Because you're right for the job, Sunflower. You know me like nobody else. My imperfections, my faults, my low threshold for bullshit. Plus you know Lizzie, and you've always been kind to her. She won't be shy or afraid around you.” It's softening her, but it isn't clearing the ice. Not yet. I clear my throat, coming in closer, staring deep into her eyes. “You really want to know? I need you because there's no fucking chance we'll screw this up. We see the lines. They're clear between us, impossible to blur. Only thing that'll screw this up outside Wright's lawyers are feelings, Kendra. We keep a lid on those, and we've got nothing else to worry over.”
“You're right. There's zero chance anything would ever happen between you and me. Not after...” She breaks my gaze with a huff, turns to the bed, and starts struggling with her zipper. She won't say it, and that's fine by me.
I move in behind her, ignoring how she trembles when I pin her arms with mine, catching her hands and the zipper. Thank fuck this argument snuffed out the hard-on I had a few seconds ago. My stronger grip unsticks it, moves it in a solid line, seals it shut. “When do we leave? I want to turn in early. I need to be at the studio in the morning. Still helping Gannon catch up on his projects after the little delay you caused yesterday.”
“Right now, if you're ready. Need to swing by ma's place to pick up Lizzie. Then we'll grab something for dinner and try to sit down like a normal family...assuming you're game to join us tonight.” I can't expect too much. Keep remembering I need to ease her into this insanity.
“Of course. I have to eat sometime, and Lizzie's a total angel for company.” No mention of me.
That's okay. I manage a smile she doesn't see when her back is turned as we head out to my truck, loading up her luggage.
She needs time to cool off, to adapt to the storm I'm pulling her into headfirst. I'll save the dirty little secret I knocked off her shelf and hid away for another night.
It's the best part of the day. Half the time, I wake my little girl up at ma's place with a kiss on the forehead while she's resting in the guest room. Today, she's got the devil's energy, and she leaps into my arms before I'm even through the door.
I carry her back out to the vehicle, still running the A.C. on full blast. Kendra stays put. We haven't figured out how we're hiding this from Jamie. Already told her we'll figure something out. My nosy sis doesn't need to know a damn thing about our fake engagement, and neither does ma.
They aren't big on watching the local news. Chances are, they'll miss the announcement when it goes out. And if they don't, there's plan B: tell them it's a twisted prank.
We stop at a new Italian street food place on the way home. It's simple, tasty, and refreshing food for a hot day. Kendra and I get wraps with small pasta sides. Lizzie gets a kid's meal, grilled veggies with mac and cheese.
Later, at home, I help my daughter clean up while Kendra offers to set the table. I let her, taking her help while I clean the dried paint off Lizzie's hands. “What's the good word today, sweet pea?”
“Aunt Jamie helped us paint! Daddy, look. Oopsie.” She turns to the counter, splashing me as she dries her little hands. I laugh, pushing the towel through her fingers.
So good. So innocent. So plucky.
Unbelievable, really. Hard to believe she came out of a psycho mom who abandoned her plus my own bad judgment.
“Look, look!” she says again, bouncing. I reach for the thick piece of paper rolled up on the counter. Taking off the rubber band, I unfurl it, and notice a big gray blob with a massive hugest grin under its...arm?
“Elephants, daddy. See?” Lizzie clarifies, pointing at the trunk.
“You nailed it,” I tell her, stepping over to the fridge to hang her latest masterpiece. It's the first time in years I've managed to smile at any picture of the big, gentle beasts with tusks. When it's pinned down with magnets, I turn, scooping her up in my arms and lifting her high. “Kendra's quite the artist, you know. She'll be staying with us for awhile, just like I said. You two should talk. Probably find a lot in common.”
The words just come. Maybe because I'm busy trying to see the childish innocence in her art, and not another fucked up memory.
There's no point. I shouldn't waste time remembering the elephants I saw in the flesh, chained up and miserable. No use thinking how many sick fucks we dealt with for acquisitions also had an extra hand in the poaching business.
Once, my crew drove our armored jeep over the flimsy barbed wire fence holding in five leathery beasts. It was late at night and totally intentional, before we took off for the airstrip in the jungle brush to bring us home. We let them go. Didn't have time to hang around and risk the local warlord's wrath before we continued on down the gravel road.
I hope like hell they made it. I'd love to believe those animals left and found their second chance, but I'll never know.
“It's ready.” Kendra pokes her head in the kitchen from around the corner, hanging on the wall.
I look up, bouncing Lizzie in my arms, trying to stay anchored in the moment before my memory pulls me deeper down its sinkhole. “Hear that? Supper time.”
Sunflower blushes, smiling when I plant one more little kiss on my daughter's head, and then walk her into the dining room. Once she's in her booster seat, we sit down.
My gut rumbles so hard I think it shakes the house. Glad I got the extra pasta.
It's quiet as we dig in, devouring big bites, enjoying the near silence. Only the radio pipes classic rock through the speakers installed in my house.
“You wanna help with my art, Ms. Kendra?” Lizzie looks up from her food, eyes aglow. It'll be strawberries instead of ice cream for dessert tonight, or she'll never sleep.
“I'd love to, sweetie,” Kendra says. It's the first time I've seen her look genuinely happy since I dragged her here. “Any evening. You tell me if you want paint, pencils, or clay, and I'll have it all set up. No better way to pass the time.”
Sunflower looks at me when I hear the last part. Damn if I'm not thinking of a few much more adult ways to pass our time together, and it makes me check myself.
No. That's not what she's here for. Get your dick wet elsewhere. Practically anywhere else.
If only it hadn't been so long. I'm ashamed to admit it's been a long, hard dry spell, and it's likely responsible for making my balls suck fire every time I look at her. I've lost track of how many months it's been since I got out, one of the times ma and Jamie had Lizzie overnight, and fucked some club girl stupid whose name I can't remember.
“Just be sure she does her learning exercises first,” I say, swallowing a big gulp from my water. “Always time for fun later.”
“Oh, daddy, can't I paint tomorrow first? Just this once?” Lizzie looks up, huge and imploring.
“Yes, daddy. Please?” Kendra folds her hands in front of her, perhaps the most dangerous word she could utter on her tongue.
Great. She's been here for less than an hour, and she's already corrupting my little girl.
And trying to corrupt me.
“Fine. Only this time.” I smile, watching my baby girl clap her hands. This isn't the ego clash, the attraction, the love-hate thunderhead invisibly building between me and Ms. Persistent. I do it because I want to make this as easy as possible on the two women at the table next to me.
My daughter doesn't deserve to suffer any more confusion than she's bound to walk away with after this is over. Kendra doesn't deserve more heartbreak, or to bang her head against the wall I've told myself I'm keeping up. If I can just lighten the load, keep my Lizzie with minimal damage, then it's a best case scenario.
I give them time for small talk while I head into the kitchen, taking their plates.
It takes me a few more minutes to throw together small bowls of strawberries and cream. Sweet, centered, and totally organic. Nothing but the best for everyone under my roof.
When I step back into the dini
ng room and slide the bowls over, I find Lizzie laughing so hard she's clutching her stomach. “What's joke did I miss?”
“Your doggie, daddy! Knight...skateboard...” The red faced cherub in the booster seat can barely speak through her giggles.
“Really, Sunflower?” I narrow my eyes, watching her blush and lose it, too.
Apparently, there are some secrets I can't control while she's here.
“Come on, Knox. It's a funny story. Jamie still tells it sometimes when you're not around. Cracks me up. I'll never forget that day...”
“Yeah, almost a hundred and thirty. Hot as blazes. Think it was the heat that kept him calm on my board.” It's been forever since I thought about my old dog. “We rode through every sprinkler we could. Dog had his tongue out, tail wagging, loving every drop.”
It was his last good year before old age caught up to Knight. I'd grown up with that shy little beagle for years, and he never showed more interest following me off the property than he did that day.
I was sixteen, big into skateboarding, the best way then for young money and good looks to optimize pulling pussy. The dog whimpered until I let him on my skateboard, and we took off slow, winding onto the sidewalk with him riding along.
“He didn't want to give it up! Must've went several blocks for like an hour.”
“Ten blocks,” I correct her. “Took him to the gas station and back for a sip of my Slurpee before he tired out. Every car we passed slowed down to get a good look.”
Kendra wipes her eyes, shaking off more laughs. “Yeah, what I'd have given for a good phone then! Could've captured every moment. Uploaded it to YouTube for posterity.”
“You were ten. Same age as Jamie,” I remind her. “Don't think your folks would've appreciated the data suck from snapping footage of me skateboarding with my dog.”
“Oh, you'd be surprised.” She narrows her eyes, leans over to Lizzie, and whispers loud enough for me to hear. “Make sure you take every opportunity to have some fun when you're older. It's easier than ever with all the gizmos today.”
Shit, like I need a reminder. The teen years seem like a million miles away. They can stay there, as far as I'm concerned, until I'm good and ready.
Lizzie stops laughing. She's wearing her ice-melting smile when she turns her little face toward me, pink strawberry cream on the corners of her mouth. The expanding list of dreaded phrases gets another entry the second she opens her mouth. “Daddy...can we have a doggie too someday?”
“Someday.” I don't even hesitate. It's also not her I'm looking at when I stab at my bowl, pop a bite of the dessert into my mouth, and chew so hard my temples hurt.
I don't want to see someday unless she's at my side, where she belongs. Not unless my daughter stays with me.
Fooling Victor Wright with this fake engagement might not be the hardest part.
Sunflower gives me a look that tells me why. Surviving the grinning angel across the table from me, who somehow stays playful despite our friction, just might drive me insane.
5
For Now (Kendra)
“Another adjustment?” I ask, mustering my sweetest voice, staring at the latest marvelous creation in Eric Gannon's studio. They're my glass pumps, specially reinforced, designed to hoist beauty high and catch every prism of light.
They're not perfect yet, but we're getting there. It's like seeing something you've only dreamed about make its way into the real world.
“Another coffee, Kendra. It's exceedingly difficult to hear myself think.” Gannon pushes his spectacles up his sweaty nose, dismissing me with a wave of his hand.
Glorious. It's seven o'clock in the morning, and I'm already seeing his 'tortured artist' side.
I hate being his personal doormat. But no one in fashion ever got anywhere without a certain price in suffering.
I storm out the studio, suddenly happy to have a few seconds away from my sour boss. Gannon abhors delays, any tiny break in his routine. The grenade hurled into his creative genius by Knox's unexpected appearance triggered all his darker qualities.
I walk past Lydia, the useless receptionist with the pink hair. It's incredible how much easier she has it, actually being on the payroll, but then again I'm the one working for 'experience.'
Honestly, as much as I hate it sometimes, I'm privileged to intern for the world renowned designer. He offers an eccentric world class connection and a resume credit I'm not sure even Knox's money can buy.
I'm at the espresso machine, working my best barista skills. Gannon takes his coffee seriously. He's thrown it on the floor more than once if it isn't just so. I don't want another situation where I have to choose my own pride or his egotistical flogging.
My phone goes off. I press it to my ear, heart in my throat as soon as I see his number.
“Hello?”
“You got a minute, Sunflower?” Knox's deep voice rolls in my ears. It's smoking charcoal and monarch butterflies simultaneously.
“Two, maybe three. Hurry up,” I say, watching Gannon's coffee steam.
“That's plenty. Give me a second, and listen up.” For a second, I think he's disconnected the call. I hear the phone ringing, and then another voice.
“Carlisle? What in God's name are you doing calling my satellite phone? I'm on my way home to Phoenix right now.”
“Important news, Victor. You have that thing for emergencies, right? This is one.”
My teeth graze my tongue. I don't move, even when the timer goes off for the espresso. I'm not sure if this is a three-way call, or if I'm just a passive listener.
“I don't have time for your games, Knox. Unless Black Rhino distribution has caught on fire, or men in suits are shoving a lawsuit in your face from a high-powered firm –“
“Shut up and listen. This is about that family friendly thing.”
Oh, God. The second of dead silence between them swells forever with my pulse pounding in my ears.
“You've decided to come to your senses before I initiate a custody hearing? Good. I'll just need your full resignation in my Inbox by the end of the day.” Another long pause. At last, Wright sighs “Just spit it out, boy.”
“I'm getting married, Victor. I've found the perfect woman. We'll be hitched in a matter of weeks. Faster than you'll be able to recover your retainer from the jackals you've lined up to chew me to pieces in court.”
“Married? Impossible!” A thump accompanies Victor's gasp. It's easy to visualize a fist slamming into a dull surface next to him.
“Hardly. Pull up your local feed from Phoenix and you'll see the announcement.” Knox makes a sound through Victor's soft curse. I can't tell if he's suppressing laughter or just savoring his vicious triumph. “Yeah, I thought you'd need time to cool down. Have at it. Then let's sit down like civilized men and talk through what's best for the company. Oh, and just so we're clear – Lizzie won't be needing your once in a blue moon pat on the head from grandpa. Don't worry about the holidays this year. She has all the love she needs with me and Kendra now. I'll still sign a Christmas card and say it's from you.”
“You think this is the end, you arrogant prick?” Murder seethes in Victor's voice. “This won't last. I'll find a way to get her away from you. Nullify every damned share of Black Rhino you think you're entitled to –“
I lean against the wall. That espresso will need a re-do by the time this is over, but I don't think I could tear myself away from the nightmare in my ear for a million dollars.
“Wrong. This really is the end, Victor.” There isn't a shred of doubt in Knox's voice. “Look for a letter from my attorney next week, outlining everything. I want my share before we sit down, too.”
There's a clicking sound. I never know which man disconnects first.
“Sunflower?” His tone changes so dramatically I jump.
“What the hell was that?” I ask, trying not to tremble. My spine curves against the wall like it's still trying to exit my body.
“God himself laying down the law,” he
growls. “Couldn't have done it without you. Thanks for helping me out. See you tonight. You're doing fine. Put in the effort to keep up the act, and maybe we'll both walk away with better memories than the fucked up drag on us.”
“Hey, wait –“ Two hollow words. That's everything I get before he's gone, my phone flashing with the call ended.
“Asshole,” I whisper, closing my eyes.
It takes a few more minutes to calm my nerves. I contemplate bringing Gannon the cold espresso, but in the end I make his stupid drink again.
It's incredible how mundane this is to him.
If life on the edge is his creed, then maneuvering around powerful, scary men and outsmarting them – or at least thinking he has – is his religion.
I try to make it through dinner with a straight face. Lizzie makes it easier to smile, thankfully, chirping on about her evening with Jamie and grandma. Apparently, my best friend just showed her Chinese Checkers.
While I'm all for the little girl having fun and games, I make a mental note to ask Jamers later about her accounting. It's been hard to talk much at all since I started wearing this diamond on my finger, icy in its elegance.
I keep it on in public, just like he asks. I can't see a day when it'll ever feel natural.
We feast on a tasty rosemary beef stew he threw together. Cooking is one more skill I didn't know Knox had. Afterward, I work on the heels for a couple hours. It's later when I head down to his office. He should have just put Lizzie to bed for the night.
It's a routine he takes seriously, a ritual. I wonder if he adores her so much in the evenings because there's guilt over missing the other twelve hours of the day.
It's a cool summer night. A brilliant view of the valley glows outside his estate, sprawling across God only knows how many acres, a gorgeous and high maintenance garden lining the outdoor shortcut to the other end of the house. I take it slowly, gathering my words.
They never come easy with this man. Not even when my senses are on overdrive, sharpened by the fragrant citrus perfume in the air. I stop just outside the French doors attached to his office, close my eyes, and breathe.
