by Roz Dunbar
“Look at me, Caleb, not the floor.” Luke put a gentle finger under Caleb’s chin and lifted it until he was looking into his son’s blue eyes. “It means that there are no limits on my love for you. I don’t stop loving you because sometimes you may have a bad day and might not be the nicest kid on the block.” Luke took a deep breath before continuing, “I know you get homesick and I know you miss your mom. I know coming to live with me and moving to a new place has been hard for you. You’re allowed to have bad moments, but when you do, and you want to talk, I’m always here for you. Always.”
“Okay.” Caleb still didn’t seem convinced, but there was a thoughtful look on his face as he digested the words. Luke hoped that he had gotten through to him. He had had no idea that the boy was afraid to get close because he was fearful of losing him, too. It explained so much.
“Now, we have a nanny to interview. Go thank Miss Linda and tell her that we’ll be back for the campout a little later.”
“Yes, sir.” Caleb shot him a tentative smile before going to the kitchen to find Linda.
An hour later, Luke closed his front door and shook his head. Another no. Highly educated, with impeccable references, the woman had seemed perfect until the end of the interview, when she had asked to see her room. Luke explained that it wasn’t a live-in position and she had cut the interview short.
Tiredly, he rubbed the back of his neck. His options had run out. He had no idea what he was going to do now. Tess, an inner voice reminded him, but he dismissed it as quickly as he heard it.
“That’s okay, Dad, I didn’t like her, anyway. Besides, we couldn’t give her Mike’s room. I mean, he needs a place to sleep when he gets home.”
Luke knew that Caleb was trying to make the best of another nanny candidate gone south. Still, it was true that his roommate and fellow marine, Mike Forrester, wouldn’t be happy if his bed was taken when he got back from Afghanistan.
He had not met Caleb personally yet, but the two had met via Skype and Mike seemed to have a way with the kid. They had liked each other right away and it was good to see Caleb talking to the other man a mile a minute, asking questions about the country and people—and about Mike himself and his job in the Marine Corps.
His friend was an invaluable sounding board, and Luke was grateful for the technology that allowed them to stay connected. Mike had been with Luke via Skype and phone from the minute he had gotten Caleb, serving as a major source of support and encouragement over the past six months. In fact, he had been able to talk to his buddy for about an hour after the fair last Saturday and Mike’s sensible advice about the situation with Caleb’s grandparents had helped center Luke once again.
It was good to have an anchor, someone who was on his side, someone whom he had known for years. Mike’s deployment in the war-torn country would end soon, as his year was almost up, and he would be making his way home. Luke was looking forward to introducing his son to his best friend face-to-face.
“No, son, we can’t give Mike’s room away.”
Tess. Again his inner voice nudged him in her direction. She was going through a tough time, but as Katie and Annie had pointed out, perhaps Caleb was what she needed to help pull her through it. Luke felt that God had brought her back into his life for a reason. Maybe this was it. Besides which, he was stuck between a rock and a hard place right now. He didn’t want to place the boy in day care, especially as they were still getting to know each other. He felt in his heart that it was important to have Caleb in a home environment for now. Maybe next year he would consider it, or a day camp, but not yet. He made up his mind to speak to her, if Caleb was on board with the idea.
“Caleb, what do you think of Miss Tess?”
“Now, her, I like.” The answer was immediate.
“How about as a nanny?” Luke wanted to be certain how his son felt about her as a caretaker before he spoke to her.
“Yes!” Caleb nodded his head emphatically. “Are you gonna ask her, Dad?”
“Yes, I think I am. Go pack your overnight bag and I’ll run you over to Joey’s house.”
*
Tess leaned down and picked up Jack, settling the puppy comfortably on her lap before reaching for her headphones. She didn’t want to hear the thunder as the storm broke. With soothing classical music playing in her ears, she could almost ignore the loud cracks and booms. She could pretend they didn’t remind her of the explosions of artillery that had destroyed the orphanage and so many lives on that awful day.
She’d always loved thunderstorms until the bombing. She smiled softly as the calming strains of Twelve Fantasias for Violin worked on her nerves, lulling her into a peaceful place far away from painful memories. Absently, she stroked Jack’s soft white fur as the puppy gave a small, contented sigh and drifted into sleep, nestled in the safe haven of her lap.
Good idea, she thought. It was a lovely rainy afternoon, the best time for a short nap. With the thunder only a distant rumble, muffled by the headphones and soothing music, Tess closed her eyes and slipped into a gentle sleep where she surprisingly dreamed of nothing.
“Tess, wake up. Come on, honey, wake up.”
Terms of endearment. That really is so nice, Tess thought as she drifted in that peaceful place between asleep and awake. Funny, it sounded like Luke.
“Tess, I need to speak to you.”
His voice was low and gentle, but there was a sense of urgency that caught at Tess. Something was wrong. She needed to wake up. She fought through layers of limbo, opening her eyes slowly to find him crouched next to the chair, the headphones in one hand and a tender smile softening the hard lines of his face. Still half-asleep, she returned the smile, not thinking it odd that he should be in the cottage. In fact, it seemed right for him to be there.
“Hey,” she murmured quietly.
“Hey back.”
He reached out as he spoke, gently brushing her cheek with the back of his strong hand. She closed her eyes for a moment at the tender gesture, then realization hit her like a brick. Her eyes flew open and she sat straight up in the chair, almost knocking poor Jack to the floor. The puppy gave a small yip in response.
“Luke! What are you doing here? Is everything all right? What time is it?”
“I’m really sorry to have let myself in, but I knocked a few times and you didn’t hear me. I saw you through the front window. I didn’t realize you were sleeping. I thought you just couldn’t hear because of the headphones.” She saw the apology in his eyes and shook her head.
“No, no. It’s fine. Really. I didn’t want to hear the thunder, so I put music on and…” Her voice trailed away as she worried that the explanation sounded lame.
He reached for her hand, empathy etched on every line of his face. “I get it. Clever girl,” he said approvingly. “The thunder reminds you of live fire and makes you a little jumpy.”
She nodded, grateful as always for his understanding. “It’s getting better. Really it is.” She didn’t know whether she was trying to convince herself or him, but regardless, it was more than nice to have someone who understood her motives so precisely.
“Of course it is. And it will keep on getting better. I promise.”
His voice had a soothing quality that played on her senses like a blessed hymn. There was something so familiar about it, and again she had that nagging feeling that she had heard it before somewhere.
“Speaking from experience?” she asked with a half smile.
“Way too much,” he confirmed, leaning back on his heels and rubbing the back of his neck.
“Luke, what’s wrong?”
She was becoming concerned. He would never just walk into her house this way and wake her for casual conversation. He would have come back another time if whatever he needed to discuss with her wasn’t urgent. She studied him closely. His eyes had a tired, haunted look that he could not have disguised if he tried.
“Tess, I really need your help with something. I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t so important.�
��
“I’ll help if I can.” It was the look of pure exhaustion on his face that made her speak without thinking. Without saying another word she gently put Jack on the floor, got up and took Luke’s hand, leading him to the kitchen and settling him at the old pine table.
Chapter Eight
“Have you eaten today?” she asked as she began brewing a pot of coffee.
“Not that I can recall,” he admitted with a shake of his head. “I haven’t really had time.”
“Join me for dinner?”
She already had the fixings out of the refrigerator for grilled cheese sandwiches, and was pouring homemade vegetable soup into a pan on the stove. He would talk when he was ready, and in the meantime, hopefully, the comfort food would help soothe his psyche.
“I’d like that.”
“Good. I hate eating alone. Plus I have a meeting this evening that I promised the aunts I would attend, so I need to eat before going.”
“So do I—hate eating alone, that is. You’re going to a meeting?”
She nodded as she put a pat of butter in the frying pan. “I told them I’d drive them because of the weather. Not that I have a clue as to what the meeting is about, mind you.”
“You’re one of God’s good souls, Tess Greenwood.”
Tess felt her cheeks warm at the gentle praise, and turned quickly toward the stove so that Luke couldn’t see her blush.
“I don’t know about that,” she muttered quietly. “He and I are still having issues over what happened the day I got hurt. I can’t get past the fact that He would let so many children die.”
“I do know you are a good soul. And what happened that day was part of His plan. You need to accept that, come to terms with it.” Luke had come up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. Turning her to face him, he looked intently into her eyes.
“You’re saying things that I know in my head,” Tess admitted. “But my heart still aches.”
“Of course it does, but you can’t hang on to that particular heartache forever. It does you no earthly good, not if you’re intent on going forward. You’ll always have heartaches in your life. The trick is not to hold on to them. Grieve, let them go and steel yourself for the next, because it will surely come. It’s called living. Life is not full of trials, but they exist as surely as every joyful thing that God gives us.”
Tess looked at Luke, slightly in awe. His take on life was amazing, particularly in light of the childhood he had told her about, not to mention the curveball fate had thrown him with Caleb.
“You know, Luke, you are truly one of God’s good souls. And just for the record, I’m making progress, thanks in large part to you.” Suddenly she felt shy, so she shooed him over to the table and changed the subject.
“Hungry?”
“Starved!”
That slow, confounding smile she had come to know so well played around his mouth, crinkling the corners of his beautiful eyes as he took his seat again. In no time she had the table set with two steaming bowls of fragrant soup, and had whipped up a couple grilled cheese sandwiches, artisan bread crunchy on the outside, with delicious hot and creamy Gruyère centers. She served Luke and took a seat opposite him at the table.
They ate in companionable silence, the rain softly tapping on the copper roof, providing a pleasant background for the impromptu meal. Thankfully, the thunder had stopped.
It was gratifying to her to watch him enjoy what she had prepared with so little effort. She was a nester and nurturer at heart and rarely had the opportunity to cook for someone other than herself.
At the end of the meal, he pushed his bowl and plate away with a satisfied sigh. “That was delicious. You’re quite a chef. Homemade soup?”
“Is there any other kind?” Tess arched a brow in response, causing him to laugh.
“Not in your world, I take it?”
“Never. My mother would kill me if she ever found a can of soup in my kitchen. Besides, it’s so easy to make and much better for you than that canned garbage. I’m really glad you liked it.” Tess collected the dishes as she spoke, putting them in the sink, and brought two cups of coffee back to the table. Seeing that he seemed to be feeling better, she broached the subject that had been on her mind since he had awakened her.
“Luke, why did you come over? You said you had to speak to me about something. Are you all right?” She couldn’t keep the concern out of her voice, although she tried. She watched him closely as he took a sip of coffee before answering.
“I need your help.”
“I’ll help you in any way that I can.” She didn’t hesitate to offer again.
“I’m glad to hear you say that.” The relief on his ruggedly handsome face was obvious, and a small warning bell sounded inside Tess. This was serious, whatever it was.
“Now you’re scaring me.”
“No, no. It’s nothing to be afraid of. Maybe I’m doing this all wrong, I don’t know.” He looked uncertain for a fleeting second and then his visage took on its normal, composed expression. Yet he stayed silent. It was as if he couldn’t seem to find the words.
“Whatever it is, I’ll help you deal with it, if I can.” She doubted that he was deliberately dragging this out, but it seemed to be taking forever for him to speak.
“Tess, would you be willing to take care of Caleb during the day while I’m at work?”
Tess was more than a little surprised by the request. Of course she couldn’t do it. He must be desperate to even ask her. He held up a hand when she tried to speak.
“Please, hear me out before giving me an answer. Linda Mason normally takes care of him, but she starts a new job on Monday and won’t be able to any longer. I’ve interviewed at least ten people to take the position, but for one reason or another, none of them panned out.”
Again, Tess saw the exhaustion etched on his handsome face. If only she could help him. But it was impossible. She couldn’t take on a child while she was still struggling to take care of herself.
“Surely there are better people than me to handle this for you. People you know and love. People you trust. We barely know each other. Besides, I have Jack to take care of. I can’t leave her alone all day. I’m training her.”
Luke gave a shake his head. “It’s no good. I love and trust the Salter sisters, but they’re too old to take care of a ten-year-old boy. He’d run them ragged in a heartbeat. And everyone else I can think of has work of their own that they need to do during the day. I could bring him here in the mornings, so you wouldn’t have to leave Jack alone.” Luke paused as if weighing his next words carefully. “Tess, if I can’t get a nanny for him, I’m afraid he may be taken away from me.” He spoke in a low voice, his face almost blank; except for the pain in his eyes.
“What do you mean?”
“His grandparents want custody of him. I’m afraid that anything they can find to use against me, they will. If you’d consent to do this for me, I’d be grateful.”
His words chased through her mind at incredible speed. Tess knew Luke was afraid. He had to be. The mere thought of losing his son had to be terrifying. She hated to say no. She knew instinctively that he was a man who rarely asked for help with anything. He was so self-sufficient and competent. This couldn’t be easy for him. Perhaps there was a compromise. Maybe she could take Caleb just until Luke found someone better qualified.
“All right, Luke. I’ll do it, but only until you can find a person better suited to Caleb’s and your needs. I’m not the answer to your problem, but I can buy you time.” She reached out a hand and covered his large one, giving it a strong squeeze.
The relief on his face was tangible. “Thank you, Tess. Thank you.” He breathed the words almost like a prayer of gratitude.
“Are you sure you want me to do this? That you trust me with your son?” She couldn’t keep the doubt out of her voice.
“I’m positive. I trust you implicitly. There really is no one else that I can think of that I want to do this. I ap
preciate you helping me.”
She stood and picked up the puppy, needing something soft and warm to hold on to right about now.
“From your lips to God’s ears,” she murmured softly.
“Are you certain you can do this, Tess? Do you feel uneasy?”
She caught the look of concern on his face. Evidently, he had just realized that she might be unsure of herself.
“I believe that I can help you. And I will do my best for your son.” She was sincere as she gazed back at him, masking her concern with a smile.
Tess hugged the puppy close. Luke really did look uncertain now. Was it a trick of the soft light in the kitchen? She doubted that Luke Barrett had many uncertain moments in his life. Then his face cleared and he smiled broadly.
“You know, Tess, I believe that you just might be the perfect choice of nanny for my son. I think this is God’s will at work.”
“I doubt that, but believe what you like,” she muttered. If it was God’s will, once again, God was wrong. She refrained from voicing her opinion out loud, though, just glad to see the smile on Luke’s face and hear the relief in his voice.
She got up from the table and walked over to the French doors that opened out on the garden and the sound beyond. The water was anything but calm this afternoon, mirroring her own mixed emotions. Lightning arced across the horizon, trailing down to touch the rough surface of the sea in the distance. It was beautiful and powerful.
Luke came up behind her, putting his hands on her shoulders and leaning down to kiss the top of her head. “Thank you, Tess. You’ve helped me more than you know.”
His words were so heartfelt that she was left in no doubt that she had done the right thing—for him. As for herself, she was not sure at all.
“Just remember, you have to find a replacement as soon as possible.” She hadn’t meant the words to sound hard, but they did.
Tess pulled away and walked over to the sink to get a glass of water. Her throat was suddenly dry as the reality of the situation sank in. She had just agreed to watch a ten-year-old boy. She must be out of her mind.
