by L. T. Kelly
“It’s cool, Ray. We’ll go for a retake. This guy thinks whatever we do is great, even through a door.” Evan laughed with the rest of the room’s occupants. “Take a seat, Al,” Evan instructed and went back to the microphone. Al plunked himself down next to Katie, smiling at her momentarily before looking back to Evan.
“You guys ready?” Evan looked from one face to the other, fresh nerves apparent, only he didn’t feel them. The usual tension in his shoulders before recording had vanished. He was decidedly dizzy with invincibility. Katie had become his drug, and she breathed the same air as him. It felt incredible.
Katie sat back, the vibration of the instruments going through her body exhilarated her. She couldn’t wipe the smile off her face. In years to come, she’d be able to tell people she'd sat next to Al Wright while Spires recorded their bestselling single. Because, there could be no feasible way it wouldn’t be a hit judging by what she’d listened to.
Of course, Evan would be long gone by then, out of her life. This friendship thing couldn't last. He made it so obvious he wanted her by the way his bottom lip jutted out when her looked at her. The way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. There was no arguing about his looks. She’d weakened somewhat since she’d studied him half-naked in the corridor that morning. Her mouth had gone instantly dry, as she’d tried to snatch her eyes away from the mounds of muscle in his big arms. She struggled all day to pull herself away from the image of being contained within those arms, her head pressed against his defined chest, her nipples rubbing against the crevices of his solid abdomen.
She summoned up the image of the vomit left on the floor of the first room she and Mel had cleaned. Anything to stave off the flooding in her panties and the electric jolts pulsating through her clit at the recollection of his body. She refused, point blank, to get romantically involved with Evan at any cost. She’d suffered enough heartbreak. No more.
She’d been lost in the song, taken away by the lyrics that reminded her of herself. A steel bullet, a thin silvery hard shell protecting the soft lead inside. She glanced down at her watch, gasping over the fact she had twenty minutes to get to the school.
She looked at Al and tapped her watch before looking to Evan. She’d never have disturbed him to say goodbye anyway, but he’d become totally lost in his music. His sharp jaw flexing with his beautifully sung words. His artfully tousled blond head dipped to the microphone, his eyelids gently closed as the song came to a magnificent close.
Al nodded to her as she waved on her way out of the door.
She hurried along the street toward the underground station. She struggled to remember the last time she’d walked along without looking at her feet, hunched down and stuck inside herself. Of course, it wasn’t that she possessed no strength. It was that she didn’t know where she was headed. She slowed when reached the entrance of the underground, her brows squeezing together as her hand flew to her abdomen, feeling as though it were filled with boiling hot lava pouring though her body. What could the sensation possibly be? She knew it had to do with Evan Waters. Closing her eyes to the burning sun peeking through the branches on the tree-lined street, she reined in the sensation. No, no way, Katie. Move along.
With her head wrenched out of the clouds and her eyes firmly on her sensible flat, black work shoes, she continued on to the life she’d made for herself. Just like her work shoes, it would be flat…but most of all, it would be sensible.
Chapter Seven
“Hey, bunny, how did your day go?”
“It’s been good, thanks, Mommy. How was yours?”
Katie chuckled. Such an adult head on Jessica’s young shoulders. “You know, same stuff, different day.”
She held her daughter’s hand tighter as they made their way home.
“What did you learn at school today?”
“We did lots about music. I like music.”
“So do I. What’s your favorite instrument?”
She sighed loudly as if it had been a stupid question. “The guitar. It’s cool, of course,” she said in a way that made Katie feel as though the question had been moronic. Katie grinned, wishing she could tell Jessica the truth of what she’d been doing before collecting her. They reached the corner of the their street.
“Race you,” Katie yelled as she always did. Jessica had already started running before Katie had had chance to announce the start of the race.
Katie’s breath hitched when she clapped eyes on the out-of-place car at the curb outside her house. She stopped running, her hand flying up to her constricted throat. She’d planned on telling Evan about Jessica, as friends do, but the timing hadn’t been right yet. She could have told him that night when he’d given her a lift home. Her child would have explained why she didn’t want to get involved in a relationship. She glared at the car as she walked, desperately trying to fathom why she hadn’t told him everything. As the back of his blond head popped out of the vehicle, her eyes flitted to Jessica. The girl’s face screwed up with confusion when she noticed Katie had stopped running.
“What’s wrong, Mommy?” she called up the street as Evan turned to look at Katie. His sea-green eyes homed in on hers, loaded with revelation as he glanced at Jessica then back to her. The realization that she hadn’t told him because she’d been scared he’d run slapped her already pink cheeks. Despite her protests, she hadn’t wanted him to go away.
“Hi.” She greeted him breathlessly, even though she’d stopped running long before the physical exertion had the chance to take her breath away.
“Hi.” He smiled as she stood there awkwardly and aimlessly fiddled with a stray thread on her work tunic. “Aren’t you going to introduce me?”
Jessica’s eyes popped from Katie to Evan, her face still screwed up, she had her father’s bright-blue eyes and they flashed with confusion. Katie opened her dry mouth to speak, but Jessica got there first.
“Hi, I’m Jessica. Who are you?”
Evan walked around the car, stepped onto the curb and held out his hand. “I’m Evan. Do you enjoy going to the zoo?”
Jessica shrugged. “I’m six years old. Of course, I like the zoo.”
Katie chuckled at her daughter’s serious face. She could tell Jessica was trying to act grown up. Evan laughed, too.
“We could go, if you like?”
Jessica folded her arms and glanced around the street as though she were thinking about it. She loved the zoo, so she had nothing to think about. “When? Now?”
Evan nodded.
“It’s a school night, you know?” she stated matter-of-factly.
Evan nodded again. “I promise to have you back in time for bed.”
“Okay, then, we have a deal as long as my mom can come, too.”
Evan and Katie exchanged grins. “Is that okay with you?” he asked, his head dipped and his voice but a whisper.
“It’s a bit late to ask for my permission, but yes, as long as it’s okay with you?”
“Sure it is.” He opened the passenger door and pulled out a wicker basket. “We’ll have to take the train though. I didn’t expect there to be three of us.” He nudged Jessica with his elbow and looked at Katie as though to indicate Katie might be the unexpected guest.
Katie smiled, shaking her head while pulling her keys out. She took Jessica’s school bag from her and placed it in the hallway. “Come on then,” she said, taking Jessica’s hand and pulling her alongside Evan on the way to the underground.
* * * *
“What’s your favorite animal?” Evan asked Jessica as they leaned on the railing outside the monkey enclosure.
“It has to be the penguins,” she replied after appearing to give it much thought.
“Why so?”
“Because they’re cute, funny, they’re good swimmers and they like fish.”
“Ah, just like you then.” He reached out and patted her white-blonde head.
She rolled her eyes at him. “How do you know I’m a good swimmer?”
“I saw
the swimming badges sewn on your school bag.” He dramatically rolled his eyes back at her, forcing her to giggle.
Katie had stepped back. She’d hardly spoken a word since they’d embarked on the trip. Her stomach hurt, and her heart ached. Evan had been nothing but spectacular with Jessica since they’d met. He hadn’t even questioned why Katie hadn’t mentioned her daughter’s existence, but she knew the questions would come later. She’d been glad her daughter had good taste in food when Evan had produced bagels with cream cheese and smoked salmon from the picnic basket. Not your usual children’s dinner, but Jessica devoured it.
“Shall we head back?”
Katie nodded. “I hope Al’s car is still there.”
Evan laughed. “It’ll be cool. Knowing Al, there’s probably a tracker on it that would blow the thief up.”
Katie laughed and grabbed Jessica’s hand. “Aw, do we have to go, Mommy?”
“Yes, bunny, remember, Evan said he’d have you back in time for bed, and…” She glanced down at her watch. “He lied. We have fifteen minutes to get home.”
“Oh man, my bad, I’m sorry.” He pressed his palm to his chest in mock horror.
Jessica giggled and grabbed his hand. “I like you. You talk like you’re off the television.”
Katie’s eyes traveled from her hand to his, also being held firmly by Jessica. Her stomach constricted. They must look like a family, walking along hand-in-hand. Tears burned behind her eyes as she squeezed the little hand, stared straight ahead and tried to pretend this wasn’t happening.
The last thing she wanted was to start playing happy families then have it all snatched away from her…again.
They arrived back, Evan kind of invited himself in. A bottle of wine still remained in the bottom of the picnic basket, and he insisted on them drinking it together.
Jessica whined until Katie gave in and allowed Evan up to say goodnight to her before they went downstairs together.
Katie’s limbs moved awkwardly once they were alone, her emotions were all over the place. She didn’t know what to say, how to act, and consequently was relieved at the sight of the offered bottle of wine. She hoped it would soothe her frayed nerves. She grabbed the bottle and busied herself trying to locate the corkscrew in the kitchen drawer.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered as she turned to face him.
“Why are you sorry?” He cocked his head.
She mirrored his movements and leaned against the counter opposite him in her tiny galley kitchen. “Because I should have told you.”
“Yes, you should have. What did you think I’d do? Run?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I think I probably would have told you if I’d thought you would take off,” she lied, trying desperately to resurrect her protective walls.
He sighed heavily and looked away from her. “You keep saying that. The problem is that you’re not giving the signals that you want me to leave you alone. They’re just words, Katie.”
“I’m fucked up, Evan. I can’t risk getting any more fucked up than I already am. Trust me, you don’t want to get involved with me, not romantically anyway. Besides, I can’t afford to ever feel that way again.”
“What way?”
“Utterly destroyed, heartbroken, completely shattered.”
“What happened to you, Katie?” he growled.
She flinched. “It’s a long story.”
He leaned forward and shifted beside her. Her fingers burst with electric energy as he wrapped his large hand over her fist and slipped the corkscrew from her hand. She turned to look at him, finding sadness in his eyes, but luckily no pity. She couldn’t stand pity. His ragged breathing picked up a notch as she stared into those amazing clear green eyes. Her own breathing quickened as he smoothed his warm fingers along her jaw line.
“It’s a big bottle, and I can get more if we need it. Tell me what happened so I can understand.” His fingers reached her chin and stopped.
She blinked back tears. His head moved slowly toward her face and broke its descent down her cheek with his lips. She knew she should move away, but he still clung to her chin, and the feel of his velvety lips fluttering gently over her skin had her paralyzed in the sweetest of ways.
“Where are the glasses?” he asked, finally stepping away.
Her head spun as she shot him a look of confusion. “Oh, yes, the wine.” She brought her palm up to her forehead, trying to disguise the heat rising from her groin to her face. “I’ll get them. Take the wine through.”
He nodded, grabbed the wine and went to the living room. After he left her, she steadied herself, clutching the kitchen counter and trying desperately to cling to her resolve. He’d done an excellent job at battering it. She smoothed her hands over her face and ran her fingers under her eyes in an attempt to wipe away any mascara that might be there then grabbed two glasses from the cupboard. She took a deep breath in preparation for baring all and followed Evan into the living room.
He’d taken a space on her couch, his solid arm laid out along the back and one knee perched up on the cushion. She placed the glasses on the coffee table in front of him. He’d already removed the cork, so he poured the wine into the glasses as she sat beside him, her knee pressed against his. She sipped the wine gratefully.
“Where do you want me to start?”
“The beginning is always a good place.”
She nodded and looked away. “I met Lee at uni, towards the end of my degree. He studied English. I took Physiotherapy. Anyway, we were together in a happy-go- lucky kind of way. Neither of us wanted anything too heavy, but we enjoyed each other’s company and shared the same circle of friends.” She sighed heavily, throwing herself back to those days.
“Anyway, as soon as we graduated, Lee went off on a research trip for a book he’d started writing. He knew he’d have to go into journalism to pay the bills, but being a writer was his dream. I’d secured a job here in London and wasn't due to start for a few months so I went with him.” Katie smiled and sank back farther into the sofa, taking another sip of wine. She giggled and looked at Evan for the first time since she’d started speaking. “I acted like a proper little hippy, not like you in a fancy hotel. We slummed it in hostels swarming with rats and cockroaches.”
Evan threw back his head, laughing. Katie couldn’t tear her eyes from the smooth skin on his throat, wanting to lean forward and run her tongue across it. The desire was so powerful she had to grip the stem of her wine glass tighter to stop herself from acting on it.
“Sounds like fun.”
She took a mouthful of wine and shook her head while she gulped it down. “Trust me, it really wasn’t. I flew back before him, ready to start my job, and he continued on his travels. We had no plans to carry on seeing each other. We were like chalk and cheese. He'd been the creative type. I focused solely on body parts and how they work and reacted, and I wanted to keep things cool between us.”
“So is Lee part of this story?”
Her features drooped as she nodded, took another gulp from her glass then snatched up the bottle for a refill. “It was six weeks into my job at the hospital when I realized I’d missed my period.” She looked down at her lap, reliving the shame and stupidity she’d experienced back then. “He insisted I kept the baby. Admittedly, I couldn't help being torn. He had no job, and I’d just begun my career, my life really.” Her lips twitched, and her gut rolled with the guilt of speaking like that about her precious daughter.
“He begged me to marry him. I refused but agreed to move in with him. We had an expensive studio apartment, much like the infested bedsits and hostels we’d stayed in on our travels. It had been fine for us, but not with a baby.” She shook her head and took another sip from her glass, enjoying how easy the story had been to tell with alcohol in her system.
“But you married him, didn’t you?”
“I didn’t really have much choice in the end, not if I wanted a father for my daughter. Lee had scoured London for a job, but entry-
level journalism doesn’t pay that well. Underneath all that creativity and freethinking, there was an old-fashioned bloke hidden away. He didn’t want me to work and miss out on our daughter growing up. So he joined the Army.”
Evan’s eyes almost popped out of his head. “Wow, extreme.”
“Yeah, quite. I moved to barracks up north, gave up my job and my family, who are all based here. I hated it, but Lee and I grew as a couple. I relied on him for company, and I let go of my life here, even when he bought this house for us to make coming to visit easier.” She glanced around the room, her chest tightening at the remembrance of the tantrum she’d thrown to get him to agree to buying it. Initially, when he’d been posted up north, she'd been scared he would force her to cut all ties with London. He’d bought the house he’d never set foot in and never would.
“Are you okay?”
Her hands were wringing in her lap until his palm closed over them. She nodded, her head still down.
“Do you want to stop talking? I don’t mind. I don’t want to see you upset.”
“You don’t understand,” she growled, her head snapping up. “I’ll always be upset. I’ll always be a miserable cow.” She batted his hand away from her. “Why can’t you leave me alone and get it into your head that I’m no good for you or anyone else?”
“Hey, don’t say that.” He put his glass on the table and cupped her face in his hands.
“Listen to what I’m saying.” Her chest heaved, and her teeth clenched together so hard she feared her jaw might actually break. Before she could move or speak or anything else, his face came crashing toward hers. His mouth immediately found a home on them. He tried to part her lips with his own, but she refused to open them, pushing him away.
“Get out,” she whispered.
“I’m so—”
“Get out now,” she seethed, glaring at him. Her body shook with adrenaline. Anger coursed through her, the rage was nothing to do with Evan and everything to do with herself, but she couldn’t control it. The feelings he inspired in her made her hate herself all the more.
