by L. T. Kelly
Al came hurtling from a room backstage.
“Please, Evan. I’m begging you to let go of him. He’s an asshole, and I’ll deal with him.”
Evan had never heard Al beg before, but it still did nothing to make him release his grip on Alex’s arm. He forced Alex’s arm farther up his back, his palm forcing him harder against the wall so he couldn’t move.
“You’re going to break his arm, Evan. Let him go. You’re not a kid anymore. Be a man, and sort this out like one.”
Al’s voice sounded calmer now, despite Alex’s cries of pain—a pain Evan could fully comprehend, because pain had destroyed him since he’d left Katie, since she’d refused to answer her phone or messages.
He gave Alex one last shove and released him.
“Guess what…” He turned and held his palms out, his eyes trailing from one face to another, his band mates, Al’s saddened eyes and a gaggle of dumbstruck TV producers. “I’m fucking done,” he spat then spun on his heel and stormed out of the studio.
* * * *
“Here you go, babe,” Mel offered her a glass of wine where she sat on her sofa.
“Thanks.” Katie sighed heavily and threw her phone down beside her.
“What’s wrong? Another message?”
She nodded and pursed her lips before taking a large gulp of wine.
“Why does he keep harassing you? You dumped him. He needs to get over it.” Mel snorted.
“I didn’t dump him,” she said in a small voice.
Mel’s eyes flew wide, and Katie experienced the weight of her friend’s stare. She feigned ignorance and flipped the channel, immediately regretting it when the camera panned across the faces of Spires. Evan’s velvety voice flooded her ears. She suffered momentary paralysis, unable to take her eyes off the screen.
Mel’s voice shook her out of her daydream, enabling her to switch channels. Mel still stared at her, her mouth hanging open. She clearly waited for an answer to a question Katie hadn’t heard.
Katie’s face screwed up with confusion. “Sorry, what did you say?”
“If he’s the one finished with you, why would he call the album Kissing Katie?” Mel sniggered. “Because I’m pretty sure Alex would never have agreed to that. And why on earth would Evan be texting you continually?”
“That’s a point.” Katie offered Mel a wicked grin “You never did tell me what happened between you and Alex.”
Mel huffed and sat back. “You don’t play bloody fair, you.”
“Well?”
“There’s really nothing to tell.”
Katie knew better than that by the huge slug of wine Mel took from her glass, coupled with her scarlet cheeks. “You lie like a cheap Japanese watch.”
“You saw how drunk I got, and you know I only drink once in a blue moon. It doesn’t suit me.”
“Yeah, so what happened?”
Mel sighed. “We went to bed.”
Katie gasped, assuming the worst for her friend, that she’d slept with Alex and he’d finished with her.
Mel was mid-swallow when she shook her head wildly and waved around her free hand. “Things didn’t get that far. I passed out.”
“Well, that’s not so bad,” Katie soothed.
“It is.” Mel stared at the carpet, her cheek coloring to puce. “I pissed the bed.”
Katie nearly aspirated on her wine.
“It ain’t, bloody, funny.”
Katie tried to drag in air as Mel slapped her harder than necessary between her shoulder blades.
“I’m sorry, mate,” Katie managed once she’d finally caught her breath.
“Not as sorry as I was. I had to act all disgusted in front of the temp I was working with the following day, when we were changing the mattress.”
Katie struggled to disguise her amusement, but at the same time, felt utterly mortified for her friend.
“That’s enough about me,” Mel snapped. “What’s the deal with you and Evan then?”
Katie shrugged. “He left with no explanation. Although, it’s become pretty clear why he did.” She nodded at the television. “It took me a few days to get over his sudden departure, then I was ready to talk.”
“What happened?” Mel leaned toward her.
“Alex answered.”
“And?”
“He said that Evan was busy selecting his choice for the night from a gaggle of groupies.”
“What a prick.” Mel huffed. “So why is he still bombarding you?”
“I was devastated, but I could see it was probably for the best. I made the choice to keep Jessica and me out of all that. What stings is that I would have done anything to make it work between us. I trusted him, and he went ahead and broke it.”
“Have you told him that?”
She shook her head.
“Does he know that you’re aware of his indiscretions? Don’t let him live in hope. If it’s over, that’s fine, but you need to tell him. For your own sake as much as his. I don’t know you can cope with the endless stream of messages. I don’t know why he’d carry on messaging you if he was looking elsewhere?”
“I can’t fathom it either. I figure that even if Alex was lying that it’s going to happen soon enough anyway. He can take his pick now, why would he choose me? I’m thirty years old, have a kid and live on a different continent. I’m hardly the easiest choice.
She looked at the TV, her eyes closing as the memory of the smell of his skin warmed her. “You know, it’s his birthday tomorrow?”
“So?”
“Well, I didn’t even know his birthday was the day after mine.”
“What’s your point?”
“It wasn’t until after he left that I realized I don’t know a thing about him. He even held out on telling me he’s Ricky Rae’s son. I figured it out for myself. It’s hardly a recipe for trust, is it? If I can’t trust him what’s the point?”
“Oh, come on, Katie. Have you watched him being interviewed? He clearly hates talking about it. He was only a baby when he died.”
“Yeah, well, I hate talking about what happened to Lee, but I did. I confided in him. He gave me nothing in return.”
Mel looked bemused. “That’s most definitely where you’re wrong, love. He brightened you up. You came alive when you were with him.”
Mel didn’t get off her back for the rest of the night, but Katie could hardly admit she’d typed out messages on countless occasions, always deleting them. He’d caught the three bubbles once while she’d been typing and begged her to hit send, to show him what she’d typed. She knew he wouldn’t have like what she’d written.
A few more glasses of wine as part of Katie’s birthday celebration and Mel had convinced her letting Evan know it was over was the right thing to do. After all, she hadn’t considered this as ignoring him, but rather had thought she was setting him free.
“You’re completely sure you don’t want him back?” Mel slurred.
“I’d be mad to get us involved in that life. Surely, things have changed since they hit the big time. Like the hot female fans, for instance.”
“In that life? Fame, fortune, sleeping with a hot, young rock star…sans the urine?”
Even Katie couldn’t hold back a giggle at that comment, despite the serious line of conversation.
“Nah, I can’t be doing with him coming and going as he pleases He’s not the one who’s had to deal with Jess’ tantrums since he left.”
“Well, if you’re sure, get it done, love.”
Katie drained her fourth glass, took a deep breath and typed out words of goodbye, as she had many times. Only this time she sent it. The finality of it hit her as soon as she’d done it. She’d explained it was over. There was no going back.
Mel reassured her she’d done the right thing. There were no tears, merely an ache in the pit of her stomach, a longing for his touch. She’d missed him so much and so had Jessica. But, it now seemed the perfect time to face the fact things could never be as they’d been before
.
* * * *
She woke up the next morning, with the ache still firmly there. She couldn’t take it back. Still, she couldn’t help but check her phone to discover if he’d replied. The screen matched her expression…blank. He hadn’t. The ache rose up like a bubble in a lava lamp and wrapped around her heart.
Bloody hell, what did you expect?
She rubbed her frown line, willing it to go away. Thirty had hit her hard. The events of the last month hadn’t done anything to aid her transition from twenties to thirties. She was certain she’d spied a gray hair last week.
Shouts drifted up from outside on the street. Squealing tires accompanied the frenzied voices.
“What the—” she muttered, leaping off her bed to peek through the curtains. At six AM on a Sunday morning, her street usually still slept peacefully. Her eyes fell on Betty from across the road, holding her dressing gown together against the chill of the dark, October morning. She gawped directly at Katie’s front door. Katie willed herself to look down then leapt back with a yelp at a blinding flash.
Angry that someone had blinded her, she stormed downstairs, not thinking straight enough to imagine there could be something dangerous occurring on the street. She flung open her front door, with her mouth twisted into a scowl that was soon wiped away.
“Happy birthday.” Evan held up a bottle of champagne. He sounded tired. She heard it in his voice and saw it by the slant of his eyes.
“You’re a day late,” she stated coolly.
“Let me in. We need to talk.”
She shoved the door to close it, but Evan placed his hand on the wood, holding it open. Her eyes flew wide. She didn’t want to let him inside.
“You’re really planning on leaving me out here with these lot?”
Her gaze darted past him, and her jaw dropped as it dawned on her that she was being photographed. She quickly ducked back out of the doorway.
Bingo. Evan hotfooted into the hallway and slammed the door on the paparazzi at his back.
He dumped the bottle on the hall table and snatched his phone out of his back pocket.
“What the fuck is all this about?” He waved his phone in her face, his anger, hurt and pain immediately ebbing to the surface. It hadn’t been his intention to lose his temper with her.
The last-minute flights, leaving the band then the final nail in his coffin…Katie ending their relationship. The text had been so lighthearted… No hard feelings. I wish you all the happiness and success life brings.
“At first, I thought I misread who the sender was.”
She sat down on the stairs and put her head in her hands.
He huffed loudly. “How could you send me a message like that? You told me you loved me.”
Her head popped up. He expected to see fear, confusion, anything but the glower being directed at him. She leapt to a standing position, smart enough to stay on the stairs so he didn’t hover two feet above her.
“How bloody dare you come here and talk about love to me,” she barked, madness flashing in her eyes as she jabbed a finger into his chest. The jabbing didn’t ease up. “You’re the one that’s been sleeping with other women and lapping up your new found fame. Plus, you left me. You. Not me. You.”
“What the fuck are you talking about? I haven’t laid a single finger on another woman. You didn’t fucking let me explain. I had to leave,” he shouted back.
“Did you actually have anything to explain? Alex told me about the other women, your own friend screwed you over.”
“I swear on Jessica’s life, on my life. I haven’t even looked at anyone else. I only want you.”
Katie huffed and glanced around the hall. Judging by the look of horror on his face, he was telling the truth. Never one to give up too easily in a fight, she changed tack. “You didn’t care enough about me to fight,” she whispered, still not able to look him in the eye.
“Fight? Are you kidding? That’s all I’ve done? Didn’t you read my messages?” He turned away from her, his chest throbbing from her finger digging into it. He willed himself to calm down, and their ragged breaths filled the silent, tense atmosphere. “Look, standing here, yelling at each other, isn’t going to solve anything.”
“I couldn’t bring myself to keep reading them. I just kept imagining different women draped all over you after what Alex told me.” Her head dropped back down, and guilt tugged at him, inspiring a wave of shame. She didn’t know he’d spent each waking minute thinking about how to get her back. He’d known the moment he left that it would to be difficult. He’d left her when she’d needed him the most. He’d expected to find her fragile and broken, but she appeared to be more strong and together than he ever could have imagined.
“I swear to you Alex was lying, okay? Alex wanted this dream to come true more than anything, but I didn’t leave just because it was what he wanted.”
“Then who did you leave for?”
“It was for you.”
“You need to go back to your dream world, dickhead,” she growled and stormed down the two steps and into the kitchen.
He grabbed her arm from behind and spun her to face him. He dipped his head so his mouth came closer to the object of his desire, her beautiful naturally dark-pink lips. His eyes traced them.
He knew words tumbled from his mouth, but he couldn’t concentrate. It was as though she’d cast a spell on him. “It was for you. You were always going on that you’d hold me back. I’ve made it, angel. You never held me back, and I still want you as much as the first time I saw you. I had to prove it to you so we could move forward. Take things to the next step.”
She placed her palms on his chest and shoved him away. He let her go.
Her eyes didn’t meet his as she shuffled aimlessly around the kitchen. “If you think I’m dumb enough to believe that load of codswallop, Evan Waters, you have another thing coming. I think you should leave and take that lot with you.” She pointed toward her front door before flicking on the kettle, a slight shake to her fingers as she did.
“Okay, it wasn’t just for you.” He held his arms up in surrender. Finally, her eyes shot to his. His heart pounded at the beauty and wisdom in her gaze. “It was for the band, but more than that, it was for Al. You know he’s become the father I never had. It was a once-in-a-lifetime shot. I took it for him. He’d worked too hard.” His voice trailed off when he recalled the few days before, storming off and quitting out of anger. Until lately, his temper hadn’t been something he’d struggled to keep under control. The late nights, the traveling, gig after gig, the lack of sleep that went with it and, on top of everything, not having Katie. It had all taken its toll on him. “Anyway, I’ve left the band, and I think it’s for the best.”
Her sharp intake of breath made him flinch.
“Have you completely lost it?” she breathed, her eyes so wide he could make out the whites around them. “You have to call Al now, apologize and beg him to let you back in.”
Evan shook his head. “It’s all a little too much.”
“You’ve really lost it.” Grit edged her words. “This was your dream, your lifelong ambition. You can’t throw it all away now.”
“I don’t want to do it without you.”
She smiled sweetly, her eyes brimming with sadness. “My life is here, with Jess.”
“I’m not asking you to give up anything for me. I’m asking you to include me in that.”
She sighed deeply. “I don’t figure how it can work.”
“A month ago you could.”
“That’s before you made me realize I know nothing about you. I let you in, but you’ve kept me at arm’s length this whole time.”
“I’ll tell you everything; I swear it.”
They stared at each other for the longest time. Her eyes appeared to be rediscovering him. He broke out in a cold sweat, fearful that she’d kick him out. God, I love you, spun around his head as he made his silent prayer that she’d hear him out.
She sighed heavi
ly, her shoulders sagging. “Well, at least, let me make coffee first. My head’s banging.”
“That’s not your head, angel. That’s your door,” he chuckled, allowing a grin to appear for first time since he’d walked in.
“Yeah, that, too. Call the police while I make the coffee, will you? Get them moved on before my neighbors come baying for my blood.”
He nodded, eager to please her, wanting nothing more than to continue feeling the hope he bore at that moment.
The cops responded quicker than he’d expected, arriving within minutes of the call. They knocked on the door under the pretense of letting them know the paparazzi had been dispersed successfully then gave themselves away by asking for an autograph. He happily obliged, realizing there was a strong possibility he’d need them again.
Soon, he and Katie were sitting on her sofa. He drowned under the weight of her stare.
“Did you miss me at all?”
“In between hating you for breaking my daughter’s heart, yes, I missed you.”
He swallowed the bile in his throat as he thought of Jessica’s innocent face gazing up at him expectantly. Katie obviously wanted him to suffer, and he couldn’t blame her one little bit.
“I tried to call to explain. I messaged constantly. I never stopped wanting you.”
She nodded, the bite of his words showing their effect in her eyes, as if she knew she’d been unfair.
“I didn’t want to hold you back,” she squeaked.
“The only way you’ll ever hold me back is by not being with me, whether that’s in mind or body. I’m not trying to fuck your life up, force you to move to the US, or anything that you don’t want to do. I know you love me, Katie. I can tell by your eyes, the way that you move, and now, in the way you’re shooting me that hateful stare. Don’t do this. Don’t do this to us. We can fix the month we’ve been apart. We can do it together.” His words were rushed, coming straight from his heart.
Her face softened, her lips slightly parted. He put his cup on the coffee table and leaned to her, taking her lips. She didn’t fight, didn’t push him away. She responded as though she’d been waiting a lifetime to feel his lips on hers again. He groaned at the softness of them. His dick hardened at the thought of peeling her out of those troublesome, flannel pajamas.
