“Yes. As a legal secretary.”
“Did you never want to become a lawyer yourself?”
There’s a silent second part to that question that I know she really wants to ask, but she isn’t going to. Or were you not smart enough to take that route? That’s what she really wants to say, I know it, I can tell. But she isn’t going to. She’s cleverer than that, she isn’t going to be outwardly rude because that would risk alienating Evan all over again. And I’m not sure she wants that to happen. Now she’s got him here, I really do believe she wants to keep him part of this family. I’m just not sure whether Evan’s going to take her up on that.
“I never felt the need.” I keep my gaze fixed on hers, I don’t waver or falter or let her know that she’s even in the smallest way intimidating me. “I’m very happy doing what I do. I’ve worked for some hugely successful law firms, both in Manchester and in New York, because I’m very good at my job.”
She leaves a couple of beats before she says anything else, but she keeps her eyes on me, I can feel her stare penetrating my very soul.
“Yes, well, you certainly seem to have attained your goal now, don’t you?”
I narrow my eyes and I open my mouth to say something to that comment, but I’m stopped by Evan’s reappearance. And as soon as he’s beside me Marcy’s expression changes. Her smile finds its way back to her eyes, and she averts her gaze away from me as though I was never really there in the first place. All her attention is on Evan now.
“Evan, darling, have you and your brother been bonding?”
Evan just looks at her, his arm sliding around my waist. He doesn’t grace her with a reply, he doesn’t even acknowledge her question. But she isn’t letting that bother her. She just breezes over it as though she never even asked one.
“Come on. It’s time to eat. I’ll go and gather everyone together.”
She turns on her what I imagine to be painfully expensive Louboutins and strides across the room, tapping her fingernails against her champagne flute as she instructs everyone to make their way to the dining room.
“She been okay with you?” Evan asks, but his eyes are still on his mother.
“She was fine.”
I’m not going to mention the slight dig or the fact that she was beginning to show a touch of disdain toward me, it isn’t worth it. And it’s nothing I wasn’t expecting. We’re leaving tomorrow. And anyway, I’m not here to ruin anything for Evan. I’m here to let him make his own mind up about what he wishes to do now, about his family. It isn’t up to me. My feelings don’t count. But I don’t like Marcy King. I don’t feel comfortable around her, I think her initial welcoming attitude toward me and the fact I married her son, I think that was forced. Necessary, at the time, because she didn’t want to push Evan away before he’d even had a chance to get a foot back through the door of the family home. But I think her true feelings are only starting to shine through. And that makes me nervous.
“Good.”
He gives my waist a gentle squeeze as we make our way toward the dining room.
“Just a couple more hours, baby, okay? Then we’re outta here.”
He looks at me and he smiles and I return it. He’s right. Just a couple more hours and we can leave all this behind and return to our life back in New York. And then I can really start to get to know my husband.
We sit down near the top of a long oval dining table, there must be at least forty people seated in total. Close friends and family. I’ve got Evan on one side of me and, thankfully, Alicia on the other. Heath is seated next to her, and the room is filled with chatter and laughter as people remember Derek King. After a more somber wake this afternoon, this dinner feels more like a celebration, although when I look at Evan his expression is telling me he doesn’t feel like there’s all that much to celebrate. And I reach out and squeeze his hand under the table and he looks at me, and he smiles a small smile and I ache for the Evan I knew in New York. That man was strong and arrogant and he took no shit. This man here, in this house, he’s sad and defeated, and that doesn’t sit right with me.
He lets go of my hand and strikes up a conversation with the man to his left, a man I don’t know, don’t recognize, and haven’t been introduced to, so I leave him to it, and when I feel Alicia gently touch my arm I turn to face her.
“You okay?” she asks quietly, throwing me a reassuring smile, and I nod. But I really need a minute, just to grab some air before dinner is served.
“I’m fine.” I push my chair back and stand up. “I’m just going to grab some fresh air, I won’t be a second.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“No, I’m fine. I won’t be long.”
Evan doesn’t even acknowledge my leaving, and I quickly head outside, onto the now deserted terrace, bar a few servers and waiting staff who are busy tidying up the debris left by Marcy’s guests.
I walk a little further out, folding my arms against myself as I stare up at the dark sky, the fairy lights twinkling above my head, it’s quite peaceful. The only sound I can hear is the faint noise of chatter coming from the dining room inside and the quiet chirping of crickets. It’s nice. In fact, it’s the first time I’ve felt truly calm since I arrived here for our seemingly whirlwind visit to Los Angeles.
“I’m guessing you didn’t set out to bag yourself a lawyer, huh?”
I swing around to see Heath hovering in the open French doors, his hands in his pockets, his eyes staring directly at me. And I don’t answer his question. I don’t feel the need to explain myself anymore.
“You seem to be doing him good, my brother.”
I don’t move, I stay right where I am, and I wait until he comes a little closer before I say anything. “I love him.”
“I’ve no doubt about that.”
“Is there something you want to say to me, Heath?”
He briefly drops his gaze and I look away for a couple of beats, back out into the darkness. “Evan’s a very stubborn man.”
“You think I don’t know that?”
“I think you don’t know him.”
“I know enough.”
He laughs quietly, and he briefly drops his gaze again before he raises it, and his eyes lock on mine. “You are good for him, though.”
“Thanks. But I really don’t need your approval.”
The corner of his mouth twists up into a smile. “Yeah. I didn’t think Evan would go for the quiet, timid type. Look, Lola, I’m not judging you…”
“Again, thanks. For not judging me, I mean. Because it would so bother me if you were.”
“Hey, I didn’t mean to put you on the defensive, I just care about my brother, y’know? I care about what happened to him, when he wasn’t around.”
“He did just fine.”
“I can see that.”
“I’d better get back inside…”
I make to go but he gently grabs my arm as I walk past him, and I look at his hand on my wrist. And then I raise my gaze and my eyes meet his.
“Do you want to let me go?”
He drops my arm but keeps his eyes on mine. “Men like Evan, they attract a certain type of woman.”
“I’m sorry?” I laugh, I can’t help it. “A certain type of woman?”
“Gold diggers. Girls who, for one reason or another, either aren’t smart enough or ambitious enough to make their own money. Girls who look to marry it instead.”
I shake my head and start to walk away again. “I’m not listening to this…”
“No, wait! Lola, please…”
I stop, but I keep my back to him as I throw my head back and sigh.
“I didn’t mean that you were that type of woman.”
I slowly turn around, but I remain silent. Like I said, I don’t need to explain myself to anyone.
“But they are out there, and I should know. I date a lot of them. And I’m sure Evan has, too. In his time.” He digs his hands into his pockets and takes a couple of steps toward me. “But
I don’t think you’re one of them.”
“You don’t think I am?”
He cocks his head slightly, and his mouth twists up into another sideways smile, one so similar to Evan’s I have to remind myself that these two men aren’t actually blood related.
“I just wanted to be sure, Lola.”
“Evan doesn’t need you to quality control his life, Heath. And I really don’t need your approval. No matter what kind of woman I am, Evan chose me. Evan loves me. Evan married me. What you or your mother or anyone else here tonight thinks means nothing.”
He narrows his eyes and smiles again. “He always did like a challenge, my brother.”
“We’re anything but boring.”
He laughs again, but I think he’s got the message now. “I like you.”
“Well, your opinion makes no difference to me but, thanks. You obviously speak your mind, too.”
His smile’s a little friendlier now, his expression changing from slight wariness to, what? Acceptance?
“I care about him, Lola. That’s all. And what happened here, with Mom and Dad…”
“I know. I get that, Heath. I care about him, too. I love him, so much, and all I want is for him to be happy.”
“Then I guess we’re on the same page, huh?”
“I guess we are.”
I turn and head back inside, back to the dining room. And I start counting the minutes until we can leave.
Evan
She sits back down next to me and I’m suddenly aware of the fact I hadn’t even realized she’d been away.
“Everything okay?”
She looks at me and nods and picks up her wine, taking a long sip. I just want to get out of here now, I’ve had enough. I’ve done my duty, I’ve made some kind of peace, I’ve said goodbye to my father. I tried. But this, it’s all I can give. I’ve moved on. I don’t want any of this, I never really did. I want that other life I forged for myself. I want that, and Lola.
I reach for her hand and she wraps her fingers around mine, and I pull her to me and kiss her quickly, and I smile. I want her to smile back, to let me know she’s okay because this day has been a strain in so many ways. And she’s been amazing, staying by my side, holding my hand; being here. I dragged her into this situation, I made her come here, and if she hadn’t – if I’d had to do this alone, I’m not sure I could have done it.
She turns away from me and starts chatting to Alicia, and I’m both surprised and pleased that they seem to have struck up some kind of tentative friendship, it’s nice to see. And for a few seconds I watch them interact, even if I can’t hear what they’re saying. The mood around the table is pretty relaxed, considering the day most of us have had. Nobody seems to be flagging yet, even though I’m starting to feel a little tired. Everything’s beginning to catch up with me, and I close my eyes briefly and think about our apartment in Manhattan, our huge, warm bed that might be big but we still fall asleep in that same spot, holding each other, because that’s what we love to do.
“I was just telling everyone, Evan…”
My mother’s voice rouses me from my thoughts and I open my eyes and look at her.
“… how pleased I am that you’ve found someone.”
I quickly glance over at Lola. She’s sitting back in her chair, her hands clasped together on her lap, she’s finished eating now. Most people have. I’m just not that hungry, my knife and fork are laid down over a still half-full plate of food, I’m done. But I still need a drink.
“However…”
My mother lets that word trail off, and I start to feel an uneasy sensation kick up in my gut.
“I can’t help feeling just a little disappointed that you and Alicia couldn’t rekindle some sort of relationship.”
“Jesus, Mom, is this really necessary?” Heath says, and I glance over at Lola again. She’s dropped her head now, her eyes focused on her clasped hands.
“Oh, I know you and Alicia had something once, Heath, but I always thought it would be Evan she’d eventually settle down with. Your father and I, we’d always hoped she and Evan could have made it work. They would have been one hell of a team.”
I reach for Lola’s hand but she pulls it away, keeps her eyes down, and I don’t know whether I’m feeling anger or sadness or whether I’m just numb. Because, surely I should be doing something here? Surely I should be leaping to my beautiful new wife’s defense, so why aren’t I?
“But…” My mother gives a derisive sniff, shrugs, and waves a dismissive hand at nothing in particular, “my eldest son saw fit to marry his secretary.” She almost spits that final word out as she moves her gaze to Lola. “Did he make you sign a pre-nup, dear?” Then her eyes are on me, and I am so angry now, so fucking angry. “Please tell me that you were sensible enough to do that, Evan? Tell me you didn’t marry this girl without putting some kind of measure in place…”
I reach for Lola’s hand again and this time she doesn’t have a chance to pull it away. I almost yank her up out of her chair and we leave the room without a backward glance, I am so fucking done here.
Neither of us says anything until we’re outside, and when I stop and look at her, her face is almost expressionless. This is what I was terrified of, this exact situation. I was terrified she was going to destroy us, and that’s exactly what my mother was trying to do in there. She was having her say, because she can’t leave shit alone.
“What the hell was that?”
I look up, and I see that Alicia and Heath have followed us outside. And out of all of us it’s my brother who seems the most shell-shocked. Has he really only now seen our mother’s true colors? Or is it just that she’s been so depressingly obvious and outspoken tonight that he’s had no other option but to be confronted with her toxic vitriol?
“Well?” Alicia continues, and I look at her again, why the hell is she starting on me? “Why didn’t you say something, Evan? Why didn’t you do something?”
“You want me to fight her? Huh? You want me to go back in there and argue with her, put her straight, tell her to go to fucking hell? Jesus Christ, Alicia, you were the one who tried to convince me she’d changed, that my father’s death had somehow brought her some kind of epiphany. It’s all bullshit! You think that’s a changed woman in there? Hmm? You think she’s learned anything?”
“Evan, come on…”
“Whatever she thinks, whatever she says, her opinions mean shit to me. Okay? Everything here means shit to me.”
I glance over at Heath. His head’s down, and I think Mom’s outburst has really shaken him. And maybe that last comment of mine didn’t help matters either.
“Heath? Hey, I didn’t mean you, all right? You still mean something to me…”
I lean back against the wall and drag my fingers through my hair, and I feel Lola’s hand squeeze mine, and I look at her.
“This is what I didn’t want to happen. This is what I was scared of.”
She presses a hand lightly against my chest and her eyes lock on mine, and the mess of emotions crowding my head now is unreal. And for a fleeting moment I remember why it was I stepped back from feelings of any kind, from letting emotions take over in any way, I remember why it was Dana and I did that. To avoid this.
“I love you, Lola. Okay?”
I gently stroke her cheek with my thumb, I kiss her quickly, but I can feel how tense she is.
“I know,” she whispers, and then she steps back from me and walks down the driveway and I watch her, and I don’t know what the hell I’m feeling now.
“Evan?”
I turn around to face Alicia. “What do you want me to do, Alicia?”
“If you walk away again, you are never going to fix this.”
I laugh, because I can’t actually believe she thinks I’d even consider trying to fix this. I don’t want to fix it, I want to lose this shit. I want it gone.
“You still want me to fix this?”
“I think – I think it’s just been a long and emotiona
l day, a day when new situations are having to be…”
“No, I’m sorry, Alicia, there is no excuse for what she did in there.”
“He’s right.”
I look over at Heath. His expression’s turned harder now; colder. And as he walks over to us I’m seeing something in his eyes that reminds me of me.
“You’ll never change her, Alicia.”
“Heath…”
“I just didn’t see it. I didn’t want to see it, and I’m sorry that happened. I’m sorry, Evan. I didn’t want to believe she could be that cold. That controlling.”
I briefly close my eyes and take a deep breath, I can feel my heart beating just a little too hard and I know I need to calm down.
“Call my driver,” I hand Alicia my phone. “We’re all going back to the hotel, we’re not staying here.”
“Evan! Where are you going?”
“You want me to fix this? I’m fixing it.”
I stride back indoors, and it makes me sick to my stomach to see that my mother’s outburst doesn’t seem to have killed the mood, the party’s still going strong in the dining room. But she’ll have made sure of that, I know her too fucking well.
She looks up as I make my way over to her at the head of the table. My father’s old spot, and one she seems to have jumped straight into before his ashes have had time to settle. And as I come closer she fixes a smile on her face and continues the conversation she’s having with the person to her right. A conversation I’m about to end.
“A word.”
I keep my voice steady and low as I lean into her, and she keeps that smile fixed on her face as she issues apologies to those closest to her and pushes her chair back, following me out into the vast hallway.
“That was very rude of you, Evan. Leaving like that, without a word of apology. And where are Alicia and Heath?”
“Y’know, for the briefest of seconds today I actually believed you might really want me back in your life…”
“I never stopped wanting you back in my life, Evan.”
Willfully Hers (The Dirty Business Series Book 2) Page 11
