“I’m sorry, Lola, okay? I’m really sorry. I should never have listened to Mom, I should have known Evan was never gonna go for something like that.”
“So why do it? Why even consider it if you knew he was more-than-likely going to reject it?”
“Because, despite everything you’ve gone through with our mother, she really isn’t like that, all of the time.”
It’s my turn to raise an eyebrow, and he drops his gaze and runs a hand along the back of his neck, laughing quietly.
“Seriously, Lola…”
His eyes meet mine, and I can tell he’s sincere, but I’m just not in the mood.
“Give her time, okay? I just think… what with Dad dying, and then finding out Evan got married and she didn’t know…” He drops his gaze again, his hand back on his neck, he’s nervous, that’s obvious. “That makes her sound controlling, I know, but all of this…” He looks back up, and I lean back against my cubicle, clutching those files tighter against my chest. “All of this has been hard on her, too.”
“So why are you still here?”
He frowns slightly. “I’m sorry?”
“You obviously still care about her, about what she’s feeling, so, why are you still here? Why aren’t you back working with her in L.A., running your family’s firm…”
“I can still care about someone without having to like them all that much. And I’m not condoning what she did, that isn’t what I’m saying. She was out of order, but, come on. Don’t let it come between you and Evan. The pre-nup, it’s not gonna happen, Lola. I’ve torn it up, told Alicia we’re not doing this, and whatever our mother thinks, it doesn’t matter. However she made you feel, please, don’t let that affect what you and Evan have.”
“What me and Evan have… It’s complicated, Heath. And the reason we’re in the state we are now isn’t just to do with what happened in L.A.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No. I think, maybe, that all kick-started something, but this – what’s happening here, I think it was already happening before we got to California. We just didn’t realize it.” I pull myself away from the desk and make to go again, and this time he doesn’t stop me. “I won’t be long. If you need me, just give me a shout, okay?”
“Lola?”
I slowly turn back around to face him. “Yeah?”
“You and Evan – you are gonna be okay, aren’t you?”
I just smile, turn back around, and walk away.
Nineteen
Evan
I don’t know why I agreed to this, these days are behind me. But, for some reason, I’m in a bar in downtown Manhattan, drinking whiskey and wondering what the hell I’m doing here.
“Want another one of those?”
I look at Heath, and I nudge my glass toward him. “You got another option on the table?”
“Try and enjoy yourself, all right? I brought you here to try and put a smile on your miserable face, not sit and look at it getting worse.”
“Stop plying me with drink, then.”
“That’s as much for my benefit as it yours, believe me. Your company might not be so bad if I’m shit-faced.”
“You still get shit-faced?”
“Not on a regular basis. But it’s looking like a good idea right now… Hey. Doesn’t she work at Cavendish King?”
I follow Heath’s gaze to where a small group of women are entering the bar, and I immediately look away because Hayden’s one of them. I’m not even going to risk eye contact. “Yeah. She’s one of our new associates.”
“Thought so. I’ve seen her around the building a few times… Corner office, managing partner status, and eye candy…” He lets out a low whistle and shakes his head. “Man, I’ve fallen on my feet coming here.”
“She’s the District Attorney’s daughter.”
“So? Is that supposed to make a difference?”
“It means you need to tread carefully. And besides, I need you focused.”
“What the hell happened to you, huh? From what I can gather you used to do a pretty good job of bedding women and running a successful law firm. You saying I can’t do the same?”
“I’m saying, don’t shit on your own doorstep, kiddo.” I pick up a fresh glass of whiskey and down most of it in one mouthful. “Stay clear of that one.”
He looks over to where Hayden is talking to the two women she came in with, all of them as perfectly made-up as she is, all of them wearing more-than-likely very expensive dresses and ridiculously high heels. And then I remember Lola in heels just like those, with her long legs wrapped tight around me as I fuck her fast and take her hard and I want her so much right now it’s like a real, physical kick to my gut.
“Hang on… you’re not after her yourself, are you?”
“Jesus Christ, Heath, grow up, all right? Why the hell would I want to go there when I’ve got Lola?”
“Yeah, but you haven’t exactly got her, have you? Not right now.”
“No.” I knock back the rest of my whiskey and slam the glass down on the counter. “But that’s about to change.”
“Hey! Where you going? Evan?”
“I’m going to get my fucking wife.”
“Is that a good idea?”
I lean into him, because I’m serious. I’m so fucking serious. “She’s my wife, Heath. And believe me, I had to fight to love that woman, so I’m not letting this shit happen, not anymore.”
He just looks at me, but he doesn’t add anything else, he doesn’t say anything more. And that’s very wise. I’m really not in the mood. This isn’t up for discussion.
“Just don’t go rushing in there all alpha-male demanding she come back to you right this minute, okay?”
“Yeah. And you’ve always been the first person I run to for relationship advice, huh?”
“I’m just saying, Evan.”
I’m done here. I pick up my jacket and slip it back on before I make my way toward the door.
“Evan? Is that you?”
Jesus Christ, can I catch a break here?
Hayden’s standing there, in front of me, all flushed and young and beautiful, clutching a strange-colored cocktail, and I can’t just ignore her, can I? How the hell would that look?
“Hey. Yeah, I was just having a drink with Heath, after work.”
“Oh… you’ve been at work up until now? You didn’t need me for anything, did you? Because I could’ve stayed…”
I hold up a hand to stop her from talking, and I shake my head. “No, Hayden, it was fine. You didn’t need to stay behind. Anyway, I should be going…”
“Charli, Gina… this is my boss. Evan King.”
I give a frustrated, but inward, sigh as she turns to her friends, each of them turning to face me, and I guess I’m stuck here for a few minutes longer now.
“Evan King, huh?”
An extremely pretty girl with coffee-colored skin and the most perfect lips I’ve ever seen throws me a grin that causes me to narrow my eyes and throw a questioning look right back at her. “You know something I don’t?”
Her grin widens, and then she looks me up and down and I’m not entirely comfortable with this. At least, the new Evan isn’t. The old Evan would know exactly how to act in this situation.
“Man, there isn’t a woman I know who hasn’t heard of your reputation. And wanted to see how much of it was true. Until you went and got yourself married, I mean, hell! That could’ve been me. I applied for that position, y’know. To be your secretary.”
“Did you now.”
“Mind you, being married doesn’t have to be an obstacle, does it?”
“Jesus, Charli! That’s my boss… I’m so sorry, Evan. She doesn’t respect boundaries after a couple of Mai Tais.”
“It’s fine. Really. But I should be going. You have a good night now. I’ll see you tomorrow, Hayden.”
I head outside before the chance of another conversation starting up arises, but Hayden follows me, much to my irritation.
“Evan, hang on. W
ait a second.”
I turn around, not even bothering to conceal the heavy sigh of frustration. “What is it, Hayden? I need to be somewhere.”
“I just wanted to apologize. For Charli’s behavior in there.”
“You already did that.”
“No, I know, I just… I just wanted to make sure we’re okay.”
I frown, digging my hands into my pockets as I start to step back, start to make my escape. “We’re fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
And before she can say anything else, I turn and walk briskly away.
I’m going to go get my wife.
Lola
“You haven’t brought much with you. You not intending to stay long?”
Jess throws herself down onto the couch and reaches out for her glass of wine, her eyes fixed on mine.
“What?”
“You haven’t answered my question.”
“What question?”
“Are you deliberately being a pain in the ass?”
“I don’t know how long I’m staying, okay? As long as you’ll have me, I suppose.”
She takes another sip of wine, and fixes me with another look. “So… you and Evan…?”
“Remember I told you, when we had that night out in the West Village, just before me and Evan went to L.A. – I told you I wasn’t entirely comfortable, in this life.”
“Yeah, I know, but everything takes time, Lola.”
“I just feel… I feel like he needs someone who can be the kind of woman he should be with…”
“And I told you then that you were talking crap. Remember that? Oh, and you’re still talking crap now, by the way.”
“It’s the way I feel, Jess. I can’t help it. I can’t stop those thoughts… after L.A., after what happened there…”
“Jesus, Lola, how many people have told you countless times to just let go of that shit? Evan was never gonna go for the pre-nup, he isn’t that kind of man, he loves you. Evan King is in love, for Christ’s sake. With you! So shut the fuck up, drink your wine, spend a few nights here, and by the weekend you’ll be missing all that crazy sex so much you won’t be able to get home fast enough.”
“Because it’s that simple, huh?”
“Yes. It’s that simple.”
“I know he loves me. And I love him, too…”
“So what’s the fucking problem here?”
I look at her. Right at her. And I know I’m sounding like some whiny bitch, but my head is a mess and I know – I know that everything I’m feeling, it’s always been there, since the day Evan and I went public with our relationship. It’s always been there. I just didn’t know it, until now. “It’s me. I’m the problem.”
“Do you know what your problem really is, huh?”
I shake my head and cross my legs up underneath myself.
“You’re not drunk enough.” She throws me a wink and hauls herself up off the couch. “I’ll go get us some more wine…” A sharp rap on the door interrupts her, and causes us both to look toward the hallway. “I’d better go see who that is. Won’t be a sec.”
I sit back as she goes to answer the door, draining the last of my wine, closing my eyes as the cool liquid settles in my stomach, the alcohol hit warming me, it’s a nice feeling. Calming.
“Hey. Lola?”
Jess’s voice causes my eyes to snap open. “Yeah?”
She stands aside, and Evan walks in, but I stay exactly where I am, I don’t move.
“Do you want me to leave you guys…?”
“No. No, I’m not chasing you out of your own apartment…”
“That’d be great, Jess. If you could just give us an hour or so.”
“Evan?”
I’m off the couch now, because he isn’t doing this, walking in here like he has every right to dictate what’s happening.
“Lola, it’s fine. I’m sure we’re out of wine anyway. I’ll go get us a couple more bottles.”
She grabs her jacket and throws me a reassuring smile before she leaves us alone.
“You had no right to throw her out of her own apartment like that.”
“Just get your things and come home.”
“Excuse me?”
“Stop acting like some petulant kid, Lola, and grow up.”
“Seriously?”
“Whatever the hell it is you’re feeling, whatever shit you’re still obsessing over, I’m done listening to your whining. There’s no fucking need, we’re fine. We were fine before we went to L.A., and we’re gonna be fine once we stop playing ridiculous games and get back to normal.”
“I don’t believe you…”
“Just get your fucking stuff, Lola.”
I don’t know what to say. I mean, okay, maybe I have been a touch self-indulgent, allowed a little too much self-pity to creep into all of this, but he has no right to come in here acting all macho, demanding I go with him, just like that. What the hell kind of woman does he think I am?
“Yeah. You need to leave now.”
He stares at me, his eyes wide with disbelief, but I’m not doing this, not this way. “I’m going nowhere.”
“Okay. Well, neither am I.”
“Jesus, Lola, come on. What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“I need to think, Evan. And you, standing there like some rich, expensively dressed alpha male, you’re not helping.”
“You want to go to therapy? Is that what you want? All right. We’ll go to therapy…”
“Who’s being ridiculous now, huh?”
“Look, sweetheart, I will do anything I fucking have to if it’ll stop you from doing whatever the hell this is. Because I am done with it all, honey. My mom, Dana leaving, Heath coming here, my fucking associate coming on to me…”
I look at him, and I fold my arms and I can’t help the laugh from escaping. “Hayden? She came on to you?”
I can tell he didn’t really mean to say that last bit out loud, it’s obvious, but it’s out there now.
“She’s flirting. It’s harmless. I’m not reciprocating.”
“Glad to hear it. Because we need that complication, don’t we?”
He bows his head, and the sigh he gives is heavy and laden with frustration. “Just come home, Lola.” He raises his gaze and his eyes lock with mine, and I feel a piece of my heart break. “Please. If I have to beg, I will, but – please, baby, just come home.”
I walk over to him, and I lean into him and I kiss him, because I love him. So much it hurts, a pain I feel in the very depths of my soul.
“I want to miss you, Evan.”
“That’s crazy.”
“Not to me it isn’t. I want to lie in bed and you not be beside me, and I want to miss you.”
“I don’t understand…”
“Not yet, Evan.”
“Come home, Lola, please.”
“I can’t.”
“Jesus Christ…”
He’s frustrated, and I’m not helping, I’m only confusing things, making it worse, but I can’t go home, I can’t, not yet. I really do need time to miss him, and yes, I know that sounds crazy but to me it makes perfect sense. Because, if I go home, we’ll have sex. We’ll be fucking before we’ve even reached the bedroom, and I don’t know if that’s good for us anymore. It isn’t, good for us.
“We didn’t give our relationship time to grow, Evan.”
“What do you want me to do, Lola?”
I move a little closer to him, and I reach out and cup his cheek and I look deep into his eyes. And I feel a million kinds of pain, I’m as confused as he is, in some ways. In others, I know exactly what I’m doing.
“I want you to go home, and I want you to lie in our bed, and I want you to miss me as much as I’m going to miss you. Because we need to do that.”
“I know what it feels like to miss you, Lola. I know what that fucking feels like, why do I have to go through that shit again?”
“The circumstances were different.”
He lowers his head, his fore
head resting against mine and he takes my hand, and he squeezes it tight. “You want to miss me, huh?”
“I want to miss you.”
He lets go of me, and he steps back, and when he does that my heart jumps with a painful inevitability. I wanted this. I’m the one making him do this, to us. It’s all on me. But that doesn’t make it any less easy to deal with.
“I don’t want this, Lola. Okay? I’m putting that out there, I’m making you hear me say the words, I don’t want this. Any of it. But if it’s what you want…” He drops his gaze, and he runs a hand along the back of his neck, sighing quietly as he looks back up at me. “I don’t know what’s happening here. I really don’t. I don’t know where we went wrong or – or how you think this is gonna fix anything, but if it’s what you want…”
He suddenly turns away from me and takes a few steps forward, his head dropping once more, his hands in his pockets as he stops walking, but he doesn’t turn back around. Not at first, anyway. And when he does, I know that whatever he’s going to say, it’s going to rip my world apart…
Evan
“I don’t want any of this, Lola. But I can’t live like this. I can’t do it, honey. So, if this is what you really want, then I think it’s best we just call it a day.”
The words are out of my mouth before I can even think about just how much I mean them. But I think I do. I think I mean them.
“I don’t want to live in some kind of limbo, baby, I’m just not that kind of man. I love you, believe me, I do, but I can’t do this your way, Lola. I can’t do it.”
Am I hoping that, by pushing her this way, by forcing her hand – am I hoping that’ll somehow make her see sense? I don’t know. Ask me right now if I have any real idea of what I’m actually doing here and I don’t think I could give you an answer. But, yeah, maybe I am calling her bluff. What the hell have I got to lose, huh?
She looks at me, her eyes wide and questioning, she’s making sure she’s heard me right. And she’s a little confused, but I don’t think she should be getting this all her own way. I’m fucking confused, too. I’m tired and worn down by all the shit that’s been thrown at us these past couple of weeks, so much so that I’m struggling to remember the way we were before. And that can’t be good. It can’t.
Willfully Hers (The Dirty Business Series Book 2) Page 16
