by Nesta Tuomey
Jane said ruefully, ‘This seems to be the night for confidences, doesn’t it? But, of course, I didn’t know in the beginning that Antonio was married or that his wife was an invalid. When I did, it certainly helped to explain much of the past.’ She met Claire’s eyes honestly. ‘Just why he had an affair with me when it’s clear he loved her so.’
Claire watched Ruthie’s cat licking its paw and decided none of it was really so bad. She could not get over the sparkle and warmth in Jane’s manner whenever she mentioned Antonio.
Jane caught her eye and laughed. ‘Oh now, I know what you’re thinking, Claire. Anyone past forty is past everything else too! No, don’t deny it. I would have felt the same at your age.
Claire began to speak of her great affection for Elena and to describe, in searing detail, the last distressing weeks of the Spanish woman’s illness. Jane listened without interruption.
‘She was so brave,’ Claire concluded with a tremor in her voice. ‘In a way she reminded me of you.’
‘Of me?’ Jane was startled.
‘For one thing she was so courageous... and for another she seemed to really understand me and think well of me, like you’ve always done.’
‘But why wouldn’t I think well of you, Claire dear?’
Claire coloured. ‘Well... you know... after what happened years ago. Anyone else would have been angry, but you were always so kind.’
Jane had a sudden disturbing memory of burning with an irrational anger and resentment towards the child her husband had wronged. She had done everything in her power since then to make it up to the girl.
‘You were only a child, Claire. You weren’t to blame.’ She squeezed her arm gently. ‘More sinned against than sinning.’
Claire had an overwhelming urge to tell her about the baby, but still she hesitated, afraid that Jane might imagine she had allowed it happen in order to trap Terry into marrying her. She had just steeled herself to the point of confession when Jane suddenly yawned hugely and jumped to her feet. And the moment was lost.
Two days after Jane’s arrival in Spain Terry was discharged from hospital. His wound was healing well and there was no reason for him to remain there any longer. He would be convalescent for almost a fortnight before flying back to rejoin his squadron.
Jane had a chat with Sarah Lewis and arranged for Sheena to be kept in for another couple of weeks. She felt that her daughter was not yet ready to resume life in the outside world and, besides, she wanted certain tests run on her. Jane confided the whole sad and sordid story to Sarah
‘Oh the poor lass,’ Sarah kept saying and shaking her head sorrowfully. ‘Don’t worry, doctor. I’ll see to it that the poor child isn’t troubled any more than is absolutely necessary. She has been through enough already. And so too has her twin, poor lad.’
Uppermost in Jane’s mind was the fear that Sheena might have contracted AIDS from the men who had abused her, and although Sheena hadn’t actually put it into words herself, Jane knew that this was her daughter’s greatest fear too.
Claire was glad of Jane’s presence in the apartment when Terry was discharged from hospital. She both longed for and feared the thought of being alone with him, knowing she could not hold out against him if he wanted her.
On his first night in the apartment the mere thought of him, only a few yards away in the dark, made her body tremble, but she reminded. Her heart was pierced by the humiliating memory of Terry being unable to make love to her on the night they split up. She knew she would never forget it or ever leave herself open to a repetition of that unhappy incident.
Terry had taken over Ruthie’s bedroom and Ruthie happily moved in with Claire, an arrangement which solved the problem of space and ruled out any chance of a surprise nocturnal visit. Not that Terry showed signs of wanting one. Claire saw little of him that first week. Each day he visited his twin at a time carefully chosen not to coincide with her own visit to Sheena and, in the evenings, played pool with some English friends he had made in the local bars.
Claire invariably lay awake waiting for the sound of his return.. She would lie in the suffocating darkness, listening to him moving softly about the outer room, getting mineral water from the fridge and having a snack, before retiring for the night. Then she would hear him stripping off his clothes and the telltale creak of the bedsprings as he lowered himself on to the mattress. Remembering the nights they had loved and lain together, her throat would go dry and her heart would race.
It was a great relief to Claire that she had put on so little weight in the first months of her pregnancy. None but the most discerning eye could possibly have noticed the changes in her slim figure. She had an almost paranoid fear of Terry finding out and formed a vague plan of staying on in Spain after the rest of the McArdles had returned to Ireland. She would need Jane’s permission to live at the apartment, for she had no means of supporting herself and knew that any money she might get from her father, if she decided to ask him for an allowance, would be very small.
One afternoon, when Fernando had dropped Claire back to the apartment after visiting Sheena, Jane gave her the opening she was seeking.
‘I suppose now that the summer holidays are almost over you’ll be looking forward to college,’ Jane said, as they sat together on the balcony.
‘As a matter of fact...’ Claire began, watching Jane’s face. ‘I’m thinking of taking a year out and staying on in Spain to learn the language. I wondered if I might possibly stay here in the apartment.’
‘I don’t see why not,’ Jane said slowly, ‘although surely you would need to have given notice to the college a lot earlier?’
Claire said nothing.
‘Has this decision anything to do with Fernando?’ Jane smiled. ‘I can’t help noticing how very fond of you he is.’
Claire found it difficult to understand how Jane could think such a thing when she had once revealed to her how much she loved Terry. Still, it was in her interests to convince Jane that it was because of Fernando she wished to stay in Spain, so she forced a smile and said, ‘And I’m fond of him too. Maybe not quite as much but it might grow deeper and this is one way of finding out.’
Claire was still holding off giving Fernando her answer. She was truly fond of him and considered him a real friend, but whether he would ever become her lover she could not decide.
‘He’s a very nice young man and of good family,’ Jane said warmly. ‘But you are a very bright girl, Claire, and you have a great future ahead of you if you stick to your studies. This isn’t something you should decide in a hurry.’
Claire was pierced afresh by the precariousness of her position and wondered if she should be more honest with Jane. But what if she were angry and changed her mind about letting her stay in the apartment? Despite all Jane’s past assurances of affection, it was such a big thing she was asking and already she owed Jane so much. Oh, but how would she ever manage to get through the next few months without her help? She had no one else to turn to.
As the silence lengthened Jane eyed her thoughtfully. ‘Claire, my dear, if there’s something bothering you, I do hope you’ll consider sharing it with me.’
Claire started hotly to deny it, but there was something in the other woman’s tone, which seemed to hint that she already had an inkling of the truth, and meeting Jane’s look of compassion Claire suddenly found herself blurting it all out. She so desperately needed someone to confide in. The words tumbled over each other and she felt such an easing of tension afterwards that she grew almost dizzy with relief.
‘Have you told Terry?’ Jane asked briskly
‘No,’ Claire shook her head. ‘I can’t.’
‘But why ever not?’ Jane stared at her in surprise. Surely she hadn’t been wrong about Claire, she thought. Surely she couldn’t be contemplating marriage to Fernando while bearing Terry’s child? Or worse...have slept with both young men and didn’t know whose baby she was carrying?
‘You don’t understand,’ Claire said despe
rately. ‘He would only feel a sense of obligation... like he felt when he thought Grainne was pregnant. I would rather die than discover he felt like that about me.’
Jane was taken aback by the vehemence of her feeling.
‘You don’t think less of me, do you?’ Claire asked, her expression agonised. ‘Oh say that you don’t. I would feel that my last ally was gone if you, of all people, were angry or disgusted with me.’
Jane put her arms about her. ‘My poor silly child,’ she said warmly, ‘you can have no idea of the immense joy you have given me. I love you both and to know you are expecting Terry’s baby, conceived out of your great love for each other, makes me very happy.’
Claire blinked, as tears scalded her eyes.
Jane hugged her. ‘My dear Claire, this isn’t something you can possibly bear all by yourself. It’s only right you should tell Terry.’
‘I can’t. I just can’t,’ Claire repeated miserably. ‘Please, please try to understand.’
‘Believe me I’m trying,’ Jane assured her, ‘but I feel you’re making a mistake. I think you should give Terry the chance to prove how responsible he can be.’
‘No!’ Claire’s response was swift and strong. ‘Please promise me you will never tell him.’
From Claire, Jane already knew how Terry and Delgado had fought it out on the cliffs at Ronda, and she was consumed by a desire to find out if the man was alive or dead. Until they knew for sure there was always the danger he might reappear on the scene.
When she at last confided her worry to Antonio, he revealed that the police had informed him that Delgado had been discovered two days after the fight with his back broken at the bottom of the gorge. Rumour had it he’d fallen off the Puente Nuevo following a drunken brawl. Amazingly, he was still alive, despite the extent and severity of his injuries. When Antonio told her that the Spanish police readily agreed to press charges, Jane felt quiet satisfaction that the man would be brought to trial. To the other counts against him would now be added the charges of abduction, rape and attempted murder. She was only surprised that Antonio had kept the information from her.
‘I intended telling you soon, Jane,’ Antonio said with an apologetic shrug.
There was a proviso. Before the charges could be made to stick, Sheena would have to formally identify Delgado to the police.
‘I am sorry that your daughter must be put through this ordeal,’ Antonio told Jane regretfully, as they came away. ‘But I will be happy to drive you to the hospital near Marbella, where he is being confined, so that she may identify him.’
Jane sighed. She supposed she should have realised that it wouldn’t be simple. Nothing ever was. Should she put Sheena through this extra stress? she wondered, unhappily reminded of the years of Ruthie’s trauma.
‘Why don’t you let Sheena make the decision for herself,’ Antonio suggested, his eyes full of concern for Jane’s dilemma. ‘The act of denouncing this man might even be therapeutic and help speed up the healing process.’ Jane had told him how slowly the girl was recovering and he suspected that a feeling of self-hatred was at the root of it. Only by directing her anger towards the true author of her troubles, Antonio believed, could she be healed.
Jane agreed. At the clinic, she had seen women who had been raped, or battered by their partners, and knew only too well that Sheena was exhibiting the classic symptoms of listlessness and depression, as well as a general feeling of worthlessness.
While she was willing to try anything that might help Sheena to recover from her ordeal, she was firmly of the opinion that Sheena would not even begin to get better until she was back home again. Jane had telephoned one of the top women psychiatrists specialising in treating rape survivors. ‘Get her home and into therapy as soon as you can,’ she advised.
In the meantime Jane decided to do as Antonio suggested, although she did not for a minute think that Sheena would be willing to go along with the idea. When she tentatively broached the subject, she found to her relief and surprise that her daughter actually seemed to welcome the chance to confront her attacker.
‘Please let me go, Mummy,’ Sheena pleaded. ‘I’m not afraid.’
‘Are you quite sure, darling?’ Jane looked anxiously into her eyes.
‘Yes,’ Sheena said, meeting her gaze steadily. ‘I’m quite sure.’
On the appointed day Jane and Antonio drove to the hospital to pick up Sheena. So early in the morning there was only the hospital porter in the foyer and a maid with her hair in a kerchief was washing out the front step. After a quick glance at Antonio and Jane, the porter waved them on and went back to his newspaper.
When Jane popped her head round the door of Sheena’s room, she found her daughter sitting in a chair, already dressed and ready for the journey. Nurse Lewis, who was at the hand-basin arranging Sheena’s washcloth and soap, greeted Jane warmly.
‘All set, darling?’ Jane hugged her daughter. ‘Sure you still want to go ahead with it?’
Sheena nodded. ‘Quite sure, Mummy. Please don’t fuss.’ She was subdued but determined.
Jane said no more.
Sheena was quiet and withdrawn on the journey and sat slumped in the back of the Mercedes. Whenever Jane anxiously turned round to speak to her, she had to call her daughter to attention before she answered. Antonio gave all his concentration to his driving, and after a time, Jane relapsed into silence herself.
The nearer they got to Marbella the more nervous Jane became. All too soon it seemed they were parking in the hospital grounds.
Jane leaned into the back and patted Sheena’s knee. ‘This is it, darling.’ She got out of the car and waited while Antonio went round to open the rear door. He extended his hand to Sheena.
‘Valentía,’ he murmured. After a moment, Sheena accepted his hand and climbed out.
She stood looking about her in a slightly dazed fashion then, with a grim set to her jaw, walked quickly ahead of them as if anxious to get the whole thing over.
A doctor, accompanied by two police officials and a hospital orderly, brought them to the room where Miguel lay.
When Sheena hung back at the door, Jane glanced at her pale face and moved nearer. After a moment Sheena gathered herself together and, straightening her shoulders, stepped into the room. With an anxious look at Antonio, Jane followed.
Miguel lay encased from neck to toe in a plaster cast, seeming already to have passed into a kind of limbo between life and death. As Sheena stepped close to the bed his lids lifted and recognition flared in the pale eyes before the eyelids dropped over them again. At the sight of those flat eyes regarding her, Sheena took an involuntary step backwards. She recovered herself and said in a clear, hard voice, ‘This is the man who abducted me.’
Within seconds they were walking out of the room and back down the corridor. When they were almost at the hospital entrance Sheena suddenly sagged. Jane swiftly reached out her arms to hold her daughter close and saw that she was weeping, her face contorted in silent agony.
There was less than a week left before Terry flew back to join his squadron. The situation between them was much as it had been since he rejoined them in the apartment. Terry spent most of the day in the town with his new friends and came back late at night when they were all in bed. Fernando still called to the apartment each day to bring Claire to visit Sheena at the hospital but had so far exercised great restraint on the subject of their marriage. He was usually quiet on these journeys and had fallen into the habit of sighing a lot.
Having made the supreme effort and confronted her attacker, Sheena seemed to relapse into herself. True, for a day or two after the trip to Marbella there was a slight improvement in her spirits, so her therapist told Jane. However, following on that she had begun to have nightmares again and spoke of voices continually exhorting her to harm herself. Jane was more than ever convinced that she must get Sheena home without delay. When Claire worriedly reported this to Fernando on their way to the hospital next day, he nodded soberly.
/> ‘I am very sorry to hear it,’ he said, and fell back to sighing again. They drove the rest of the way in silence.
‘I will call back for you in one hour,’ Fernando told her mournfully at the hospital entrance.
‘You don’t have to,’ Claire protested. ‘Really! I can walk.’
‘I will be here,’ Fernando said bleakly, and only gave her the briefest of nods when she waved and turned away. How serious he has become, she thought, becoming serious herself in turn. Today she had intended breaking the news to Sheena that she would not be going back home with her. Now she wondered if this was wise. Claire sighed and bit her lip, wishing she knew what to do.
Sheena was stretched out in a secluded part of the hospital garden and she sat up as Claire crossed the grass. She was dressed in shorts and bikini top and her skin was turning brown from hours of sunning, surely a hopeful sign that she was on the mend. Claire wished she could believe it.
‘I’ve been longing for you to come,’ Sheena confessed, slipping her arm through Claire’s. Together, they strolled in the shade of the bougainvillaea tree.
As she listened to her friend’s feverish chatter Claire was glad to see that Sheena could at least speak again.
‘It will be good to get away from Spain,’ Sheena sighed. ‘I never thought I’d be glad to leave the sun, but now I feel as though I can’t get home quick enough.’ She did not mention all the tests she had been given, but Claire knew about them from Jane. They would have the results of most of them in another few days, Jane had said, but it would be at least six months before they would know the result of her AIDs test. Hopefully then Sheena would get the all clear.
‘What about you, Claire?’ Sheena said when Claire was silent. ‘Will you be sorry to leave Spain?’
‘Sheena, let’s sit down a minute,’ Claire suggested, leading the way to the stone bench. Then she said in a rush, ‘Actually, I’m not going back to college. I’ve decided to stay on in Spain.’
