“Only one dream realm is necessary,” Magnus said. “Either stallion can answer the question, if he wants to.”
Ula shrugged. “I will go,” Kadence said.
Nia looked sharply at her. “Aren’t you worn out if not freaked out by the horrors of your own time? This distraction would only add to your burden.”
“This distraction will distract me from my burden,” Kadence said. “I know that the moment I let myself relax, those horrors will crush me. I must stay busy elsewhere.”
Nia nodded. “Do you feel similarly, Aria?”
Now Noe shrugged. “I think not. Maybe I am nastier than Kadence. I want revenge. If this stallion exchange relates in any way, I want to deal with it. I don’t want anything to stop us from putting that ill bird away again, forever.”
“Well spoken!” Magnus said.
Noe actually blushed. “Thank you,” Aria said.
Jess once again suppressed her irritation. Were they deliberately flirting with each other, the princess and the showman? Of course not! Yet there was a level of her awareness that was suspicious.
“So you will be satisfied to remain on the boat and relax?” Nia asked.
“Yes. Noe is a calming influence.”
Nia looked around again. “Then who else might like to tackle this spot mission?”
Jess spoke before she thought. “I would.”
“Are you serious?”
Ula extended her hand. Jess took it, connecting with Kadence. “Yes.”
Nia considered. “There are occasions when your curse can be advantageous. Maybe the spooks of the dream realm will be daunted. And since Kadence will be along, when you do need to be taken seriously, you can be.” She looked around. No one objected.
Thus it was decided. Win and Myst became the night and day mares, respectively, in their black and white equine forms. Ula mounted Mairzy, and Jess mounted Imbri. Belatedly Jess remembered that she was not an experienced rider. “Maybe someone better at this should—” she began.
“You’ll be fine,” Imbri’s speech balloon printed over her head. “I have had experience carrying human riders. I won’t let you fall off.”
“Thanks,” Jess said, relieved.
“Where are we going?” Ula asked as they stepped through the hull of the boat and out into the air. “To the Day Stallion or the Night Stallion?”
Jess realized that this detail had not been discussed. “I don’t want to endure another gulf course.”
“Night Dream Stallion it is,” Ula said, laughing. It hardly mattered whether she took Jess seriously. “Or whoever is in his place.”
Imbri oriented and galloped through the sky. Mairzy followed.
“Um, is there a convenient access?” Jess asked.
“There’s a portal atop Mount Neverest,” Imbri’s balloon printed. “That’s the closest one.” She seemed to have no trouble taking Jess seriously.
“You can’t just, well, phase through from anywhere?”
“In my centuries as a night mare, I could, of course. But I am retired, so lack that power. But there are alternate routes, and I remember them.”
They made swift progress across the sky. Jess realized that the mares could travel as fast as thought, because dreams were a form of thought. Soon the peak of a giant mountain appeared ahead.
“Wow!” Ula called. “That must be the tallest mountain in Xanth!”
Now Mairzy’s speech balloon appeared, and Jess could read it, too. “Yes. It is one inch taller than Mundania’s highest. Their mountain paused to rest, while ours didn’t.”
Jess had not realized that mountains could be competitive, not that it mattered.
They came to stand on the top. “But there’s nothing here,” Jess said.
“Surely you jest,” Imbri’s print said. She stepped forward, and a giant gourd appeared before them. The two mares walked on inside.
There was a sadly fenced yard enclosing a dismal house. Weeds grew all around the path. Not only was the scene not impressive, it was somewhat eerie. Jess felt a chill. She wished she could be well away from here.
“This is the standard opening gambit for entry to the realm of bad dreams,” Imbri’s print said. “The house contains all manner of spooks, ranging from ghosts to poltergeists. There are ignorant folk who find that frightening.”
Jess was glad she was not one of those folk.
“We will bypass it, of course,” Imbri continued. “The path we need is worse.”
“Worse?” Jess asked faintly.
“It is littered with awful puns, ones hardly worth groaning at. They sicken most folk, so they avoid it. That’s why it is private.”
“That makes sense,” Jess agreed, uncertain which was worse: a spooky house, or a pun infested path.
They followed the path. It led to a stream where big ugly fish crowded hungrily. They would have to wade through. “Carp Diem,” Imbri printed. “They will seize anyone who tries to wade through by day.”
“We don’t want that,” Jess said, shuddering. “Is there a safe way to pass?”
“Yes, for those who know it. Harvest some of those pills.”
Jess dismounted and walked to the nearby pill box. She took a handful of the little pills. “Oh, they’re cold!”
“They are chill pills. Toss them in the water.”
Jess did. The water immediately cooled, and a thin crust of ice formed. The carp hastily swam downstream, escaping it. Jess remounted, and the two mares splashed through the icy water. One pun had driven off another. Well, that was one way to do it.
They came to a table set with dainty cups of tea. The table blocked the path. “Let me guess,” Jess said, resigned. “We have to drink the tea to get by. And we won’t much like it.”
“That depends on which cup you choose,” Imbri printed. “Once you drink it, you can lead Mairzy and me safely past the table.”
Jess and Ula both dismounted and approached the tea table. Each cup was labeled. Relativi tea, bat tea, goat tea, gravi tea, uppi tea, LGB tea.
“I don’t trust any of these,” Ula said. “I don’t want to become a relative, or a bat, or a goat.”
“And I don’t want to get really heavy,” Jess agreed. “Or uppity, or—What’s LGB?”
“I think Santo would know,” Ula said. “But I’m pretty sure it’s not for us.”
They continued looking. “Maybe this one,” Ula said. “Novel tea.”
“But don’t novelists get blocked?”
“I think they do. “So that’s no good.”
“What about this one? Naugh tea.”
“Maybe.”
They each took a cup and drank it. It actually tasted good.
Several young men going the other direction approached the table. “Well, now,” Jess said.
One man spied them. “Girls!” he exclaimed. The others looked, too.
“Not interested,” Jess said quickly. But of course he didn’t take her seriously.
“My talent is metamorphosis,” the man said. “Changing things to other things. I think I’ll change your dresses to transparent jelly. Make you look real dreamy.”
“Yeah, yeah,” the other men agreed. “Dreamy.”
And of course this was the realm of dreams. But the male dreams did not necessarily coincide with female dreams.
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Ula asked.
“You bet,” Jess agreed.
They turned around, hoisted their skirts, and flashed the boys with their panties.
The men froze, stunned.
“Oh, we shouldn’t have,” Ula said without regret.
“This is weird,” Jess said.
“What, being naughty? That’s what the tea does.”
“No. It’s that my panties don’t fascinate men. They turn them off. I’m re
ally not exaggerating much in my Atrocia spiel.”
“And mine are too young to have much effect,” Ula said. “But we’re in the dream realm. Haven’t you dreamed of being able to do that? I have.”
“Yes, but—” Jess stopped. Maybe it did make sense. Those men weren’t real, they were dream figures, reacting as they were supposed to. It wouldn’t happen in real life. They really had become dreamy.
They led the mares past the table, then resumed riding. Soon they came to a flight of steps. “You don’t want to take those,” Imbri printed. “That’s a stare way.”
“Oh, the kind that looks up a girl’s skirt?”
“That’s a variant. To use these you must stare straight ahead, and the footing can be tricky.”
“We won’t take them,” Jess agreed.
There was a galloping noise. “Oops!” Imbri printed. “That’s a spearhead of unicorns. They’ll run us down!”
“So we’ll have to take the stairs, anyway?”
“No. All you need to do is distract them with interesting food.”
Jess looked around. “All I see is fresh noodles and pie plants.”
“They will do. Throw them on the path before the unicorns.”
Jess and Ula hastily harvested a number of grass-like noodles and small pies, getting them on the path just before the spearhead arrived.
The herd screeched to a halt. The unicorns greedily ate the pasta, and stood bemused. They were suffering pasta flashbacks. Others ate the custard pies, and started making vile whinnies and snorts, turning the surrounding vegetation brown: they were cussing.
During that distraction, the two mares and their riders were able to sidle by and get beyond. They were past the worst of it.
They came to a vast landscape where several demons were scooping up handfuls of glop from the ground, and radiating scintillating energy. The path led through the center of their number.
“There’s something odd about those creatures,” Jess said, uneasy. “What are they eating, and why are they glowing?”
“Those are images of Demons eating Dark Matter,” Imbri printed.
“Images?”
“Capital D Demons are too big to fit in any local framework, so the Night Stallion made a miniature representation to track their progress. The Stallion wanted to be sure they kept at it.”
“Kept at what? That looks like mud.”
“It’s artificially colored. Actually Dark Matter is invisible and untouchable.”
“And why are they eating it?”
“So they can radiate Dark Energy. That is what powers the universe.”
“Oh.” Jess let the subject fall with a thud, having no idea whether it made any sense at all.
At last they came to a standing horse, a magnificent beast. His coat was scintillating brightly. This was the Day Stallion, here in the night realm.
They trotted up, and Jess and Ula dismounted. Jess, abruptly awed, was unable to formulate a question. Neither, it seemed was Ula.
Then Princess Kadence spoke, completely unabashed. “Day Stallion,” she said. “Why are you here in the Night Stallion’s domain?”
The Stallion’s head turned to orient on her. His ears twitched. WHY ARE YOU HERE? he thought powerfully. DON’T YOU BELONG IN THE FUTURE, CHILD PRINCESS? Obviously he knew all about her.
“Disaster is overtaking the future,” Kadence said. “Ragna Roc has escaped and is deleting anyone even capable of opposing him, including especially Xanth royalty. My mother Rhythm is gone. My grandmother King Ivy is gone. Princess Aria and I are here with Queen Harmony to try to prevent his escape, so that the disaster never happens. Do you have anything to do with it?”
The stallion actually seemed to be set back. THAT BAD? I DID NOT KNOW. WE DO NOT APPROVE.
Jess began to breathe again.
“You are not part of it?” the princess asked. “Then why have you been switched, and how can that be undone?”
WE MEAN NO HARM TO XANTH. QUITE THE CONTRARY. THAT BIG BIRD IS MISCHIEF.
“Who has switched you? Can we help restore you to your proper places?”
NOBODY SWITCHED US, the Stallion thought. WE GET BORED EVERY FEW CENTURIES, SO WE SWITCHED PLACES FOR A CHANGE. WE HAVE DONE IT BEFORE.
Kadence was astonished, as were the rest of them. “This is just a joke?”
NO. MERELY A CHANGE OF PLACE. WE’LL SWITCH BACK AFTER A MONTH.
“You are causing all this mischief just from boredom?” Kadence demanded with princessly outrage.
WHAT BUSINESS IS IT OF YOURS, ROYAL CHILD?
“The future welfare of Xanth is my business,” Kadence said angrily. “As it should also be yours. How can we focus on a cure for what ails the kingdom while you irresponsible horses capriciously mess up our minds? We need everyone on board if we are to save Xanth from disaster. You should be ashamed!”
Jess had to admire the spirit of the princess. She was only ten years old, but she had a sensible grasp of things, and courage to match. She would probably be the next queen after Harmony.
The stallion considered briefly. YOU HAVE A POINT.
The equine form quivered. Then it changed. The darkly scintillating form of the Night Stallion appeared. SATISFIED, PRINCESS?
The two stallions had switched back. Now the dreams would be in order. At least that distraction had been dealt with.
“Yes, thank you,” Kadence said.
GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN, MARE IMBRIUM.
Imbri was startled, thinking herself unnoticed. Her print balloon said only “Neigh?”
AND THIS FOR YOU, PROTAGONIST. The Stallion twitched an ear and a shining token flipped toward Jess. She caught it automatically. WHEN YOU NEED ME, INVOKE IT. Then the Stallion faded out, leaving them alone.
“Protagonist?” Jess asked blankly as she stared at the token. On one side it had an image of the stallion with the word TROJAN. On the other it said HORSE OF A DIFFERENT COLOR.
“The main character of this story,” Kadence said. “Every story has one. Didn’t you know?”
“But I can’t be! Nobody takes me seriously!”
The princess laughed. “Nobody’s perfect.” She glanced back the way they had come. “Time for us to go home.”
Then they set out for the boat.
Chapter 7
Great Uncle Dolph
“So that’s the story,” Jess concluded, with Kadence’s hand on her shoulder. “It was just a diversion for the Day and Night Stallions, but now they are back on track and folk can sleep and daydream in peace.”
“It is good to get that out of the way,” Magnus said. “But it doesn’t directly address our problem with Ragna Roc.”
“Indeed it doesn’t,” Nia agreed. “It seems we still need Prince Dolph for that.” She turned to Aria. “Do you know anything else about his relevance?”
“Nothing,” Aria said. “But I’m very sure he does relate, because the Simurgh said so, and she knows everything. She has seen the universe destroyed three times.”
“Which is another question,” Nia said. “If she knew so much, why is she sitting this crisis out, as far as we know? A more direct word from her could have saved a phenomenal amount of mischief.”
“I think I know, or at least can guess,” Jess said. “We have been struggling with possible paradox. The princesses could not return here until we made our decision independently to seek Prince Dolph; the threat of paradox prevented them. They could not directly interfere with their own past. Similarly there could be more paradox if the Simurgh intervenes, because she knows too much. She might know that her direct participation would strain the fabric of space-time-magic and bring about the fourth destruction of the universe. We would not like that.”
Nia made a silent laugh. “We probably would not. Point made.”
“There’s another thing,” Jess sa
id.
“Out with it, girl,” Nia said. “You seem to make an uncommon amount of sense when we are able to take you seriously. We may not always have Kadence to counter your curse.”
“It’s that the tunnel needs to be built,” Jess said. “Otherwise Aria, Kadence, and Queen Harmony won’t be able to escape Ragna and organize to abolish his escape. I suspect that could be quite a project.”
“Yes,” Aria said. She and Kadence had had time to rest, fight back their grief and clean up their tears, and were functioning more or less normally again. They were marvelous girls, not at all frivolous when push came to shove. “Noe needs to tell her mother Noleta about it and gain her cooperation and I think silence, to avoid paradox and to keep it secret from Ragna. That’s a whole other project. We’ll need Santo, of course.”
“Maybe we can charm him into helping,” Noe said mischievously, touching her skirt as if to pull up the hem.
“I will help because it needs to be done,” Santo said, unamused.
“Just teasing.”
But Jess wondered. Noe and Aria working together could probably charm the fire out of a salamander, and they just might want to try. They were naughty at heart, as all children were. “After we get in touch with Prince Dolph,” Jess said firmly.
But there was one more thing that bothered her. “If we build the tunnel to the World of Three Moons, because the princesses will need it in my future, isn’t that interfering with the princesses’ past? Because we’re doing it because of our understanding of the crisis in the future.”
Both girls paused for at least a moment and a half. “This bothers me,” Kadence said. “It does smell like paradox.”
“Ask Tata,” the peeve suggested.
They asked Tata. His screen flickered then clarified. “Okay,” the peeve said. “It’s not paradox, it’s juxtaposed timelines. Alternate histories. The alternate histories are nestled in together so closely that you can practically see across them. Each differs from the next by maybe only half a detail. So you’re not changing your own timeline, exactly, you are shifting into a new one.”
Jest Right Page 13
