by Sarina Bowen
Axel spoke into my ear, because it was so loud I wouldn’t hear him otherwise. “I’m going to fight my way over to the bar for some drinks. You want a glass of cabernet?”
I shook my head. “Beer. Whatever you’re drinking.” I reached for my wallet, but he put his hand on mine. “I got this. Be right back.”
He walked off and I let my eyes roam, trying to take it all in. Men with men, as far as the eye could see. I’d always wondered what freedom looked like. And now I knew—it looked like this place. There were a few women here and there, but they were the exception. Mostly I saw men in pairs, their heads together—talking, laughing. Kissing. I tried not to stare, but their openness was an education for me.
My eye kept snagging on one couple in particular—two guys in their twenties. Each of them held a bottle of beer in one hand and the other man’s bicep in the other. They were pressing kiss after open-mouthed kiss against one another. Like long lost lovers.
And now I was hard and feeling guilty for staring.
Axel returned with four bottles of Shipyard Ale. “Let’s find somewhere quieter,” he said, pointing his chin toward the back. I followed him to a recently abandoned high table, empty glasses still cluttering it.
A bus boy wearing painted-on jeans and a wifebeater hustled over to clear it for us. “Thanks,” I said before sitting down on one of the bar stools.
“No dance floor. Bummer,” Axel said, pushing two beers in my direction. Then he laughed. “You should have seen the look on your face when I said ‘dance floor.’”
“I don’t dance.”
He grinned. “We’ll work up to it.”
We wouldn’t, though. There weren’t going to be more nights like this. I didn’t get to walk away from my life very often, and even now I worried that my phone would vibrate in my pocket with some new disaster, and the gig would be up. So I took a long pull of the excellent ale that Axel had chosen and let my eyes drift around the room. “Let me ask you a question.”
“Shoot.”
“If I didn’t come here with you tonight, what’s your usual play? Would you just find somebody to hook up with?” I’d never had the chance to indulge in the life I wanted. But even if nobody cared what I did, I wasn’t sure how I’d fit in with the hookup scene. The idea of getting naked with a stranger I’d met in a bar was intimidating.
The smile slid off his face. “Well, I like coming to these places, and there’s always somebody on the prowl.”
I didn’t doubt it. Anyone would take one look at Axel and buy him a drink. He was the whole package—gorgeous body, cute face. Clever. Fun. Exactly the guy I’d want if I could date a man.
“But I don’t do many bar hookups. It’s risky.” His eyes did a quick scan of the room. “In college… I’ve been in situations before where I felt unsafe. It’s not the kind of thing you want to repeat.”
“I’ll bet.”
He returned his gaze to me. “So if I came here alone tonight, I’d probably play some pool.” He tipped his head toward the tables in the corner. “But at the end of the night, I’d probably leave alone. Unless there was some super chill, charming guy who made me feel both safe and excited. And he looked like a cross between Zac Efron and Channing Tatum.”
I laughed. “Good luck with that.”
He leaned one of his gorgeous cheekbones into his palm and smiled at me. “That’s how I think of you, though.”
I swallowed my surprise behind a gulp of beer. “That’s a bit of a stretch, my friend. I think the ref is going to argue that call.”
He didn’t say anything more. There was only his smile, which I felt in my groin, and the heat in his eyes. Christ. I hadn’t let myself think about how this night might end. My plan was to stay sober enough to drive back to Henning. But I knew that Axel had different ideas about tonight. And I’d packed a bag, just in case…
“What are you thinking about?” he asked.
“Nothing. Want to shoot some pool?”
His smile was teasing. “Sure. But don’t be too upset if I crush you like a bug.”
“We’ll just see about that.”
* * *
I beat him the first two games. But then my attention wavered, because every time I leaned across the table, I felt Axel’s dark eyes on me. And every time he brushed past me to line up his next shot, my body heated everywhere. He knew it, too, that fucker. He began putting a hand on my back from time to time. His touch was casual, but my body didn’t care. I wanted more, and concentrating on the game became all but impossible.
Every sensation tonight was so new. The music pulsed through my limbs and hips, feeding the electric charge I felt in my veins. I was having fun, and I was turned on and kind of nervous. My body hummed with an unfamiliar electricity.
So this was what living your life felt like.
“You want to get out of here?” Axel said after he sank the 8-ball on our third game. He leaned against the table’s edge, and his pecs flexed while my mouth watered.
“Sure.” More nerves sizzled through my chest. We hadn’t discussed what would happen now.
Axel’s eyes flashed. He set down his cue, then removed mine from my hand. Then? He put his hand on my ass. “Let’s go.” His voice was rough.
I was tongue-tied as I followed him outside. We got into my car, and I actually dropped my keys on the floor because my hands were sweating.
“Hey,” Axel said, lifting a hand to my arm. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” I shoved the key in the ignition, but his hand didn’t move. Even though I knew my nerves would show on my face, I turned slowly to look at him.
Axel licked his lips. “Are you coming back to the hotel with me tonight? I asked the hotel for a room with two beds, because I would never pressure you. But I don’t think you should drive all the way back to Henning now. It’s late.”
My stomach quivered, because I knew what would happen if I went inside that room with him. “Okay.” I started the engine and left the bar’s parking lot, careful to keep all my focus on the road. The ride back to his motel took a ridiculously short amount of time. My hands sweated on the steering wheel as I pulled into a parking space. I snapped the keys out of the ignition and turned to reach for my duffel in back.
But Axel stopped me with a hand on my thigh. “Cax?”
“Hmm?” I breathed, suddenly all too aware of how close he was to me, and where we were. At a freaking motel.
He gave my leg a squeeze, and I almost died from yearning. “I need to know what to expect. Before we go into that room, you need to tell me if we’re hooking up or not. If you just need a place to crash, I’m fine with that. But don’t make me guess your thoughts.”
I let out an achy breath. But I didn’t say a word. Instead, I put my hand over his and squeezed.
Axel flipped his hand over to grasp mine. His thumb caressed my palm, and holy hell. I had no idea there were so many nerve endings in my hand. “I still need to hear you say it,” he whispered. “You’re not so easy to read.”
“I want to,” I whispered.
“You want to what?” he returned. “If you can’t say it, we shouldn’t do it. I care about you, Cax. You make me crazy, but I don’t want to get this wrong.”
Oh, the agony. He wasn’t going to let me be my usual chicken-shit self. I took a deep breath. “I want to hook up.”
“Are you going to regret it later?” Axel asked gently.
“No.” I gave my head a firm shake. “I’ve always wanted you. And this might be our only chance.”
He picked up my hand and brought it up to his mouth. The kiss he planted on my palm was gentle and arousing all at once. “Then let’s go,” he whispered.
I grabbed my duffel and got out of that car faster than you can say “desperate.”
He didn’t make me wait. As soon as he got the door open, we ducked inside. He kicked the door shut and then pushed me up against it. My duffel fell to the carpet as Axel’s hard body lined up to mine, and his kiss found my mouth in th
e dark.
Warm, firm lips caressed me. I opened for him, ready to taste him on my tongue. He moaned against my mouth, and then met me in a wild kiss. Jesus, I was on fire. And so was he. Ten seconds in, we were making out like porn stars, his hips pinning mine to the door. I wasn’t the only one who was hard inside my jeans. I was trapped between two hard objects and I freaking loved it. There were no decisions to make. My only choice was to lean in and enjoy him. Every stroke of his tongue convinced me that I’d made the right call.
A strong hand cupped my jaw, tilting my head for a better angle. “Been waiting…” he said between kisses. “…my whole life to get you naked.”
“You don’t have to wait anymore.” It wasn’t the most original line, but I liked delivering it. Just for tonight I could be that guy—the one who drinks at a gay bar and has sex in a hotel room.
And with Axel Armitage, who I’d wanted my whole life.
The next kiss was so hot that I felt my balls tighten. Jesus Christ, I could come in my jeans just from making out like this. I turned my head, breaking the kiss so that I could calm down for a second. Eager hands worked open the buttons of my shirt. I took a few deep breaths and let him do all the work.
I rested my shaking hands on his hips. The feel of his solid body made me want to shout with excitement. I could hardly believe that I was really here, and we were going to get busy. I dug my fingers into the fabric of his shirt, and tugged it out of his jeans. Then, in a move that felt impossibly bold, but I put a hand under his shirt to palm his firm stomach. Yesss. These were the abs that had tortured me from beneath his tight-fitting T-shirt in the gym the other day. The ridges of muscle beneath his smooth skin felt every bit as good as I’d imagined.
Axel popped the button on my jeans, and my heart skipped a beat or four. I was a cocktail of fear and excitement. With shaking hands, I reached down and undid his belt, while Axel unbuttoned his own shirt. “What do you like?” he asked me.
I’d never lived one of my fantasies before. I didn’t answer his question, because I liked everything that was happening here. With his belt out of the way, I unzipped his jeans. A whimper may or may not have escaped my lips as my fingertips brushed the hard cock straining against his underwear.
Axel kicked off his shoes and jeans in a flash. Then he grabbed my hand and pulled me through the darkened room until we both scrambled onto a bed. He tried to yank off my jeans, but it took a second until I worked out that I needed to help him. When they were gone, I threw my socks overboard. That left me in an unbuttoned shirt and boxer briefs.
By the time Axel rolled on top of me a few seconds later, he was gloriously naked. I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed. My hands took a trip down his bare back, gliding over miles of warm skin, coasting onto his bare, muscular ass… I shuddered from excitement.
He kissed me once. Twice. “Caxy, talk to me. I have supplies if you want to fuck. I’m verse, but it’s been a long time since I bottomed. You’ll have to warm me up if we’re doing that.”
I groaned. The idea of fucking Axel was almost too much.
He kissed me again. “Is that what you want?”
Probably not, actually. Because I didn’t have any experience, except for watching porn. And I’d die if I did it wrong and hurt him. “I’m too impatient,” I said, and that was one hundred percent true. If he kept kissing me and grinding on me, I was going to burst before this conversation was over.
He chuckled. “Me too, honestly. I just want to make you come.” As he said it, he slipped a hand down the front of my briefs and grabbed my dick. My bellow echoed off the walls. “Fuck, you’re so hard.” He squeezed the base of my dick. “Don’t come yet, though.”
“Easy for you to say.”
He laughed. When he slid off my body and left the bed, I got a chance to relax for a second. I shucked off my underwear and my shirt, wondering what would happen next. I felt exposed, lying naked on the bed of a motel room. I may have had jitters, but I wasn’t actually afraid. Axel would never hurt me.
No matter how many lonely years were between us, I trusted him implicitly.
When he came back to the bed, I heard the quiet snap of a lube bottle. Goosebumps broke out on my skin. In the light of the digital clock beside the bed, I saw him set the lube down. Then he reached between my legs and palmed my balls with slicked fingers.
“Aaah,” I gasped.
He bent over my chest, planting a kiss on my sternum. “If I do something you don’t like, just tell me to stop, okay?”
I put my hand in his hair to tell him that I understood. But speech was impossible, because he’d begun to lick his way down my chest and onto my quivering stomach. I shuddered and gasped as his mouth headed toward my needy dick. And when his lips finally skimmed my tip, we both moaned.
“Fuck, you’re leaking for me,” he whispered. “Sexiest thing ever.”
His warm, wet mouth sank onto my dick, and I wasn’t going to survive it. I made sounds I’d never made before. I’d dreamed about this so many times, but the real-life experience was so might more powerful than I’d expected. My fantasies hadn’t included the weight of his body on my legs, or his stubble against my inner thighs. The friction of skin against skin.
The flat of his tongue running down my shaft made every one of my muscles tighten. Then he swirled his tongue around my cockhead, and I thought I would lose my mind.
He eased off my cock, and I thought he was giving me another moment to calm down. But naughty, slicked-up fingers stroked my taint, and it felt gloriously naughty. And then Axel lifted my knee, opening me up. His finger slid back and began teasing my hole.
My gasp was as loud as a hurricane gale.
He backed off immediately. “Sorry,” he whispered.
“No, I…” My chest rose and fell as if I’d just run a sprint. “Caught off guard,” I ground out.
“Relax,” he whispered, stroking my taint with two fingers. “I want to take care of you.”
“Shouldn’t take much effort.”
Chuckling, he reached for the lube again, and I heard the click of the cap. I was trembling by the time his slicked fingers stroked into my crease again. This time when his finger pressed my hole, I managed not to freak out. But I didn’t forget my self-consciousness until he bent over me again and swallowed my dick all the way to the back of his throat. My fingers gripped the bedspread. He gave a good, hard suck and I couldn’t hold in my moan.
Nothing had ever felt this good. I couldn’t hold my hips still, so they began to roll in a rhythm with Axel’s mouth. Meanwhile, the finger against my ass pressed onward. He was penetrating me, and I wasn’t even shocked anymore. I was too busy fucking his mouth and seeing spots in front of my eyes.
Then his finger stroked me inside, and I gasped again. My balls tightened and it was all over. I didn’t have time to warn him. Suddenly, I was bucking and shooting and moaning like crazy.
Axel groaned, swallowing again and again, taking everything I gave him. Then he gentled his mouth, easing off me, kissing me once more on the tip. He withdrew his finger from my ass, and I gasped at the loss of him.
He kissed my hip and my belly. “Christ. You are so… Just don’t go anywhere.”
Axel disappeared for a minute into the bathroom, and I heard the sink running while he probably washed his hands. I slowed my panting breaths and put a hand over my eyes to shield them from the bathroom light.
When Axel came back, he pulled the hand off my face. “You okay?”
“I have never felt better.” I reached for him, and he slipped into my arms, his hard dick poking me in the hip. Soft lips grazed my shoulder and I sighed. “Think it’s your turn,” I said, slipping a hand down onto his cock—the only one I’d ever touched that wasn’t mine. Just like it had been when we were teens, touching him was strange and familiar all at once. I pumped my hand up and down his shaft—we were about the same size, actually.
That had to be the only benefit of celibacy—I’d never had to worry about co
mparing my dick to anyone else’s.
Axel was so quiet that I looked up at his face. The light was dim, but I could see he was staring at me.
“What?” I asked.
He smiled slowly. “Just can’t believe I’m here with you. Blowing you was so hot I almost came myself.”
I swiped my thumb through the pre-come on his cockhead, and his breath hitched. “I want to make this good for you,” I said. But I don’t know what I’m doing. “Maybe you should fuck me.”
He rose up on an elbow, surprise on his face. “Yeah? You like to bottom?”
I hesitated, because I didn’t want to lie. “For you I’d like to.” I stroked him a little faster. He was so hard in my hand.
Axel closed his hand over mine. “Baby, hang on.” Concerned eyes met mine. “Have you bottomed before?”
Slowly, I shook my head.
He bit one of his full, gorgeous lips. “So you usually top?”
This was not the conversation I wanted to have. “There is no usually.”
“I get that. But…” He frowned. “Have you never done this at all?” Another shake of my head, and his eyes got wide. “Oh Cax, really?” He put a hand over my heart and looked into my eyes.
Great. I’d just ruined the mood. “It’s not that I don’t want to.”
Axel’s expression went soft. He put his cheek down on my chest. “When’s the last time you fooled around with a guy?”
“It was with you,” I whispered.
His whole body went still. “Not in college?”
Embarrassed, I shook my head. “Too risky.”
“That’s the saddest thing I ever heard.”
I sighed. “I know I’m pathetic. Can we stop talking about it now?”
Warm, lovely hands began to caress my chest. “Babe, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. But there’s no way I’m fucking you tonight.”
“Why? This could be our only chance.”
He lifted his head to look into my eyes. “Don’t say that. You’re twenty-two years old, Cax. There are years of excellent fucking in your future.”
