“I’m sorry to hear, Alex,” he told her.
She shrugged casually, leading him over to her bedroom. She had to be going through a lot, with her father so ill. He remembered her at fourteen, a shy teenager sitting under the massive oak tree in the backyard of her house, crying her eyes out the day of her mother’s wake. Sebastian was tempted to reach out and put a hand on her shoulder. He didn’t know her well enough to do that, so he left it alone.
“It’s these boxes here,” she said, changing the subject.
He picked up the tremor in her voice and looked over at her. Alexandra had turned her face away, but not quickly enough to hide the tears welling up in her eyes. Without speaking, she gestured at the containers from the open bedroom door. Sebastian moved past her, respecting her attempts to be strong at a time like this. He was not the type to pry, and she probably wanted her privacy.
He easily picked up the container with one hand. Placing it back down, he stacked another on top and walked back to the stairwell. Only his knee protested from climbing all those stairs. He ignored it. He could take a little pain for Alexandra.
“Did you say you wanted these down in the basement?”
“Yes. Thanks.” She cleared her throat and hurried ahead to show him the way. As she went downstairs, she asked “So, you know my uncle pretty well, do you?”
“More or less, yes.”
“How long have you lived next door?”
“I’ve owned the house next door for about three years,” he answered, not wanting to tell her too much.
That was just a little lie.
He did not want to put Alexandra on guard by admitting he had lived there almost all his life, except for the four years he lived in his own apartment before his parents passed. It was clear she did not remember him. As to whether that fact was a good or bad thing, Sebastian was on the fence. He, on the other hand, remembered intimate details about her.
“He’ll be happy to hear you’re thinking about him. People think my dad—umm, my uncle is bit of a recluse, but he’s just really busy and very private.” Alexandra brushed her hair back from her forehead and opened the basement door, switching on the light and directing him through the organized storage area. “You can set them down over there.”
“Got it.” He put down the box and turned to her, suddenly very aware they were alone and that she was standing awkwardly close to him. Close enough that he saw her long eyelashes glistening with unshed tears.
Damn, she’s gorgeous.
Her eyes looked distant, like she was lost in thought and did not notice their proximity. Without thinking, Sebastian reached out and brushed away a tear on her face with his thumb. For a split second, all she did was look up at him. Their eyes locked again, and Alexandra stepped back.
“Whoa!” She threw up her hands defensively.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
What the hell was I thinking?
He took a step back, caught off balance because he knew who she was, and that she wanted to keep her ‘Alex’ cover intact. No straight man would reach out and touch another man’s face like that.
Shit.
“You just…you seem stressed out by what’s going on with your uncle,” he said, trying to explain his poor judgement in touching her that way. He stepped back again, almost falling backward onto the container he had just placed on the floor. “If you, uh, if you need to talk about it…or you know, whatever…I’m right next door. I’m off work for a while. I’m available. I mean…I’m there if you need me…to talk…or whatever.”
Fuck. That did not come out right.
Sebastian shook his head at his stupidity the second Alexandra turned and headed back to the stairs.
“Don’t worry about it,” she said gruffly. She moved her hand to the spot on her face where his thumb had grazed her cheek. She let out a long breath. Sebastian had crossed the line. She probably didn’t know what to think. He didn’t either.
“I’ll get the rest of those boxes. You just relax in the living room or something,” he said nervously. He put his hands in his pockets for the walk back upstairs. She was way too tempting. God knows what else his hands would touch on their own if he didn’t keep them in check.
That was the problem. He knew who she was, and to him she was all woman. Everything about her was Alexandra Storme, even in those boyish clothes. He had walked the halls of the same high school as she had, fantasizing she would eventually notice him. He remembered the way she used to laugh—out loud and uninhibited. She didn’t care who saw her, no matter whether she was with her friends, in her backyard, with the popular crowd, or hanging around football games and school dances.
He could tell when she would sometimes get that lonely, sad-eyed expression while sitting at her desk in the few classes they shared, when she thought no one was watching. He knew the girl who was fierce at one time and vulnerable at others. She had grown up into exactly the same. Who else would have the balls to try and do a gender swap just to hide in plain sight?
Still, for all the toughness she put up as a front, she still had a soft side, and probably needed someone to be there for her—for ‘Alex’.
Sebastian brought down the last three boxes. He didn’t say much more, not wanting to say or do the wrong thing again, and also because an idea was forming in his head. Alexandra Storme was an only child. Her mother had passed, and her father’s was in poor health. Other than Rosa, Sebastian had not seen anyone else stop in to visit.
Where are all of Alexandra’s friends? Or Lexxi Rock’s throngs of celebrity pals?
She was probably feeling more alone than ever, and if she dared reveal she was in Tucson and not on the French Riviera, the front lawn would be littered with fans and paparazzo.
Alexandra, or ‘Alex’—whoever she wants to be—will need an ear, and maybe a supportive shoulder to lean on.
And I’m the perfect guy to be both…without blowing her cover.
He marched back up the basement steps and through the kitchen, full of resolve as he met her at the front door. Alexandra slapped his hand in an effort to give a more manly handshake.
How cute.
Sebastian was certain ‘cute’ was not at all what Alexandra was going for, but that handshake was not the least bit manly.
“Thanks, man,” she said. “Hey, where do you work out? I’ve been, uh, thinking about getting a weight bench to bulk up.”
Sebastian smiled. A weight bench would not help. Alexandra was a petite woman. She would never really pass for a guy.
“Not a problem,” he answered, avoiding the weight bench question for the sake of her dignity, and to keep himself from laughing. “Hey, while I’m thinking of it, I know you’re busy at the hospital with your uncle, but if you’re free this weekend, there’s a get together at my place with a few of my friends and their families. You’re welcome to come hang out.”
Alexandra pulled back and shrugged. “Um, I don’t know.”
“Come on. You probably need a break.”
“I don’t want to be away from my uncle for too long, you know?”
“Well, think about it. Like I said, I’m right next door, so if you need to talk, I’m here. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
His voice was somber and serious. He could control his attraction for her. Right now, she needed a friend more than somebody to lust after her. She nodded graciously, and through the open door Sebastian saw a dark blue car pulling up.
“That’s my ride,” she told him. “I’ll think about it, bro. Thanks, again.”
“Later Alex.”
As Sebastian left, he saw Alexandra duck back into the house to grab something before she locked up. She climbed into the car, and he noticed her staring over at his house.
Damn, I hope I didn’t come on too strong.
***
Sebastian answered his ringing cell phone once he made it inside.
“Hello?”
“Hey man. It’s Clint. Got a minute?”
&
nbsp; “Uh, yeah. What’s up?” He looked out the kitchen window, watching this new version of Alexandra Storme ride off in the blue car.
“Do you want Beth to bring anything more than her usual potato salad and coleslaw for the bar-b-q on the weekend?”
“No, no. That’s more than enough. Tell her I said thanks…wait, Clint. Hey…I was wondering about something you might be able to help me with.”
“Shoot.”
Sebastian hesitated at first, trying to convince himself this was perfectly normal. After a beat, he went for it. “How do I find out more about Lexxi Rock?”
He regretted asking him anything the minute Clint kicked off the heckling. The man was merciless. Sebastian should have expected it. After several minutes of put-downs, Clint suggested a few websites he had found with in-depth interviews and information about her.
“Speed dating isn’t enough for you, Bash? You want to stalk rock stars too?” Clint laughed through the phone.
“Go ahead. Laugh it up at my expense. I can take it.”
“What’s with the sudden interest?”
Sebastian was not about to tell his friend what was happening next door. “I don’t know. Seeing her on TV at your place got me thinking. With her dad in the hospital, I was wondering about her.”
Clint huffed through the phone. “Bullshit. I don’t believe that for a second, but I don’t have time right now to drag it out of you. Beth cooked lasagna. That wins out for now.”
“Thanks…I think. Later Clint.”
He hung up the phone. With this time off work, he had all the time in the world to do a little research on the woman who had once been his high school crush—and was now trying to pull off being a dude so she could hide from the media. That had to be the reason.
He quickly prepared some dinner, and while he ate, he did some digging on his laptop. Tanya—another hot chick from the ‘pretty good lay’ part of his phone contact list—was coming over tonight. He didn’t have much time before she would get there, and he was curious about catching up on Lexxi Rock. He wanted to know everything about her, to fill in the blanks from their high school days until now.
He couldn’t pretend his interest was purely curiosity, although he did mean it when he offered to be there for ‘Alex’ as a friend. He understood more than most. He had lost both his parents, and he was in a career where tragedy sometimes happened. Alexandra needed friends and family more than she probably realized. In her disguise, she probably did not have anyone in her corner. Sebastian would gladly be that for her.
The tricky part was figuring out how to get close to her and not look creepy doing it.
Sebastian scrolled through another article about her messy breakup with some pompous-looking pretty boy country music singer. By the time he turned off the laptop, he knew she lived in a lavish mansion in Beverly Hills, he discovered she had a history of ugly breakups, and now he knew her closest friend was Vivienne Reese, an actress who happened to be out somewhere in southwest America, filming a new action movie.
Wow, this internet trolling shit is way too easy.
He knew just as much about Lexxi Rock as any other fan, but not nearly enough about the real girl, Alexandra Storme. Again, he tried to shake that physical attraction he had for her, but he couldn’t. It could complicate things.
He stretched out on his bed, in almost exactly the same way he did when he was nineteen, imagining what it might be like to have her. Now that he had read about her life since her stardom came about, he wanted to take away the bittersweet taste of failed loved from her lips. He could show her what it was like to be with someone who wasn’t star-struck by her, someone who actually wanted the girl behind the celebrity façade.
It was surprising how much they had in common in the dating department. For years, Sebastian had gone out with a handful of women who made him second-guess the idea of settling down. They were either too shallow or too crazy or unwilling to stick it out once they understood how dangerous and demanding a job he had. Coming home to a big empty house was getting old, as were the casual flings he had with women like Michelle, Didi, Ashley, or for tonight, Tanya.
He was going through the motions when it came to women, and had been for a long time.
***
Tanya came by, and was now sprawled out on Sebastian’s bed. He should have cancelled. He could not get Alexandra off his mind.
Here I am, stretched out on my bed with this sex kitten. She’s naked and ready to have me rock her world for a third time tonight, and I’m fantasizing about a woman who could have any man in the world she wanted.
Sebastian looked over and saw Tanya flash a playful look his way.
“Come over here, Mr. Firefighter,” she teased. This role playing game of hers was not as interesting the third time around. She smiled, running her hand down his chest and letting it come to rest on his manhood. “My kitty’s on fire, baby. I need your hose.”
God, she was annoying. If he could just get Tanya to stop talking, maybe he would enjoy it more.
“Here, suck on the hose, baby,” he told her, ready now to do almost anything to keep her quiet.
She smiled and got up on her hands and knees, crawling across the bed until she was between his legs. She lowered to him, and rubbed her breasts along his groin.
“Yeah. That’s nice. Wrap your lips around it…yeah, just like that…fuck. Keep going, kitty.”
Somewhere between then and when Tanya made him release in her mouth, Sebastian had the fantasy of Alexandra again.
“That was good, Alexandra,” he moaned.
Tanya lifted her head from between his legs. “For the last time, Bash. It’s Tanya. Not Alex, or Lexxi, or Alexandra. Shit, the least you can do is remember my name.”
Oops.
“Sorry about that, Tanya. It’s been a crazy day. Maybe you should go now.”
“Whatever,” she said, backing off the side of the bed and picking up her clothes that were thrown off the floor. She stepped into his bathroom to get dressed, and was gone less than ten minutes later.
Sebastian sat up. He needed to get real. Even if he and Alexandra were to become friends, he had nothing to offer her. He didn’t drive around in flashy cars or come with a huge bank account. He couldn’t pretend to give her anywhere near the lifestyle she had grown accustomed to. He could not compete. A guy like Wilkes Barracks could fly her to dinner in Paris, take her for a stroll in the park in Tokyo, or to see a carnival celebration in Rio. A guy like Sebastian Sullivan could…what? Carry boxes down to the basement for her.
He got to his feet and took a shower before heading downstairs in his towel to lock up. He was determined to stop deluding himself. There was nothing wrong with being there for her as a friend. All he had to do was dial back the illusion he could have anything more. There was no point. He didn’t have a chance in hell with a woman like her. In some ways, maybe high school never really ended.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
ALEXANDRA rolled over in bed, studying the red numbers of the alarm clock on her nightstand. It had not yet buzzed. She was awakened by the light of the approaching sunrise, which turned the walls of the room into a buttery hue. She had barely slept. Rosa would be here in about two hours to take her to the hospital.
In the almost two weeks she had been in Tucson, she spent much of her time in the ICU, watching over her father. On most days, she would stay with him from the start of visiting hours to late at night when the nurses kicked her out. Dad’s team of doctors went to great lengths in their efforts to turn around his condition. Still, Alexandra tried to hold out some hope, but had been disheartened with each passing day that he did not get better.
Stretching lazily in bed, she wiggled her toes against the plush beige comforter, and threw off the heavy quilt and soft cotton sheets. In the privacy of her bedroom she could be herself. She could be a woman. She let it all hang out, breasts and all. Breasts that now strained against the fabric of her t-shirt. She stood up and caught a sideways look in the mirro
r, in the black lounge pants held up by a drawstring. Her stomach tapered from under her breasts, down to her waist, to her hips. Pushing back black curls falling over her face, she craned her neck and peered through the bedroom window at the house next door. Somewhere over there was the handsome neighbor who made a point of extending his friendship. Of course, she was not sure whether he was gay or not. Not that it mattered, she told herself.
Anytime Bash Sullivan was home when she returned from the hospital at a decent hour, he would stop by to check up on her, and asked about her father. They had spent a few evenings sharing dinner. It turned out he was a decent cook, which Alexandra appreciated. She was horrible in the kitchen. She had skipped out on his party. It filled the street with cars and the night air with soft country music. Bash came by after it was over to bring her a plate of bar-b-q ribs. Basically, Bash was making it impossible for her to pretend he didn’t exist.
She shimmied out of her pants, shaking the lounge pants and panties down her legs so she could shower and get dressed. She did not mind his constant showing up. There was something freeing about getting to play the part of being a guy. When she talked to Bash, there was no need to present herself as meat on the chopping block. She had often felt she needed to add a layer of something more when she dated the men in her past.
She did not have to pretend she was less intelligent with Bash, or more sophisticated, or in need of a champion, or just independent enough—or any of the other often conflicting traits expected of women. She could be herself …well, she could be Alex Roberts. They chatted about his hobbies as well as hers, although in that area, she told a few white lies mixed in with some truth. She mentioned to him she played guitar, told him about her favorite shows and favorite music. She was more vague when she talked about her childhood. In spite of the odd harmless lie, she had shared a lot more with him than many of the men she had dated. Normally, her love interests were not allowed this much access to who she really was.
Bash isn’t a love interest.
She kept reminding herself of that. Stepping under the warm stream of water in the shower, she let it run over her hair and face. She closed her eyes, immediately picturing him without trying. She had gradually allowed him to get closer, maybe because it gave her something to think about other than her father’s waning health. She had gotten to know Sebastian’s schedule, when to expect him, and what he was likely to do. Tonight, he would probably stop by with a wrapped plate and his warm smile, ready to take her mind off her worries. They would probably watch TV for a while and make casual conversation. She needed that.
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