Mrs. Duvall wore a crown of braids. I held my breath. Nanna stared at her. Mrs. Duvall mumbled that she had something to see to. When she scurried away, Nanna took one last shot at her. “Beulah! If you’d like the name of that beautician, you just let me know. You hear?”
I broke out laughing. Nanna winked at me. I sat next to her and threw my arms around her. I gave her the biggest hug I could.
“Why, baby! What’s this for?”
“No reason, Nanna. I just love you. That’s all.”
* * *
Monday was another hot day. The temperature kept climbing, and the higher it climbed, the lonelier I felt, since Elliot still wasn’t talking to me.
I’d finished my chores early that morning and watched Beth while Nanna and Mrs. Merrill drove to the license branch to get Mrs. Merrill’s driver’s license.
Nanna seemed even happier about it than Mrs. Merrill did. After Beth and Mrs. Merrill went home, Nanna said, “She passed those tests with flying colors.”
Nanna took off her hat, put on her apron, and turned back into her old bossy self. “Why don’t you find something to do outside,” she said. “I’m so busy today I don’t need a youngster underfoot.”
Nanna’s train was leaving in two days for Great-Aunt Louise’s.
I went outside, but Willis was playing with Zorro in his backyard. I decided I’d rather get into trouble for being “underfoot” than have to talk to him. I wandered to my room, but it was too stuffy. When I no longer heard Nanna rattling dishes, I grabbed Robert’s picture out of its hiding place, then headed to the kitchen.
I stared at Robert, thinking that if I looked at him hard enough, he would give me the solution to my problem with Elliot. It didn’t work.
I walked into the kitchen and set the photo down while I poured a glass of ice tea. Voices were coming from the living room. Nanna had As the World Turns on the television set. She always set up the ironing board in front of the TV to watch her soap operas, which were the dumbest shows I’d ever seen.
I made my way into the living room, where Nanna was holding a bottle of water with a sprinkler attached to the top. She sprinkled the clothes until they were damp, then rolled them up. She ironed them one by one, while some lady named Lisa griped about her husband, Bob, on television.
Normally I avoided ironing time because of the soap operas, but since Nanna was going to Louise’s on Wednesday, I wanted to stay near her. I knew she never meant it when she threatened not to return. Still, that always made me a little nervous.
“Hi, Nanna.” I flopped down on the sofa.
“Feet on the floor, young lady. What brings you in here? I know how you hate my soaps.” She looked over the top of her glasses. “I also know you didn’t show up to help with the ironing.”
“No, ma’am. I’m just feeling kind of restless.”
“Restless? Need me to give you a job?”
“Nah, it’s not that.” I set my ice tea on a coaster. “Nanna? Can you tell me another Robert story?”
“Another Robert story? Well, let me think of one I haven’t told you.”
“Yes, Nanna, let’s hear another Robert story.”
I sprang upright on the sofa. Mother stood in the kitchen door, holding the picture of Robert I had left by the refrigerator.
“Mother.” The word came out as a plea. I wasn’t sure for what.
“Maybe you could start by explaining why Robert’s father isn’t in this picture,” Mother said. “I’m sure you’re the one who tore it in half, right, Nanna? Lydia wouldn’t have any reason to tear Philip out of the photo, but you do.” When no one said anything, Mother asked a little louder, “I said, isn’t that right, Nanna?” She spit out the question one word at a time.
Nanna took a newly ironed blouse and hung it on a hanger, as if nothing serious were going on. “Why are you home so early, Evelyn?”
“I have a headache. Now answer my question.”
“Yes, I did tear it in half. Philip was Robert’s daddy and he’s not related to Lydia. He has nothing to do with her.”
“Or me, anymore! Or you! Isn’t that what you want to say? Oh, I can just hear your thoughts: ‘He’s dead now, thank God! No more Philip around. Let’s get rid of any evidence that he ever lived.’ I know how your mind works.” Mother’s voice kept getting higher. “And why does Lydia know about Robert? There was no reason for her to know. All these years I thought she didn’t. Why did you go behind my back and tell her?”
I was on my feet, ready to say that Nanna hadn’t told me. It was Daddy, and only because I’d overheard a private conversation. It was all my fault. But they didn’t give me a chance.
“You were Robert’s mother, but that doesn’t mean you own him,” Nanna said. “He’s Lydia’s brother. She has a right to know about him.” She was so very calm.
“Oh, I get it. You’ve been filling her mind with stories that she’s not an only child, is that it? Like she’s got this—” She smacked the picture with the back of her hand for emphasis. Then her face crumpled and her voice softened as she said, “This fourteen-year-old brother.” She looked up and her voice gained strength. “Well, did it occur to either of you that Robert would be close to thirty years old now? That even if he were here, he wouldn’t be, oh, I don’t know, riding bikes and walking her to school? What thirty-year-old wants a little girl hanging around?”
She was right. I guess I’d pictured him being fourteen forever.
“That’s enough!” Nanna scolded. “Evelyn, you’re getting hysterical.”
“Hysterical? Maybe so. Maybe I was hysterical when I let Glen ask you to come live with us. Maybe I was hysterical for ever thinking I could stand having you in my life day after day.”
In a quiet voice Nanna said, “But who would have raised the baby, Evelyn? You could barely stand to hold her.”
I felt a sob start in my chest and explode from my lips. Nanna and Mother looked at me. Before they could say anything more, I ran out of the room.
Deep down I knew Mother didn’t want me. I’d always known it. Hearing the words out loud, though, made me feel that I’d just been murdered but my body didn’t have the good sense to die.
10
I left the house through the back door. Zorro must have climbed over the fence into our yard because I tripped over him. I heard Willis yelling at me, but my head didn’t let his words come through.
I scrambled to my feet and took off without a thought to where I was going. I just kept running. I don’t know how long I ran. I know there came a time when I couldn’t run anymore, so I walked. It was a blistering hot afternoon, the kind on which you could see squiggles rise up off the road. I ran again, until I heard a strange buzzing in my ears. Suddenly it seemed as if night was closing in on the outside of my vision. Then my legs felt like rubber and I slid to the ground.
Once I hit, my head started to clear. Lying there, I realized I must have fainted. I tried to figure out where I was. I slowly sat up and looked around. I was almost at the old Pearson place. I crawled until I was in the shade of a tree along the road. I knew that at the Pearsons’ there was a hand pump in the yard and a porch where I could rest, so I figured I’d better keep going. I knew I’d never make it back home in that heat without water.
I wasn’t sure I could go back home. No wonder Mother didn’t want me. I made the biggest messes out of everything. I’d promised Daddy I wouldn’t let Mother know that I knew about Robert. He’d warned me she wasn’t strong enough to talk about him. Daddy probably wouldn’t want me anymore, either.
After a time, I made myself get up. Didn’t any cars ever drive down this road? I thought of poor old Mrs. Pearson and how lonely she must have been way out here. I bet it had been call for excitement to see the dust of a car driving by.
When I got to the Pearson place, I’d have cried for joy if I’d had any energy left in my body. I went to the hand pump. It squeaked from lack of use. I was worried that the well had gone dry, but finally, out came golden, rusty wa
ter. I let it run to get the rust out but also to bring up the cold water from deep in the ground. I cupped my hands and drank and drank. Then I sat under the pump and let that cold water pour right on top of my head. At first it was almost painful to my hot body. After the shock, though, it felt so good!
I made my way to the porch. What a shame there was no porch swing anymore. It would have made a fine place to rest. I sat down, leaned my back against the house, and stretched my tired feet in front of me. I closed my eyes for a minute, too exhausted to even think about Mother and the damage I’d done.
* * *
I heard a noise and raised my head. I must have fallen asleep because it was dark and I was curled up on the porch. I could hear crickets, but it was another noise that had awakened me.
“Lydia!”
“Daddy? Daddy! I’m here. I’m on the porch!”
He was there in two seconds.
“Are you all right, baby?”
“Sure. Well, tired. Tired and sore, I guess.”
“I’ve been looking for you for hours, Ladybug.” He grabbed me in a bear hug. He said, in a voice that didn’t sound like his usual one, “I finally found someone who saw you head this way, but I never dreamed you’d really come this far.”
Then I remembered everything.
“Oh, Daddy. I’m so sorry. I left Robert’s picture out and Mother found it.”
“Hush.”
“No, Daddy, you’ve got to know. Mother’s having a fit. I’ve never seen her like that. And you told me not to let this happen. I’m so sorry, Daddy.” I buried my wet face in his chest.
“I know. I know all about that. Nobody’s mad at you. Come on, let’s get you back home.” He led me to the car, easing me into the seat as if I might break.
We drove for a few minutes without saying anything. He must really be mad at me. It wasn’t like Daddy to let silence happen. He always needed to fill it up.
“Daddy—”
He interrupted me. “Honey, there’s something I gotta say.”
Here it comes, I thought. Now that he’s over finding me, he’s going to yell at me. Well, I deserve it.
“Nanna feels it might be best if she extends her visit in Michigan.”
“For how long?”
“Well, she didn’t say. Long enough to give her and your mother time to cool off, I guess.”
“No!” I yelled, afraid Nanna would stay away forever.
“Now, Ladybug.”
“It’s not fair to make her leave! This was my fault. Nanna can’t go, Daddy! She’s part of us!”
“Now, first off, no one’s telling Nanna to leave. She done this all on her own. And second, it’s not about you, Lydia. It’s about Nanna and Mother and how they don’t get along too good.”
“But Nanna wouldn’t have thought about leaving us if Mother hadn’t told her she’d made a mistake letting her come live with us. Don’t you see, Daddy?”
He winced at that. “Well, things get said in anger that would be better left unsaid. Still and all, Mother didn’t ask her to leave. You know how much Nanna looks forward to visiting Louise. It was her idea to stay longer.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Now, Lydia, I want you to be grownup about this. I know it pains you. I don’t want her to go, either. And you’re right. She is part of our family. But you know as well as I do that she and your mother are like oil and water. It might do us all good if we had a little break, don’t you think?”
Even though he reached across the seat and held my hand, I felt as if I didn’t know Daddy at that moment. I had the strangest feeling that someone else had picked me up and was pretending to be my daddy. I wondered if I was still dreaming on the porch. I’d spent my whole life listening to him keeping the peace between Mother and Nanna, and now he was just letting Nanna leave.
I shouldn’t have run away. I should have stayed and made Mother see this was my fault, not Nanna’s.
“Daddy?”
“Hush, now.” He squeezed my hand. “It’s settled.”
Or maybe I should have kept running.
* * *
When I got home, Nanna was waiting on the front porch. She came down the porch steps sideways, holding on to the banister as though she didn’t trust herself to get down them the way she did every other day. Daddy parked in front, and Nanna held her arms out. I ran into them crying.
“Oh, Lydia! Oh, baby.”
“Nanna, I’m sorry.”
“Now, you listen to me. You’ve got nothing to be sorry about.”
I had that strange feeling again, like this wasn’t Nanna, either. Nanna would have chewed my ear off for running away and worrying everyone.
She led me into the house, where Mother was on the phone.
“Oh, Glen’s found her! I guess it was a false alarm, after all. So sorry to have bothered you, Clancy.”
When I heard Mother say that into the phone—as if I’d caused her a little worry by not being home for supper, but now she could go on about her business—then I knew I wasn’t dreaming. Mother was acting the way she always did.
Daddy reached out and ran his hand over my hair. I jerked away and passed Mother without a word. I went upstairs to the bathroom. I filled the bathtub to the top and soaked in it for a long time. I didn’t want to get out. I was afraid of what was waiting for me on the other side of the door.
When I walked into my room, Nanna was sitting on my bed. She’d brought up a tray of milk and cookies. I wondered who would bring me milk and cookies if she left and burst into tears all over again.
“Come here, baby.”
She tucked me into bed and handed me the tray. I drank a little milk but just pushed the cookies around.
She set the tray on my nightstand, then lay down with me in my bed. “Lydia, I know your Daddy told you about my plans. I want you to know that this isn’t because of the words your mother and I had today.”
I snorted.
“Well, it’s not just about them. How’s that? I’ve been giving some thought to staying with Louise for more than just one week a year, anyway. I lived with her once before, you know, when your mother married Robert’s daddy. Married Philip.” She made a point of saying his name.
“What is it about Philip, Nanna? Mother thinks you didn’t like him.”
“Oh, now, I never said I didn’t like him. It’s just that he drank. He drank a lot. I guess you could say he was an alcoholic. But he was such a fun-loving man that Evelyn couldn’t see past that. Fun or no, I didn’t think he was good husband material, and I said so. I sometimes think that made Evelyn marry him even faster, knowing I didn’t approve. So Evelyn and Philip moved from Michigan to Ohio, and I moved in with my sister.”
“Louise had a husband, and her grandchildren always dropped by to visit. I didn’t feel useful to her then, but now she’s all alone. I’ve been thinking she and I might be good companions for each other. We’re too old to do all that bickering that sisters do.” She smiled at me.
I didn’t smile back. “Why does it have to be this week? Can’t you trade your train ticket in for one next week?”
“I was all set to go now, anyway. All I have to do is throw in a few more clothes than I’d planned on.”
“But what about me, Nanna?”
Her eyes got watery. She cleared her throat and said, “You? Why, you’ll be just fine. I’m expecting you to keep things up around here until I get back.”
“When will that be?”
“I can’t give you a date, Lydia. We’re just going to see how things go.”
“Will you be back before school starts?”
“Probably not.”
“When, then?”
“I promise I’ll see you at Thanksgiving if not before.”
“You’ll move back by Thanksgiving?”
“Or visit … depending on how things go.”
I started to argue, but she said, “We’re not discussing this anymore. I have clothes to pack and you need your sleep. You l
ook worse than a stray cat.”
Then Nanna did something she hadn’t done for years. She turned out the light and ran her fingers through my hair while singing the songs she put me to sleep with every night when I was little.
I couldn’t sleep, but I pretended to, and Nanna eventually left my room. Daddy must have been waiting for her in the hall. I sat up and strained to hear their conversation.
“She’ll be fine. She’s just tired,” Nanna said.
“I think I’ll go in and make sure she’s all right. She’s awful upset about you leaving.”
“She’s asleep. Let her be, Glen.”
“Well…” Daddy hesitated for a minute, then said, “Do you realize how far she walked today? I’m thankful I looked there.”
Their voices lowered and I couldn’t make out the words until Daddy said, “It won’t even give you time to pack properly. Why don’t you wait and catch the train next week?”
“Oh, Glen, it would only make it harder on me. I’d spend all my time cooking casseroles and worrying everybody to death about how to do the things I do every day. It’s exactly the kind of thing that would drive Evelyn up the wall. It will be easier on all of us if I go on Wednesday.”
More murmuring, then Nanna said, “I told Lydia I’d come for Thanksgiving.”
They walked down the hall and their voices were lost to me.
What seemed like hours later, I heard Zorro’s clattering. Then I heard something else. I got up to look out the window.
On the roof of the Merrills’ place I saw the silhouette of a person. I jumped back from the window. Slowly I peeked around the curtain and realized that it was Willis. He wasn’t moving. He wasn’t looking into our windows or anyone else’s. He just sat there staring up at the sky as if deep in thought.
11
I held the phone tight to my ear and waited for Rae Anne’s mom to get her. Rae Anne was my best friend, but I had had to ask the operator for her number. I’d always been so used to having her next door or seeing her at school that it never occurred to me before that I could call her on the telephone.
“Lydia? Is something wrong?”
“No, nothing’s wrong. Haven’t you ever gotten a telephone call before?”
When Ratboy Lived Next Door Page 9
