On the whole they were happy, her sister had gone off to college in the spring and they were all doing OK. Her parents offered to help Sarah continue her education but she knew it would put too much a strain on their finances, so she carried on working for now. Perhaps in a couple of years things would change, but she didn’t want to do anything that would tip her father back into the cold dark abyss of depression.
“About 6.30, he has some paperwork to do, and then he'll be home.” Her mom gave her a sidelong glance. “I thought you might have changed into something a bit nicer.”
Sarah looked down at her sweats. “It's only you and Dad, you don’t mind do you?”
“No plans for tonight?”
Sarah tried to keep her breathing steady and not to let her face flush. “No. Why would I?”
“Oh, you know. Billy back in town and asking for you, I just thought ...” her mom let the sentence hang in the air while she checked the oven.
“You just thought what? Come on Mom, why would he bother with me? He belongs with the likes of Jenny and her cronies now.”
“Billy? He wouldn’t be seen dead with them.”
“I’m not so sure, I saw him in the car with Jenny earlier, and she is having a big party tonight. My guess is that was why he couldn’t make dinner.”
Her mom shut the oven door. She turned to look at Sarah. “He didn’t ask you out then?”
“Why would he?”
“Because he said he was going to.”
“He did?”
“Yes. He told me he couldn’t come to dinner because he wanted to take you out.” Sarah's Mom looked at her daughter closely. She reached out and touched her arm affectionately. “You OK, love?”
Sarah started to sob, “He did ask me out, and then he got in a car with Jenny. I think it’s some kind of trick.”
“No! Not Billy, he’s always thought the world of you.”
“That was before.”
“Before what?”
“Come on Mom. Before he became rich and famous.” She stifled a sob, and then blurted out, “And I became a nobody who waits tables for a living. Why would he bother with me?”
Her mother held her tightly in her arms and let her sob until she was ready to calm down. “He wouldn’t do something like that to you.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I know him, and I know you. You are worth a hundred Jennies. I am so proud of you and what you’ve done for this family. I can only imagine how hard it was for you to give up your dreams for us. Now, go and put on a pretty dress, he'll be here any minute.”
“I can’t, Mom.”
“Why ever not?”
“I’m scared.”
“Of Billy?”
“Of going on a date. Unless you hadn't noticed no one ever asks me any more.”
“Of course, I’ve noticed, don’t you know how much your father and I worry about you?” She kissed Sarah on the cheek. “Now, go and get ready.” She steered Sarah out of the kitchen, reluctantly she went.
As they walked towards the stairs the front door opened, her father was home. His face was flushed and he looked a little excited, something that didn’t happen too often these days. “Look who I found waiting outside.”
Sarah's heart skipped a beat, there behind her father stood Billy. He looked the same as he had five years ago, the only difference, the cost of his clothes. She stood not knowing what to say, his gaze took in her casual clothes.
“Hi, Sarah. I’m a bit early.”
“That’s OK,” she said before bolting up the stairs to change and apply some make-up to hide her blotchy tear stained face.
Her mother, still a master at covering up awkward moments, grabbed Billy and steered him towards the kitchen. “Tell us about being a rock star, Billy. We've watched your career in the papers but we never thought we'd be honoured with a visit now you’re so famous.”
“Don't be silly, Mrs H. I’m still the same small town boy.”
“That’s just what I told Sarah.”
“Did you? Is she OK? She looked a little upset.”
“She's great, seeing you brought some old memories back, that's all.”
“Oh. I hope I haven't upset her.”
“Don't be silly, we are all thrilled to see you, isn't that right dear?” Sarah's Mom tried to bring her husband in on the conversation, he really did seem a little star struck.
“Yes. Of course, very pleased to see you. Makes us all realise good things really do happen.”
The three of them talked about old times while Sarah frantically tried to figure out what to wear. She had no idea where they were going, and Billy's clothes didn’t help, he always looked smart casual. He could have gone into any cheap diner or expensive restaurant and not looked out of place.
Eventually she settled for a mid length green dress she had brought for a wedding a few months ago. It flattered her slim figure and the colour suited her perfectly. It didn’t say “I’m easy, take what you want”, but it didn’t say “hands off either”. She quickly applied her make up and grabbed her shoes and ran down the stairs. Reaching the kitchen, breathless, she stood and watched her parents talking to Billy, happy to see them all at ease. Perhaps she had worried for nothing after all. The Billy that stood in her kitchen was the one she had always known.
His gaze met hers and her cheeks flushed red, she lowered her eyes, pretending to concentrate on putting her shoes on. Every nerve and cell of her body reacting to him, as a woman, not as a teenage girl.
Sarah's Mom caught the look too, “Well, you kids probably want to get going, not hang around with us.”
“It's always good to see you Mrs H,” Billy said truthfully. “But you’re right we should get going.”
Sarah's heart began to hammer in her chest, how was she going to last a whole evening in his company without making a fool of herself. Just because her body responded to him sexually like a woman, it didn’t mean the rest of her knew how to behave like one. She guessed Billy must have met lots of sophisticated woman in the last five years. The thought made her feel like it was her first day at school, afraid of showing herself up in front of the big kids.
Her parents walked them to the door, “See you later,” her Mom said, hugging Sarah she whispered, “Relax, you look beautiful. Enjoy yourself.”
Sarah smiled, “Thanks Mom.”
“That’s what I’m here for.” She released Sarah, and then spoke to Billy, “Look after her.”
“I will Mrs H. We won’t be too late.”
He led Sarah out to his car, not as flash as Sarah had feared. In fact it looked kind of practical, comfortable and economic. Billy watched her face, registering the look of surprise. “Not flash enough for you?” he laughed.
“No, it’s great. Not what I expected is all.”
“Got to look after the environment, I refuse to have a gas guzzler just for the sake of my image.”
Sarah laughed, “I would never have guessed you would go all environmentalist.”
“There's a lot you wouldn’t guess about me. But I’m hoping we have some fun while you try to figure me out.” His eyes twinkled with mischief, Sarah realised how much she had missed having Billy in her life. The only question was how long he would stay and into how many pieces he would break her heart when he left.
They got in and Billy waited until she put her seat belt on before starting the engine. Her parents still stood in the doorway, waving them off. At her age it should have made her cringe, but it didn’t, Billy had always been part of the family.
“You're Dad looks well. My Mom told me about his breakdown.”
“Yes,” said Sarah waving to them. “He’s is doing really well. There was a long time when I wondered if he would ever go back to being my Dad.”
“Must have been tough. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you.”
“Don't be silly you had your career to think of, they're very proud of you. My Mom has all your CDs.”
Billy laughed, �
�Really?”
“Really.”
“It wasn’t all easy. I had my own demons to fight. Now I finally feel I’ve beaten them, that's why I couldn’t come back before.” His gaze drifted off into the distance. “I know what it’s like to be in a bad place.”
“Well you look great now, and you sound like you used to.”
“That was the problem, the whole rock and roll lifestyle makes you believe you’re something you’re not. It took me awhile to figure that out. Or else I would have come back for you sooner.”
Sarah didn’t understand what he meant, and hadn't the courage to ask. Instead she changed the subject.
“So where are we going?”
“Somewhere private, for dinner. I’m certain you’re going to love the place. It's not too far.”
“I’m intrigued,” Sarah said as she looked out of the window and watched as they passed by the last houses in town. “Out of town?”
“A little way.” He glanced over at her. “Tell me, when I got to your house, were you running late or were you planning on standing me up?”
Sarah didn’t answer straight away, he let her take her time. “I saw you with Jenny, I thought you were playing some joke on me.”
“Joke?”
“Yeah, it was stupid I suppose. She's having this big party tonight. I thought she would ask you to go.”
“And stand you up?”
“Yes, or humiliate me in some other way. Jenny likes to rub everything in my face.”
He reached over and squeezed her hand. Lightning bolts flew through her body, the warmth of his hand felt like the heat of the sun. “I’m sorry.”
“It's OK, you get used to it.”
Billy began to chuckle. “If it’s any consolation she did ask me, and I agreed to go.” He looked at his watch. “She's expecting me any time now.”
“You didn’t!”
“Why not? Do you know how many times she has spoken to me before today? And how many parties would she have invited the old Billy to?” His words had a matter of fact edge to them, he wasn’t angry about any of it, then he answered his own question. “None. She always looked at me as though I was something she would have to wipe off her Jimmy Choo’s.”
Sarah began giggling too. “Do you think she told everyone you were coming?”
“I’m counting on it. Especially as I told her I would sing for her too.”
“You are a wicked man, Billy.”
“Yes I am. But only to those who deserve it. Not to you Sarah. Never to you.” His voice had changed, thick with emotions she hoped were true.
She looked ahead, not trusting herself to speak, she recognised the road they were taking, it led up into the mountains. “Where are we going?”
“I thought you might have worked it out by now.”
“Worked it out?” She took a closer look at exactly where they were, they had turned off the road and were going up a track. She hadn't been this way for years, but she instantly knew where she was. “The track to the cabin, I don’t understand.”
“I bought it, when it came up for sale. I knew how much the place meant to you, to your family. I knew you wouldn’t accept the offer if you thought it was from me, so I did it through my manager.”
“The money was from you?”
“Yes. You're not angry?” He tried to read her expression, but the light was fading too much.
“Angry? No. Surprised. Yes.”
“Like I said, I wasn’t in a fit state to come here to support you. It was the only thing I could do to help. I owe your family so much, it was the least I could do.”
They were pulling up in front of the small cabin, the lights from the car showed it to look exactly how she remembered it. He stopped the car and got out, coming around to open her door. She still sat stone still, not taking it all in. He stood waiting for her to move. “Are you OK?”
She turned to face him almost in slow motion. “It's just the same.”
“Yes. I’ve altered the kitchen a little, apart from that the inside is the same too. You can do whatever you want with it.”
“Whatever I want?”
“Yes, Sarah. I would really like it if you would accept it as a gift.”
“A gift?” Sarah began to think she sounded like an idiot, repeating everything Billy said.
“I only ever bought it with the intent of giving it back to you when the time was right.”
“But you paid so much for it. I can’t accept it back.”
“I have plenty of money. And it’s yours, I want you to have it.”
“Please Billy, no.”
He squatted down by the side of her, concerned. “Why not?”
“I don’t want to feel as though you are buying what I want to give you freely.”
“I’d never feel like that. The money is nothing, I only want you to be happy.” He reached up and stroked her cheek, a trail of fire burning in its wake. She bent her head down and kissed him lightly on the lips. He pushed his hand into her hair, feeling the silky tresses against his skin. Slowly he pulled her head down so their lips were almost touching, giving her a chance to pull back before kissing her deeply, all the pent up passion finally released.
It struck Sarah how long she had waited for this moment, there were times when they were both teenagers when they had so nearly kissed. But always something had stopped them, now it seemed so right. She realised part of the reason she never went on dates was because she had been in love with Billy the whole time. No one else made her feel the same way, and no one had ever kissed her like this before.
Her lips burned from his touch, sensations she had never felt before racing through her body. Pushing her body forward against his chest, wrapping her arms around him she hung onto him as though he was a lifesaver and she was adrift in the sea. Adrift was exactly how she felt, her life had become so dull and routine, but she knew what she had to do day in day out. Now here was Billy threatening to rock her world, with love and kindness. Sarah was scared.
She pulled away, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to throw myself at you like that.”
“Hey, don’t be sorry, I have waited a long time for that kiss,” He pushed the hair back from her face, “And believe me I have had plenty of women throw themselves at me.”
“Really?” Sarah realised how inexperienced she was, had the kiss been as good for him as it was for her?
“Hundreds.” He stood up and took her hand, encouraging her to get out of the car.
“Hundreds!” Sarah heard the word as it left her mouth and realised how shocked she sounded.
“I didn’t sleep with them all. It's just when people go from thinking you’re trash to believing you’re the best thing on the planet, it can go to your head.” He stood still, facing her. “I hope you can understand that. I’ve done plenty of things that I regret, but I’ve grown up now. I know what I want.”
Sarah knew she should say something, but the words wouldn’t come. Did he mean her?
Billy sighed and led her by the hand up the path to the cabin. The lights were on, it looked inviting, and Sarah remembered the times they had come up here when they were young. They would go to the lake and bathe, then come back here to dry off in the sun. Picnics, sleepovers, this had been the best place in the world to the young Sarah. What did it have in store for the grown up Sarah?
Chapter Three
Billy pushed the door open, Sarah was met with warmth and light, and the delicious smell of home cooking. Walking in Sarah felt transported back to the years before her life had changed so dramatically. Billy was right, he hadn't altered the cabin much at all. Some of the furnishings had new covers, but even then they had been kept to the same colour schemes. Everything that needed to be fixed had been done very thoughtfully, Sarah still couldn’t quite get over the effort he had obviously put in.
She turned her face away from Billy so he couldn’t see her tears. “It's perfect.”
“Glad you like it. When I first bought it I never came here,
but the last year or so I’ve been trying to do it up a bit.”
“You've been here, and never came to town?”
“No. Sometimes my Mom would come with me. But neither of us wanted to glimpse our old lives.”
“How is your Mom?” Sarah realised she hadn't asked before.
“Great. She does yoga, walks on the beach, and has a gentleman friend...”
“A gentleman friend? I’m intrigued.” Sarah never knew who Billy's father was. His Mom had lived alone for as long as she could remember, working hard to keep a roof over their heads.
“Yeah. They met about a year ago. Mom likes spending time with him, but after my Dad, I don’t think she'll ever marry or anything.”
“I never knew anything about your Dad.”
“You haven't missed much,” he said, changing the subject. “Let’s eat, then we can talk, and drink wine. I have some very expensive stuff, no idea what it tastes like.”
Sarah laughed, “I never took you for a wine kind of guy.”
“There is a lot you have to learn about me.” Billy said mysteriously, and then his face broke into a grin. “To be honest I don’t drink much these days, over did it years ago. But my Mom recommended it to me.”
Billy disappeared into the small kitchen. “Feel free to look around, I’ll be about ten minutes.”
“I didn’t know you could cook.”
He poked his head out of the kitchen. “My mom again. She channelled my energy into domesticity, before I killed myself.”
Sarah could tell he wasn’t joking. “That bad?”
“That bad. I want you to be aware of my past before... well we'll see.” He disappeared again. Sarah looked around the downstairs, smiling faces of friends and family shone out from the picture frames. “Billy's Mom,” thought Sarah.
The sofas had been reupholstered; she sat down and looked around the room, taking in warmth and calm of the old place. She remembered how, as a child, she told her parents this was where she would live when she was old enough. When she went off to college she had plans to live here out of term time, moving some of her stuff up here before she left.
Returning For His First Love Page 2
