by J. L. Beck
I didn’t want to believe what I saw but there was no missing the fact that they had kissed each other.
“Mommy! Mommy!” Lola cried, trying to figure out why her mother was all out of sorts. This was exactly why I didn’t want to try with him. Nothing could be like it used to be, it just couldn’t. It was all too good to be true.
“Mommy is okay sweetie. I’m just not feeling well is all,” I half lied. My stomach was in knots and my heart was shattering into a million little pieces. It was happening all over again.
“I’ll make you feel better…” Lola’s voice was filled with excitement and all I could do was smile because I didn’t want to let her down by telling her there was no cure for a broken heart.
“Ummm…” My voice cracked and I wiped away the tears that wouldn’t stop falling from my eyes…. “Go get your suitcase, were going on a little trip pumpkin.”
“Where? Where? Where?” She shouted.
“Just… it’s a surprise, go and get it for Mommy.” I used my motherly tone, turning away from her as I tried to get my wits.
I had only a small amount of time before Jake came here looking for me, and I knew he would. If that happened there would be no escaping his grasps. I had to get out well the getting was good.
A loud pounding on the door filled the small living space. My hands shook and my heart threatened to burst from my chest.
“Open up Mia, it’s me D.” My brother’s voice filtered into my ears overpowering the loud pounding in my ears.
“Whh… What do you want?” I hollered walking slowly to the front door.
“Just open the Goddamn door why don’t ya?” Donovan shouted, pounding a fist against the door. I blinked, licking my lips and wiping away any stray tears that may have been lingering. There was nothing I could do about my red eyes, or runny nose, so I knew I would have to explain something.
With wobbly hands I unlocked the door, and pulled it open my brother’s face coming into view.
“What the fuck is going on?” He whisper yelled, looking over my shoulder for Lola I was sure.
“What do you mean?” I tried to remain calm but it was getting harder with every passing second.
Donovan looked at me with disbelief in his eyes, “Don’t blame dumb little Sis. Jake called me. He told me you were supposed to be at the bakery and you weren’t. He wanted me to check and see if you were here at the house.” He was giving me that big brother look that said spill or face the consequences.
“Uncle D!” Lola squealed, practically running into Donovan’s arms. He picked her up and cradled her against his chest giving her the biggest hug he could possibly give her.
“Hey sweet pea, can me and Mommy finish talking and then I’ll come and play with you?”
“Yes! But Mommy says were going on a trip some where, and it’s a secret…” She whispered the last part, making a smile pull at my lips.
“Oh really, well you’ll have to tell me all about it.” Donovan’s eyes darkened as she spoke.
“I will…” She giggled, running away as soon as he placed her on the ground. When she was out of ear shot Donovan started with the questions.
“Explain yourself right now!” He ordered.
“We… We got back together and everything was great, until today when I saw him… He was….” A sob wracked my body, causing the words to get stuck in my throat. Telling someone what happened made it that much more real.
“What did he do? You know I’ll protect you know matter what. He hurt you once before but never again Mia, never again…” Donovan looked as if he was ready to go into battle for me but I didn’t want him to fight a battle that had already been lost.
“I watched him… He kissed Sofia. Right outside the hardware store. He was helping her load some stuff in her stupid SUV and then they kissed, and he let her kiss him….” I huffed out a breath I wasn’t aware I had been holding in.
My brother clenched and unclenched his fists, anger forming in his features. “So what are you doing? Leaving?” I nibbled on my bottom lip for a few moments, unsure as to if I wanted to tell him what it was that I was doing. If anyone knew where I was going they would tell Jake and then he would come for me.
“I don’t want to tell you, or anyone for that matter.” I crossed my arms over my shoulders.
“I’m your big brother Mia. I have a right to know where my little Sister is running off too.” He took the same stance and we stared at each other for a long moment. There was no point and trying to hide it any longer, not when I knew he wouldn’t let me leave unless I told him.
“Fine. I’m going out to the cabin, where we used to go during the summer out on Lake Kerplunck.” I uncrossed my arms, sighing in defeat.
“That wasn’t so hard, was it? I won’t tell anyone not even Jake. I just want you to be safe… You know I love you, Mia.” Donovan separated the space between us, wrapping his arms around my small frame.
He hugged me like a big brother was supposed to hug his sister, with love and strength wrapped up in his arms.
“We won’t be gone long. I promise.” Or at least I hoped we wouldn’t be. I didn’t want Lola to spend her entire summer away from her loved ones. I just needed to start making better choices.
“Take your time, sis. Think of what you want.” Donovan released me fishing his phone from his pocket and typing out a text.
“I will, and D, please don’t tell him…Please?” I pleaded with him.
“I won’t Mia.” And I could tell he was telling the truth. For the first time in a long time I didn’t, feel alone when it came to dealing with my feelings about Jake.
He walked out of the house, closing the door quietly behind him leaving me to do what I needed to do.
I loved Jake, but I didn’t love him enough to be stuck as a doormat for the rest of my life.
“Lola, get me your suitcase…” I hollered across the house. I couldn’t cry over this anymore. I needed to be strong. I needed to be me.
Chapter Twelve
Jake
I was a crazed man on the search for the woman I loved. She couldn’t have left, could she have? Questions coursed through my brain. I didn’t know where she was, all I knew was that her car was gone, and so were her things.
“None of it is adding up!” The sting of tears in my eyes made me aware that I was on the verge of a complete meltdown. I guess this is what Mia felt like when I left her without so much as an excuse.
“I told you that she wasn’t here man.” Donovan’s voice echoed through the house. I lifted my head from my hands, looking up at him through blurry eyes.
“I know. I just didn’t have anywhere else to go. I’ve looked everywhere.” I couldn’t save us if I didn’t even know where to start.
Donovan had a sour look on his face as she took in my shitty state. “How can you be so upset over something that you caused?”
I blinked, confusion settling deep into my bones.
What the fuck was he talking about?
“I don’t understand dude?” I shook my head as if doing so would jar some answer to come forward. An evil smile pulled at D’s lips. He looked sinister looking at me the way he was, but I wasn’t scared, I had faced worse in this world.
“Sofia. The kiss.” It hit me like a ton of bricks then. She had seen Sofia kiss me. She must’ve thought…
“Its not what you think D. I didn’t kiss her.” I shot up from the chair I was siting in.
“You expect me to believe you when Mia saw it with her own eyes?” Donovan raised an eyebrow at me. He knew something, something that I needed to know.
“I do, because what Mia saw wasn’t me kissing Sofia, it was Sofia kissing me. I shoved her away D. You know how much Mia means to me…” I was ready to get down on both knees and beg him to tell me whatever it was that he knew.
“You fucking liar…” He growled, his fist landing against the top of my cheek without warning. My entire body swayed with the blow. “You broke her heart once, but a second time,
really? You must think I’m dumb or something?” I sucked in fresh oxygen trying to calm my boiling blood. He wasn’t trying to start a fight; he was just trying to protect Mia.
“I, fucking love Mia. I love her so much. I did nothing wrong. Nothing. I’ve been the man she needed, and the father that Lola deserved.” I spoke through clenched teeth.
“Yeah right, you need to stay the fuck away from Lola. She deserves more than you anyway.” Donovan hissed, and I lost it then. Before I could stop myself I had him by the throat, pinned against the far wall.
“I won’t stay away from Lola. She’s my fucking daughter. Mine. Just like Mia is mine. I love them both with every single fiber inside of me, and I will do whatever the hell I need to, too prove that to you. Do you understand me?” We were nose to nose, and from the look in Donovan’s eyes I could tell that he got me.
“Wait, did you just say you’re Lola’s father?” He didn’t seem to skip a beat when speaking so I released him, moving away from him.
“Yeah. We didn’t want to tell anyone until we were back together for a while, but Lola is mine. Mia got pregnant before I left for basic. She never told me, otherwise I never would’ve gone.” I ran a hand through my hair, well taking in a ragged breath.
Donovan shook his head, “She lied…. that little asshole. She told all of us she didn’t know who the father was. That she had a fling with some guy over the summer. It makes sense now though…” His comment had my blood singing.
“Well yeah, she fucking lied. I’m the father and I’m not going to let her run away with Lola. I’m not going to let her leave without fully understanding what happened. I didn’t betray her. She’s fragile, and broken, and that’s my fucking fault I know that but I wouldn’t ever hurt her again, not like that.” Shame laced my words. I would never been able to take away the pain I had caused Mia, but I could try and ease it. I could make her life easier by being a permeant fixture in it. By taking care of her every single need.
“Damnit Jake. I promised her I wouldn’t tell you.” Donovan seemed to be the one struggling through his emotions now.
“I would never ask you unless I knew it was the right thing. I love her D. I fucking love her, and I want to make things right with her. I want her to know that I would never hurt her like that. That it wasn’t me and instead it was Sofia. I pushed her away.” I confessed to Donovan hoping he would believe me.
He sighed, “Alright. She’s at the cabin. The one we went to when we were kids down by Kerplunk Lake?”
“Thank you D!” I could’ve kissed him right then and there. I grabbed my shit and shoved my feet into a pair of sneakers making a beeline for the door.
“She’s going to kill me….” Donovan mumbled under his breath.
“No she won’t. I’ll explain everything.” I slapped a hand to his back hoping the little scuffle we got into was behind us. At the end of the day Donovan was still one of my best friend and I didn’t want something so small to come between all the memories we had made.
“Let’s hope it works out.” He sighed running his fingers through his hair. I knew him telling me where she went put his neck on the line but I had to let Mia know that nothing happened between Sofia and I.
I had to make my entire family whole again.
***
The drive to the lake was long, but enjoyable. It gave me time to clear my head and run through what it was I was going to say to Mia. I needed an approach because the second I walked through that front door she was going to tell me to get out, and if what I said didn’t click somewhere inside her head then she was as good as gone.
But I couldn’t think that way. I sped up, rounding the corner ahead. I had so many memories of this place with both Mia and Donovan. The boat house where Mia and I would slip off to make out when her parents weren’t looking, and the tire swing that Donovan and I always jumped off of and into the water.
I slowed down, shoving the memories to the back of my mind. If I couldn’t get this shit sorted there would be no new memories to create here. I turned onto the dirt road that led up to the cabin. By now Mia knew someone was approaching, you could hear a car a mile down the road before you saw it.
My hands felt clammy and my stomach was a ball of nerves. God. The air left my lungs as the cabin came into view and so did Mia’s car.
Deep Breathes. Keep it together.
One would’ve thought the military taught me discipline and strength but Mia was both of those things to me, and without her by my side I was a weak, weak man.
“Come on Lola!” I heard her yell, just as I parked the bike, killing the engine, and removing my helmet. Gravel crunched beneath my feet as I walked to the huge front porch of the cabin.
“I know you think I kissed her, but I didn’t. I pushed her away. I don’t care about her Mia. I never have. It’s always been you. Even when I left, it was you. I knew one day I would come back and make you mine again, even if you had a husband, and kids. In my heart you would always remain mine.” The words poured from within me seeping into the space between us.
“I saw you though…” Mia croaked and the need to go to her was nearly overpowering me. “I saw the kiss, she… she kissed you Jake.” The tears that fell from her eyes were because of me. The pain that lingered in her heart was because of me. The insecurities she had were mine, and I needed to build her up. I needed her to see that she was the most beautiful thing to me.
“That’s just it baby, she kissed me…” I couldn’t stop myself I had to touch her. I moved up the steps and into her space, cradling one of her smooth cheeks in my hand. She smelt like heaven, and for the first time all day I felt like I could breath. I could see the light bulb go off inside her head the dots were connecting.
“It hurt to see it though. It made me think things. I’m scared. You know that.” More tears fell and I stared down into her Emerald green eyes, wanting to take all the pain away.
“I love you Mia. You can run to the ends of the fucking Earth to get away from me but I’ll still come for you. You’re my all, my every-fucking-thing and nothing, nor no one will ever mean more to me than you and my daughter…” I couldn’t emphasize it enough.
A sob ripped from her throat and within seconds she was leaning against my chest, her tears soaking into my t-shirt.
“I hate you for hurting me.” She whispered so softly I almost missed the words. She clung to me like I was a lifeline, telling me how much I had hurt her. Pouring every single emotion she felt over the last four years into her words.
“I want to be angry, to hit you, to lash out at you, to run away, but I also want to hug you, and kiss you, and tell you how much I love you. I’m conflicted with my emotions and it’s because of you…” Her small fist slammed into my chest, making my heartbeat faster.
“Give it to me baby, give me all your anger and pain, and let me turn it into something glorious, let me give you your happily ever after.”
Her sobs got louder, and Lola grew concerned as she watched us from inside the house, a frown marring her beautiful features.
“I’m no prince Mia, but I’m going to do whatever I can to treat you like the queen you’re. I’ll protect you. Stand by you. I’ll be your strength. I’ll be whatever you need me to be, just let me be something for you, anything.” I couldn’t see through the tears that had started to form in my eyes.
I wrapped my arms around Mia so tight I was sure I was going to cut off air supply to her lungs.
“Just be my forever, and I’ll be yours too.”
And I would be until the day we died.
Epilogue
Mia
“Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” Lola shouted a million times from her bedroom where her and her Daddy were painting a mural on her wall. I hobbled up the stairs nine months pregnant with our second daughter we had decided to name Ellie.
“Oh my Gosh!” Tears welled in my eyes as I entered the bedroom taking in the wall that they had spent the last week painting. It was a beautiful love story, of how we
came together, fell apart, and came back together again.
It started with the boathouse and ended at the cabin where we came together as one all over again.
“Please tell me those are happy tears because if they aren’t I swear I’ll paint right over all of this right now.” Jake my rugged, now husband spoke up with a paintbrush in hand. Our journey had been a rocky one, full of hills, and jagged rocks but we came out of it stronger and hand in hand.
“Please no, it’s…” There just were no words to describe the feelings I was feeling. He had all but painted our entire love story on our daughters’ bedroom wall, making it into a magical fairytale love story.
“Do you love it?” Lola gazed up at me her blue sparkling with happiness.
“Yes! I love it, sweetheart!” Jake stood wrapping his arms around me. We had come such a long way together. He pieced my broken heart back together when I was sure there was no piecing it back together.
“I didn’t do this to make you cry, baby…” He soothed, rubbing his hand down my back. I melted into his touch. He was everything. Him, Lola and Ellie were all I needed in this world.
We had told my parents everything when we returned from the cabin, making it known to everyone that Jake and I were together and Lola was his. There was no point in hiding anything anymore.
“I know you didn’t. I know you did to show our daughter that even real love has its ups and downs.” I blinked away the tears.
“Do you think Sissy will like it?” Lola asked admiring the wall they had painted. I stared at for a moment without answering. There was no doubt in my mind that Ellie would love it just as much as Lola.
“I think she will love it, baby,” I answered pulling away from Jake well rubbing my belly. Ellie kicked at the movement of my hand.
“I think so too…” She answered.
I admired my entire family in that moment loving the story we have woven together. Now we had something we could look at every night when we put our sweet little girl down to bed.
