“No, no, no. I refuse to believe that’s going to be true for you. Did you use to…” She made the least obscene gesture she could think of, holding up her hand and wiggling her fingers. “Did you like to…?”
“Of course,” she said, looking a little irritated. “Frequently. But I’ve lost the roadmap to my own vulva. It doesn’t feel like my own flesh anymore. Now it’s just the part of me that Lisbet emerged from. It’s kind of like the appendix. While it has a purpose, it’s not vital.”
Casey made a face. “That’s… I don’t know what to say, other than you have to give it time.”
“I tried to see if I could wake it up this afternoon. I had time, I’d just read a sexy story, and I knew I wouldn’t be disturbed. But there’s nothing doing down there.”
“Maybe you need…” She trailed off, not having any idea what Avery needed.
“I figured I might need some lubrication to help me get going, so I tried that. But my actual flesh didn’t feel the same. Then I made the biggest mistake I’ve made all year.” She shivered roughly. “I got out a mirror to take a look.” She stared at Casey for a few seconds, stone-faced. “I almost threw up. It looked like I’d been in an accident.”
“Oh, come on. I’m sure there have been some changes, but I bet they’re minor, and I’m sure they’re temporary. Where do you think second and third kids come from? Women have to get their groove back, or everyone would be an only child.”
“Uh-huh. Just like Lisbet will be. Those of us who lose our sex drives stick with one baby.”
Casey gave her a slap to the leg. “That’s not why. There are plenty of reasons to have just one.”
“Actually, that’s a minor part of the problem,” she said quietly. “Touching myself down there reminded me of childbirth, and I must still have a little PTSD.”
“Really? It was that bad?”
“It was bad,” she said solemnly. “I was in labor for fifteen hours, and they had trouble getting the epidural inserted. Only half of my body was numb, so I delivered Lisbet numb and disconnected on one side, with no pain relief at all on the other. I thought I’d lose my friggin’ mind.”
“I’m a little sick to my stomach just thinking about that.”
“Trust me. Those women who talk about how you forget the pain the minute you see your baby are full of crap!”
Casey laughed at her outraged expression. “I always doubted that myself. I mean, I get that they’re saying the pain was worth it, but that’s different from saying you forget all about it. That seemed unlikely.”
“Very. The people who say it’s a peaceful and serene experience are flat out lying. Trust me on that. Liar, liar, pants on big, fat, fire.”
“So…I get that you might have some dark memories of having that part of your body rearranged by Lisbet’s exit. But those will go away. Once you reclaim your body for yourself, rather than being a baby-machine, you’ll get back into the swing of things. Or maybe breast feeding slows you down. Nature might want you to concentrate on Lisbet for a while before you put another bun in the oven.”
“Mmm. That might be true,” she said, clearly not convinced. “But that’s only the sex part.” She gazed at Casey contemplatively for a full minute. “Even when Michelle and I were having problems, even when we’d largely stopped having sex, we were still affectionate with each other. That’s what I miss. I desperately long to have someone hold me and stroke my back while telling me everything will be all right.” She shivered, with her eyes starting to well up with tears.
“Everything will be all right,” Casey soothed, desperate to make her feel better.
Avery shook her head, while pulling down her sleeve to dab at her eyes with the fabric. “I’ve been able to handle everything that being a single mother has thrown at me, and I’m damn proud of myself for that. But I wish I’d waited until I had a partner. I miss the intimacy I got from a partner more than I can express.”
“You can have that again. I’m certain you will.”
“You can’t be certain of that. No one’s going to want to step into my little family at this point. I don’t regret having Lisbet when I did, but I gave up my love life to get her, and…I hadn’t guessed that was the bargain I was making. I’m so sad that I’ll never have anyone to rely on. Anyone to take care of me.”
Casey’s heart ached for her, and she was just about to remind her that she had her back. But Avery’s chin started to quiver, then the tears started in earnest, making Casey freeze.
“It’s hard,” Avery whimpered. “I give all of my love to Lisbet, and I know she returns it in an instinctive way. But it’s not the same as the love you get from someone who isn’t dependent on you. I miss that so much,” she said, her sobs breaking Casey’s heart.
Scooting over a little, she wrapped her arm around Avery, being more assertive, and definitely more physical than she’d ever been with her. As Avery molded her body to Casey’s, she leaned toward the left, like she was too sad to hold herself upright.
“This is a temporary thing,” Casey said, sticking right with her as they sank lower onto the pod. “You’ve still got a load of hormones flowing through your body. Everything has to get sorted out again. But it will, Avery. I swear that it will.”
“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” she whimpered. “You don’t know that.”
“I do! It’s nature. You’re a fertile, healthy woman. You need a sex drive to want to have more children, so nature will give you a boost when you’re not breast-feeding. Your body’s just letting you have a little break.”
“A break? Really?”
“Yes,” she said, even though she was making this up on the fly. “You just got your period back like a month ago right?”
“Right…”
“That’s the first step. That means your system’s coming out of hibernation. Once you can get pregnant again you’ll start wanting sex.”
“But I didn’t want it today, even though I’d just read a sexy story and felt some tingles. I think I’m broken.”
“You are not,” she insisted. “Promise.”
“But even if I can have sex, I don’t have anyone to have it with, and you can’t fix that.” She took in a deep breath, then spoke again, with her voice shaking. “Sometimes I ache for touch. For comfort.”
It seemed like the most natural thing in the world. With just a shift of her hips, they were fully on their sides, with Avery the little spoon. Casey tried to show her how much she cared, how much she understood her loneliness. Gently, she touched her the way a lover would. Not a lover who was looking for sex, but one who was soothing a deep hurt.
She stroked Avery body tenderly, letting her hand glide down a leg, feeling the lean muscle. Then she touched her arm, just as thin and willowy. “You’ll have a partner as soon as you’re ready for one. When the time’s right, you’ll give off the same signals you used to send, and a woman will pick up on it and follow you around like a puppy.”
Avery laughed weakly through her tears, and gripped Casey’s hand, bringing it to her lips for a kiss. “That’s never happened before, but I did have a decent batting average.”
“That’s not a surprise. I really wasn’t kidding when I told you how the guys in high school were into you, and some of them were super picky. If the top jocks wanted you back then, I bet women will get whiplash when you get your groove back.”
“God, I miss that,” she breathed, the longing in her voice making Casey’s hand start to move again.
“Any woman would be lucky to have you.” She kept touching her, going a little further with each stroke. “You’re such a pretty woman. And so smart. I can almost see that big brain of yours working away.”
“I don’t care if a woman wants my brain,” she said, laughing through her tears. “I want a woman to crave my body. I can talk about ideas with a lot of people. I want someone who gets turned on when she sees me. When we kiss… When we touch.”
The way those words were just bursting with
sensual energy made Casey’s pulse start to race. She knew she should stop. It was absolutely crazy to touch Avery like this. But a part of her thought this was exactly what Avery needed at the moment. Her self confidence had taken a beating, but she was still stunningly attractive. Casey couldn’t let her think otherwise when she had such clear evidence to disprove it.
“You turn me on,” she whispered, pressing into Avery’s back to nuzzle against her neck.
Avery froze, and Casey almost backed out of it. But she couldn’t think of a single excuse for what she’d said.
“I do?” Avery’s voice was a little thin, shaking slightly.
“Just trying some dirty talk,” Casey said, thinking Avery might buy it. “I thought a little of that might give your sex drive a boost.”
Avery didn’t respond for a few seconds, with Casey’s pulse beginning to thrum. She was starting to beg the heavens to keep Avery from taking offense, or thinking she meant it—since she did, when Avery finally responded. “I used to like a little dirty talk,” she said quietly. “But what you said wasn’t very dirty. You must be out of practice, too.”
Laughing with relief, Casey said, “Seriously. But I used to be good at it, I think.”
“Let’s see you try,” Avery said, her voice still soft and a little tentative.
Now the spotlight was on, with Casey having to perform. Saying the things she truly felt while trying to make them sound like a fantasy scared her half to death, but she couldn’t pull out now. “Um…I’ve put you in the ‘almost a relative’ category, so I don’t let myself think of you in sexual terms.” She molded her body closer to Avery’s, letting her imagination run wild. “But every once in a while I can’t stop myself, and I think of how it would be to have you naked and hungry in my bed, looking up at me with so much desire I lose my ability to focus. It’s awesome,” she whispered. “We really make the bed rock.”
Avery pushed back against her as she let out a soft, sensual groan. Going for broke, Casey licked all around her ear, finally taking it between her teeth to gently nibble the tender skin.
“Ooo,” Avery purred, sending an electric charge down Casey’s body. “That’s my favorite spot. You’re going to wake up my sleeping sex drive with a bang if you keep that up.” She pressed her ass firmly into Casey’s lap, murmuring, “Please keep that up.”
They were in it now, and Casey ignored every warning sign and alarm that rang in her head. She hoped she’d made it clear she thought of Avery as a friend, rather than a lover, but Avery had a need…a vulnerability…that she couldn’t repair on her own. She needed to know she was still attractive, and Casey could easily and honestly show her that she was. This was clearly blurring the lines on their friendship, but it was definitely based on that bond. Maybe this was the true meaning of friends with benefits.
She worked on Avery’s neck and ears until she was squirming around on the sofa, moaning continually. “Hold me,” she murmured. “Hold me tight and kiss me just like that.”
Sensation pulsed through Casey’s body, urging her on. It wasn’t quite like having real sex, but it was much more intimate than she’d felt the few times she’d hooked up with women she didn’t care for deeply. She and Avery were bonded in a very real way, and she didn’t feel tentative like she sometimes did with someone she was just starting out with. This was a woman she’d come to truly know. She trusted her now, even though it had taken months to get to this point. A smile covered her face as she continued to kiss her neck while stroking her legs. It was true. She finally trusted Avery.
“If I was your lover,” she whispered, “we’d have to figure out some way I could horn in on Lisbet’s territory. I hate to be shallow, but breasts make me throb.” She flinched when she heard those words leave her lips. Had she lost her mind? Avery didn’t need to know how she really felt. This was supposed to be a game!
“Ooo. You’d be disappointed,” Avery said, not seeming to notice that this was a real desire that had slipped out. “Nursing bras, pads to keep them from… What am I saying? A hot woman’s talking sexy to me, and I inject reality into it?”
“Give me something to work with here,” Casey said, propping up the teasing vibe. “Play along.”
“Okay.” She took a breath. “I’d kill to have your mouth and your hands on me. My breasts are so sensitive that just breathing on them would make me wet.”
Casey’s mouth started to water, thinking of hovering over Avery’s naked body, taking in the splendor of her full, luscious breasts. Even the thought of breathing on them made her throb.
“But I’d want more,” Avery said. “I’d want you to lick them until my nipples were as hard as stones. We’d both love that,” she whispered as she grasped Casey’s hand, then set her foot on the sofa to raise her knee. Gently, she pressed Casey’s hand against herself, with the heat of her body warming her fingers.
Casey nearly choked. She had no idea Avery would be so bold, so overtly sexual. But then she recalled that Avery had been a sensual animal before she’d gotten pregnant.
Casey could still recall the feeling she’d gotten from her that first night they’d reconnected at the pub. She could have taken her home, and she’d known it. Avery hadn’t been blatantly flirting, but she’d had a frank, sexual, open way of looking at you that gave a big hint she was up for it. But the old hurts had made Casey close that door before she’d even been tempted to look inside. Now she was seeing all the way in, and it was hot in there! Avery might look like a cool businesswoman, but inside her beat the heart of a sexy woman who needed to let herself remember that’s who she was.
Casey rubbed her face against the soft, silky blonde hair that smelled of spring and flowers and sunshine. Her hand moved slowly, teasing her through her clothing. “This space is available for pleasure. Time to wake up now,” she added, patting her firmly.
“I’m wide awake,” she purred. “I’m almost ready to beg you to play with my breasts, and that’s the mark of a woman who’s about to lose her mind.”
“I wouldn’t want that.” She slid one arm under her neck, crossing her body to hold her by the shoulder, locking her in place. There was nothing she loved more than holding a woman just where she wanted her, then slowly driving her mad. Her other hand slithered down her body to dip into her sweats, skimming over her belly to rest between her legs. No underwear? Nice,” she thought, loving the slightly racy vibe of a woman who didn’t need to be covered up all of the time.
Casey swallowed to get some moisture back into her mouth as she paused for a second, clearly on the road to touching Avery intimately. She smiled when the only response to the boulder that was clearly rolling down the hill was for Avery to shift her hips forward, bringing herself closer to Casey’s fingers. Oddly, she found herself responding as naturally as if they were long-time lovers, acting like this was the way they always behaved. Her breath caught in her throat when her fingers brushed across the slippery skin to feel the wet heat of Avery’s body. “Show me what you like,” she whispered, her voice shaking from a mix of desire and fear. “Put my hand right where you need it.”
In a split second, Avery’s hand was atop hers, and together they moved across her sex. Casey focused on the goal—boosting Avery’s self-esteem, rather than her own throbbing need. “Everything’s ready for action,” she whispered. “All systems are go.”
“Mmm-hmm,” Avery purred, her voice so sexy Casey could hardly stand it. “That feels so good I can’t talk.”
“You don’t have to talk. Just feel me touching you while you reconnect with your body.”
She didn’t need guidance now, but she liked having Avery’s hand on top of hers. She tried to distance herself slightly and treat Avery like she was a new sex partner. In her experience, Avery’s body was just like every other woman she’d ever touched. Each was vaguely alike, yet completely unique. Her fingers were soon slipping along the tender skin, with her own vulva pulsing with sensation, wishing she had some way to satisfy herself at the same time. But s
he focused on Avery, who was getting more and more into it as she squirmed and moaned while Casey’s fingers explored her. It only took another minute or two before she started to shift her hips, angling so Casey touched her in one particular spot. As soon as she’d hit it, Avery stilled for just a second, then shivered roughly and thrust against Casey’s fingers, demanding attention.
Tightening her hold on her body, with Avery backing up against her as she let out another low moan, Casey rubbed her more firmly, keeping it up until Avery’s head started to nod, her low groans rising in pitch. “That’s it,” she said through gritted teeth. “Just a little harder… Yes! Oh, that’s so good,” she moaned, shivering. Then she got very quiet, lifting her hand to hold onto Casey’s arm where it held her so tightly. “That was so fucking awesome,” she whispered. “I’ve been born again.”
Casey placed a few more kisses to the back of her neck, smiling when the skin pebbled. It probably wouldn’t have been hard to get her going again, but Avery’s body was getting heavy, with her muscular tension disappearing.
“Do you need…?” Avery asked, her voice sounding like she was working hard to get the words out.
“I need you to sleep,” Casey murmured, placing one final kiss to her pale skin. “Lie right here and let me cuddle you to sleep.”
“Ooo,” she whispered, yawning like Lisbet did when she couldn’t stay awake for another second. “I miss cuddling.” Clearly not bothered by what they’d just done, she sighed heavily and moved around until Casey was plastered to her. In seconds, her breathing changed, and in a few more seconds Casey was sure she’d fallen asleep.
It wasn’t the most comfortable bed she’d ever been on, and she’d have to get up to go home at some point, but Casey turned off her brain, determined to enjoy sharing this intimacy with someone she truly cared for. But it was hard to ignore the longing she felt, wishing all of this had been their truth. She missed touch and intimacy as much as Avery did, but she could enjoy this for the brief time they had before they went back to their usual relationship: good friends, but with no added benefits.
Friday Night Flights Page 29
