“I…” Casey cleared her throat and tried again. “I don’t want you to risk that. My mom hasn’t gotten what she’s wanted out of life, and if she’s not bitter she’s damned close.” She swallowed as she let herself think about her mom, adding, “It’s not good for a kid to know her mother’s unhappy.
“What did your mom want that she didn’t get?” Avery asked, giving Casey her full attention.
“I honestly don’t know. She’s never been interested in opening up to me.”
“Not about anything?”
“Not really. I think she’s stuck, in both her job and her marriage. It’s not pretty.”
“Your dad’s not… He’s not abusive, is he?”
“Oh, no. He’s…” She sighed, having given up trying to figure her father out. “He’s just kind of a jerk. I’m sure he wasn’t much different when she married him, so she got what she paid for. He was a very nice looking guy, who can put on the charm when he wants to. Lots of young women are overly impressed by that.” She shrugged. “They’re usually polite to one another, but I never sense any real love. Or any real interest in each other, for that matter.”
“Do you think he…?”
“Cheats? Definitely.”
“You have evidence?”
“No,” she admitted, “but a good-looking man who flirts with every woman he meets would have to be very dedicated to his wife not to cheat. And my dad’s not very dedicated to my mom.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that. My parents don’t make big public professions of their love, but I’ve never gotten the feeling from either of them that they’re unhappy.”
Casey smiled. “I’m pretty sure they’re happy. It’s a very different feeling at my house. While I think my dad loves having his nice, clean house, and dinner on the table when he comes home, I never see them laugh together. My guess is they have an unspoken bargain to keep the marriage going. My mom gets to keep her standard of living, and my dad doesn’t have to pay spousal support.”
“That’s it? Really?”
Casey shrugged. “They stopped sleeping in the same room over ten years ago, so it doesn’t seem like sex is what’s holding them together.”
“Ooo. That’s not good. It sounds like they’ve become roommates.”
“Pretty much. I guess they’re both kind of stuck.”
“I’d rather be single,” Avery said, sounding very sure of herself. “A nice house would never make up for the lack of love.”
“Yeah, but you have options. My mom has no degree, no experience except for baking at home, and no work record. In a way, she’s lucky my dad hasn’t left her for another woman. His passion for his yard’s probably what’s keeping him at home.”
“Your mom doesn’t share that passion, right?”
“I don’t think she’s ever planted or picked a flower. What’s the thing where you’re afraid to go outside?”
“Agoraphobia?”
“Yeah, that. I don’t think she’s got a bad case of it, but I think she might have a little. That’s why I had to start taking the desserts to my uncle’s restaurant the day I got my license. She doesn’t like to drive into Hudson because of the traffic—especially in the winter when the roads are slick.”
“Your world can really close in on you,” Avery said, sighing. “Is there some way we could help? We could take her out on the weekends if she didn’t mind having Lisbet tag along.”
“Would you really do that?” Casey asked, utterly charmed.
“Of course. There are plenty of things to do within an hour or two of us. What might she like?”
“Staying home and watching TV,” Casey said, letting out a laugh. “I’ve tried, but she’s not interested in going out. I think I have to let her figure this out for herself. If she wants to change, I’ll support her. But she’s got to want it.”
Avery gave her a slap to the leg. “You’re a very practical person. I like that about you. You never try to force your opinions down anyone’s throat.”
“Well,” she said quietly, “I was doing exactly that on Wednesday. I really am sorry I was so angry.” She sighed heavily. “I just felt powerless, and that can make me angry.”
“You’re not powerless. I promise I’ll talk to you and my mom and dad before I make any decisions. We all want the same thing, Casey. We want Lisbet to have the best possible life we can give her.”
Casey held her hand up and Avery slapped it. “That’s the number one priority.” She let that sink in for a minute, then said, “I know it sounds like I don’t understand why you want to go back to Brooklyn, but I kind of do. I never would, but I think I understand what you miss.” She took Avery’s hand again and held it firmly. “Promise me one thing. If you go, will you let me come see Lisbet?”
“You’d come to Brooklyn?”
“Of course I would. I know you’d try to come home frequently, but you’ll get busy. If I know I can see her like once a month, I’ll be fine.”
“That’s a long drive…”
“I’d take the train down and stay over to make it worth the cost. Can I sleep on your floor?”
“If there’s room,” Avery said, making a face. “I’m pretty sure I’ll only be able to afford a studio. But I’ll happily get an air mattress for you. We might have to put it in the kitchen, but I’ll figure out a way for you to spend a couple of days with Lisbet every month. You two can do something outdoorsy while I go to a matinee at the opera, or head over to Staten Island to see what’s going on over there.” They slapped hands again. “That’s a promise.”
“Um, I believe you, and if you’re the only one who makes the decisions I know you’ll follow through. But…what if you’re not?”
“Not what?”
“Not alone. If you find a girlfriend, she might not want some stranger sleeping on the floor.”
Avery smiled at her, and grasped Casey’s hand to stroke it gently. “A woman who tried to interfere with Lisbet’s friendships would not last long with me. My baby comes first, and any woman who wants to be with me needs to accept that. Period.”
***
They’d stayed until they were both waterlogged, then set off for the long drive home. Avery almost took Casey up on her offer to drive, but she thought she could stay awake.
As soon as they started off, Casey took the phone and brought up the short story collection. Hearing one of Lorri Moore’s tales begin to unwind perked Avery right up as she concentrated on the way Moore could caress the words into such lyrical sentences. Good writers made her heart sing, and the long drive suddenly became something she knew she’d actually enjoy.
***
It had been a while since Casey had assisted in waking Avery’s libido up, and she hadn’t tried to rouse it since. But after spending the day at the spa, she inexplicably had trouble relaxing enough to get to sleep. It took a minute to realize that images of Casey in her swimsuit were keeping her up.
While she’d always been attracted to women who were pretty much in the middle of the androgyny scale, she’d discovered that it was Casey’s dyke style that made her heart race. So why was her vulva waking up again after seeing her in a surprisingly sexy swimsuit?
Casey had admitted it had been a gift from an ex, and that she’d grabbed it from her dresser because it had been the first thing she saw, but still, the suit had shown a lot of skin. A black, very snug suit with little x’s of fabric up the sides had made Avery and just about every man in the rooftop pool take a long look when Casey had walked the length of the deck.
Avery experimentally let her fingers investigate, finding every part of her body had liked the look. Ignoring the question of whether she preferred Casey looking like a sporty dyke or a swimsuit model, she let her body do what it wanted, and it definitely wanted to think of Casey’s breasts, the swell of her sexy hips, and the delicious curve of her firm ass. Libidos were funny things. You could tell yourself you liked one thing, but sometimes your body’s menu was broader than you thought.
Cha
pter Twenty-One
On Sunday, Casey got to indulge in her favorite pastime, sleeping until she was damned well ready to get up. She’d snuck a look at her clock at ten, but that seemed awfully early. When eleven o’clock rolled around, she finally got up, more out of a need to use the bathroom than a desire to actually do anything.
It was another grey day, and even her insulated walls and double-paned windows couldn’t completely keep out the chill. So she sought the comfort and warmth of her bed again, refusing her body’s request for a warm caffeine-laced cappuccino.
Not putting in a tiny kitchen had been a mistake, but her father had explicitly forbidden her from installing one when she’d tricked out the workshop, given he didn’t want his elderly, sometimes forgetful, always headstrong mother-in-law taking up residence and burning the house down.
When Casey looked at her living situation, she had to acknowledge that it was well past time to get her own place. Up until now, the plusses had strongly outweighed the minuses. The scale was starting to tilt, though. When she’d gotten home the night before, she’d noticed that some of the papers on her desk had been moved. It was bad enough that her mom insisted on doing her laundry. But being bold enough to snoop around while not even having the decency to hide it was pushing things. If Casey had anything she really wanted to keep private it would have been worse, of course, but the invasion of her privacy was still plenty annoying. She was fairly sure her mom’s poking around was because she’d wanted a binder clip, or a felt-tipped marker, but it was still intrusive, and made her feel like she had no space that was purely her own.
Now that she’d yanked herself back into the awful mood she’d just shaken, she grabbed her phone and dialed Ben. “Hey, buddy,” she said when he answered.
“What’s up?”
“Not much. I thought you guys might like to go bowling.”
“I’d love to,” he said, with it taking until right that minute for her to realize there were basketballs and young boys’ voices in the background. “We’ll be home by four. Does that work?”
“Um…sure.”
“Do you need something? You sound funny.”
“I doubt that, since I sure don’t feel funny. Even though Avery took me to a spa yesterday to let me soak for hours, I still feel like shit.”
“That must mean she’s out of the doghouse, though, right?”
“She is,” Casey said, unable to stop yawning. “We both apologized, even though I’m the one who was in the wrong.”
“You kind of were,” Ben agreed. “You were being pretty thin-skinned for a normal person, and super thin-skinned for you. I’ve known you for years and have never, ever heard you yell at anyone.”
“I’ve probably yelled less than five times in my whole life.” She slid down the wall to lie on her back again. “But no one’s ever made me feel that helpless.” She closed her eyes for a second, then gave form to the thoughts that had been flying around in her head. “You know, you’ve been right all along.”
“I have? That’s not like me. Are you sure?” he asked, chuckling.
“You’re really good at all sorts of emotional stuff. Right from the beginning you warned me to keep my distance. But I didn’t, and now I’m hurting because of it.”
“But you said Avery apologized. She must have felt bad to take you to a spa. They’re expensive.”
“She definitely did,” Casey said. “She apologized a lot.”
“So what’s the problem? You’re buddies again, and she likes you enough to try to make things right, even though you overreacted.”
“That’s the problem. I don’t think I overreacted.”
“Of course you did!”
“Nope. Given how close I’ve gotten to her, but mostly to Lisbet, I was one hundred percent justified in losing my shit at the thought of Lisbet being taken away without even a discussion. The problem, and it’s a big one, is that I shouldn’t be in this position. That’s where you’re right. I’m in too deep.”
“Ooo. That’s a tough one. How are you going to get out?”
“Well, I don’t want to be all the way out. But Avery made me see that I’ve convinced myself I’m more important in her and Lisbet’s lives than I really am. They both care for me, and I’m pretty sure Lisbet loves me, but I don’t get a vote, and I never will. That sucks, but I’ve put myself in this position, so I can’t blame Avery.”
“Yeah, but she let you. If I’d been Avery, I wouldn’t have let you spend so much time over there. It’s…I want to say exploitative, but that might be a little strong.”
“I can’t blame this on Avery. I’ve got to get my head on straight. Lisbet is her child. Period. If I want to have any kind of voice, I’ve got to find a woman who’s looking to co-parent. I need my own damn baby, and spending all of my time with Avery and Lisbet is the main thing that’s stopping me from having one.”
“Well, not the only thing,” Ben said, with his teasing voice in play. “You’re not as perfect as you think you are, buddy. Come get us for bowling at four. I know Benji will want to go, since only two basketball games in one day won’t come close to wearing him out.”
***
Avery spent several days wrestling with her conscience about whether to leave the Hudson Valley, finding herself still mired in indecision. But the rent was due, so she wrote out the check and handed it over to Casey to give to her father. It was crazy that she was voluntarily handing over a thousand dollars that she might have been able to save. Given she’d walked the forty minutes from her apartment to her office every single day for over ten years despite rain, snow, and hail just to save bus fare, tossing away a thousand bucks over an inability to make up her mind was epic.
It was odd, but her sticking point was that they were all too happy with things just as they were. That sounded a little crazy, but it was true. Lisbet was happy, her parents were happy, Casey was happy, and she was pretty happy too. Did it make sense to change everything on the off chance that she’d be unhappy at some undetermined point in the future? That seemed kind of wacky, but this opportunity with Rebecca might be the only time she’d be able to secure free child care. That was like being given three wishes from the magic lamp and taking a pass because it was too much trouble to give it a rub.
She watched Casey casually slip the check into her back pocket, and felt a strong temptation to ask for it back. But she couldn’t, in good conscience, ask Chris to hold off due to her inability to make a decision. Now all she’d done was kick the problem to March, when she’d have to wrestle with it again—and that was only if Rebecca hadn’t found a more enthusiastic day care partner by then. Adulting was hard!
***
On Valentine’s Day morning, Avery dressed Lisbet in the heart-dappled onesie she’d gotten at her baby shower, and started to wrestle her into her snowsuit. She’d only gotten her legs in when her phone rang, so she was tempted to ignore it, but she had a special ring for people from the office, and a call at seven in the morning was rare enough to make her snap to it.
She picked Lisbet up and carried her downstairs, taking the call as she walked, “Hello?”
“Oh, good. I caught you,” Helena said.
“You caught me trying to get Lisbet’s snowsuit to stretch. She’s growing so fast I could probably let her wear my winter coat.”
“You’ll have to bring her in,” Helena said. “Now that she can interact, we’d have fun.”
“I might be able to do that.” She sat on the pod, with Lisbet looking at her curiously, clearly wondering why they weren’t rushing to get ready and go. “Rebecca and I are seriously thinking of sharing child-care. I’d have to work at night, but that shouldn’t be too tough to pull off.”
“Mmm. That would be great for both of you, and if you really want to come home, you should, of course. But…”
Avery waited for the bomb. When Helena paused like that, she was about to lob one.
“Why don’t you do that in the fall?”
“The fall? It�
��s still winter.”
“I know. But I’ve gotten such enthusiastic feedback about Hudson Valley Short Shorts that I’m ready to commit to it.”
“You are?” Avery asked, feeling her mood lift.
“I am. I can pull two interns off what they’re currently doing to help get you started, and you can find a few from Bard or Vassar to help out during the summer. This could be big, Avery. Even though you don’t have the same population to draw from, you’ll have fewer events to compete with. I think you might be able to make this bigger than Short Shorts Brooklyn.”
She spent just a second feeling the disappointment of having the opportunity to move taken from her, then switched to the elation of tackling something new. Short Shorts had been hers from the beginning, and doing a reboot, with the benefit of years of experience, was kind of a rush.
“We’ve got some big outdoor venues we could access,” Avery said, already tingling. “If I could swing a night at Boscobel, do you think the magazine could front the money to rent it? It won’t be cheap,” she warned. “But it seats a few hundred people, which would be really cool.”
“A few hundred?”
Helena was nothing if not pragmatic. Avery was a little skittish to even suggest a place that big, since Helena required that every project pay for itself, but she had a great deal of confidence about the project, and wasn’t truly afraid of the risk.
“I’m sure I can easily find one big draw, someone well-known enough to sell three hundred tickets. With a big get, I can simply add in some lesser known writers to fill out the slate.”
“Three hundred people is a big number, Avery. But if you’re committed to finding a big draw, I’ll approve your renting a large venue. That means you’ll have to have everything set by the end of March.”
“Everything? That’s six weeks!”
“Well, not everything. But you’ll need your main draw locked down by then, and you’ll have to have the venue booked.”
Friday Night Flights Page 35
