“That's what they tell me.”
Dr. Hillard studied the chart. “You can't feel it?”
“My breasts feel like bags of peanuts to me. I can't distinguish it from anything else.”
“Okay. Let's take a look.” She opened the door. “Polly, can you get her ready?” Then she left the exam room.
The nurse, an older woman with a pronounced limp entered. “I'll need you to take off your top and bra, hon.”
Renee did as she was told, then slipped a paper shawl around her. She sat on the exam table When the doctor returned, she examined both breasts.
“Let's lie back now,” Dr. Hillard instructed. Again, she examined Renee, concentrating her efforts on the area in question. “You do have very lumpy breasts. But I don't feel anything particularly suspicious.” She closed the gown then gave her a hand up. “I'd like to get an MRI. They show nearly everything. If your insurance will pay for it, it could eliminate the need for a core biopsy. If they won't pay, we say 'bite me,' and then we do the biopsy. Now, how freaked out about this are you?”
Renee studied her hands. “I cry about it a lot. I try to push it from my mind, but it seems to creep back into my head. I'll feel better when you can tell me you’re a hundred percent sure I don't have breast cancer. That's when I'll relax.”
The doctor pulled a prescription pad from her pocket. “Tell you what. I'm going to give you something for the anxiety. Are you a cheap date?”
She grinned. “Yeah. Two glasses of wine and I’m drunk.”
The doctor handed her the script. “Okay. Break the pills in half. Get it filled as soon as you leave here. Call my office when you know if the MRI will be covered. We'll go from there.”
Renee filled her prescription then headed home, steeling herself for a fight with the insurance company. When she called, she was pleasantly surprised when they informed her the MRI would be covered. She made the appointment for the following week, silently thanking the doctor for suggesting the anti-anxiety medication. Then she did something she hadn't done in years. She called her sister and made plans to meet her for lunch on Sunday. Hopefully it wasn’t too late to fix that relationship.
* * * * *
“Good morning, sister dearest.” She kissed Char as she sat opposite her at Orlando Bagel Factory Sunday morning. She breathed in the aroma of fresh brewed coffee. The place was warm, noisy and crowded but her sister looked cool and collected in a starched white dress.
Char narrowed her eyes. “Why are you being so nice to me?”
She flinched although it was a fair question considering how long she’d been antagonistic toward Char. “I've been doing some soul searching and I've come to the conclusion that I've done you wrong in recent years. I think I've been jealous of your life.” She let that hang in the air a moment before continuing. “Plus, you did such a great job on my bathroom after your children trashed it, I figured I could swallow my pride and make nice.”
Char laughed as she pulled out a small wrapped gift from her purse and handed it across the table.
“What is it?”
“Open it and see. It's actually from the kids. They paid for part of it with their allowance.”
She ripped off the bright colored foil paper to reveal a box of Pink Pleasures scented body powder. “Thanks. You didn't have to do that. But I'm glad you did.”
“Believe it or not, that was Gary Junior's idea. He got quite the spanking for that. So did Alyssa.”
Renee cringed. “Ooh. I'm sorry.”
“Don't be. It was long overdue. I've been reading this book about reeling in your spoiled children. It's given me some good pointers. I ordered us each decaf and bagels with cream cheese. And a plate of rugelach. It is a special occasion, after all. Do you remember our Jewish neighbor making those for us when we were kids. What was her name?”
“Mrs. Engle. God, I haven’t thought about her for years.” They talked about old neighbors and childhood memories, all the things that connected them sure as their genes.
After lunch, Renee agreed to accompany Char to the mall, but vowed to buy nothing herself. “I’m on a strict budget now.”
“About time. But I don’t think you’ll need to worry about that with Cleave.”.
Renee picked through a pile of clearance T-shirts, then made herself walk away. “Yeah, about him…”
Char held up a green polo shirt but when Renee shook her head, she put it back on the rack. “What about Cleave?”
Now that she was forging a new relationship with her sister, she didn’t want to say or do anything to undermine it, but she wanted her sister’s input. “I’ll be honest. I know you and Gary and Mama and Daddy all love Cleave. He’s a great guy.”
Char’s phone rang, but she immediately silenced it. “Go on.”
“Well, I’m not feeling it in my heart. He loves me, but I just don’t think I’m going to fall for him.” She eyed her sister. “Are you upset with me?”
Char’s eyes clouded. “Oh, Renee, how could I be upset with you for something that’s beyond your control. You have to follow your heart. Do you think I’d be happy with Gary if I wasn’t completely in love with him?”
“I guess you wouldn’t.”
Char put her arm around Renee’s shoulder. “Let’s hit the bed and bath place here. I owe you a new bathroom rug. In fact, I think you deserve a whole new ensemble.”
Renee picked out the pink set she’d had her eye on for the past few months.
They parted ways after Char's babysitter called and told her she could no longer keep the children from killing each other.
“I've really enjoyed this,. It was just like old times, but different.” She hugged her sister.
“I know what you mean. Can we please do this more often. I miss my little sister.”
“You bet. We'll make it a standing thing once a month or so. Just the two of us.”
Char nodded. “I'd like that.”
They went their separate ways. Renee was glad she didn't tell Char about the breast lump, yet. It would have changed the whole mood of the day. And she needed the time to not have that on her mind. She stopped at the grocery store on her way home, buying only the essentials, determined to stay within a budget. Sitting in her car in the supermarket parking lot, she retrieved her cell phone from her purse and punched in Joe's number. She’d been filling him in or her life as if his voicemail was her personal diary.
“Hi, Joe, me again. I just wanted to tell you I'm starting to get my life together. I've mended fences with my sister. I'm following a budget and paying down my credit cards. The only thing missing is you, still. I love you, even if you don't love me anymore. Bye.”
She hit the disconnect button. “I love you, Joe.” She drove home, reflecting on her triumphant day of reconciling with Char.
Next she planned to tell Cleave she couldn't see him anymore. He would only be more hurt the longer she let it drag out. There was only one thing to do first. She had to swallow her pride and take a loan from her parents to pay him back the money he'd loaned her for the Jeep. Now that she was trying to be mindful of her budget, she was going to make her parents payments every month instead of going shopping.
As she drove, she called her father's cell.
“Luther Wright,” he said.
“Hi, Daddy.”
“Hello, Pumpkin. How are you, honey? Everything all right?”
“Things could be better. That's where you come in.”
“What can I do for you?”
“I need to borrow some money. You see, Cleave made me a loan so I could get my new car.”
“Is he asking to be paid back right away?”
“No, he's not asking for anything. It's me, Dad. I don't think things are going to work out between the two of us.” She waited for him to say something.
“Hmm. I see. That's a disappointment.”
Her insides twisted into a knot. “I know it is. I'm sorry, but he's just not the one.”
“The most important thi
ng is for my girl to be happy. If Cleave's not the one, he's not the one. Of course, your Mama will be very upset. But neither of us want you to stay with him for us.”
“I know.”
“I'll give you the money. Nothing to worry about. Come by my office this week. We'll take care of it there.”
A little of the tension between her shoulders eased. “Thank you. I'll make you payments, starting right away. I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you, too Pumpkin.”
She drove the rest of the way home in silence, reflecting on the wonderful family she'd taken for granted for so long.
As she climbed the stairs to her apartment, her cell rang. She pulled it from her pocket, then lost her grip on it, sending it tumbling into the bushes next to the stairs.
“Shit, shit, shit.” She clamored down the stairs and dived into the bushes. It was too dark to see. She had to feel around in the soggy soil and mulch.
She followed the sound of her ringtone. At least she was getting closer and…damn. It stopped ringing. She patted the moist ground until she felt something. Ick, a slug. It had to be here. Joe could be calling back.
Yeah, right.
Finally, she touched the cold metal. Hurrying up the stairs, she quickly unlocked her door and turned on a light. The caller ID told her that she'd missed the most important call of her life. Call him back right now, she told herself. She tried to find the right buttons, but tears blurred her vision.
A tall shadow moved from behind her. The door was still open…
Oh God.
Chapter Thirteen
“Haven't I taught you anything about security? Any weirdo could walk right in here and…who knows what?”
Renee's jaw dropped when she looked up at him. Was she hallucinating? Could it be? She wanted to throw herself into his arms, plant kisses on his cheek, his neck, his eyes. But his guarded expression convinced her to stand her ground. “It’s really you. I’ve missed you so much.”
“So you said in all your messages. I almost changed my number.” He looked so handsome. His hair was a little shorter than the last time she’d seen him. And he’d lost weight. Had she caused the new crop of lines fanning out from his eyes?
Her chest squeezed. “Can you ever forgive me? I'm so sorry. I've wanted to explain it all to you, but you wouldn't call me.” She couldn’t wait another second to touch him. Closing the few feet between them, she hugged him, breathed in his scent and drank in the feel of him.
He gently pushed her away. “Now's your chance. Because I want an explanation.” He shut the door and led her to the couch. They sat down together. “Start at the beginning and tell me everything.”
She desperately searched for the right words. ‘The whole truth and nothing but the truth’ kept popping into her head. Maybe a kinder, gentler truth.
Get it right, baby.
Everything depended on this. Her heart beat a furious tattoo. She swallowed hard. “Okay. Here it is. Right after I agreed to go out with you—and I mean right after—I met this man at my parents' house. He works with my dad. It was Thanksgiving. My family sort of finagled this fix-up for me and him. I was resistant. But he was very nice and he hadn't lived here long so he knew very few people here.”
“So you felt sorry for him?” He raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah, you could say that.” She hung her head. “No, I didn't pity him. I liked him. At the time, you and I hadn't even gone on our first date. Anyway, I agreed to go out with him. You have to understand this, Joe. The very first time I went out with you, I was like, oh my God. I could fall head over heels over this guy.”
Her cheeks heated. “I can't believe I'm telling you all this. But I went out with him and he was a nice guy. Then I went out with you again and I thought, I can't go out with Cleave again because I have these feelings for Joe. Except my family was pushing me to keep dating him and he is genuinely a good guy. I wanted to stop seeing him, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings.”
“Come on, Renee. You didn't want to hurt his feelings so you kept dating him? Listen to yourself.” He shook his head.
“My sister and mother laid out the picture of this life I could have with him. Just like theirs, married to a successful lawyer. They kept telling me he'd be a partner in the firm soon. But that stuff doesn't matter to me. The night your stepmother saw us, I was trying to break it off with him.”
“Why didn’t you do it long before then? Maybe the country club life is what you really want. That’s not something I’m ever going to be able to give you.”
She brushed a tear off her cheek. “This sounds really awful, but I'm going to tell you the truth. There were several reasons. I didn’t want to hurt him and I didn’t want let my family down. Once I made of my mind I kept losing my nerve. When I knew I'd lost you…” She took a deep breath, willing the tears back so she could get her thoughts out. “When I was sure you wouldn't have anything to do with me, I figured I'd keep dating him because then I wouldn't feel the void you left as deeply. And I guess I was hoping to make things work with him since I couldn't have you.” She sniffled. “I'm so sorry, Joe. I know that sounds awful and selfish. But I didn't see it that way. I do now.” She prayed he would hold her, but he didn't.
The phone rang. She glanced at it.
“Go ahead.” He got up and paced the room.
She answered the phone. “Hello?”
“It’s me,” Cleave said.
Why now? “Hey Cleave.”
“Everything okay? You sound…preoccupied.”
That was an understatement. “I’m fine. But I’m in the middle of something. Can I call you tomorrow?”
He didn’t say anything for several seconds. “I guess so, sure.”
She hung up and faced at Joe.
He set his hands on his waist. “Why didn't you tell him just now? Why didn't you say 'Cleave, I can't see you any more?' Why not Renee?”
She stepped closer. “I can't do it like that. I don't want to hurt him.”
“Seems to me you're pretty good at hurting people. Maybe it was a mistake to come here tonight.” He raked a hand over his face.
She took hold of his arm. “No, it wasn't a mistake. I love you, Joe. I love you.”
He shook his head. “I love you, too. I wish I didn't, but I do.”
She didn't know whether to jump for joy or cry. “What made you call me tonight, after all the times I left you voicemail you ignored?”
“I never ignored it, I chose not to call back. There was something in your voice lately, I don't know, I've been missing you so much. When you told me about the lump your doctor found, my whole body went numb. That was probably the defining moment, when I decided I couldn't walk away from you. I cared too much.”
She grimaced. “Yeah, well, I never should have laid that on you. So you feel sorry for me? Is that it?” Another torrent of tears threatened to invade, but she triumphed, swallowing hard.
“That's not it at all. When you have a scary moment like that, it gives you clarity. I thought of my mother and all the things she wanted to do with the rest of her life. All the living she still had in her when her life was cut short. And I thought of all I've missed by her not being around. I don't want to lose another woman I love.” He pinned her with a hard stare. “Is everything okay? What's going on with that?”
“I go for an MRI in a week. The surgeon said she didn't see anything that got her antennas up, so I'm feeling a little more confident. She also gave me some happy pills so I'll stop crying all the time.”
He sank onto the couch. “I'm sorry you had to go through all this alone. Crying all the time, huh?”
“Honestly, it wasn't just the lump that had me in tears. It was losing you, too.” She sat beside him and took his hand, a little relieved when he didn’t push her away.
“Do you want me to take you for the MRI?” His voice was barely above a whisper but held more strength than she could ever muster.
She sucked in a deep breath. “No. I don't want ou
r relationship starting over with a pity party.”
“Renee, that's not it. I'm concerned. I want to help.”
She rested her head on his chest and shut her eyes, savoring the moment she thought would never come. “You want to help? Make love to me. Please, make love to me.”
He took her hands and held her at arms’ length. “As much as I would love to, I can't. Not until you're free.”
She sighed, knowing he was right. “I can understand that. But will you stay here with me tonight? Will you hold me? Tell me everything's going to be okay?”
His expression softened. “I'll stay, but only tonight. I won't see you again until you've…until you're free.”
True to his word, he held her all night. She had the best sleep she'd had in weeks. He slipped out early in the morning, kissing her forehead before he left.
* * * * *
“Girlfriend, you need to tell Perry Mason to take a hike, ASAP.” Antoine handed Renee a cup of coffee as she booted up the salon computer Tuesday morning.
“I know, but I have to do it gently,” she said. “He works with my relatives and he's been nothing but wonderful to me.”
“If you really want to win back Mr. Policeman, you need to understand that gently doesn't mean slowly. Your hottie-ass cop will not wait for that shit, honey. How many Barbie dolls do you think he has chasing him around this very minute?”
She scowled. “He's not like that.”
“Wake up, Pollyanna.” He snapped his fingers in front of her. “We're all like that because we think with the little brain. Until you kiss off boyfriend number two, number one is vulnerable to any old hot lookin' piece of ass ringing her dinner bell in his direction.”
The idea of Joe with another woman made her shudder. “You're right. I'll go to Cleave's house after work tonight and talk to him.” Her stomach knotted. How would he react? Would he throw her out, plead with her to reconsider?
Melissa came in and poured herself a cup of coffee before taking her seat at Renee's station. “Morning.”
Renee joined her. “So, let's hear more of the continuing story of the days of your life.”
Wrong Way Renee Page 23
