“That’s not the point, Gary!” Cindy said. “This is all about me. I wanted to show what I could do. These kids are our future! Supervillains and superheroes that will look to me as someone who helped them. I am laying the groundwork for the next generation! I can do that without you!”
I nodded. “So, what’s the real reason?”
Cindy sighed. “Really?”
“I’d vote for you for the Oscar but it’s like you don’t think we’ve known each other for two thirds of our lives,” I said.
“Really? That long?” Cindy asked.
“’Fraid so,” I replied. “That’s not including time compression either.”
Cindy blinked and sighed, reaching into her pocket and pulling out the Life Orb. “Yeah, I kind of have this. I thought you’d get a bit upset when you found out I had it.”
“Why would I care?” I asked, suspecting I was going to hate this.
“I use this Life Orb for good, Gary,” Cindy said. “I don’t just liberate the Supers from the camps. I’ve been giving powers to people who have been abused, kicked around, and otherwise torn to shreds by society. Minorities and persecuted peoples around the globe are getting a boost because of me. Victimized women, former slaves—”
“Cindy—” I interrupted.
“I’ve been depowering the government’s goon squads as well. Johnny Rebel and the Klansman are now just a pair of ugly white dudes. So is the Incel, Psychoslinger II, Slaughterbug, Commie Commando, and the Nationalist. Oh, and Becky Thompson who had the power to convince people of anything through television signals but just used it to sell infomercial products. Remember her? Bitch never cut me in despite it being my idea.”
“Cindy!” I snapped. “Where did you get it?”
Cindy blinked. “Merciful. Your doppelganger. He gave it to me. He’s alive.”
Well, shit.
Chapter Sixteen
What the Hell, Cindy?
It was a rare situation when I went completely silent. This was one of those circumstances. I just stared at Cindy then blinked once.
“Really, Gary? The silent treatment?” Cindy asked. “Who are you, my father? Which I really hope is not the case because, eww, but is theoretically possible if you slept with Deborah Harry in 1981 via time travel. That would be gross, though.”
“Extremely,” I replied. “I also know you’re trying to distract me from the horrifying betrayal you just confessed to.”
“Who me?” Cindy asked, blinking innocently. “No!”
“Why would you do this?” I asked, holding out my hands, though. “How could you? Merciful!”
The fact Merciful was alive was less surprising than it should have been. I’d “killed” him before I’d instituted the ban on resurrection in our world (and I never even made the wish directly—the Primals just felt my grief over my passing loved ones and made the wish for me). He was also the Chosen One of Life, so I’d always thought he’d gone down a bit too easy. By the time I’d decided to chop his body into pieces and bury it in concrete a few days later, it had already vanished. I’d tried several times to sense where his soul had gone post-mortem but all I’d gotten was a weird buzzing sensation. But I’d wanted him to be dead and had allowed myself to believe that yes, maybe this time, he was really gone. More superheroes and villains fall into that trap than should. Blame human nature.
“I had my reasons,” Cindy said, defensively.
“No,” I said, interrupting her. “Merciful is evil.”
“Don’t get judgmental,” Cindy said. “Just because you’re a superhero now—”
“No, this isn’t about that,” I said, taking several deep breaths. “Merciful kidnapped me and Mandy before putting us in an underground Fifties playset for years.”
“Months due to time compression,” Cindy pointed out.
“Don’t,” I replied. “He tried to kill my sister. He tried to kidnap our daughter. He murdered Ultragod.”
“Gary—” Cindy started to say.
“Moses was my friend,” I said, on the verge of tears. “Someone who was worth looking up to. I don’t know what’s going to happen with me and Gabrielle, but he was family. Just as much as Cloak was. Merciful locked away Gabrielle for years to serve as a goddamned reactor for his free energy plan and he killed billions via President Omega.”
“They got better!” Cindy said, as if that was a defense.
“President Omega was his ally, a freaking Nazi!” I said, as if this whole thing couldn’t get any more insane.
“Only so he could betray him!” Cindy said.
I closed my eyes. I sucked in my breath and gave a desperate response, “Why?”
Merciful was, to make a long story short (too late), my doppelganger from a previous universe. The Big Ass Time Disaster destroyed the previous Silver Age universe where heroes were good, villains bad, and the former always beat the latter with minimal casualties. He was the sole survivor of his reality and woke up in our crappy universe in the Nineties after his was destroyed.
Our universe was a place where good guys were emotionally tortured, bad guys won as often as they lost, and it wasn’t always easy to tell the difference between the two. That would have been traumatizing enough if not for the fact that I existed and was living a worse life than his previous one. In his reality, he’d been married with kids and was one of the most beloved superheroes, if not top tier in respect. He was the Society of Superheroes’ healer and the Champion of Life instead of Death.
Merciful held on for about a decade but finally broke bad when President Omega was elected. The country electing an actual goddamned supervillain caused him to lose faith in democracy and instilled in him a belief in authoritarianism. He decided he was going to bring back his universe, bring order to this reality at the point of a wand, and kill anyone who stood in his way. Merciful planned to bring back everyone innocent he killed, too, which was an extra layer to his crazy.
The thing was Merciful was competent. Really-really competent. Like, one of those super-genius bad guys who knew what the hell they were doing and was waiting for everyone else to catch up. He ran rings around me right up until the point that Cloak and me had double-teamed him in magic. Together, we’d finished the spell he’d planned to bring back his universe to restore his Earth (a lot easier than an entire reality). Then, being in a particularly foul mood, I’d let him look at his family one last time before blowing his brains out. Yeah, not the worst thing I’d ever done but pretty damn close.
“Because he was you, Gary,” Cindy said. “During your last fight with Merciful, when Cloak died, I followed you to his world.”
“How?” I asked.
“Mandy gave me a lift,” Cindy said. “Mind you, in retrospect, her having teleportation magic should have perhaps tipped me off that she was possessed by a witch. Anyway, I found Merciful dying from being shot in the head.”
“Yes, I know, because I was the one who shot him,” I said, trying to keep my temper. Cindy and I had been known to fight but I attempted to apply Jedi principles during that time. It didn’t ever work but it was the one area that neither of us ever even contemplated violence.
I was contemplating never wanting to see her again, though.
“He should have been dead,” Cindy said. “However, he was still alive, and I ended up treating him for the better part of a week while you hung out on Earth-B.”
“It’s a nice place,” I replied. “I should know, I made it.”
“Other Gary recovered and gave me the Life Orb before leaving,” Cindy said. “I used it to give myself werewolf powers. It was a chance to make myself a big leaguer.”
“That at least explains your inexplicable powers. I feel like we’re getting a lot of explanations for seemingly random stuff in our world like time-compression and all the crazy retcons. I wonder if our writers were getting complaints from fans.”
“Don’t you start,” Cindy said. “In any case, I don’t regret what I did.”
“He’s a monste
r,” I said, staring at her. “You unleashed a psychopath—who killed people we knew—onto the world.”
Cindy closed her eyes. “He’s you, Gary. Just… insane with grief. I saw what happened to you after Mandy died. Imagine that happening but a thousand times worse. What would you have me do?”
“Kill me because I didn’t deserve to live,” I said, truthfully. “I’d rather be dead than hurt the people I love.”
“He has his home world back,” Cindy said. “Let him have his happily ever after.”
“There’s no going back after what he did,” I said. “Certainly, Ultragod is still dead and so are all the other people President Omega killed. Merciful is the guy who kept that guy in power when he would have been gunning down the White House press corps after a week. Merciful cannot return to the people he knew and loved. He’s changed too much.”
“Has he?” Cindy asked.
“There’s no Anakin and Padme reunion in Force Heaven,” I replied, thinking of myself and Mandy. “I’m sure they got Force divorced as soon as he showed up. Maybe she’s hooked up with Obi-Wan or Sabe now.”
“It saddens me you know the name of her chief handmaiden,” Cindy said. “Even if she was played by Keira Knightley.”
I sighed. “I’ll just put it on my list.”
“What?” Cindy asked.
“Killing him,” I replied. “After this, I’m going to go to Earth-B and put him in the ground forever.”
“Don’t,” Cindy said. “Just leave him alone.”
“I can’t do that,” I said. “He’s a threat to us.”
“He’ll kill you,” Cindy said. “You got lucky last time.”
I took a deep breath. “Yeah, well, I suppose that’s one reason why he’s beaten me so badly. The only person who doesn’t underestimate me is myself.”
“Well, that and the crazy redneck Sheriff,” Cindy said. “He beats you because you’re a one-trick pony. Take away your magic and you’re screwed.”
I didn’t have an answer for that. “Cindy, we’re not okay right now. I love what you’ve done here, and I love you. You’re entitled to your secrets and if you wanted to tell me things then you’d do so. I’m not the guy who thinks he’s entitled to know every little detail of your life. However, Merciful is a monster.”
“I don’t believe that,” Cindy said.
“He went after Leia,” I said, simply. “For that, no hell is deep enough toss him.”
Cindy sighed. “Go get yourself a drink from the staff quarters, Gary, and we’ll take about this later. We can figure out what we’re going to do next after you rescue the princess and gain omnipotence. Which is the strangest juxtaposition I’ve ever heard.”
“Not if you’ve played the Legend of Zelda,” I said. “Also, you have drinking at your summer camp?”
“I couldn’t get through an hour of teaching these brats without Jack Daniels,” Cindy replied. “That’s with the help of our psycho killer friends. You’re the one who likes kids, Gary. You’re welcome to help. Maybe you can teach Supervillainy 101.”
“Ah,” I said, nodding. I didn’t comment on the fact that even my best friend, baby mama, and partner still thought of me as a supervillain rather than a hero. “Before I go get utterly sloshed, I do have a question.”
“You’re going to ask about Mandy, aren’t you?” Cindy asked.
“How did you know?” I asked.
Cindy rolled her eyes. “Because I think that after a decade of supervillainy, two kids, sleeping around with multiple superheroines as well as supervillains—”
“Like three others than you and Gabby,” I replied. “Two of them you were dating.”
They were Nightshade and Splotch Woman by the way. The third we don’t speak about.
“That you still only think about her,” Cindy said.
I lowered my head.
“It’s the only thing that Mandy had in common with you anymore,” Cindy replied. “It’s the one topic I can’t get her to shut up about.”
I gave a half-smile.
“I’m not sure you’re good for each other, though,” Cindy replied. “It seems all you two ever do anymore is cause each other pain. You were a fantastic couple when you were mundanes but terrible for each other as superhumans. I’m just cursed with the fact that I love you both more than anyone else in my life. Gabrielle included.”
“Except your child, our daughter,” I said.
“Oh, yeah, her,” Cindy said. “Did you leave her with someone? Do we have a replacement policy if we lose her?”
“I know you love her,” I said.
“I do,” Cindy said. “Even if she came out gross, helpless, and a pain in the stomach.”
Cindy tossed me the Life Orb. “I want this back. I’m not going to go back to being a side character.”
“You’ll get your own series someday, I promise.” I smirked and walked away. I should have kissed her then, but I was still too furious. I knew that I was being a hypocrite. Diabloman had done even worse things than Merciful. Hell, Diabloman was arguably the worst person to ever live in any timeline ever in terms of sheer body-count. However, I’d forgiven him and done my best to clear his karmic debt. Yet, I hadn’t been willing to extend the same courtesy to Merciful that Cindy had.
Indeed, I kept trying to find excuses for hating her for it. The funny thing was that I was pretty sure Ultragod would tell me to forgive her and Merciful both because he was that kind of Rabbi Joshua ben Joseph sort of guy. I, however, was more of the Old Testament “eye for an eye” thing. I was all for Biblical plagues, Sodom and Gomorrah, plus the Ark of the Covenant melting Nazis. Maybe it made me a hypocrite—certainly it made me a hypocrite—but that was just the way I was wired. Vengeance is mine, so sayeth Merciless. Hell, it was in my frigging codename.
I wandered through Camp Blood, taking in the sights and taking a moment to get my bearings. Cindy really had set up something spectacular here, but maybe it was just because I was easily impressed by anyone who wanted to give the downtrodden a hand up. I thought I saw Jun and Ken Masterson among the counselors but did not go their way. Those two teenage heroes were the kind of people who deserved to be living normal lives rather than getting caught up in the stupidity of adults’ problems.
Mind you, I was a first year Millennial and almost forty, so the definition of adult had gotten a bit longer. Who knew that my generation of Omegaphones and widespread internet would one day be the people looking at people too young to be entering adulthood? We were supposed to be the future, but the same people who had been in control when I was born were the same people in control as I entered middle age.
Man, I needed a drink.
Heading into the counselor’s cabin, I swiftly headed to the kitchen and managed to find Cindy’s liquor supply in the cabinets. In every cabinet in fact. Honestly, it looked like she had enough alcohol to get a small army sloshed. I double checked behind the refrigerator and noticed she’d also hidden a package of weed large enough to get the same drunk army high as a kite. A pattern was starting to form here.
“Dare I have sex, get drunk, and smoke pot?” I asked to no one in particular. “I feel like that’s tempting fate in a place called Camp Blood.”
“I believe that only applies to teenagers, virgins, and twenty-somethings pretending to be both,” the deep Darth Vader-esque voice of William England spoke.
I turned around, a bottle of Merciless brand vodka in hand. William was standing there, still wearing his same outfit from before and looming over me like the well-dressed Terminator he resembled.
“You’ve got some serious stealth skills there, Accountant,” I said. “Michael Myers could learn a thing or two from you.”
“No, he couldn’t,” William said, “because Nancy and I killed him in my world. The serial killer he was based on, at least. In my world, all supernatural serial killers are based on real-life figures. Jane probably didn’t mention that.”
“No,” I said. “She keeps trying to depict her world as
a kind of supernatural utopia where humans and monsters get along. Just with idiots for leaders. My impression is the place sounds like Eighties Horror World with a dash of True Blood.”
“Both accurate and misleading,” William said. “Do you always relay complicated concepts through the vernacular of pop culture?”
“You have no idea,” I said, offering him alcohol.
“I do not drink… alcohol,” William said.
“What do you drink?” I asked.
“Soda,” William said, going to the fridge and getting an Ultracola. Personally, I preferred Omegapsi.
I blinked and shrugged before taking a swig straight out of the bottle. “So, uh, did you want something?”
“Yes,” William said. “I wanted to tell you that you’re being deceived. You have been lured into this swamp for a reason and I believe it relates to undoing the changes you made to the multiverse.”
Chapter Seventeen
What the Hell Is Going on, Really?
I took a second, much longer swig. It tasted like swamp water and lighter fluid, which was probably what it was composed of. It was, however, just what I needed right now. “It’s never asking me to move my car or helping make s’mores.”
“Wait,” I said, lifting my hand to stop William before he spoke. I took a second, long swig of the locally produced Merciless-brand vodka. “Ah, that was the good stuff as only cannibal hillbilly redneck moonshiners can produce.”
“Must be my relatives,” William said. “Or at least this universe’s counterpart to them.”
I put the bottle to one side and crossed my arms. “Okay, what do you mean you think this is a trap?”
“I believe you were lured here to this haunted swamp in order to steal the Primal Orbs,” William replied.
“Uh huh,” I said, not believing it but not disbelieving it yet. I owed this guy and his wife my life, but I didn’t know them from Adam either. The only reason I was giving him the time of day was because I was always looking for a double (or triple) cross and Jane vouched for them. “How do you even know about the Primal Orbs, William? You don’t even come from a universe where people know about them.”
The Supervillainy Saga (Book 7): The Horror of Supervillainy Page 15
