Just before I broke away from the copse of trees and appeared in my beloved’s view, a voice pierced my heart. It was hers—the soft melody in each inflection unmistakable. I wondered what she was doing. Was she speaking to me, waiting for me to respond? Disappointment, followed closely by anger, crashed around me as I heard a second person speak—a male.
Indecision warred within me. Do I barge into the clearing and demand to know why she was there alone with another? Or do I wait and watch, hoping it’s an innocent exchange and nothing to be alarmed over? An even stronger part of me cried to go claim her as mine, and chase away anyone else who may have designs for her.
My head told me bluntly that it didn’t matter—I was to enjoy a small, brief dalliance before settling back into my Fae lifestyle. Human matters were of little concern. But my heart, it whispered all kinds of forbidden things—of love and fantasies where I could keep Aithne by my side forever. Love was a different concept for the Fae, but surely it would be enough.
I stood in the shadows and watched, caution winning over. Studying the features of the male, I could tell he was somewhat older than Aithne and there was great affection between them. They were friends, but the words he uttered—this William—he wanted more, much more than mere camaraderie. He wanted the kind of love sung by minstrels, and a life filled with happiness and fulfillment. He wanted these things with my Aithne.
A feeling stirred—flared even—within my chest, and I found my fists clenched at my side. The more I listened, the stronger the urge to burst into the open and fight the human. These were promises and words I wished to speak, to offer. This was a life I wanted, with all the pretty embellishments, smiles and laughter. His dreams were possible—mine a fleeting hope.
I willed Aithne to reject him, utter my name, and tell this William that her heart belonged to another but she didn’t. I watched the silence between them, feeling distraught over the sexual attraction I could sense from where I stood. There was something between them—something stronger than anything I had or could create with Fae enchantment. A bond. And in that moment, I loathed it with everything inside me. She was mine.
When he kissed her—when he dared claim the one thing I’d yet done for myself—the branch I’d been holding onto snapped. I hoped it would break their fixation and shatter the hold he had over her and cause her to look for me. But they were oblivious—all but for each other. I wanted to leave, but my feet were anchored to the ground. A voice murmured in my mind that this was a sign it was time to move on and forget her. I ignored it.
“It’s jealousy you feel, my son. Nothing good can come from it.”
I didn’t turn to look at my mother, my Queen, as she came and stood beside me. I was obsessed with the sight of Aithne wrapped in another man’s arms, and receiving what should have been our first kiss.
“It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Jealousy I know, this . . . this burns inside. It consumes me like a painful wildfire.” I didn’t sound myself when I answered.
Her hand came to rest on my forearm, rings sparkling as they caught the reflection of the moonlight. Although she was renowned for her strength and ruthlessness in leading and protecting her people, my mother’s touch was gentle—compassionate.
“This is because your heart has become invested. It is no mere accolade or possession you desire here. This human female has enchanted you, and unless you release her now, my son, she will be your undoing.” There was such pity in her voice, and I noted something else . . . a knowing.
“What do you know of this? My Aithne would never destroy me,” I retorted, angrily.
“Oh, but she has already begun. She may not seek to harm you, her heart just as intrigued and enticed. But mark my words, the two of you can never have what you seek.” She pointed to where Aithne had once stood, now being led away by the human male. I moved to follow, but was stopped by the firm grip of my mother. “Let her go, Hadrian. Longing for something you can never truly hold will drive you mad.” Stepping around me and placing her hand on my cheek, she whispered. “I do not want to lose you also. Please.”
I’d never heard her plea like that before with soft desperation. Demand and compel, yes, but never with a sincere earnestness that I saw blazing from her eyes.
“Is there no way I can keep her? No hidden secret, spell, or favor you can call upon? Surely as the Queen, someone with that kind of power must be beholden to you. As my mother . . .” I couldn’t bring myself to finish the sentence. I was helpless and it was an uncomfortable sentiment.
“You are one of my most beloved. If I could give this to you, I would. But even some things are beyond me. There are reasons why the Fae and humans can’t join—the suffering of both, far outweighs any momentary pleasure. You would wither into nothing if you chose to forsake your home. And bringing Aithne into our world with all its magic and enchantments would quickly reduce her to a slave. It cannot be, no matter how much you wish for it, and the resulting heartache is not what I want for you. It would crush you.”
“How do you know what it would do? How do you know my heart? You’ve raised me to be strong and formidable. How do you know I can’t find a way—even when others have failed?”
“Because, my son, I have tried. I too loved a human and thought I could keep him. I defied the counsel of those around me, brought him into Fae and then watched it destroy everything I loved about the man I thought I couldn’t live without.” Her admission caused me to face her. The haunted look in her countenance told me she spoke the truth.
“Who was he? Why have I never heard of this?” I watched the appearance of pain flood her eyes, and without a word I knew who this human was. “My father.” The mention of him robbed me of breath as confusion filled me.
“Please don’t fault me for not telling you the truth,” she pleaded, and her hand reached out to touch me. This was a side of my mother I rarely saw—uncertain and hesitant.
“All this time, you had me believe my father was a valiant Fae, killed on the battlefield defending our people. You told me story after story of his honor and how I reminded you of him. It fashioned a deep bond between Favian and I, knowing we shared the same father. Are you in truth telling me these were all lies, and that I’m merely the result of your own fling?” I looked at her incredulously—anger mingled in my words. My parentage had been a steady source of pride and in a second, one declaration had caused it to unravel.
“No!” Her response was loud and fierce. “No, never doubt I truly loved your father. I would’ve given anything to be with him, to have him with me still. He was my world and I was his. It was no mere fling but a love so strong and pure—I thought I would die when I lost him. My arrogance and inability to do what was right robbed me of the only man I’ve ever wanted. I might not have been truthful with you. I might have wanted to protect you from the gossip and maliciousness of others. But know this—you would’ve been proud to claim him.”
“What was his name?”
“Bowen,” she answered. “You remind me so much of him. Not just in appearance but in temperament. It was he who gave you your name. We had just learned I was pregnant, and then . . . then he became lost.” My mother looked so small in that moment, and I stretched out my arms, pulling her into my embrace. I patted her gently on the back, my fingers flowing over the fine silk of her gown, and I caught a sense of all she’d been through.
“So there truly is no other choice but to say goodbye,” I whispered.
“No. Enjoy whatever time you have, but you cannot continue.” She moved to stare up into my face. “How I prayed I could spare you from this kind of anguish. Come home with me now, Hadrian. Leave this behind and if needs be, I will scour all of Fae for another to capture your heart. Soon this will be just a memory.”
“Like my father is?” Shame filled me as my mother paled.
She let out a sigh and stepped away from me. I looked on as she regained her regal composure. So much had been uncovered here tonight—so many questions still lef
t unasked.
“Do you regret him?” I paused with baited breath for her response. I was sure there would be many future discussions, but the need to know blazed strong within me. I could wait for other details—this I couldn’t.
“How could I when loving him brought me you.” Cradling my cheek, her skin was soft against mine. “But yes, I do regret losing him. My selfishness cost me and robbed you. It was a price too high to pay. Say goodbye . . . before it’s too late.”
I said nothing more, and did not move to follow as my mother crossed back over to the Fae Palace. I don’t know how long I stood there in silence. A war of emotions battled inside me. I was torn between obeying her request and the defiance of my heart declaring that this time was different. I was a royal, and I slumped as I recognized the arrogant pride of my thoughts.
I turned to stare where I’d last seen my Aithne. Surely my love for her could protect her, provide her a different fate from those who’d gone before. I wouldn’t know unless I tried, but would the risk be worth it?
With a heavy heart, I finally turned to travel home. As the night sky began to lighten and the woods around me began to stir back to life, my last thought almost broke me.
How could I ever let her go?
Chapter Ten
Aithne
In my dreams they haunted me—each one beckoning me to choose them, longing and hunger filled their eyes. The events of the past few days had left me completely torn, and I wasn’t surprised my pillow was wet from tears.
My heart was heavy as residual emotions churned within me. Confused, I dressed quickly and headed to the one place I knew I could find some semblance of peace—my mother’s grave.
My slippered feet flew over the ground as I was drawn to the small marker Papa and Owen had created for her. Even though she’d been gone several years, the pain of missing her—not seeing her—still hurt. The hole that was left especially ached during moments like this. She would have counseled me in the matters of the heart, and even though she wasn’t here, she remained one of my truest confidantes.
I picked a few wild flowers and continued on. My spirit lifted as I approached her final resting place. Walking reverently, I slowed my pace, knelt before her, and wiped away the fallen debris that had collected around the wooden cross.
It was simple, but had been crafted with absolute love. I remember watching while my father and brother exchanged favored memories as they had built it and then worked on carving a small name plate. Never had I doubted my mother was devoted to her family, and by the time they were finished creating the grave marker, more tears and laughter had been shared.
My fingers trailed over her name—Sorcha Gowan. I closed my eyes, trying to recall how it sounded when we called her and she responded. It was barely a whisper now, and my heart hurt realizing the time would soon come when I wouldn’t remember. I reminded myself that I would always know how it made me feel, but it still filled me with a flitter of panic. I didn’t want to lose that part of her.
“Morning, Mama,” I spoke with a low voice. Removing the old flowers, I arranged the freshly picked ones so it looked like spring had chosen this one spot to bless with its beauty. I’d made sure I’d selected her favorites, and I imagined her being able to smell their sweet fragrance up in Heaven. “There’s so much to tell you. I wish you were here.”
I drew both Hadrian and William to my mind which brought the tangled mess of feelings my dream created. What had seemed like a fantasy come true—an adventure at first—had soon become a nightmare. Two men held my heart in their hands, and I did not know which choice was correct.
“I’m in love, but it isn’t like you think. I scarcely know how it occurred—things like this don’t happen—but I find myself torn between the affections of both a Fae and a childhood friend. For the first time in my life I cannot determine which path I should follow—the fulfillment of a young girl’s fairytale fantasy, or a future that will be filled with love and promise. The deeper I fall, the more fickle I feel. I know a decision must be made before someone gets hurt and I try—truly—but then something happens. A touch or glance from either one and I’m confused again. I wish you were here, Mama. Show me what to do.”
Tears fell gently as I stared pleadingly at the sky. If only I could reach up, pluck her from the heavens, and bring her back to me. It wasn’t fair she was there—hidden—when I desperately needed her counsel. Even though there have been many instances where I’ve missed her, this morning I noticed her absence more keenly.
In the beginning I used to come here daily, bringing a new bargain to offer God if he’d return my beloved mother. I would sit dawn to dusk, baring my soul until my eyes drooped in exhaustion, and my father would send Owen to fetch me. Weeks turned to months and still she remained in the world of spirits. Those childlike pleas resurfaced in my thoughts and my tears turned to sobs.
Whether it was my own imaginings or a small parting of the veil, her voice sounded as though it floated across the air, carried by a gentle breeze. Tell me of these men.
I smiled and picked up one of the flowers. I twirled it between my fingers as I responded to her invitation. “Both of them are so unlike, and they stir up different feelings within me. I met Hadrian down at my favorite spot by the river, and the moment I saw him, I was captivated. Even though he’s Fae, and any love we feel is forbidden, I can’t help it. Each second we’re apart eats away at me. He fills my thoughts and dreams, and when he whispers there can be no future for us . . . I feel like I may die. Enchantment or not, I need him and find myself imagining ways for us to be together always. It would be simple, so very simple. But then came William.”
I let out a sigh as I was flooded by memory after memory of him. He, who had at first started as a friend and childhood confidante, was now much more. My feelings were more than a crush, I knew William stirred something within me, and my heart had easily fallen for him. He was everything a girl could ever want, and had it not been for Hadrian, my decision would be easy. I would throw myself at him, hold on tight, and follow him for the rest of my life. Loving William and being his wife would fill me with such joy. As I let out a wistful sigh, an image came unbidden to my mind—his eyes stared into mine, his countenance filled with emotion.
As I quickly spoke of the endless possibilities life had to offer with him, it made the choice easier. Hadrian could give me brief moments, but William would give me a lifetime. I chided myself for how blind I was and how easily I’d allowed fantasy to overrule my common sense. But one thought of Hadrian’s smile and the wonder I experienced as I watched him reveal his magic, and I was thrown back into the endless cycle of uncertainty.
“What would you choose? The future you'd always dreamed of? Or your childhood fantasies brought to life?” I whispered.
I listened for her answer on the breeze, but heard nothing. I stared at the sky, hoping some kind of sign would appear, but the clouds still kept their secrets. I was all alone.
“Oh, Mama,” I cried, wiping away the steady flow of tears, as a certainty hit me. The decision was solely mine, and no amount of questions would change what I knew was true. My heart held the answers. I just needed the courage to uncover and follow it.
The cropping of trees drew my attention as I looked about. Standing, I brushed the grass from my gown and walked toward it, searching. I knew Hadrian could appear anywhere—was he there now, watching? Waiting?
Suddenly I needed to see him, and I ran the remaining distance. Everything made sense when he was near me, and I called his name as I weaved through the trunks.
“Hadrian, where are you? Please, if you’re here, show yourself?”
Stopping, I turned, scanning the area for the first glimpse of him. Nothing.
“Please!” I cried out louder. “I’m so confused!”
I darted to different trees, peering around them, expecting to see his beautiful face staring back at me. I longed to find myself trapped in his strong embrace as he chuckled, enjoying our small game of h
ide and seek. No matter how hard I searched, he wasn’t here.
Gathering up the fabric of my dress, I ran as though the gates of Hell had opened, releasing beasts determined to devour me if they caught me. I raced away from my mother, thoughtlessly, and allowed my feet to determine the destination.
All the while, I studied each tree, every entrance to Farnsworth Forest for him. Silently I prayed that when I got to wherever I was heading, my answer would be awaiting me. The inner turmoil was becoming too much, and my breaking point quickly approached. I contemplated the idea of simply running until I was far away from both of them—giving up my chance to find happiness with either—but I dismissed the thought. I knew I was too far gone. In that moment, all I saw was heartache in my future.
I found myself on a path I recognized. I passed the landmarks daily on my way to the river. My heart lightened and then dropped as I continued on past the turnoff that would lead me to Hadrian. My feet refused to stop until they finally brought me to my journey’s end.
I blinked as I surveyed my surroundings. This was not at all what I’d expected. Flittering sensations started in my stomach and rapidly spread to my chest as the butterflies began their dance.
I stood outside the blacksmith forge, the heat from inside radiated out, caressing my skin. I could hear the steady pounding of the hammer on metal, and I crossed the remaining distance without thinking. Entering the building, my gaze found William’s surprised one.
I couldn’t turn away as I watched him put down his project and wipe his hands on the side of his trousers. Not knowing how to explain my sudden appearance, I turned to flee, but the sound of my name stopped me. Just one word and I was lost again.
Chapter Eleven
Aithne
Slowly I turned around and came face to face with William—his nearness sent a shiver coursing through my body. Regardless of my state of confusion, there was no denying the chemistry and attraction between us.
Midsummer Night's Fling: Belinda Boring, Kamery Solomon, Lacey Weatherford Page 6
