This time though, I concentrated on the basics, things I had known and taught for years, and they worked. As soon as we were through, I vaulted off Satin’s back and gave her a soft pat on the neck. “Good girl.”
Steffy walked alongside us. “Okay, so now you need to let me know what’s got you all fucked up. You arrive here last night looking like your world has ended, and your concentration has been mostly shitty this whole session.”
“I keep worrying about him.”
She gave me a sidelong glance. “Has he tried to contact you?”
“Calls. Texts. I’ve ignored him, but it won’t go away, Steffy. I can’t get him out of my head.”
“What about your heart?”
I sighed. “Especially not there.”
“If you’re that hooked on him, Reece, why the hell did you leave?” She had stopped right at the gate to the ring.
I stared off into the darkness before answering. “I don’t think I’ll ever matter as much to him as the next deal he has to work. And I don’t want to be some toy that he takes out only when he’s bored or lonely. I can’t live like that.”
“Did you tell him how you felt?”
“Kind of.”
She punched me in the arm. “Seriously? Kind of? What the hell is this, Reece, middle school? You have a right to demand a place in his life.”
“He’s got this deal going with Quinn Maitland, and he’s paranoid going public with our relationship will kill it.”
“Bullshit. Quinn and Mary aren’t stupid. They know you’re gay. They’ve got eyes in their heads. The way you all were making googly eyes last Saturday was about as obvious as waving a banner that says, ‘we’re fucking each other.’ If that’s the only thing he’s offered, then he’s playing you.”
“He’s not playing me. He…I don’t know, Steffy. I don’t think he can separate the whole billionaire banker part of his life from the rest of it.”
She shook her head. “Well he needs to figure that shit out. And you need to either get over it or decide how you’re going to fit your life in between his business meetings.”
“That’s harsh,” I told her, feeling as if someone had ripped my chest open.
She looked over her shoulder as she walked along the barn aisle. “That’s life. It has bumps and potholes like my driveway. You can spend an eon trying to navigate so you avoid all of them, or you can ease on through and deal with the little jolts that come with it. You pick.”
* * *
Whitt
When had my house gotten so huge and silent? It was the question that struck me as soon as I walked downstairs and headed to the kitchen. There was coffee of course. Maggie took care of setting that up before she left each evening. There was no mug in the sink or a spoon that had been used to stir in cream and a touch of sugar.
I knew exactly how Reece drank his coffee.
I drank my coffee on the way to the barn. It didn’t matter Reece wasn’t here. Ricky would have the two horses fed. I could ride Bondage and not have to worry about arranging my schedule for another session in the afternoon.
Everything in the barn reminded me of what was missing. I missed Mac’s placid, gentle expression, his morning nicker because he knew I had a treat for him. Most of all, I missed the easy way Reece talked to everyone. Bondage still viewed me as a necessary evil, or so it seemed. Trixie had her butt turned toward me.
“Morning, Mr. Dailey,” Ricky said as though there was nothing unusual going on. “Will you be riding this morning?”
“I thought I would take Bondage out.”
“I could go with you on Trixie, if you like.”
I appreciated his offer, and eventually I might accept it, but not today. I needed to be alone.
“Maybe tomorrow, although I would like you to make sure Trixie gets some exercise today.”
“Sure thing.” He got the wheelbarrow and a pitchfork to begin cleaning stalls while I tacked up and rode out.
I needed to feel the wind on my face this morning. Bondage loved nothing better than a chance to gallop. The solid hunter that he was, I never got the feeling we were out of control. He was always listening, so when I asked him to slow, he did.
As we walked the grassy roads between fences, I kept trying to convince myself I was better off with Reece gone. I could concentrate on finalizing the deal with Maitland and getting the information together on a new business negotiation that might mean spending some time on the West Coast.
Deep down, though, I felt Reece’s absence everywhere I turned. Sure, the horses were a way to relax, but it was Reece who had truly gotten me out of my head. He had quickly become so much more than a teacher. On the long rides we had begun to take lately, he had become a sounding board, a friend.
Most of all, he had become my lover, someone who looked at me as more than a bank account. I knew that last night as soon as I walked into the barn office and saw the coat and boots still there. Once I’d picked up the ledger, and looked at it again, I realized something else as well. He had been a good steward of the budget I’d given him to work with.
I hated being conflicted. I hated being introspective. Most of all, I hated the regrets that were eating me alive.
Ricky was gone when I returned to the barn. I guessed he’d gone into town to run some errands since his truck was gone. Cooling out Bondage and putting him up was second nature now, part and parcel of what it meant to be a horseman.
Maggie greeted me at the door when I returned to the house.
“Has something happened to Mr. Wilder?” she asked, concern in her gaze.
“He…” I had to pause and clear my throat. “He’s had to leave for a few days.”
I couldn’t tell her he’d left me. It was impossible to put into words. She nodded, gave me a confused smile and retreated to the kitchen. Once more, silence descended. No scrabble of Ripper’s claws on the hardwood floors, none of Reece’s laughter or one-sided conversations with his dog.
Without bothering to change, I went to my office. Work would stop all these depressing reminiscences. It did. For a while. Until I heard a car on the driveway. I glanced up, I guess in the secret hope that Reece had changed his mind, but it was a black luxury sedan I didn’t recognize. A minute later, the front bell sounded.
Out of habit, I glanced at the security camera. Mary Maitland? My heart pounded as I hit the intercom to let Maggie know I would answer the door. The warm smile on Mary’s face eased my concern that something had happened to her husband.
“I hope I’m not interrupting,” she said with a smile.
“Not at all. A visit from you would never be an interruption. Please,” I stood aside, “Come in.”
She eyed my jeans and paddock boots. “It’s a nice day. Why don’t we walk outside? I have always loved this estate.”
“Of course.” I had hoped to avoid discussing Reece’s whereabouts, but if we ended up at the barn, it was going to become pretty obvious he was no longer there. Yet, how could I make any plausible argument for staying inside.
To my relief, she didn’t head toward the barn. Instead, we strolled along one of the grass lanes between pastures. She didn’t say anything, so I finally prompted, “I have to admit, I’m curious about your visit. Is everything all right with Quinn?”
She laughed. “Oh, yes. Like you, he works way too hard, but he has learned how to relax.” She sent me a sidelong glance. “I believe that’s something you still struggle with. I had hoped Reece would be able to help.”
I cleared my throat but didn’t say anything. Mary chuckled. “You are such a gentleman. A lot of people would have taken that opening to drive the bus right over top of Reece Wilder, but not you. And before you have to ask, yes, I know he left.”
“Is—is he all right?” I couldn’t help asking. But it was embarrassing not to know.
She hooked her arm through mine as we continued to walk. “Yes. He’s at Steffy’s house. Don’t look so surprised that I know more than you do, Whitt. I’ve been aroun
d this area a long time. One of Steffy’s boarders called me first thing this morning to say Reece and his horses were there. She was curious because she’d heard he was living here and working for you.”
“So, are you here to find out what happened?” I asked in a cool voice.
“Don’t sound so stuffy, Whitt. No, I’m not going to ask that. Instead, I want to tell you what I’ve seen and heard over the last few weeks. I think you might find it enlightening.”
“All right.”
“How well do you know Sherry Rowland?” Mary asked, surprising me with what appeared to be an about-face in the conversation.
I shrugged. “She’s been a good neighbor. Helpful. She introduced me to people, actually recommended Reece.” I stopped there because it still bothered me that she had recommended him and then begun to undermine him almost immediately.
“Did she also volunteer helpful information about conversations she’d had with other people in town? My husband, perhaps?”
I glanced at Mary’s smooth cap of hair. “Yes,” I said slowly, wondering where she was heading with this.
“She’s given us helpful information too, dropping hints about how close Reece and you had become. She also brought up the recycling company Quinn’s talking to you about, dropping some concerns she had heard about.”
“What the hell?” I stopped, closed my eyes for a second, and looked at her clear gaze. “I apologize.”
She patted my arm with her free hand. “You don’t have to. That was kind of the end of it for me. Quinn would never tell you, but I have really pushed him to close this deal with you.”
“You have?”
“I like you. More than that, I am deeply interested in taking advantage of every opportunity we can to conserve resources. Not always an easy task for a company that has made its profits over the years from cutting trees to make paper. I had been after Quinn for years when you turned up with this business proposal. I could have kissed you.”
I cleared my throat again.
“Oh, I’m not going to, except maybe on the cheek, because I believe your heart is otherwise engaged.” I stiffened with sudden nerves. “Don’t go all rigid on me. I’m a keen observer of human nature. I’ve also known Reece Wilder for a long time. I’ve never seen him so head over heels with anyone as he is with you.”
“That, uh, doesn’t bother you?”
“I believe in love. I also believe people can’t control who they love. It just is. The moment I saw Quinn, I knew he was the man for me. I saw that same look in your eye when you brought Reece to dinner. I don’t think you even realized it yet.”
“No.”
“Have you and Reece talked about it?”
I stared off along the lane. We’d talked about how I wouldn’t admit we had a relationship. I shook my head.
“Were you worried about my husband’s reaction?”
“Frankly? Yes.”
She shrugged. “I’ll be honest. It’s taken Quinn a while to get past outdated social norms and the stereotypes of his younger days, but Whitt, there’s something he values far more than how you choose to live your personal life…and that’s feeling that you are a man of integrity.”
I sucked in a deep breath and blew it out. “I’m guessing that not being open about my feelings for Reece puts that in question.”
She tilted her head to look at me. “You have insisted rather often that you have a great professional relationship.”
We continued walking, and I realized we were going in the direction of Sherry Rowland’s farm. “If I talk to him, can I fix this?”
“I will not put words in my husband’s mouth. But you do need to have that conversation.”
That wasn’t exactly encouraging. I halted us right at the point where we could see the weathervane on the roof of Sherry’s barn, just barely poking above the trees.
“I have to go back to Sherry for a minute and admit I’m confused. From what you say, it seems she’s gone out of her way to undermine me—personally and professionally. Do you have any idea why?”
“Come now, brilliant banking boy, start putting things together. She didn’t rejoin the hunt. She sold both her hunters. She’s had people appraising paintings. What does that tell you?”
“It appears to point to money problems of some kind.”
“Investments gone wrong. Have you had any deals in the last few years that went bad?”
I thought back. My business was a risky one. While it was true, I could gain a fortune on the right deal, it was also a fact that I had lost money on occasion. “The biggest disaster recently for me would have been Chancellor Software. We were close to closing it when the news broke, they had stolen proprietary data used to create their energy management platform. Overnight, their stock went to nothing.”
“Exactly. Sherry’s husband had invested heavily in that company. He tried to talk Quinn into it too, but he resisted.”
“I got a lot of bad press in some quarters because it was my research that uncovered the theft.” I narrowed my eyes on my neighbor’s property. “She blames me for her money situation?”
“You got it.”
The realization that the neighbor who had appeared to be such a good friend had actually been setting me up the entire time hurt. “She was one of my only friends.”
Mary squeezed my arm and turned us back toward my house. “She was never your friend, Whitt. So now you know. Sherry was feeding you lies.”
“But Jordy Edgerton—”
“Is a complete ass. He would have loved Reece to be more than his trainer, but Reece was never interested. Honestly, Whitt, to be so brilliant with money, you have a lot to learn about romance.”
“I feel like an idiot.”
“Well you don’t look like one. You’re drop-dead gorgeous and a true gentleman. Anyone—male or female—would be lucky to have you.”
I sighed as we reached her car. “I hope Reece will feel that way.”
She patted my arm again before releasing me. “Clear the air with Quinn, maybe your neighbor as well, and can I give you a suggestion about Reece?”
“Any help is deeply appreciated.”
“You hurt him. I don’t even need to know what transpired. But I can tell you that the way he looked at you, he wouldn’t have cut and run unless he needed somewhere to lick his wounds. However, you choose to make it up…it better be big. You need to pull out all the stops.”
With a light laugh and a wink, she got behind the wheel of her car and was disappearing down my drive while I stared off into space.
I had a lot to do.
23
Whitt
I had made arrangements to meet Maitland at the country club for lunch the following day. I had used the time since talking to Mary to think. Before I laid myself on the line for Maitland, I needed to be sure of my feelings and what I wanted.
It didn’t take a lot of imagination to recall the panic and the pain that had landed me in the emergency room. Nor did I have to strain to recall how isolated I had felt then. I felt that way now as I drove myself to the club. The difference between then and now was my awareness of my loneliness. Before it had been a vague feeling buried in the back of my thoughts. Now it was an ache that accompanied everything I did.
Reece had touched every aspect of my life. Not having him in my home, my bed, the very air I breathed wasn’t an option. But before I took care of that, I had to take care of the dishonesty I had allowed to contaminate how I lived.
I tossed the keys to the valet before going inside. Quinn was standing near the stone fireplace in the large lobby. For once, there was no smile of greeting. I wondered how much Mary had shared with him, but then dismissed the idea. She would leave this to me. Had she intended to tell Quinn, the conversation she and I shared on my farm would never have taken place.
This was my chance to claim my life openly and honestly.
I stuck out my hand. “Quinn. Thanks for agreeing to meet me on short notice.”
“Whitt. I have to admit, your call causes me some concern.”
“That’s not my intention. I know we’ve set a date for next week to sign off on this deal, but before that happens, I wanted to clear the air about a few things.”
“Why don’t we go to our table? I had them put us in the corner, but lunch is usually slow anyway when it’s not the weekend.”
Once the waiter had taken our orders, I folded my hands in front of me on the table. “I haven’t been completely honest with you.”
Quinn’s eyes narrowed a bit, and I got a good taste of what it might be like to sit across the table from him as an adversary.
“I know you value that, which is why I wanted to meet with you today. Before we go any further, I want to reassure you that everything I’ve given you and told you about this deal with the recycling company is completely above board.”
“Yet you’re admitting you’ve been dishonest about something else, which casts doubt on the deal as well.”
I acknowledged that with a slight inclination of my head. It suddenly dawned on me that Quinn Maitland’s reaction to my news mattered a hell of a lot more to me than how my family had reacted when I came out to them. I suppose it was because of the deep respect in which I held Mary and him.
“There’s a lot about me that I have tried to keep private, even more so when it came to doing business with you. Your reputation as a very conservative businessman had preceded you. I took that to heart. To begin with it really hadn’t mattered. I spent all my time working and had no personal life to speak of.”
I took a sip from the water glass in front of me. “That changed. It changed when I hired Reece Wilder.”
I had Quinn’s full attention. He shifted slightly in his chair, somehow looking even larger and more imposing than he already was. For a moment, doubt assailed me. Quinn Maitland was the epitome of that old-fashioned man’s man. What the hell was I doing?
“Son,” he said quietly, “are you trying to tell me you’re gay?”
“I’m trying to tell you I’m in love with Reece, and by trying to hide that from everyone, but especially you, I may have lost him.”
Dr. Perfect: A Contemporary Romance Bundle Page 51
