by Jessica Daw
“I shouldn’t have disagreed with her,” Jane said, sounding like she didn’t have any air in her lungs.
“Yes you should,” I said firmly, even though Cade’s excitement at seeing me in England was imprinted on my mind. Even though the fact that he’d been manipulated out of coming back for Jane stuck with me.
I wondered if I should feel guilty for falling in love with the man who’d done his best to ruin Jane’s happiness. But I believed Will knew he’d made a mistake. He’d been trying to protect Cade and gone too far. How easy would that be with Carrie and Louise pushing him along? Wouldn’t I have done the same if I’d thought Jane was falling for someone who was just using her? No, I wasn’t angry at Will for what he’d done anymore, but it hurt me to see Jane in pain.
“I just . . .” She took a deep breath. “I’m strong enough. Cade doesn’t own me. I’m just afraid that . . . I don’t want people to think I’m not over him.”
“Jane. I doubt he’s over you, and I think I’m not the only one who suspects it.”
“Don’t,” she said, her gentle brown eyes flashing in a way that surprised me, then confirmed my suspicion that she was not over him. “I just hope I don’t have to see him.”
She was destined for disappointment in that regard. The next day, our doorbell rang. Kitty looked in the peephole. “It’s Cade!” she shrieked in a way that he couldn’t possibly miss hearing. I saw Jane’s eyes widen and then forced calm settle over her.
Kitty looked again. “And that composer who didn’t like anyone,” she added. Suddenly it was me trying to keep calm. Will. Will Darcy. Here. At my house. I couldn’t move.
“Well, open the door!” Mom commanded, even as she frantically tidied up the worst of the mess in the front room.
“I don’t want to open it,” Kitty complained in a way that was also doubtless audible to those waiting outside the door, then ran upstairs.
Mom made a disgusted noise, checked her reflection, then answered it. “Oh, Cade! We weren’t sure we’d ever see you again in real life!”
“Mrs. Bennet,” he said, his eyes barely skidding past her face before fastening on Jane.
“Don’t leave me alone with him,” Jane pled in a whisper that I barely registered.
“Such a pleasure to see you again,” Mom went on. “You’re so good to come by and see us. We didn’t expect company, so you’ll have to excuse the mess, but we’re so glad to see you! You’re such a nice young man. And we’re glad to see you, too,” she added stiffly, with a haughty look at Will.
Will, who was standing my doorway. Will, who was wearing a white button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, looking painfully attractive. Will, who I couldn’t stop staring at. After a long battle with myself, I said, “Hello, Will,” feeling like I’d just committed a major act of bravery.
“Lilly,” he said softly, the word almost drowned out by Mom’s continued monologue.
Had he come for me? Why else would he have come? How could I tell him my feelings for him had flipped on their head—that rather than hating him, I was in love with him?
My heart stuttered as he kept looking at me. I couldn’t listen to what was happening around me until Cade asked, “Jane, do you want to . . . do something with me?”
She froze, staring at her white hands. I couldn’t abandon her, even if I wanted her to reconnect with Cade. She had to do it on her own terms. “She and I were going to go hiking this afternoon,”I said. It was true enough, even if it had just been a casual plan made ten minutes earlier.
“Oh.” Cade looked absurdly disappointed.
“I’m sure they wouldn’t mind postponing it,” Mom said with a glare for me and a smile for Cade.
“I really want to go hiking with Lilly,” Jane blurted, sounding so nervous and uncomfortable I wouldn’t have believed Mom couldn’t catch on if I didn’t know my mother so well.
“Of course,” Cade said, looking like a kicked puppy.
I glanced at Jane, bit my lip, then said, “You could come with us. Both of you,” with my gaze on Will. “I want you to come,” I said to the deep blue eyes I was sure I would drown in.
“Oh? Would you mind? I don’t want to intrude,” Cade was saying, but I could only pay half attention to that, and to Jane’s murmured assurances that she didn’t mind. I was focused on Will’s slight nod and even slighter smile. Did that mean I had a chance? An undeserved, very necessary chance?
“We don’t have hiking shoes with us—we’d have to go home,” Cade told us, looking far more worried than the problem warranted, holding up a snazzy-designer-shoe-clad foot as evidence. I happily predicted a real reunion between Jane and Cade before the day was out, with the part of me that wasn’t completely consumed with thoughts of Will.
“We could follow you to your house and leave from there,” I suggested, the words leaving my mouth before I really thought them through. I realized, for that moment, that I didn’t care how Jane felt. I needed to be with Will. Talk to him. See if he still felt like he had in Hunsford—or like he’d thought he had.
No, I couldn’t think like that. I’d talk to him. I didn’t have to try and predict what would happen. I just had to wait.
“Is that okay?” Cade asked anxiously, looking at Jane.
“That’s okay,” she half-whispered.
“We’ll just change and then come, okay?” I said reluctantly. I didn’t want to leave Will’s presence, like he’d disappear again if I took my eyes off him. If he disappeared again, I doubted fate would give us another chance.
“Of course,” Cade answered. Jane stood and hurried from the room. I followed more slowly, but scrambled once Will was outside of my line of sight. I hurried because I wanted to get back to Will, to figure this out, but also because I was afraid of what Mom would do while left alone.
We returned to find Mom animatedly engaging Cade in conversation, Mary nodding solemnly and Kitty looking bored, with Will still standing and looking uncomfortable. I wondered, in the few seconds between when we entered and when they noticed us, if Will had always really been uncomfortable when he’d seemed standoffish. My heart melted a few degrees when I realized that probably he had been.
Will saw us first, and I almost unconsciously went and stood next to him. Jane stayed in the doorway we’d entered from.
“Let’s go then,” I said, interrupting Mom. She looked up with an expression of surprise and I wondered if she really hadn’t noticed us. Probably.
“Okay,” Cade said, standing up and immediately walking over to Jane. A faint blush suffused her cheeks, but she finally looked up and met his eyes—only for a second, but it was something.
“Bye,” I said, turning and shepherding Will out of the house. I was so embarrassed by Mom’s treatment of him. I mean, she didn’t know what he’d done for us, but was that an excuse to treat him like he was invisible? And, of course, I worried about him not wanting to get any closer to my family than he already was.
Cade and Jane followed us out the door, Cade holding the door for Jane. Jane made a beeline for my car.
“Wait, Jane, you can ride with us,” Cade said, his dark eyebrows drawn up hopefully.
“I . . .” She looked at me, pleading for me to save her.
“Do you want me to drive all alone, Cade?” I said, sticking out my bottom lip in a pout.
He laughed. “No, of course not.”
“I’ll go with you, Lilly,” Will offered, his voice still subdued.
My heart immediately started beating double time. “Um. That’s good with me. You okay with that, Jane?” I asked, pleading with her to say yes.
She looked between me and Cade and Will, apparently realized this was what all of us wanted, and nodded. “That’s fine.” I saw her swallow as she climbed into the passenger seat of Cade’s car.
Then I turned back to Will, who was waiting, looking questioningly at me. “Oh. Let’s go, then.” I gestured to my car as I walked around to the driver’s seat. He climbed into the passenger side
and for maybe five full seconds all I could do was stare at him. Will Darcy. Here. In my car. Then I realized what I was doing, laughed once at my own stupidity, and turned the car on.
For a minute, neither of us spoke. I wondered if he was at a loss for words like I was, or if he just didn’t have anything to say to me. Had he volunteered to come with me because he wanted to come with me or because he was polite? I was so focused on that that when Cade’s car turned I remembered I was supposed to be following him too late.
“Oops. I think I went the wrong way.”
“I wasn’t going to say anything . . .” Will said, and when I glanced at him I saw a wry smile on his face.
“Were you waiting to see just how lost I got us?” I asked, grinning.
“Maybe,” he said mischievously. Really. Will said something mischievously. If I hadn’t been in love before, I definitely was now. That silenced me for a minute. Then: “This still isn’t the right way.”
I sighed. “It isn’t?”
“No,” he said with mock sorrow.
“What is the right way?”
“I hate giving directions.”
“Then I hope you like getting lost.”
“Love it.”
I snorted. “Well, what do you want me to do then?”
“I could drive,” he suggested.
“No one drives my car but me,” I told him without hesitation.
“You don’t trust me?”
I hesitated. I could feel his eyes on me and guessed that this question was more important than the conversation leading up to it would suggest. I bit my lip. Finally, I said, “Yes. I trust you.” And I pulled over. For a moment neither of us moved, just looking at each other. I don’t think either of us missed the significance of what I’d done.
After that moment, Will said, “If you’re going to let me drive, you’ll have to move.”
Without saying anything, I got out of the car. We passed in front of it and our arms brushed and I swear I almost kissed him on the spot. But I wasn’t quite that brave. Not yet.
Then Will Darcy was behind the wheel of my car. The car I’d never let anyone drive, not even Jane, since the day I’d bought it. Words failed me and we drove the rest of the way without saying anything.
When we parked in front of the house, bigger than I’d even remembered, the garage was open and empty. Of cars, at least—there was a boat and a few ATVs and other fancy rich toys.
“Did we beat Cade?” I asked Will after he handed me the keys, his hand just skimming mine, making my heart pound.
Hands in his pockets, he shrugged and headed toward the front door.
“I hope he and Jane are reconnecting,” I said, voicing what had preoccupied me whenever I could drag my mind away from Will long enough to think about anything else. Will didn’t reply, so I went on. “I just worry, you know? I’ve never seen her heartbroken for so long. And I think Cade really does love her. At least, he seems as in love as he was when he left.”
Will had walked straight into the kitchen, and I’d followed like a string connected us, without thought, without consciously choosing to do so.
“Are you hungry?” Will asked, sounding subdued again.
Oh. I suddenly realized that he could have heard my thoughtless prattle as a string of digs against him for helping break them up in the first place. “Will, I hope you know I didn’t mean . . . I didn’t . . .”
“It’s fine, Lilly,” he said quietly, though his eyes didn’t meet mine.
I tried desperately to open my mouth, to explain that I didn’t think any of those things I’d said in Hunsford, that I winced to even think about what I’d said, but the words refused to come. I was beginning to understand how he must have felt in Hunsford, trying to confess and finding the task too daunting each time.
“Are you hungry?” he asked again, opening the fridge. “We have fruit and—well, you can look. Help yourself, please.”
“Thanks,” I said. When he didn’t move, I ducked close to him to look into the fridge, feeling his warmth despite the chill from the open door. He stayed there as I looked for a moment longer than I needed to, not quite focusing on the food, then picked out an apple because it easy to grab.
I went and sat at the bar, tucking my feet up and resting my elbows on the counter, biting into the apple despite my complete lack of appetite. Will followed suit, even taking an apple.
“How’s Georgia?” I asked when I thought the silence would drive me insane.
“Good,” Will replied.
I laughed once when he didn’t elaborate. “Good? That’s it?”
He smiled faintly at me. “Is that unsatisfactory?”
“Yes. I require more information,” I said as secret-spy-ish as I could.
He laughed at that, and I felt something that had tightened uncomfortably around my heart loosen. “She’s doing well. She’s actually in Italy with Liam’s mom now.” He shook his head, but smiled, and said, “She Skypes me every day and tells me she wishes I were there.”
“She loves you,” I said softly.
I could swear his eyes looked straight into my mind—into my heart. “I love her too.”
I almost had the courage to say it, say something. If I’d had two seconds more, maybe I would have said something. But the door opened.
“Lilly?” Jane called.
“Back here,” I called back, swinging around and standing, trying not to be disappointed that Jane had come.
She came racing in and threw her arms around me, laughing. “Oh, Lilly!” she exclaimed, then released me and ran and threw her arms around Cade. “I had to come back and tell you. Lilly, Cade and I are getting married!” Then she kissed him, long and sound.
“Getting married?” Will asked after clearing his throat.
Cade pulled away, smiling so brightly I couldn’t help but smile too. “Yes. I proposed on the way here.”
“He even had a ring,” Jane said, breaking away from Cade, who looked annoyed but only for a second, to come show it to me. It was beautiful and very simple, a white gold band with a larger circular diamond surrounded by smaller diamonds.
“You proposed on the way and came back here?” Will asked Cade, sounding less stiff than he had earlier. Were he and I in a better place or was it just Cade that made him happier?
Cade shrugged. “Jane wanted to tell Lilly, and didn’t want you two to worry.”
“I’m so happy for you, Jane,” I told her truthfully, even if I felt a distinct pang of jealousy. She had her happy ending.
“I’m so happy too, Lilly. I just wish I could see you as happy as I am,” she said, looking truly worried about that.
I laughed, but couldn’t stop my eyes from darting toward Will. He was looking at me. Had he heard what Jane said? Did he guess why I’d looked at him? I didn’t dare look again.
“How did he ask?” I asked, more to distract myself from Will than anything.
“He pulled over and told me he loved me. He apologized for leaving and said he never stopped loving me and wanted nothing more than to marry me. And I love him, Lilly. So much.” Jane looked lovingly at Cade, then remembered herself and looked back at me. “I’m sorry.”
“Go. It’s fine. Don’t worry about me.”
“Thank you,” she said fervently, then hurried back to Cade.
I looked at Will again, who met my eyes for a long moment. I was about to walk to him when Cade said, “Oh, hey, Will, did Jacob get ahold of you? He was trying.”
Will blinked and looked away, at Cade, then at his phone. “No. I missed his call.”
“You should probably call him back,” Cade said carelessly, looking at Jane again. “Unless you and Lilly still want to go hiking. I think Jane and I are going to do something else.”
Will didn’t look at me, his eyes ostensibly on his phone but they looked unfocused. What was he thinking? I would have given my record deal (procured by him) to know what was going through his mind.
But it didn’t work like tha
t, and when he finally looked at me his face was clear of anything I could grab onto. “I have a few things I need to do. Do you mind?”
“It’s fine,” I lied hollowly.
He nodded and walked away. If Jane and Cade hadn’t been there, I would have called after him. Made him come back, made him explain. But they were there, so I just let him walk away.
“I’ll just go home then,” I said, though Jane and Cade were kissing again and probably didn’t hear. I slipped from the house and drove away without saying goodbye to anyone.
My stomach was twisted in knots the whole way home. I tried to laugh at myself for acting like a twitterpated high schooler but found it just made me feel sick. I got home and slipped into the forest behind the house rather than going inside. I just sat, letting the sun set, thinking.
When I finally went in, Mom immediately squealed, “Lilly! Have you heard? Jane’s engaged to Cade!” she half-screamed, running up and hugging me, jumping up and down and not noticing that I didn’t look even a little bit excited, let alone surprised. “She’s engaged! She’s going to marry a star! And he has so much money! I’ll never have to worry about finances again! And he’s so handsome! They’ll have the prettiest wedding announcements—I already know who should design them, of course. I would have had someone design announcements for Lydia, but my brother was being such a sourpuss about it all. But it doesn’t matter because Jane is marrying Cade!”
I managed to slip past her, pretending to rummage through the fridge, grabbing out another apple, even though it made me think of Will and turned my stomach, and said something vague about needing to do something before escaping to my room.
A few minutes later, someone knocked.
“Who is it?”
“Jane. Can I come in?”
“Of course,” I said, sitting up.
She came in, still glowing with happiness. “Oh, Lilly, I don’t think I’ll ever stop being so happy.”
“I hope not,” I said, mustering up a smile. It actually wasn’t too hard to smile at her—Jane’s happiness was contagious, and I really wanted her to be happy. Really. Okay, fine, maybe it was hard to smile, even for her.
